"You two sure did keep it short in there," Steve recognized. I shrugged my shoulders not really knowing how to respond. I really just wanted to walk to the DX in silence, however, I had a feeling my wish wouldn't be granted.
"What's with you and this school shit I've been hearing about?" Steve made his first mistake, opening his trap.
"Get off my case Steve," I knew I almost sounded hopeful, but I didn't care what ever would give me some peace, I would try.
"Not until you get over yourself!" Steve snapped back. I knew in the back of my mind that he wasn't trying to be an ass all the time, that sometimes he is just trying to be a pal in the only way he knows how. Which I never thought was enough, you do chose how you act over all.
"Do the people at school really give you that hard of a time? We can help you Pony." He lied. No one could help me. He didn't even have the first idea on how to help me. He was just thinking he was so perfect and could fix every problem because he can fix cars.
"Mind your own business," I tried once again, and once again I failed, miserably.
"This is my business, its everyone's! We don't just leave our own out to mess up their lives!" Steve made his second mistake, talking things too far.
"Yeah, well where were we when Johnny got beat up the first time so bad he spent the rest of his life afraid of every single thing? What kind of life is that, always being afraid and jumpy all the time? Where were we when Johnny had no choice but to kill a soc to prevent him from killing me? He had to make the choice of killing someone or letting someone be killed. He could have just let them kill me and nothing else would have even happened! Where were you when we hid in a church and ate damn baloney for meal after meal? Where were we when Dal couldn't handle the death of Johnny and decided that it wasn't worth living for the rest of us only for Johnny. Talk about a selfish decision. Where were you to talk him down from making his worst mistake? So don't you dare talk to me about taking care of our own, Steve Randle because there is NO such thing." I stopped walking and yelled frustrated at Steve for continuously trying to pick a fight. I swear that guy would make a preacher cuss.
"Man kid, that thinking right there, isn't doing one person any good." Steve told me then walked ahead. I don't think he cared at that point if he made Soda mad by not babysitting me.
I turned around and walked in the opposite direction of Steve. I knew that I was being difficult and hard to live with, but if everyone would just leave me alone it would make the process easier.
My mind searched for places to go. If one thing I had learned through all this, it would be walking alone was never a good idea, no matter how desperate.
My body just naturally turned left at the next street corner and I continued to walk straight. Before I knew it I was in the vacant lot.
I hadn't been there in a while. I felt like most people hadn't. It brought back memories that were suppressed for at least the time being. Maybe even longer. Often it is easier to avoid the reminders than to face them.
I stood with my heels in the dirt and just the tip of my toes touching the paved asphalt as I searched for how to react.
My mind jumped from one thought to the next as my heart began to pound in my chest like a drum with an increasing tempo. I could feel the anger inside of me rising with ever second that past. I felt like I was going to explode, so I began to do the only thing I really knew how to do; run.
I pushed on to the lot and hurled my body with intense speed, and when I reached the other side I did it again, and again, and again, and again.
My heart was racing, my feet were sliding, my head was pounding, my sweat was dripping, and my eyes began to creep up to the corner of my eyes. But, I would not stop. For once, no one was bothering me, no one was worrying about me, no one was babying me, or even talking about me behind my back as if I were stupid enough to not realize what they were talking about.
For the first time in I don't even know how long I was truthfully alone. I kept going as my breath began to pick up. I turned around and started again. My legs were getting heavier.
I went once more and my knees and ankles got tired.
I was turning around to start again put my feet slid out from under me. The shoes I was wearing were not meant for running. My hands slid across the asphalt like cheese over a grater. My jeans had an instant tear in both knees. It wasn't like they were anything fancy anyhow. The second I hit the ground I began to cry.
I finally had, had enough. I was sick and tired of hurting all the time. I laid on my stomach face down in my own tears in blood until I forced myself to calm down.
I took one long deep breath in and three short ones out for a good long time before I could stand up and get the hell out of the lot. As I walked away from the lot looking beat up as I was, it only made me want to stay more. I felt like I was being pulled back to the lot.
So, I decided to give myself what I wanted. Someone would come find me if they needed me, it's not like I was doing anything illegal.
"Hey Steveie, sorry it took so long, what knew that Tim was a talker!" I smiled goofy approaching Steve. He had his back turned towards me, but I knew I needed to put back on my happy go luck attitude I was famous for, even if i wasn't feeling up to the take.
"No man, it's fine. He say anything worth listening to?" Steve kept his back towards me, which was unusual, but I didn't think twice about it.
"Not too much, just a few points I ought to bring up with Darry. Where is Pony, I'll buy him a drink, want any thing?" I asked moving my eyes to all of Pony's common hand outs.
"Soda, Pony's not here?" Steve said. I didn't like the feeling my gut was beginning to get.
"Where is he?" I tried my best not to jump to conclusions.
"I don't know," Steve turned to face me.