Chapter Seven: The one with Laura Roslin.

AN: Couldn't help myself folks so this is just a silly little something – emphasis on the silly. Also, my sister said I should 'tribute' her in the notes for this chapter as she came up with the whole idea. I hope this meets your expectations, kiddo! :p

Thanks again to my awesome beta, Olafurneal, for helping me to reign in this chapter when it threatened to jump headfirst into the realm of crack, and to Glisteningsun10 who encouraged me to keep editing until the chapter felt right. It's taken some time, but I think it's finally there.

"…I'm telling you, it's uncanny!"

Rolling up his crossword with the same level of patience as a five-year-old, Provenza showed great restraint – flinging the paper across the surface of his desk instead of at Mike Tao's shiny bald head. "Fine!" he barked, forcing his chair out from underneath himself. "Now you've got my full attention. Now you can really go into detail!"

A little way across the room, Tao's fingers paused on his keyboard. "Ah. I might have got a bit carried awa-"

"A bit?!" Provenza snapped, marching towards him with such purpose that Tao found himself instinctively shrinking back into his seat. "Tao, you've been expounding on Battlespa Galacti-whatsit for ten whole minutes now! That's ten minutes I could have spent enjoying today's crossword! But no. Clearly, this is much more impor-" the image on the computer screen drew him up short. "What the-?" Squinting, he took a few steps forward to bring it into better focus, anger temporarily put aside for curiosity.

A pair of uncommonly attractive eyes started out of Tao's computer screen. The shade was startling and calming at the same time – the colour of light dancing through a leaf canopy. Framed by auburn hair and well-defined cheek-bones, even Provenza had to admit… "Good God," he breathed out, surprise washing the frown lines from his forehead. "It's-"

"Uncanny?" Tao grinned. "Told ya."

"I mean- the hair, the eyes, the cheekbones…" Provenza was babbling, he knew he was babbling and yet he couldn't seem to stop. "She looks just like-" he stopped himself, a finger lifting of its own accord to trace the jawline of the woman displayed on-screen. "Who is she?"

"Lieutenant Provenza, meet President Laura Roslin," Tao introduced, enlarging the photo to compensate for a certain person's growing long-sightedness. "Originally the Secretary of Education and forty-third in line of succession, Roslin found herse-"

"Tao." Provenza pinched the bridge of his nose. "I meant the actress, not the character. Who is the actress?!"

"Oh." Tao brought up another photo – this time the woman was looking away from the camera lens, curled up in some sort of balcony seat. "Mary McDonnell. Five foot six, early to mid-sixties, born in Wikes-Barre-"

"McDonnell," Provenza repeated, testing the name out on his tongue. "Never heard of her."

Tao glanced sideways. "I'm not surprised; she's highly underrated." He seemed to want to say more but Provenza's eyes narrowed so he settled instead for scrolling down the image, head tilted pensively. "Interestingly, even the legs-"

"Uhh-" There was a half-choked cough from somewhere behind them. "Do I wanna know?"

"Buzz!" Provenza whirled around, trying to block the image from view as Tao scrolled back up the length of those long, shapely- "It's not what it looks like!"

Buzz raised an eyebrow and Provenza felt his face instantly warm.

"Okay, okay," he conceded gruffly, "it's nearly what it looks like. But trust me, you don't want to know." He aimed a glowering scowl at the back of Tao's head, "I certainly didn't."

"Sorry I asked," Buzz replied, backing away slowly.

"Asked what?"

Provenza glared to his left. Amy was moving across the murder room with long, bouncing strides, her handbag swaying merrily from her fingertips. Someone was still pepped up at being back on active duty. His expression almost threatened to soften until he realized Amy's was looking to him for an answer. "There's nothing to know!"

Tao spun his chair around, finally satisfied that with the positioning of the promo pic. "Buzz, Sykes," he greeted, "how much do you know about Battlestar Galactica?"

Buzz's hand lifted hesitantly into the air. "Original or RDM's re-imagining?"

"Ye gods, there's two of them."

Ignoring Provenza, Buzz strode across the room, depositing his leather messenger bag at the foot of Tao's desk. "Seem familiar?" Tao asked, opening a recent press photo of Captain Raydor and placing it beside the promo picture of Laura Roslin.

