Hi all! Excuse the really late update. I've been busy, I had surgery and then school has been hell and a half. But for your patients I will update, or at least try to update every day this weekened.
Bella's POV
would never come, my father's funeral. All the tears I had were gone, my energy depleted. I felt nothing now, except for the rawness of my throat. It was painful, but I no longer cared. My father, a very crucial part of my life was gone. Worse still, I never got to say good-bye. He died in the worst possible way, and there had been no one there to explain it to him. My stomach flopped, and I felt the sickness rise in my throat. Quickly I bent over the toilet again, I had been here in Alice's bathroom since I had woken up. Cold hands rubbed my back in response to my vomitting. Edward whispered something soft in my ear, but I was so out of it that I just could not put his words together.
When I was finally able to stop vomiting, I fell back on my heels and just stared blankly at the porcelain bowl. The door to the bathroom opened and Edward and the one who had entered exchanged low quick whispers. A firm strong hand fell onto my shoulder and squeezed it, out of the corner of my eye I watched Emmett leave the bathroom.
With the gentleness of someone handling fragile artwork, Edward pulled me into his lap and tipped my head back. He pressed a water bottle to my lips, but I did not open them. I couldn't. I probably wouldn't be able to keep the cold water down anyway. "Bella please," Edward pleaded his usual velvet voice now plagued with worry. Worry that was well placed, I had not eaten or had anything to drink in nearly a day and a half. It was hard, the days following my father's murder I only ate and drank to satisfy the Cullens. I just couldn't do it now, yesterday when I realized the approach of my father's funeral I just couldn't eat anymore, my stomach churned at the smell of food, and protested when I forced food into my mouth. I could not do it anymore.
Edward shifted my position so that we were making eye contact. The look in his eyes caused the lump in my throat to grow larger. The pain, the sadness, the worry, and worst still the guilt, caused me a great deal of agony. It was no secret that Edward held himself responsible for Charlie's death, and despite my urgings, that look of guilt was still embedded in his eyes. When he thought I wasn't looking, his expression was haunted, if I could read his mind he'd probably be thinking of the moment he had seen Charlie. When I had seen him, he had been reasonably cleaned up. Edward saw him right after the act was committed. My stomach twisted harshly at the image that began to form in my mind. I snatched the water bottle from his hand and drank abundantly to stop the vomit from making its exit. My stomach couldn't take it anymore.
Edward relaxed when I had finally downed the water. My eyes never left his, I needed to focus now I was afraid of losing consciousness and I didn't need that now. My father's funeral was my only chance to say good-bye. "Edward, what did Emmett say?" My voice came out surprisingly calm, but very raspy.
Edward immediately pulled me closer to him and stroked my hair. "We are leaving in a half an hour," He whispered gently, he was obviously choosing his words cautiously, afraid to cause another break down that had been to common these past few days.
"Oh okay," I responded quietly as I picked myself up off of Alice's bathroom floor. My head swirled as I stood dizzily. Edward steadied me immediately. "I better get ready then," I whispered softly. As I walked into Alice's spacious room, where my plain, black, cotton dress was laid out on the bed. Alice watched me from where she was, her expression bleak and solemn. My father's death had been a real blow to everyone, but she saw it coming before anyone else. My greeting came in the form of a nod as I picked up the pressed cotton dress and unzipped it. Alice helped me slip it over my head and zipped me up. My hands were to shaky to do anything with my hair, so for once I let her brush it and put it in a neat and tidy bun without any fight. Even if I wanted to protest, I just didn't have the energy for it.
The hour and a half that followed was a blur, I vomited again and Alice, and Esme helped clean me up while Rosalie cleaned up the dress. Edward managed to get some more water down my throat, but he did not force the food issue. He knew that the food would not stay down. When the time came to leave, Edward and I got into his Volvo while the rest went in other cars. The drive silent, both of us were lost in our own worlds. We sat through the service, and now we were in the cemetery preparing for the final good-bye. The entire population of Forks was there, some people that I did not recognize, my mom and Phil, and even the entire Quileute tribe. Everyone looked worriedly at me; I did not acknowledge them I just stared at the man who was giving a eulogy, one of Dad's police buddies. The Forks police was still looking for a murderer, they were a bit annoyed that the La Push pack had moved Dad to La Push.
When the man had stepped down, he shook my hand gently. It was my time to deliver my eulogy, but I was no longer sure that I could. Edward pressed his lips to my ear, "do you want me to go up with you." He whispered softly, his arm tightened around my waist in support. "No," I said dully as I stood on wobbly legs, my breathing became irregular as I approached the area near my father's mahogany coffin. Fearing the consequences, I did not allow myself to lay eyes on that coffin. Instead I focused on Edward. There was a sudden rush of calm that flowed through me; I looked over at Jasper, who nodded encouragingly.
I filled my lungs and then exhaled before I began. "It took me awhile to realize just how blessed I was to have Dad. I am not going to lie; at first I resented being here. I didn't even know Dad as well as I should have. But as time went on I realized there was more to Charlie Swan then I had allowed myself to see. My dad wasn't just a policeman, or a fisherman. My dad was a good man. He did all he could for me, for everyone in this town; he loved us all and wanted the best for everyone. There are not many people in this world that would go to the lengths he did to make life bare able. Though we had our fights, and I would grow angry with him. I knew he punished me for a reason. Everything he did had a reason, no matter how strange it was. We all know he had those moments." A series of quiet chuckles rose from the crowd. "I can honestly say that despite my initial feelings, that I am proud to be Charlie Swan's daughter." The tears started to feel my eyes and my knees started to shake. I knew I needed to wrap this up immediately. "I love my Dad very much, and I'll miss him deeply."
My eyes found Edward's caramel eyes, I could not move I wanted to walk over but my legs were frozen. Edward got the message and was at my side in no time, but at a reasonable human pace. His cold lips pressed into my cheek as he guided me back to my seat. The rest of the service past in a blur, Edward and I stayed seated there until everyone had left, to head back to the Cullen house where refreshments were being served. Edward and I sat there in quiet, until I had risen from my seat. My legs were still shaky as I moved to my father's coffin. I placed a single carnation on the polished coffin and rested my hand on its cold surface. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Dad I-I didn't mean for this to happen to you. This shouldn't have happened to you not like this. You didn't deserve this, but don't worry," the tears were streaming down my cheeks, a light rain had started to fall from the heavy gray clouds above, and the wind was picking up but all that didn't matter now. "Don't worry because they aren't going to get away this. I know he had orders to kill you and I'm not going to let that go. I promise." I pressed my lips against the coffin lid. "I love you, Dad."
When I walked back to Edward I did not look up at him. I knew he had heard every word of what I had just said, and judging by the way he hugged me we'd be talking about it later. He kissed my forehead and together we walked back to the car.
Today was supposed to be my wedding day, my father was supposed to walk me down the aisle and all was supposed to be well. Instead, I got this.