Chapter Seven

Four Months Later

Divorce, thought Kim, was an ugly word. When she was younger, much younger, fuck, shit, and bitch were ugly words that inexplicably became part of her daily vocabulary. But this, this word that reverberated through the air and pounded on her delicate ears… she did not want that to be part of her language.

"You want a what?" Her voice was faint. Weak.

"A divorce." His voice was calm. Disconnected from her tragedy. How could he be so cold?

She wanted to be able to let him go. She hated women in the movies who begged their husbands to stay or asked them why they left. As if knowing the reason mattered.

"Why?" she asked.

She searched her mind for a reason. She had been faithful. She had been loving. She knew he was annoyed when she was lost in space; such was the fate of an artist. But that was no good reason. Was it- oh, god. Was she not pleasing enough for him? She knew he slept around but always, she had convinced herself, he loved only her.

"Perhaps I'm not cut out for marriage."

"Perhaps?" It was the wrong word to use; it instilled a misled hope into her. A sense of purpose to dedicate herself to winning him back; winning him over. Perhaps.

"I'm not cut out for marriage." Her posture droops, defeated, and already he has caused more damage than he intended. "I have to go now." He hesitates. She's not far from him and if he reaches out to her quickly he can plant a kiss on her cheek; one last kiss. She closes her eyes as he turns away, the spot on her cheek where he might have kissed her burning.

The silence was deafening in the apartment. Kim went into the bathroom and drew herself a shower. In the living room the bright purple couch seemed to have lost some of its shine. Its pillows were slightly overturned and there were scrapes on the floor where it was dragged.

The silence is rippled with sound from the running water. Kim's sobs are silent enough and don't pierce the air. She scrubbed herself hard. Divorce was a dirty word.

"Shego?"

"Kimmie?"

"Shego, I need-"

"Oh, hold on Kim. Just a sec- WILL YOU ALL SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M ON THE PHONE!"

Kim pulled the phone back with a sigh and rubbed her forehead. She heard Aiden's voice come through the line. "Hello Auntie Kim. Mommy's a bit busy right now. Rune just woke and won't shut up."

Kim smiled slightly. "That's okay, Aiden. How about you talk to me until your mother comes back on the line. How's school?"

Aiden engaged her in a very boring discussion on his gym class ("I've been dodging mommy's plasma blasts so dodge ball is no big deal") before Shego came back on the line.

"Hey Kim, what's up?"

"Can you get away?"

"Why?"

"I just… I need to tell you something and it doesn't feel right to do it over the phone."

Shego paused for a heartbeat before replying. "Sure, I'll get Nanny Nane to watch the kids. Sit tight, I'll be right over."

"…and of course I knew that things had been shaky for ages but-but this," Kim blew her nose. "This just came out of left field."

"Right, right, but- it is for the best, don't you think? I mean…" Shego stumbled on her words as Kim lifted her tear stained face up.

"I. Love. Him." She stated bitterly. Then with a wail she collapsed onto Shego's shoulder; her mutterings indiscernible save for the occasional "Josh" and "miss him terribly" and "great in bed". Shego bit her tongue hard to stop herself from slandering his name. Kim didn't need a critic, she reminded herself. Just a shoulder to cry on.

When Kim had cried the last of her tears Shego partially carried her to the stairs leading to her bedroom. She craned her neck up and counted the stairs with her eyes. She turned to Kim who was leaning on her. "Sorry Kimmie. Looks like it's the couch tonight."

She lay Kim down on the couch before retrieving a blanket from upstairs to cover her with. She brushed the hair out of Kim's eyes and gave her a swift kiss on the forehead.

"I know you're not happy now," she whispered. "But soon you'll come to realize that he was so very undeserving of you."

Two Months Later

"This is it!" Shego shouted disgustedly. "You have been moping for far too long now. You have to get up!"

Kim waved her away with her hand. "Your fat ass is blocking the TV."

Shego clenched her fists and ignored the insult. "You don't even like sports."

"I used to watch it with Josh."

Shego clenched her teeth and willed her body not to react to that loathsome name. Ever since Josh had left Kim had become even more fixated on him. It was an obsession that was frankly scaring Shego.

"Kim," she said. "You've been here, cooped up, for too long. You've never gone this long without sex, and I don't think you are all there emotionally. Maybe you-"

Kim snapped her eyes to Shego and cut in coldly. "Maybe you should focus on raising your own children before you start trying to raise me."

"Maybe you should start acting your age and not like you're in high school. It's pathetic."

"Pathetic? What? That I feel? Well I'm sorry Shego but some people in the world develop emotional connections with people- we can't all be cold promiscuous whores like-"

"Okay, now I know you are not going there!"

"What? You've made it perfectly clear what you think of me. I'm just returning the favor and letting you know that I think you're a-"

"What? Exactly what am I?"

Kim opened her mouth angrily before her brain caught up to what her mouth was saying. She shut it and looked down at the floor. Shego, for her part, attempted to calm down. Kim had not meant what she said. She was going through a very emotional time right now and needed her friends to support her. To relax her.

"Hey Kimmie?"

"Hmm?"

Shego walked to the television and turned it off. "We're going to the beach."

"YAY! HELLO SEA!" Shego laughed madly as she ran toward the waves; her long black hair whipping behind her.

"Shego, I'm cold!" Kim called complaining.

Shego seemed not to have heard her. She darted in and out of approaching waves crashing against the sand, all the while laughing. Despite herself Kim felt the corners of her mouth quirk up at the sight of her younger friend acting out her inner lunatic.

Shego turned back to her as a particularly strong wave attempted to bowl her over. "Come on and join us!" She shouted back.

Kim laughed. "No, I don't want to get wet. It's the middle of winter!"

