Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand. — Karl Menninger
As the last class of the day lets out, something occurs to me.
If Brooklyn isn't at school, where is he?
I know he has a home (and parents), but that doesn't mean he won't be around. And if he's around and sees Kai get into my car and watches us drive off…
I find it hard to believe that I have not thought of this before. I blame Kai. He's been distracting me most of the day. At lunch, he wanted to talk more about my father, and I told Kai the story of when he took my mom and me to this family restaurant when he got a raise at work. Even though there was no music, my dad made my mom dance. She went red in the face from embarrassment, but she laughed as if she didn't care.
It is one of my favorite memories.
Kai would also stop me in the halls in between classes. He'd ask how my day was or if there was anything he should know about his teachers. He was a year ahead of me, so I didn't know much. He complained that the education here was quite below that of his school, but the teachers still expected him to pay attention.
"Oh, poor rich boy. Be kind to us slow kids; we can't all have daddy pay for our grades." I cooed at him, giving a slight pat on the cheek, before turning into my class. When I looked over my shoulder to see his reaction, I was almost pleasantly surprised to see his jaw on the floor. Imagine, Kai shocked; it's priceless, really. I'm starting to get a kick out of surprising him.
But now, as the students file out of the school's doors, all I could imagine was Brooklyn sitting in a tree with binoculars watching me.
I'm not sure why he's in a tree or using binoculars, because he's never seemed to need them before. He's always just known what I was doing.
"Hey," Kai's voice interrupts my overactive imagination. He's leaning against the doorway as I slowly put my books in my bag. "Are you ready?"
"Um," Think, Hilary. Think. "Can I meet you there?"
Kai's brow furrows in confusion. "Why?"
Yeah, why?
"Well," I stall, looking for any reason to make this work. I can't just tell him that Brooklyn almost bashed my head through my bedroom wall in a warning to stay away from him and I'm scared Brooklyn's watching me because he has nothing better to do…
Can I?
But I don't need to, because the next thing I know, Kai is standing in front of me. "Do you really think he'd waste his time coming here when he doesn't need to?"
My heart leaps to my throat. Not for the normal reason, either.
Kai has known me for almost a week, and yet he seems to understand my thought process better than anyone I've know for years.
I nod, understanding his point. "You're right. He has a life."
Kai snorts at that. He also rolls his eyes and grabs my bag from me, adding it to his shoulder next to his. "A pretty pathetic life," I hear him mumble under his breath. I choose not to comment.
"Besides," I add as we walk towards the student parking lot, mostly empty now, "he has a new girlfriend; he should be distracted."
From my spot behind him, I have the advantage of seeing his jaw tense. It's only for a second, before he relaxes as if nothing is different. I'm thrown though, wondering why mentioning his girlfriend would bother Kai so much.
I think of the girl. Since seeing her with Brooklyn, she's appeared everywhere. Soft, blonde hair hinted with shades of red. Her eyes are green and warm. She's got a contagious smile, one tooth crooked among the rest. I've avoided learning her name.
She's innocent.
I'd gone days without the voice, but now it's back.
You'll get her killed by keeping silent and she doesn't deserve it.
"Hilary," Kai says again. He's looking at me, one eyebrow arched. I can't do that, but I've always wanted to. My mom can.
I toss him my keys. "Why don't you drive," I say, heading over to the passenger side. With the way I've been getting lost in my thoughts, getting behind the wheel wouldn't be a good thing.
"Me?" Kai asks, watching me carefully. I told him the car use to be my dad's and he's probably deduced that I don't let others touch it. Well, except for Ian that one time. But it wasn't really by choice, was it?
"You can drive, can't you?" I counter, hoping to distract him from my odd behavior. "I mean, or do you just let your driver take you every where, poor rich boy?"
"I can drive," he answers, still watching me.
His gaze bothers me. He already knows more about me than most, and I don't need him figuring out anymore. "Well, it's nice to know that they actually teach you something at that fancy school," I say as I open the passenger door and close it behind me. He gets the hint and goes around to the driver's side.
He's considerably taller than I am, and I fight the urge to grab his hand when he goes to adjust my mirror and seat. I let him drive, I tell myself again.
Kai's right, though: he can drive. I am surprised as he handles the car with ease. I'd always assumed that the rich were horrible drivers simply because they could afford to be.
