I don't think I have ever laughed so hard. That movie was hilarious. I felt so comfortable with Edward. I was relaxed and my mind wasn't racing with thoughts of how I wanted Edward to fuck me. In fact, I don't think I really spent any great deal of time thinking about myself in physically compromising positions with him throughout the entire movie. I wondered if this is how normal women function around men. I felt like a switch had been turned off inside me. I liked Edward and wanted to talk to him. I wanted to listen to him. I wanted to interact with him in ways that were non-sexual. But every once in a while, a picture from my dream popped up in my head and I felt heated. But just as quickly, something from the outside would push that vision away and replace it with a smiling Edward enjoying pizza with the kids. That vision made me feel so warm inside way up high in my chest. It gave me a feeling of contentment.

I sighed and looked at him once the movie ended. I really didn't want to go, but I didn't know what to do or say. I couldn't read him. If I shut my eyes and went on auto-pilot, I would have my hands all over him, but I didn't close my eyes. I just gazed into those intense green eyes and welled up with a shit-eating grin.

"Bella," he said. His voice was like honey and cream as I just continued to stare at him.

"Um-hum?" was all I could manage.

He suddenly appeared nervous like he was struggling to find the right words. "Bella, I have to be totally honest with you."

Maybe it was the blush of the wine, or all the feel good chemicals I was basking in from the hysterical movie, but whatever it was, my normal warning bells didn't go off like they should have.

"Yes, Edward?" I said.

"Um, well," he stammered, "I am sorta at a loss as to what to do." His glare penetrated me. I hadn't the foggiest idea what he was referring to. I frowned, my warm buzz slowly fading.

"I'm sorry," I said. "What do you mean?" What, did he not know how to turn off the DVD player? I was going to say that, but realized being a smart-ass was not going to do much good. I scrunched up my face in a puzzled look.

"This," he said as he waived his hand around himself and us. "I had a great time with you and the kids did, too, but I don't know what to do now that the movie is over." He looked away, clearly embarrassed. I decided to be a smart-ass.

"Well, in my vast life experience, I can tell you with certainty that you remove the disk from the player and either put in another one and press play or turn it off." I didn't crack not one smile.

He looked shell-shocked. I think I scared the shit out of him. Geeze, it was only a joke, something to lighten the mood. Maybe I did it wrong. Maybe I made him mad! Oh, no! I started to get nervous and felt my lips begin to shake. Then, something amazing happened. He laughed. It wasn't a ha-ha laugh, either. It was a belly-shaking, deep down to the core explosion from him of roaring guffaws. I was not sure if this was good or not. Now he was laughing at me? I started to panic again until he took my hand and held it as he tried in vain to cough out the words, "Oh, Bella! You are so cute!" Electricity shot through my hand at his touch, but I was quickly distracted as his laughter continued. I soon relaxed and found myself laughing with him. "That sounds like something Mary Elizabeth would say. NO, Daddy! Duh! How can you NOT know that you are supposed to turn it off or put in a new movie?" He imitated her voice exactly. He even had her mannerisms of hands on her hips and shaking head. The thought of her made me smile again. His love for his children was so, so, sexy? NO, not that word! It was beautiful. It was all about warm fuzzies.

"Ya think?" I asked him, matching his laughter belly-shake for belly-shake.

"Absolutely," he said, and we both fell backwards into the couch continuing to laugh in hysterics. We turned toward each other, his hand still holding mine and our bodies came closer. I could feel his leg against mine and his shoulder against mine and the electricity coursing through my veins made an orgasm seem insignificant and unfullfiling. What was happening to me?

The laughter abruptly subsided, but we didn't move. Our gazes were entangled and something stirred within me. His gaze had become more intense. I fleetingly looked at the wine bottles we had shared....two were empty. I had only had a couple of drinks, so maybe he felt as relaxed as me. There was something different in his eyes that I didn't recognize. These were not the exact same eyes from my dream. Related, yes, but the eyes I was losing myself into this evening were Edward's.

Almost like watching a slow-motion video I watched as the space between us disappeared. I think we both were moving toward the other, but it was an eternity before I wondered if I was supposed to panic. His lips were soft against mine. His hands moved to my shoulders and then my back. I felt us press together and my mind shut down. What the fuck was happening? Did I want this? Did I want him? My body reacted as it always did when it was touched, but at the same time, my mind was somehow enhancing these sensations. My hands flew to his head, my fingers gently tousling his hair. My lips parted and his moved in tandem with mine, our tongues slowly exploring and tasting the others. I felt a heavy pounding against my chest and realized it was Edward's heart. It reverberated through to my soul.

We gently parted to breathe, him holding me close. "Oh, God, Bella. You feel so good." His voice was sad, lonely. I had no response. Suddenly he pushed himself away from me and jumped up from the couch. He pinched the bridge of his nose and then started to run his hand through his hair. His head was shaking and he began to pace in front of the couch. To say I was confused was an understatement. I didn't understand. What had I done wrong? What else was wrong with me that he wouldn't want me?