"Oh, come on!" Shego stamped her foot. "Don't make me force you!"

"And how will you force me?" She knew the answer before Shego lit her hands. She ran after Kim who dodged the low level blasts and eventually cornered her towards the sea.

"You're mad!" Kim shouted at her.

Shego was bent over laughing. "You're too easy!"

Kim rolled her eyes at her hysterics. "Yeah, yeah. You got me in here, now can we go?"

Shego straightened up at once, a stern look in her eye. "Absolutely not."

"But it's cold."

"Only for a moment, then you get used to it. Let the world know you're here! That you're coming at it! Charge those waves! Leave all your bitterness behind… and Josh." She hesitated before saying his name; unsure how Kim would react to it.

Kim sighed before turning away from Shego and, feeling ridiculous, ran toward the waves. Shego let out a whoop at the sight of Kim running in the water!

"That's right Kim! That's right! Let it out!"

Kim did feel, oddly, free. She supposed this was what Shego always felt like. Every time she did something rash. Boundless. She splashed around a bit before the cold caught up with her.

She bounded back to Shego, frowning as she noticed how soggy her shoes were. "Okay," she said crossly; her feeling of freedom had dissolved in the bitter wind. "Now we're going."

Back in the car Kim turned to Shego. "I want to thank you, for bringing me here today. For these past months. For putting up with me. Thank you."

Shego smiled at her from her place behind the steering wheel. "S'what friends are for."

"I know, but I haven't been much of a joy to be around, nor much of a friend. I… know you're busy with Aiden and Rune."

Shego waved a hand at her. "It's no problem, really." Well, it had been a bit annoying. But she held onto the belief that Kim would snap out of it.

"Well, anyway, I didn't mean to be such a bother. But, it's just hard… being lonely. Of course, you've never been lonely," (here there was a trace of bitterness), "What with the boys and all."

"Oh, I could do with being alone. It's cheap."

They drove on a little while longer before Shego spied a bar off the road. "Ooh, come on! Drinky!"

A group of men grew quiet as Shego and Kim passed them, drinks in hand, to sit at a booth. Shego batted an eyelash at one of them and immediately they roared with laughter before seemingly conferring with one another. Kim grinned at Shego whilst sliding into the booth next to her.

"You can't help yourself, can you?"

Shego giggled a bit. "Nope."

"Hey, doll! Come on and sit with us, eh?" One of the men called out to her. Shego smiled but ignored them and turned to Kim.

"Toast?"

"I met Josh in a bar like this." Kim spoke absently.

"I'll not drink to that." Shego said sternly. Painful memories of her too meeting Josh in the exact same bar Kim had, surfaced.

"Okay, well, I met you in a bar like this."

"I'll drink to that."

"I still have that picture." Kim said after they clanged glasses.

"What picture?"

"Of you balancing orange juice on your belly. From when I first met you."

Shego smiled. "You're very lucky I didn't take offence to that."

"Yes I am." Kim agreed. She hesitated before confessing. "I've never told you this, but, I envy you."

"Me?" Shego was taken aback. "What, two kids, different fathers, single mother, forced to work odd jobs and cleaning houses and not any closer to going back to college and earning a degree? Yeah, I really got it right."

"No, you got everything." Kim insisted. "A lovely home; full of noise, two fantastic boys who adore you."

"Jesus, Kim. You've got your own art studio. You make a proper income!"

Kim sighed and stared into her drink. "I don't have my Josh."

Shego looked at her sadly. "You've got me, haven't you? And the boys. And Ron. And your friends and family." When Kim did not say anything back Shego leaned closer and squeezed her arm. "Tell me, Kim, just one more time. Why do you love him so much?"

Kim looked up at her, her eyes wide. "I was lonely. He rescued me. I was never alone when I knew he was coming home."

"Even if you knew he was with… other women?" Like me.

Kim's response was hesitant; filled with shame. "He still came back to me."

After a while, even Shego's metabolism couldn't deal with the amount of drinks they were consuming.

"Shall we walk this off a bit?" she asked Kim.

"Yeah."

They clasped hands as they walked around the small town behind the bar and highway. After a few minutes of silence Shego turned curiously to Kim. "You're not thinking of Josh are you?"

"Yeah." Kim said sheepishly. "A little bit. Why did he go?" She asked suddenly. "I mean, why did he really go? Do you think I drove him away? Was I too focused on my work?"

"No!" Shego shook her head vehemently. "Don't be ridiculous. If you ask me, I don't think he ever really loved you."

Kim mulled that over. "What do you really think of love? Do you think it exists?" Shego stayed quiet so Kim continued on. "Do you think we take up with people who make us feel sexier, and stay with them because we feel desirable?" Shego continued to stay quiet but clutched Kim closer to her; linking arms and resting her head on Kim's shoulder. "I mean, like, is there one person for us and after they're gone no matter what happens, or who else you sleep with, you're alone. Like… the ghost who stayed with the flock but never found another ghost." Shego quirked an eyebrow at the odd metaphor but still stayed silent. "You don't think Josh was my ghost?" They had stopped in front of an antique furniture store.

"No, Kim." Shego finally said quietly. "I don't think Josh is anyone's ghost."

Shego dropped Kim off at her house. "You know, I think I'll have a house warming party."

"A house warming party? But you've lived there for years."

"Yeah, but this is the first one without Josh."

Shego stared at her. "Wow, are you actually moving on?"

Kim smiled slightly. "Ah, I'm getting there." She shut the door behind her.

Author's Note: Whew! That took a while to update. 'Kay, next chapter is the house warming party. Shego, Ron, Monique, Nanny Nane, and… others. Next chapter, the drama enfolds! Stay tuned and please, review!