A/N: I've sprained my ankle, so I had to stay in bed, then I got hacked. Do not believe a word the hacker said about me discontinuing this story. I found it ridiculous how they did it just because I put up with their nasty email. I apologize in advance if anything goes wrong. Please don't mind 'me'. So sorry for this slow update! Naruchan is my fortieth reviewer, actually runner up to the very humble Tsukiakari Dono. Any chapter requests/story?
Essence- We Should've Listened to Mello
As Light lay awake the night after the Kira case, he felt overwhelmed. L had kissed him, told him he wanted him back, yet he was still with Misa. His mind couldn't piece it together. If it really was a scam to get him to confess to being Kira, he wouldn't go through the measure of actually kissing him, would he? And he was such a perfect boyfriend to the blond girl on the phone, and Light just couldn't understand. His heart twitched as a paranoid voice in his head mocked him.
That night, Light didn't sleep. He stayed on the chair by his window staring into the city, with lights flicking on and off as the entire place went to sleep. He noted dryly as the velvet sky dotted with stars, that it was the exact ebony color of L's eyes. Light pressed his cheek against the cool glass as he hasn't done since he was a child.
With L, it wasn't much different. He stared at the case file in his hand as he thought about Misa and Light. He didn't love Misa. Did he love Light? He stayed with Misa because he had to. He had tried multiple times, but it all ended the same. Misa would think he was lying, and it was back to square one. Then he wondered about Light. He thought it was love, but is it really? Light is still going to be the short-tempered prime suspect to Kira, and he was still going to be L. Is loving him or not loving him really going to make a difference. L wasn't going kick Light into execution just because he hated him and he wasn't going to spare him from execution if he did 'love' him. It would go against his sense of justice, which is quite strong. He wish he was as naive and ditzy as Misa, because as they say, ignorance is bliss. If he didn't have to have so much knowledge, maybe he wouldn't be L. And if he wasn't the high and mighty L, able to summon the entire police force across the world, maybe he would've gotten to have a nice, normal relationship with Light, without all this drama.
But then again, he didn't want to have a nice, normal relationship with Light. He wanted to have an exciting, complicated relationship with Light. He was someone who could keep him entertained, a person who he could have an argument with, or a chess game where he actually had to think. That was what he love-I mean liked so much about Light. His unpredictability. How he was so hard to read, and L felt a wave of pride hit him, he was the only person to try and get this far. It would take L's entire lifetime and maybe more to get to know every single thing that was the ultimate puzzle, Light.
The detective sighed, his thoughts were going off track. He should be thinking about and only about the Kira case, but realized he couldn't. It kept wandering back to Light. Without Light, his deductive skills went down by roughly sixty seven percent, but when he was with him, it was only ten. He wanted Light back, but he couldn't. He wanted to rewind time, but he couldn't. He wanted to break up with Misa, but he couldn't.
Life is a jerk, isn't it?
At the crack of dawn Light was up and ready, showered and his trusty coffee in his hand. He finished cooking his nutritional breakfast of waffles and eggs, while Near sat and watched.
"Light, when did you learn how to cook?" Near asked, looking up and the elder curiously.
"Mmm," he hummed, thinking, "around when I was thirteen, I think."
"Lucky. Because of Mello, all children are banned from going within a hundred feet of a kitchen." Near grumbled.
Light laughs lightly, the bags under his eyes shrinking a bit. "Do you hate him?" he asked seriously.
"I do not hate Mello, at least I don't think so. I feel rivalry for him, nothing more or less. Though I don't know what it'd be like without him teasing me." Near said thoughtfully, twirling his hair with one hand and stacking his lego in another. Light looked at him calculatingly, looking for any lies, but saw none.
He glanced at the clock and saw it was nearing seven. Six fifty nine and fifty seconds. Mello and Matt should be out soon.
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As soon as the clock hit seven, the door to the guest room cracked open with a very tired looking and grouchy looking Mello appeared, with Matt playing his PSP obediently by his side.
"Ohhhh. Jeez." Mello moaned as he stretched, thoroughly knocking Matt's head in the process. "Morning, Mello, Matt. Did you sleep well?" Light asked kindly, pouring milk into a glass.
"Don't. Effing. Remind. Me. Matt found it hilarious to keep kicking me out of the bed, the damn dog." Mello growled and plopped his leather clad butt onto the poor chair. Matt either didn't hear him, or just didn't care. He kept clicking away on his game.
"Matt! Don't play video games so early in the morning. It's killing your eyesight." Light reprimanded, sliding a tray of food across the table. Matt grumbled incoherent words to himself, but Light might've heard something along the lines of 'overprotective mom, much?".
The leather obsessed chocoholic suddenly choked and started hyperventilating. "Mello!" snapped Light worriedly.
"I just drank... Milk!" he shrieked as if it was the worst thing in the world.
"So...?" Light asked, still pissed that Mello worried him.
"I don't drink milk, dear Light-o." Mello growled, running to the sink and rinsing his mouth repeatedly.
"No wonder you're so short..." mumbled Light under his breath, making Mello whip around and pull out his gun. The older male blinked and narrowed his eyes, "you wouldn't dare..."
