Chapter 7

I x am x Hopeless

"Three hours down..." Pokkle said. It was the first fight of the final phase of the hunter exam. It was Hanzo versus Gon and it seemed pretty lopsided. Gon couldn't even get up without being kicked back down. Her dull eyes and aura told Killua that she wanted to intervene.

"You know you can't," he said. She stayed silent as she bit the nail of her thumb.

"Grr...Enough already! I'm gonna kill you, you hear me?! Pick on someone your own size!" Leorio yelled, wide-eyed and furious.

"If you can't handle it, you'd better leave. It's only going to get worse," Hanzo said. Nyoka growled.

"The hell did you say?!" Leorio tried to walk up to him but men in suits stopped him.

"There will be no interference in a one-on-one match," one of the men said.

"Stay back. If you try to help him in any way, Gon will be instantly disqualified," Masta said. Leorio gritted his teeth.

"It's ok...Leorio," Gon stood up, taking heavy breaths as he stood hunched over. "This is nothing...really..." he said with eyes filled with resolve. "I can still...fight him." With a swift low-kick from Hanzo, Gon was knocked to his feet. He held Gon's lower back area down as he grabbed his arm.

"I'll break your arm," he said. Gon's eyes grew wide as well as Leorio's and Kurapika's. Nyoka had been biting her nails for so long that it was starting to bleed. Her eyes shook as she watched Hanzo tighten his grip on Gon's arm.

"I'm not kidding. Now say it," the ninja said. "Say you surrender," he repeated. Gon took a heavy breath before lifting his head a bit.

"Never!" he yelled. A crack was heard throughout the room as Hanzo snapped Gon's arm. Nyoka's dull eyes were blankly staring at the boy as he held his left arm with his right. There was blood trickling down her hand. Killua was unphased. He looked over to Nyoka who began biting her finger again. He saw the blood then returned his focus back to Gon.

"There. Now you won't be able to use your left arm anymore," Hanzo said.

"Don't try to stop me, Kurapika...If that bastard does anything else, Gon will fail the exam because I won't be able to stop myself..." Leorio growled, clearly filled with rage. Nyoka looked over to Kurapika whose eyes began to glow a faint red. Nyoka remembered that. The red eyes...But from where? She didn't have time to worry about it because Hanzo began talking.

"I'm sure you're in too much pain to listen, but hear this. I am a descendant of a clandestine group called the Shinobi," he said, doing a handstand with one hand. He skillfully stayed straight and did not waiver. Nyoka remembered the Shinobi Clan. She had been on a mission once where Shinobi had interfered. "From the day I was born, I've been subjected to intensive training in order to master the special art of Ninpho," he said. (A/N I don't know what he says there so don't credit me if it's misspelled or completely off.)

"For the past eighteen years, I've tirelessly trained my body and honed my technique. By the time I was your age, I had already killed," Hanzo said.

'Not like it's that big a deal,' Killua and Nyoka thought. They had done so too. Many times.

"By this point in time, you have no hope of defeating me in combat. I'm being nice...So just admit defeat-" Hanzo was interrupted when Gon got up and kicked him across the room.

"Ow...! Damn it! Between the pain and you blabbing, I don't know what cleared my head up more!" Gon yelled, back to his normal self. Nyoka sighed.

"Hell yeah!" Leorio yelled, ecstatically.

"If you're eighteen, then you're just six years older than me. Besides, this isn't a battle to see who's stronger. It's to see who's willing to throw in the towel first," Gon said, holding his arm. Nyoka stopped biting her nail, a small smiled forming on her face.

'Knew you wouldn't give up, Gon,'

"I only let you hit me because I wanted to," Hanzo said, jumping up to his feet.

"You're a liar!" Leorio yelled.

"You must be confused. That was not a warning. It was a direct order. Was it too hard for you to understand? I'm quite happy to break it down for you," Hanzo said. He slid a blade out from under the bandaged on his forearm. "I'll cut off your legs so they cannot be reattached. A permanent injury should open up your eyes to the current situation," Hanzo said. Nyoka folded her arms at her chest. "But before we resort to such things, I want to hear you surrender," Hanzo smiled.

"Well that's a problem," Gon said. Nyoka's sweat dropped. Everyone thought that response was just a little bit on the stupid side. "I don't want to have my legs cut off but I don't want to surrender either. How about we find a different way to fight?" Gon offered.