It relaxes me, being able to take my eyes off the road and enjoy the scenery and not have to worry if he's going to crash. I only realize the ride is over when I hear the crunch of the old gravel under the tires. This time, I'm not concerned with the rusty look or scraps of metal while heading up the stairs.
I am concerned with the fact that the last time we were up here, Kai lied to me about Tala.
Once inside, I take a seat on one of the couches and pull out a textbook.
"I hope you don't mind," I say as I flip it open, "but I actually have to study."
Really, I add mentally, I don't know what to say to you right now.
He shakes his head, opening a small door and pulling out a drink. "Want one?" he offers. I smile and nod.
"I hadn't noticed the fridge in here before," I comment as he hands me a cold soda. I pop the can and take a sip. It's refreshing. I can't remember the last time I had a soda.
I try to focus on my homework, but Kai just sits there doing nothing. His eyes are closed, but he's not sleeping.
"So," I start, confused as to why this silence feels awkward when usually it's all I ask for, "what happened with Brooklyn?"
His eyes snap open and over to me. "What?" He asks. There's a certain ring to his voice that I can't name, but for a moment I'm scared. Then I remember this is Kai and not Brooklyn.
"When he punched you and you punched back?" I continue, "What happened with that? I mean, I know he was suspended for fighting with Tala, but you don't seem to have gotten into trouble."
He relaxes and I am left wondering why he's so tense today. "My grandfather has too much influence for them to actually punish me."
"And Tala's family?" I know from giving Tala a ride home that his family has money, and Kai even admitted that Tala used to go to his school.
"Tala thinks of suspensions as vacations," Kai laughs, "he'll be fine."
I want to ask more, hoping to trick something out of him. If I know one thing, it's that a perfectly placed question can open up more than the speaker thinks. However, Kai beats me to it.
"What are you working on?" He asks, sliding over to my couch and leaning over my book. "Math. Are you good at it?"
He changed the subject and I can't turn it back now. "I do well enough on my own." I close the book and turn to him. "I can work on it later."
Leaning against the couch, angled towards him I sigh. He really is impressive to look at. I'm not sure what it is exactly, but it's definitely in his eyes. There's just something about them that's so…captivating. It's the intelligence or something. He's managed to outwit me multiple times.
"What happened between you and Tala?"
He smirks and I watch the cleverness he clearly holds light up in him. "Why are you so curious? All these questions about Tala; I'm starting to get jealous. Maybe you're just using me to get to him."
I blush. "Because," I start, looking for the reason. I began wondering why Tala was curious about me, and I was trying to figure him out, but now…now I think I just want to know about Kai. "It's like Tala's had this whole other life and I never knew about it and it involves you. I'm just wondering why it stopped."
Kai shrugs. "We drifted apart after he left school. Nothing big. Like I said, we still see each other, just not as often. And with him in public school, there's not much for us to talk about except the same old things."
"Oh." I nod, like I understand his life. "Why'd he have to leave?"
He does that lift-the-eyebrow thing again. "Why do you think? He couldn't stop fighting."
This time I laugh. That should have been obvious.
"Did it hurt?" I ask after I've calmed down. I look at him, at his profile and suddenly, I want to know everything. He's the one person I want to listen to. "When you and Tala drifted, did it hurt you?"
Kai doesn't look at me, but he's quiet. I can hear him breathing from my place and I wonder if I've crossed a line. "For a little while. We grew up as best friends, and when he left, there was a hole," he says finally. "But I am used to being left behind and alone, so it didn't take long for the hole to heal."
"Yeah," I say. "I remember when Ming-Ming first started dating Brooklyn they were so into each other and I thought I was, you know, really losing her to him. I mean, they'd go out all the time and I didn't want to tagalong with them because then I would be the third wheel and I thought that Ming-Ming would resent me because she would never get to be alone with him, but she never forgot me. She'd make time for me on the weekends or something."
Kai was silent. It was the first time I'd openly and willingly talked about Ming-Ming in a long time. It felt good to revisit that place, to remember her from before, as if I were getting a weight off my chest. There's still a lot of weight on me, dragging me down, but one stone is gone.
"Ming-Ming dated Brooklyn?" Kai speaks up.
He's looking at me and I'm so lost in feeling great and actually talking about something that's real that I didn't stop to think about what I was saying.