Buzz needed a moment to process what he was seeing, eyes darting rapidly between the two images. "Oh my gods!" he breathed excitedly. "Captain Raydor's a Cylon?!"

"Woah!" Provenza turned to see Sykes leaning into him, face lit up with excitement as she stared at the screen. It was the first full smile he had seen from her since the incident, and for a few precious seconds he forgot to be pissed. And then she blew it. "I knew the Captain reminded me of someone!"

"For the love of-" Sanity slipping, Provenza twisted towards the only undeclared person in the room. "Julio, please tell me you don't watch this Galacti-crap!"

Sat unobtrusively at his desk, it was easy to overlook Julio in the mornings. He often entered the murder room unannounced, joining in on conversation only after several double-shot Americanos. "Sorry sir," he rasped eventually, swallowing a long draught of coffee, "but Admiral Adama's a frakking legend."

Provenza let out a frustrated sound, somewhere between a groan and a huff.

Tao grinned. "So say we all!"

The sound of steady footsteps announced the arrival of another member of the division. Provenza turned to see his salvation, silver-haired, and strolling through the office with his jacket tucked under one arm. The idiot must have taken the stairs again. "Flynn! Get your ass over here!"

"What, no hello?" Andy joked, settling his jacket over the back of his chair.

"Battlestar Galactica!" he barked, making Amy jump. "Do you watch it?"

Andy's brows drew together, "Uh, what exactly-"

"Flynn! Do. You. Watch. It?!"

Andy glanced from Provenza to the threesome clustered around Tao's computer to Provenza again. His partner seemed to be having some sort of breakdown – face flushed, eyes manic, the vein in his temple pulsating worryingly… so he went with the answer he thought most likely to please him. "Sure, I watch BSG. It's got action, suspense, the military. Plus, you know, the President's pretty frakking hot. Have you seen her legs?!" Andy shook his head, expression glazed. "There's just something about her, y'know? The camera loves her."

"Sounds like the camera's not the only one," Buzz murmured, drawing poorly concealed snorts from Julio and Tao. Just as Provenza was considering the benefits of banging his partner's head against the nearest wall, a curious voice cut through the chatter.

"What's all this?"

The team turned as one towards the corridor. Captain Raydor stood just inside the murder room, propped against the corridor wall. How long she had been listening to the conversation was not apparent, but her handbag was swung over one shoulder and a hint of a smile played with the corner of her lips.

There was an awkward pause.

"Uh, morning, Captain!" Tao replied, recovering first. He was quick to close the two photos on his computer. "Ever heard of Battlestar Galactica?"

She shook her head. "No, well, yes – my son, Ricky, adores it. He keeps telling me I need to watch… something about one of the characters reminding him of me? I can't say I've bothered to investigate though. Science fiction isn't really my thing."

"That's a shame," Amy said kindly. "It's a good show."

The Captain hummed. "Anyway, apologies for my tardiness – I was caught in traffic after dropping Rusty off." Amy nodded. Buzz shifted his weight from foot to foot. Provenza coughed. Raydor seemed to give herself a little shake. "I'll just…" she moved as if to start walking towards her office then stopped, turning back to make eye contact with each of them in turn. "Don't forget that the deadline for your quarterly reports is 2 pm today. Chief Taylor would appreciate a timely submission…"

It was a gentle rebuff. Major Crimes was the only division in the entire LAPD that had failed to log their reports on time last quarter, and boy had Taylor been pissed. But that had been before Raydor. "We won't forget," Andy replied, above the team's polite chorus of 'Aye, Captain'.

"Good," she nodded. "You know where to find me should you run into any difficulties."

As the Captain headed for her office, Provenza slid up to Flynn, the frown-lines on his face deepening. "Why do you always have to suck up to her?"

Andy rolled his eyes. "I don't. I treat her like she's the Captain because she is the Captain. Anyway, what did I miss earlier?"

"Hmm?"

"Why the question about Battlestar?" Andy clarified, scowling. "You taking a survey or something?"

"Yeah," Provenza replied absently, not meeting his gaze, "a survey."

When he mumbled something about needing to finish his report and strode off towards his desk, he left behind one very confused Andy Flynn.