"What the hell!? Have you not been paying attention!?" Hanzo yelled. Nyoka facepalmed as she sighed.

"Idiot," she muttered.

"Are you really making demands!? Are you messing with me!? I'm seriously about to cut your legs off!" Hanzo yelled, not believing what Gon had said.

"You do what you want! But I won't give up!" the green-haired boy exclaimed. "Besides, if you cut my legs off, I'll probably just bleed to death," Gon said.

"What?!" Hanzo was still freaking out.

"Mister Masta, he'd be disqualified for that, right?" Gon asked the man in a black suit.

"Uh...Yes," Masta said.

"See, and that'd be bad for the both of us. So let's think of a better way," Gon offered. Kurapika laughed to himself.

"I think Gon is okay. He's in control now," he said.

"He's just so damn stubborn," Leorio growled.

"But he's also convincing. To Hanzo and to the rest of us," Kurapika said. Nyoka looked over and saw Killua, still confused.

"It's weird, right?" he was snapped out of his thoughts by the raven-haired girl. "How he can make the atmosphere change so easily," she said, stone-faced like normal as she watched Gon. Killua looked to the green-haired boy in the middle. Suddenly, Hanzo put his blade right in the center of Gon's forehead, blood seeping down from the puncture spot.

"I see you're not getting it, so I'll try again. Die and you'll never get another chance. If I kill you right here and now, I only need to come back and take the exam next year. We are not on equal footing!" Hanzo snapped. Gon simply stood there, making direct eye contact with Hanzo. The mood in the room grew tense again. Nyoka narrowed her eyes.

"What's wrong? It's just a stupid sentence," Hanzo said, sweat trickled down his forehead. "If your pride truly all that you care about?! Even more than your life?! Is it worth dying for?!" he yelled.

"I'm gonna go see my dad," Gon said. Nyoka raised an eyebrow. "You see, my dad is a hunter. So I'm gonna become a hunter exactly like he is. Then, I'll be able to meet him. I know I'll find him someday," he said, pausing as a drop of blood fell off his chin. "But I feel like if I surrender now, I'm never gonna find him...So I won't give up," he said with a stubborn look on his face.

'Our goals are different then...' Nyoka's voice echoed in her mind.

"Surrender...or you will die," Hanzo said, applying more pressure to the blade. Gon stood there, taking the force with his head. Nyoka blinked in confusion and shock when Hanzo removed the blade and walked away.

"Fine, I give up. You win, okay?" he yielded. "I'm not allowed to kill you...and I just can't think of another way to make you surrender. So, I'll take my chances in the next round," he said.

"Well, I can't accept that..." Gon said. Nyoka fell down, sitting with her legs crossed.

"Geez, Gon..." she sighed, placing her chin in her hand.

"No fair! We both have to come up with some way that we can have a proper match!" Gon shouted.

"Why am I not surprised..." Hanzo sighed. He ran up to Gon and bent down to his level, pointing at him. "You just said that you'd never surrender so what's the point of that you little idiot!?" he yelled.

"My point is that I don't want to win like this, okay?!" Gon yelled back.

"Then what do you suggest?!"

"Let's work together and figure it out!" Gon demanded.

"So in other words...I've already given up the match but you want me to continue fighting and try to beat you again, right?" Hanzo stood up, one eyebrow furrowed and a vein popping out of his forehead. "But first we have to work together to find a way you can win so you can feel good about your victory...Is that right?" he asked, clearly annoyed with Gon.

"Yeah!" Gon grinned before getting an upper-cut from Hanzo.

"Moron!" the ninja yelled, knocking Gon unconscious. Nyoka sighed.

"At least that put an end to it. I was starting to get bored," she said, crossing her arms.

"You were getting bored?!" Leorio yelled.

"Whenever he wakes up, he'll probably decline his advancement as we've all seen he can be incredibly stubborn. Only one person fails this round, right? So if Gon is disqualified, wouldn't that render the rest of our upcoming fights meaningless?" Hanzo asked. Gon was taken to get treated for his injuries.

"Why? Why'd you let him win?" Killua asked as Hanzo walked back.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"You didn't have to kill him. With your skills, you could have made him surrender somehow," Killua said. Hanzo turned to him and Nyoka raised her guard, ready to stop someone if anything happened.

