Sakura was depressed. She was extremely depressed. She was so depressed that she could almost out-emo an Uchiha (but not Sasuke, because Sasuke had won the Emo Championship three years in a row2).
She was depressed because this author was even meaner than Kishimoto. Sure, Kishimoto would never let her defeat Sasuke, but he wouldn't constantly abuse her verbally. Wait, was this author a basher? Was she going to die so that Sasuke could get a perfect female OC with a past as tragic as his? Or worse, was he going to get together with Naruto and leave her screaming about how life wasn't fair?
Sakura did what she always did when she panicked. She walked into the nearest building (Ino's shop), walked up to a mirror, and cut her hair.
Or, at least, she attempted to – she missed and ended up killing herself.
No, she didn't really kill herself – she just had a bit of blood dripping out of a cut in her neck. She tried again, and this time she succeeded.
She turned to Ino, who was behind the counter. Or at least, she thought Ino was behind the counter, because she could hear really loud moaning coming from behind said counter.
"Ino, would you mind cleaning this hair up? Sorry for not cutting it in my house, but I had to prove to myself that I was serious."
Ino's somewhat sticky-looking, wet head popped up from behind the counter. "Hold on", she moaned. "I'm with a customer. I'll get to it in an hour or two."
Sakura then walked out of the store, because she had finished cutting her hair.
"Okay, I cut my hair. So now what?", Sakura wondered.
"Now, you need to follow the heart of the cards!"
Startled, Sakura turned around. "Who said that?", she wondered. She looked at the floor, and noticed the clump of pink, bloody hair behind her.
"That's odd. Didn't I cut you off?", Sakura wondered.
"Yes, yes, you did", the hair, now clumped together in an afro, sa -.
"! It talked. How did it talk?", Sakura wond -.
"Yes, yes, I know you wonder a lot. Anyway, I am the Magical Talking Afro, here to let you know that you should look for penguins?"
"Penguins?", Sakura wondered.
"Don't ask me – I'm just a messenger for the author, who doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh or Naruto, while he gets his subconscious to agree to letting him be a character."
"What?", Sakura wondered.
"That reminds me – we need to be flamed. Yes, trolls, we're talking to you. We need flames for a special chapter coming up. No, seriously, flame us."
"Are these the author's notes?1", Sakura wondered, poking the boldness of the letters.
"Also, the author would like to apologize if any tropers were offended by a previous author's note that he's not quite sure that he actually put in previous chapters. However, the site still ruins your life, so it's recommended that you spend the time you'd spend on that site reviewing this story instead."
"What do I have to do make the plot move forward? This is boring", Sakura wondered.
"Go ask your grandfather for a penguin deck", the Magical Talking Afro NOT™ said.
"Oh, okay." Sakura skipped away merrily, happy to have found a purpose in life, and with no clue as to how an afro had just managed to talk to her.
As for the MTA, well, I'm not sure where it went. I'm just the narrator, not the author.
Sakura arrived at her grandfather's store a few hours later, and walked in like a ninja normally walks in. That is, she jumped through the window. Unfortunately for her, she tripped, and nearly had her head chopped off by her grandfather's sword.
"Grandpa! Watch where you're waving that thing!"
"Sorry, brat", Laharl, the young-looking3 Overlord of All Evil4 said. He quickly put away his Yoshitsuna. "You shouldn't trip when walking in like a ninja, though. That defies the whole point of being a ninja. Muhahahahahahahaha!"
"Whatever, grandpa. An afro just told me to ask you for penguins."
"I see. Your parents never told you what happened to your grandmother, did they?"
"They told me enough! They told me that a summon killed her!"
"No, Sakura – I am your grandmother!"
"What? No, this can't be true. I don't believe you. That doesn't even make sense."
"Wait, I didn't mean to say that. What I meant to say was that she got killed by a summon that she had had for a long, long, long, long time5."
"What happened?"
"She threw the summon at the wall, it rebounded, and then it exploded."
"Ouch."
"Anyway, here they are", Laharl said, laying a stack of scrolls on the counter.
"What are those?"
"Your mother's old summons. I have a couple of mine in here too."
"Where did you get all of these?", Sakura wondered, staring at the scrolls in fascination.
"Well, I used to be able to make these. I found a couple in some place called 'E-git'6, though."
"Okay, thanks, grandpa", Sakura said as she ran out the door, off to wherever Sakuras go in their free time.
"The Magical Talking Afro NOT™, huh? Man, I miss that guy", Laharl reminisced.
1) Yes, they are.
2) This is saying something, since Pain didn't even get into the competitions. That might have had something to do with the fact that he was a criminal, though.
3) This is part of his title.
4) He hacked the game for this title.
5) Almost 1500 years.
6) I don't remember what this joke was, only that I wrote it down. If you figure it out, tell me.
I need deck ideas! Each deck has to be from another series, and must correlate with the character's personality.
For example:
Sakura got a Disgaea deck.
Sasuke got a mythology deck.
Shikamaru got a Death Note deck, exactly as planned.
Hinata needs a deck from a series with fate as a central theme.
Ino needs a deck from a series with lots of fanservice.
Also, I would mention Gaara, salt, and my little sister, but I don't think I'm allowed to respond to reviews in the story itself.
Also, the inners are waiting for a certain special chapter.
Next times:
Sasuke's fanservice-packed duel, and Hinata's meeting. Believe it!