"What?"
"You said 'when Ming-Ming and Brooklyn first started dating,'" Kai repeats. "They were together?"
I look away from his sharp gaze, shifting and leaning away from him. "Um, yeah. For a little while."
"How long were they apart before she died?"
I feel a sharp stab, and then multiple stabs all over my body. I shut down completely. Picking up my textbook, I shove it back into my bag. "I think I'm done for the night. I can give you a ride home if you need one."
I don't look at him; I can't. I'm not afraid that he'll get me to spill everything, but I am afraid of what he'll see in me: Someone not strong enough. Someone who's done horrible things.
I'm afraid he might actually see me.
"Hilary, I'm sorry," he says, and he reaches out and grabs my wrist. I pull back, but not hard and he doesn't tighten his grip like Brooklyn would have done. "I'm sorry. I won't ask anymore, but please stay here. It's not that late and what do you have to do anyway, besides sit at home worrying about him?"
He's right, of course. I drop my bag, after debating the pros and cons, and lean back. I'm still not comfortable, and probably won't say much for the rest of the night, but if he still wants my company and I his, then maybe it's okay.
We stay for a few hours, mostly in silence except for a few words here and there and then I drive him home. Unsurprisingly, he lives right around the corner from Tala. The house is huge and daunting where the rest of the houses surrounding it are huge and welcoming, almost.
"It's my grandfather's," Kai says as he unbuckles himself, "He's exactly like this house."
"Oh," I say for lack of anything better.
"My parents died a while ago and left me here with him. That's when I learned the truth about him."
"What's the truth?" For all the talking we've done (well, I've done), this is the first time I feel like he's truly opening up to me.
He sends me a roguish smile, a darkness clouding his features. He stands outside the door, leaning in. "He's much scarier than he looks," he whispers before shutting the door and walking up the large driveway.
Hmm. I can name a few people like that.
When I get home, I still have a lot of homework to do. I'm not sure if I can keep up my perfect grades if I actually have friends to talk to.
I'm also not sure if I care. I always had good grades, not perfect but good, and it made my parents happy. But things are different now.
Again, I'm not sure if I care. I'm willing to sacrifice anything if I get to keep talking to Kai.
I should probably care about that. I mean, it's only been a week, but…
When I open my door, thinking about whether or not Kai is worth the loss of a perfect grade and if it's okay for me to obsess over him, I find my mom sitting on the couch watching a movie. I stop moving, shocked to see her home so early and in the living room. My mom and I keep to our bedrooms unless interaction becomes unavoidable.
She turns her head to me and I see that her eyes are wet with unshed tears. She gives me a weak smile before motioning to the movie playing. "I was looking for the weather channel when I found this. You used to love this movie. You and your dad could watch it over and over again. I hated it. It became the background noise to our entire lives. You'd sing the songs in the car, repeat the lines whenever you could. Once, you even reenacted one of the scenes while waiting at the doctor's office."
I remember the movie. I remember everything she mentioned. Which is why I avoid the movie at all costs.
"I'm going to bed," I mumble and start for the stairs.
"Hilary," she calls out. I pause again and then turn slowly to face her. She seems as confused about her calling out as I am. "Uh…good night."
I nod. " 'night."
I get to my room before she has a chance to mess up our routine any more. I'm not in the right place to deal with her properly right now. In fact, I don't think I've ever been in the right place…
The next day, people are back to shooting me dirty looks. Kai successfully stopped anyone from talking to me yesterday, and I can just imagine the trouble my peers have gotten themselves into in such a short amount of time. It must be eating away at their souls.
But oddly, I'm okay with this. Let them see what they've been doing to me for the past two years. Mostly, I'm interested in seeing what they'll do without me.
As I walk towards the school's front doors, the student body moves around me like I'm covered in a force field, I notice Tala's gang, sans Tala, sitting under their tree. It's an outlandish sight, seeing the three of them without their hot-tempered leader, but they seem to be doing fine without him.
Suddenly, Bryan looks up. I swear he finds me instantly, as if he knows I am watching. I stop moving, stilled by his gaze, as I think back to what he said to me in the classroom. Then, Bryan nods. Just once, he moved his head up like he's acknowledging me; like we're buddies.