"I expect, when I torture someone, that my victim will despise me for the rest of their life. It's more effective and less stressful. When you're in pain, your eyes show a gleam of hostility towards the person responsible. Even with the most extensive training and discipline, that sign of rage is difficult to suppress. But Gon's eyes had no such gleam," he said. He was right. Gon had stood tall, facing the danger head-on. That's what he had done since Nyoka first met him.

"Can you believe that? I had just broken his arm but I could tell just by looking into his eyes that he had forgotten all about it," Hanzo said. Gon's mouth opened slightly. He was amazed. Nyoka looked down to the ground, eyes narrowing.

'Gon...'

"If you need a reason why I let him win, there you go," Hanzo walked away. Kurapika and the others looked towards the two children. Nyoka sighed as the next match started.

"Oh good, you're awake," he said. Gon gave him a blank stare.

"Where am I?" he asked.

"In a waiting room that is next to the arena for the final phase," Statoz said as he moved his chair closer. "You're arm will be fine, by the way. The break was clean and easily set. In fact, that limb will be even stronger once it mends," he said. Gon gasped. "In any case, congratulations on your win, Gon," he said.

"Mister Statoz I-" "You can't. Just as someone who has failed the Hunter exam can no longer pass, someone who has passed the hunter's exam can no longer fail," Statoz said, grabbing Gon's hand and making him shake his.

"What you make of it is entirely up to you," he said. "If you feel you're unqualified to be a professional you may put away your license or destroy it if you wish. You can even sell it, though it's of no practical use to anyone else. However, you have officially passed the hunter's exam and no one who passes it will ever be able to retake it. Due to the efforts of our predecessors, professional hunters are treated quite well. As a result, there is no end of applicants seeking a license for the worst intentions," he picked up a folder with the hunter exam committee's logo on it.

"If it weren't for them, we'd gladly pass anyone who applies without exception," Gon opened the folder and found his professional hunter's license inside. "Most professional hunters value this card over their own lives. All the same, it's really nothing more than a silly piece of junk," Gon looked up to the man, mouth slightly agape.

"What's important is not the way you become a hunter, but what you do," Statoz said.

"What I do, huh?" Gon asked. Statoz handed the card to him.

"Gon. You must decide for yourself when you're ready to use this card. I'm confident that you'll make the right choice," Gon took the card. He smiled and nodded to the older man.

"You know, I got a lot of help to get this far and I owe a lot of people a bunch of favors. Once I've paid everyone back, then I think I'll be ready," Gon said as he put the card in his sling for his arm.

"Then please allow me the honor of congratulating you once again," Statoz shook Gon's hand once again.

"Thank you," Gon smiled. "What about the other applicants? Is the exam still going on?" he asked.

"Oh, no. The exam has already ended. You were asleep for almost the whole day," Statoz said.

"The whole day?" Gon said in disbelief.

"The others who passed are completing a brief orientation. The same orientation you'll undergo later," Statoz said.

"Who wound up failing?" Gon asked. Statoz paused.

"It was Killua...and Nyoka," he said

Earlier...

"It's my turn, Noka," Killua said as he walked towards the center. His opponent was a man named Gittarackur. He had pins in his head, purple hair, and wore a weird suit.

'Beat him, will you, Kill? He freaks me out,' Nyoka thought.

"Begin!" Masta, the referee, said. As Killua slowly approached Gittarackur, the man smiled.

"It's been a while," he said as he reached up and pulled out his pins. Nyoka narrowed her eyes as his face began changing form. When his true face was revealed, Nyoka and Killua's eyes widened. It was Killua's older brother Illumi. His hair turned black and fell past his shoulders.

"Big brother...?"

"Hey," he said. Nyoka's body began shaking. "I heard you stabbed mom and Milluki," Illumi said.

"Guess so," Killua said with a nervous smirk.

"Mom couldn't stop crying," Illumi said, tilting his head.

"Well, who would blame her? Anybody would cry if their kid did that," Leorio said out loud.

"She was just so happy," Illumi said. Leorio fell to the floor. "She was delighted that her son had finally grown up. She was concerned about you being out on your own. She even called and told mister Evans, who told her that his daughter had left too," Illumi looked to Nyoka who furrowed her eyebrows and gritted her teeth. "She asked me to check up on you when I got the chance. Lucky me, huh?" Illumi asked. Nyoka tightened her fist.