Mello just hurrumphed and sat back down, his bob bobbing as he did so. "Hey, you're short too y'know. What are you, five three?"
"Nooo. I'm five five, thanks. But yeah, I was a midget. I was four foot eleven up until the eighth grade when I finally grew that extra inch." Light admitted sheepishly, sitting down and drinking his fourth cup of extra black coffee.
Mello snickered at that, leaning onto Matt as he did so.
"Now eat, everyone. We have to go to the task force later. We don't have school this week, by the way, when are you going back to England?" Light asked, cutting Near's waffle for him, causing him to pout and say he wasn't a baby.
"That eager to get rid of us, eh..." Mello pointed out jokingly, "Nah, just kiddin'. Not next week, but the week after that."
Light nodded and continued sipping his coffee and waiting for them to finish.
All was well.
L stared into the screen, heart warming up at the sight of Light and the kid's family-like behavior. He wished he could have that again, when he had the chance before he refused. It was true before most Wammy kids did hero-worship him. He missed being loved.
He missed being able to fight with Light.
He missed having Light has his first friend.
He missed 'sleeping' next to Light. (More like watching him creepily at him while Light slept.)
The detective laid down on the bed, turning his body around to Light's side of the bed, sniffing the pillows. It still had his scent. His beautiful, beautiful scent. And it hurt L's heart as the flood of memories flooded his highly intelligent mind. He sat up, pulled up his knees to his chest, and felt like crying.
But he couldn't. This pain his heart felt that loved and wanted Light back was too great for tears. Some said L was just a shell, no heart, no emotions, just brains. He would've just shrugged and moved along with his life, but he knew it wasn't true. He did care. And when he did, he cared with a burning passion.
Which is one of the reasons why he didn't quit the Kira case. It meant losing Light, never be able to see his face again. He knew it was selfish, but L knew, somewhere deep, deep down that each morning he walked to see Light's face. To hear his voice. To be near him.
Yet he didn't see that he loved him. L was deluding himself at this point. He didn't want to love Light, he just did.
L stayed on Light's side of the bed, inhaling the scent and reminiscing about the good times he had with Light. He almost fell asleep at the hypnotic, relaxing smell.
"Um. L, you in there?" a nervous voice asked from outside the door. L sat up and pulled his knees to his chest, scooting back to his side of the bed. "Yes, please enter." he called back quietly.
Light walked in, more like tiptoed actually and sat down beside L. Neither looked at each other. "So, what's up?" asked Light casually.
L shrugged, the white fabric wrinkling against the headboard.
"Light... I think I want you back." L muttered, straightening to look at Light, who blinked at the sudden confession. "L, we can't. You think I'm Kira. You could throw me in jail in two seconds."
"Can we just forget about that for a while?" L begged, grabbing Light's hands in his own.
Light swallowed thickly. "I don't think so. That and I don't think I trust you anymore, after the whole cheating thing..."
"Oh, so this is what it's about." L said quietly, letting go. "I think that Light-kun was just overreacting."
"Overreacting?" Light repeated disbelievingly. L nodded. "Light is not yet mature enough to understand that sometimes, things don't go as planned."
The younger's eyebrows rose high above his hairline, and his bottom lip trembled. That's what L thought about him? Just some whiny little kid? "Well sorry, L. Unlike you, I have feelings, you pompous bastard!"
"I do not understand why it is you that is mad at me, Light. After all, it is you're doing to just stay friends. You knew how sensitive you are, and you'd want me back." L said, mock laying under his too-calm voice.
Light's eyes turned watery, a few tears already leaking out. "And I don't even know why I wanted you back, L. You were the one who kissed me! Then you say you want me back. Then you say that I was overreacting, and it's like you don't want me back. Which one is it! I... I... Don't know anymore." Light whispered the last part, and L felt bad right after.
He didn't have a right to play with the poor boy's feelings, so why'd he do it? He wanted him back, so why couldn't he just keep his too-smart mouth closed? L cursed himself.
"I did want you back Light." L muttered, chewing on his thumb. Light got up. "Did? As in past-tense?"
L slowly turned his head. "Yes. I did and I think I still do. I had no right to play with your feelings. I don't think I'm a good match for you, Light-kun. I don't know what my feelings are at the moment. I want to think about it before I do anything rash. You are only seventeen, I am over twenty. Your father wouldn't approve. You're still my prime suspect as Kira. The list goes on and on about reasons on why we shouldn't be together in that way Light. You are my first friend, too precious to lose if we do go our separate ways forever."
"L? Are you bipolar? You just said to forget about all those things. And why can't we not just be L and Kira. Why can't we be Ryuzaki and Light?" the brunette asked sensitively.
"Was that a confession? I have to keep note of this, Light-kun. You're percentage has just been raised.
Light ran to the door. "Screw you L. Screw you."
Then he ran out, leaving L feeling emptier than before, both knowing they messed up. Big time.
A/N: CHECK OUT NEW STORY PLEASE! It's called Hair. :) for those who do. I love you all so much. Sorry for delay.
Bye-bye.