An arm drops around my shoulders and I let out a yelp of surprise. For a moment, my mind thinks: Brooklyn, but that passes quickly when Kai chuckles.
"Easily spooked," he comments, smirking, "duly noted."
"Well, yeah," I reply, catching my breath. I give him a weak smile. "Who wouldn't be by your face?"
He stares at me and it's the same as yesterday when I patted his cheek. Kai then abruptly bursts into laughter. It's loud and drawing all sorts of attention, but at that moment all I can hear is him and the deep rumble of his laugh. And all I can see is his smile of amusement. He doubles over, bracing himself on his knees.
"Okay," I whisper, bending down so that he can hear me, "that's enough. It wasn't that funny."
His laughter stops then and he looks up. It occurs to me then, as he stares at me through his eyelashes and bangs, that I'm probably too close.
"You're a surprise, you know that?" he rejoins. "Not what I thought, that's for sure."
I feel my heart lift a beat. He thought about me. "What was it that you thought about me?"
He smirks. "I thought you were a quiet, little mouse of a girl. But you're not. You're firecracker."
Firecracker? The image of a little box with a string lit, the ember slowly burning down until it reaches the box. You always want to stand close, afraid you'll miss the action if you're too far.
And then it explodes in flashes of light and color.
It's deceptive, the little box.
"Possibly," I say, grinning a little bit.
"Come on, little firecracker," Kai smirks again, pulling me along towards the school.
As we continue, the stares become more blatant and whispers fill the crowd. "Where are you dragging me to, and why?" Suddenly, all the attention isn't a good thing.
"I can't leave you alone," he calls over his shoulder. "You'll be mobbed by all your fans."
Fans? Is he trying to be obnoxious?
He drags me into an empty classroom and I have a flashback of Bryan. But Kai is different from Bryan, I reason with myself.
Kai wants something, the other part of my reasoning returns.
Bryan wants Brooklyn.
And what does Kai want?
I look at Kai. He's sitting on the teacher's desk, observing me have my internal battle.
Does it matter what Kai wants? I ask myself. At least he talks to me like I'm a human being and not a robot.
"How long have Bryan and all of them been friends with Tala?" I ask Kai to distract myself.
He shrugs. "Bryan and Spencer went to school with Tala and me, closer to him than me, but Tala was my best friend. Anyway, when Tala left, they eventually followed. I'm not sure where along the line they picked up Ian."
"Huh," I said. I had walked closer to him as he was talking and I am now standing next to him. I eye the desk, and then glance at him. Of course, he seems to know what I'm thinking.
"No one's going to know," he says as he pats the space next to him. "It feels good; kind of rebellious, but not, at the same time."
Unsure, I braced my hands on the edge of the desk. I look up at him again and he nods. So I host myself up and wiggle until I'm comfortable. My heart's beating a million miles a minute as I survey the view of a teacher. Kai nudges me with his shoulder and I rock a little, but it's enough to loosen me up. I giggle and swing my legs back and forth.
"This is different," I whisper, "You're different."
"Different from who, exactly?"
"From everyone - anyone I've ever met."
I smile again and duck my head. I'm really getting into this, into him, too deeply. I feel like I'm setting myself up, and I'm doing nothing to cushion the fall.
"You know, Bryan dragged me into a classroom the other day," I say when he says nothing back. "It kinda freaked me out. Do you think you could talk to them for me? Get them to, I don't know, back off a little."
I peek up, afraid of what his expression is going to be, but he's not looking at me. Instead, he's looking out the window. I'm afraid I may have said something wrong, so next thing I know, I'm tripping over my tongue trying to take it all back. Then, his hand lands gently on my back.
"It's okay," he says not looking at me, "I'll talk to them. You deserve some peace."
His hand is rubbing slow circles and I relax. "Thanks." I reply, for need of something to say, when all I can think about is him and how I'm beginning to love being in his presence too much.
So chapter 7. Yay. See, the wait wasn't as long! We can all thank .zulka for her hard work on this.
Tell me what you think? Hilary's acting different, but is it good or bad? What's up with Kai and what's up with everyone else? I know you're all curious and I'm curious as to what you think. Probably one of the greatest, funnest parts of writing this story is reading your guesses. Some you are very close while others...well, I just wander if you're going to like how it all turns out.
Chapter 8 should be out soon.
REVIEW please. we all love them.