"I had absolutely no idea that you wanted to become a hunter. As for me, I'm here to get a license for a job that's coming up," Illumi explained.

"I don't...actually want to become a hunter. I just felt like taking the exam. Nyoka tagged along," Killua said.

"I see..." Illumi said. He paused. "Well, that's a relief. In that case, I have some advice for you," he said. Nyoka felt sweat trickle down her forehead.

"You two aren't cut out to be hunters," Both kids' eyes widened.

"You were born for one purpose..." Illumi said as a dark aura surrounded him.

"To be assassins,"

"You're a puppet of darkness, devoid of passion. There is nothing you desire nor is there anything you wish for. As one who lives in the shadows, the only pleasure you're capable of is derived from causing death because that's how Dad and I raised you. And that's how Mister Evans raised his daughter," Illumi said. Killua could see Nyoka from the corner of his eye as she looked down, bangs covering her eyes. "What do you think you'll accomplish by becoming a hunter?" Illumi asked.

"It's true...I don't really want to become a hunter...But everyone wants something...Even me. Even Nyoka," Killua said, tears trickling down his face.

"You don't-" "Wrong! There is something that I really want!" Killua yelled. Nyoka held herself in her own arms as she stood there, looking at the ground.

"Hmm. Enlighten me. What is it you want?" Illumi asked. Killua paused. He looked down at the ground, unable to say anything. "What's wrong? There's really nothing is there?" Illumi asked, taunting his brother.

"There is!" Killua shouted. He paused. "I...I want to be friends with Gon...and I want to stay friends with Nyoka," he said. Nyoka's head shot up, tears running down her face. Her vision was blurry but she could see Killua's form. Her wide eyes looked to him as her mouth went slightly agape.

"I-I'm just so sick of killing people. I know she is too. I want them as friends just to have fun," Killua said, only making Nyoka's tears flow harder.

"It's the same for me. So what if we were born to kill? Killua and I can choose our own destiny and if that means being friends with Gon, then so be it," she said, furrowing her eyebrows.

"Impossible," Illumi said. "You are incapable of friendship. All you can do is discern whether or not you can kill them. That is all you were ever taught," he said. Nyoka looked back down to the ground, furrowing her eyebrows. "Gon has such a radiant personality that you don't know how to classify him. You don't actually desire his friendship," Illumi said.

"No," Killua said, wide-eyed.

"If you stay with him, one day you'll just end up wanting to kill him. You'll wonder if you can and you'll want to find out because you are, by nature, a murderer. Then, the Evans girl will have to go through with the fate that was laid out for her and you two will keep on killing," Illumi said. Nyoka's eyes widened. Suddenly, Leorio stepped towards them but was stopped by a suited man.

"Sir, we've already warned you once-" "Yeah, Yeah! I know! killed, I couldn't care less if this guy's your brother, alright? He's a worthless piece of crap so don't listen to him! You neither, Nyoka! Just beat the crap out of him and win like usual! You want to become friends with Gon?! Are you kidding me?!" Leorio yelled. He pointed to Killua with one hand and Nyoka with the other. "You three are already friends! How do you not know that?!" he asked, rhetorically. Nyoka and Killua's eyes widened.

"Gon sure seems to think so, anyway!" Leorio shouted. Illumi turned to Leorio.

"Is that true?" he asked.

"Hell yeah, it's true, you idiots!" Leorio exclaimed. Illumi pondered.

"Oh no. That isn't good. So he already considers Nyoka and Kill as friends? Fine," he said. Nyoka sighed, hoping this whole thing would be over now...

She was wrong.

"I'll just kill Gon," Illumi said. Everyone gasped. Nyoka and Killua's eyes widened. "Assassins have no use for friends. They only get in the way," Illumi said, making Killua and Nyoka's bodies shake again. Their breathing sped up. "Where can I find him?" he asked as he walked towards the door.

"Wait! You-Agh!" when a man tried to stop him, Illumi threw his pins at him, contorting his face.

"Where?" he asked.

"He's...in the waiting room. Right over...there," the man struggled.