The pain I had buried so long ago came clamoring to the top and choked me. I refused to let the pain control me again. No one ever pushed Bella Swan away. She pushed them away. They pursued me chased me, bribed me, and I chose who I lavished my attention upon. I decided who was worthy; it was never the other way around.

The seductress within me reared her head. I had been challenged. I would win. Emotions and sex were never connected, and yet I was allowing them to intertwine here. I liked Edward. I never liked anyone I fucked. I wanted to spend time with Edward and his kids. I wanted to share my hopes and dreams with him. I wanted to hear his ideas on love and the universe. But, I never wanted those things with anyone else, not since before...I had to stop this. My head was starting to hurt. I had to decide...was Edward going to be another notch on my belt, or was he going to be something different, something more?

"I am so sorry, Bella." His frazzled voice broke my internal dialogue. "I, I, I just don't know what came over me." He couldn't even look at me. Was I that awful? The black hole deepened within my chest. The pain of rejection flooded my consciousness. "I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that. We had too much to drink, and I just let my desires take over, and," he slowly turned to look at me. He shook his head. "I am so sorry, can you ever forgive me?" His eyes were frightened, like a lost child who was frantically searching for his parents in a crowded mall.

Huh? Advantage? Of me? Desires? Forgive? What was he talking about? And, why did he look so lost, like he was about to cry at any moment? It was as if he were feeling pain. But, why? I was even more confused. He had just rejected me! No one fucking does that, but who in hell rejects someone and apologizes for it and goes on about taking advantage of you and of having desires for you? What was his game? Above his head I saw a family picture of him, Mary Elizabeth and Drake. They were smiling a smile that I had only see Mary Elizabeth show me thus far. My God, was it that simple? Was it possible that he was SERIOUS and he wasn't playing any type of game? How is it possible? I didn't understand.

"Please, say something," he pleaded. He was terrified, but of what, I hadn't any idea.

I go up from the chair and walked toward him. He looked like a frightened caged puppy. He wanted to trust me, but he just wasn't sure.

I stood close enough to feel the electricity buzz wildly between us and stared at him. I slowly licked my parched lips and asked, "Desires?" I stood statue still and waited.

He exhaled. "Yes."

I tilted my head. "Do you desire me, Edward?" I moved my knees forward and brushed his leg.

"Yes," he whispered. I could hear his heart and see the rise and fall of his chest with each passing second.

I leaned my waist into him and moved my lips to his ear. I ghosted his earlobe with my tongue as I whispered, "Tell me what you want, Edward." I knew what I was doing; I was in my element. I moved just close enough to feel his arousal.

"I, I, I..." he stuttered. "I don't know what I want." His voice was raspy, rushed. His answer did not mesh with what I had expected. I didn't move. I repeated my question. He took my head into his hands and gazed once again into my eyes. "I want to know what I have been missing for the last 15 years of my life. What do you want, Bella?" He did not release my head from his hands. He held me like I was a fragile work of art. I hadn't expected him to turn my question around on me.

"I, um, I..." I stuttered worse than he did. Could I confide in him what I really wanted? Before I could stop myself, I said, "I want to be loved, and to love in return." My answer was short, but honest. If I could find that, my demons would go away forever. At least, I hoped.

"That is so beautiful." He smiled and then he did the most unexpected thing. "Bella, may I kiss you again?"

I had never been asked that before. I just opened my mouth and nodded. His lips glided down to mine and he moved his hands down to my waist. He gently pulled me toward him as we shared the most beautiful and tender kiss. I felt as though I had never been truly intimate with a man before this night, this kiss. As our lips parted once again, he rested his forehead against mine.

"Bella, I want to do this right. I want to take things slow and get to know you. I guess, well, would you consider going out with me for a real date? " His voice was so hopeful suddenly. I could still feel his arousal, but it was not the most pressing matter at present.

"I would like that very much, Edward." I blushed and looked away.

"Your blush is beautiful. You are so innocent, Bella," he said and he stroked his hand through my hair. "Can I pick you up tomorrow at 7 pm?"

"Sure," was all I could say. Innocent? Beautiful? These words were foreign to me. But, somehow Edward's eyes helped anchor those words in my mind. Was it possible that I could have what I really wanted? Could I love this man? Could he love me? The possibilities were endless, but a small voice, the voice of reality, wouldn't stop its low-pitched buzzing that this was an exercise in futility. It was frantically trying to regain the control that I was in danger of losing forever to Edward. "Seven o'clock, my apartment. How should I dress?"

He looked thoughtfully at me for a moment. "Casual, jeans, t-shirt,tennis shoes, light jacket. Um, can I walk you home?"

"Yes, I'd like that very much." I got my jacket and Edward took my hand as he walked me back to my apartment.