"Thank you," Illumi said. Before he could reach the door, Hanzo, Kurapika, and Leorio stood in front of him, blocking his path. "Oh, what a pain. I need to acquire a hunter's license right now so I can do my job...but if I kill them, then I'll fail and Kill will pass automatically...Oh, no. The same thing will happen if I kill Gon...I'll just pass the exam and then kill Gon!" Illumi said. Nyoka's eyes widened. She wanted to run up and punch Illumi...but Kill would fail. She couldn't move, anyway. She was frozen with fear.

"Sh-Shut up..." she mumbled.

"You bastard...!" Leorio gritted his teeth.

"If I pass the exam first, I can kill everyone here and still keep my license, is that right?" Illumi asked.

"Well, yes, according to the rule book," Netero said.

"Did you hear that, Kill? If you really want to save Gon, you're going to have to beat me," Illumi turned back to his younger brother. He started walking towards him.

"No..." Nyoka said under her breath. "Don't touch him," she mumbled.

"Will you fight me to save your friend? You can't do it, can you? Because deep down you're more worried about if you can defeat me than anything else, aren't you?" Killua's eyes widened and he jumped. Illumi was now right in front of him. "And...you already know the answer. 'I'm not strong enough to beat my big brother...' Remember the lesson I drilled into you? Never go up against a superior opponent," he reached for Killua. The silver-haired boy went to move but was stopped.

"Don't move," he stopped. "Move one inch and I'll have assumed the fight has begun. Same goes for if our bodies come in contact with each other. There is only one way to stop me...and you know it," Illumi said, inching closer and closer to Killua. Nyoka wanted to run. She wanted to scream for Killua to move and rush at Illumi with everything she had in her little body...

But she couldn't.

She couldn't move.

Couldn't scream.

Couldn't do anything.

She was helpless. She knew Killua had to feel like she did.

"Remember, if you decide you won't fight me, your dear Gon will certainly die," Illumi said, getting closer. "If I'm not satisfied with him...then I might take the Evans girl too," he said a little quieter. Killua's eyes got even bigger and his breath even shakier.

"Take him out Killua! We'll protect you! We won't let him kill you or Gon! We'll do whatever we have to do to stop him! Go on, let him have it!" Leorio shouted. When Killua did nothing, Leorio looked to Nyoka. "Come on Nyoka, back me up here!" he said. Nyoka just stood there, wide-eyed and shaking. Suddenly, Killua's head dropped.

"You win Illumi," he said. Nyoka gasped, looking up quickly at Killua. "I admit defeat," he said, hands in his pockets. Illumi smiled.

"Oh, excellent!" he clapped his hands together. "No need for us to fight then, huh?" he reached out and put his hand on Killua's shoulder. "That was simply a test! I was never going to kill Gon or Nyoka," he said as he leaned down and put his hand on Killua's head. "You are simply not qualified enough to make friends. Not that you need any. You'll keep doing what you've always done. The job dad and I trained you to do," he said. Nyoka fell down to her knees, holding herself in her arms.

"I'll order you to take the hunter exam when the time is right...but not now," Illumi said. He turned to Nyoka and bent down to her level. She slowly looked up to him. His eyes were mesmerizing. Nyoka couldn't move.

"Your father misses you," her eyes widened and her breathing stopped. "He said that you need to come home after you've finished with your little tantrum. Your mother and sister are away on business and I think he's getting lonely," Illumi stood up and walked away.

'I...couldn't...do...anything...I'm sorry, Kill...' Nyoka felt a stream of hot tears run down her face. She had broken down. She blankly stared at the ground, holding herself, as tears flowed. Kurapika and Leorio tried to talk to her and Killua but they weren't able to move them.

It was now Leorio's fight. Botero was recovered and was stretching. Masta stood between the two.

"Begin!" he flung his arms down, signal that the battle had commenced. Before anyone could do anything. Nyoka ad Killua were right behind Botero. Time seemed to slow as the dull looks in the children's eyes didn't change. Killua's eyes were a dull blue and Nyoka's eyes seemed to be grey and hazy. Without the slightest hesitation, they manipulated their hands to form claws. Almost in unison, the kids plunged their hands into Botero's back. Killua hit his lower back area, going almost completely through, while Nyoka hit where his heart was. Or at least, where it used to be.

"..." everyone stood in shock as the kids just stood there, the same dull look in their eyes. Their hands were stained with the old man's blood.

Cheers to chapter seven~ Thank you all so much! I hope you've enjoyed this so far!

Special thanks to:

RukiaBleach31