Sup...
7. A Welcoming of Sorts
"Leah? Are you okay? Earth to Leah?" said Jacob, always the concerned joker.
But as they followed my line of sight, their eyes landed on a convulsing Svar. His face was still in its half-wolf form, telling the pack that he wasn't really one of "our" werewolves. Inhumane growls and snarls were erupting from Svar's shifting throat. Every one of the Pack members said, "Holy shit!" at least once. His bones were echoing a horrid grinding sound. Probably from all the skeletal changes he went through. But behind the physical changes, there was something more. His voice became more and more pained, haunted, and more...human.
Sam and Jacob were currently speechless. But nothing mattered to me besides Svar's safety right now. Not even the disapproving stares of my brothers. Because without that huge reminder of our messed up lives RIGHT beside me, I felt half dead, like part of me was gone. It was horrible. I had no idea how Jacob was able to be away from Nessie. Or any of the wolves from their imprint.
I walked straight through their ranks, moving towards a terrified, now human Svar.
He was covered in sweat. Cold, chilling sweat. His breathing hardly slowed as I took tiny steps towards him. The rest of the pack stood speechless at my complete ignorance of their existence. Svar crawled backwards as best he could; his eyes awash with fear. Fear of what the pack might do to him.
"Hey. Hey! Hey Leah! We're still here!" I didn't even care whose voice that was. I was in my own cone of silence.
But slowly, as Svar focused on me, the trembling ceased and his midnight eyes faded into his irises, giving way to an ocean blue. An ocean of blue that made me smile in tranquility. And with that smile on my face, I looked into Svar's eyes; giving me strength.
I made my way to Svar's massive form. He looked like a new-born without its eyes; so helpless and dependant upon his caretaker. I had become that very thing. When I started taking larger steps towards him, they were speechless. Except for Jacob and Sam. Sam hissed me a warning. But Jacob was even more vocal.
"Who the… What the fuck is that? Leah! What the hell are you doing? Get back here!"
But I was still blocking everybody's voice out. There was no one besides Svar and myself. The trees danced along with us to the gentle sway of the wind and the pound of the familiar waves was our drum. The wolves gasped again as I wrapped my arms around Svar's trembling body. How fragile the beast was. How beautiful my beast was.
"Oh, god!" Came from an even more freaked out Collin.
Jared's face distorted into something that looked worse than Svar's worst snarl.
"What the hell, Leah!? He's a...freak!"
I could feel their stares like knives splitting my back into tiny pieces. Cutting straight through it to my heart. Thank god Svar was in my arms; otherwise I would have crumpled under everything. But I was feeling tears burn in my eyes.
Oh, please god! Don't let them see.
Then Svar lifted his rough hand up to my face and rested his forehead against mine. His blue eyes still held the majesty of a true wolf within them. There was hardly a human left in him. But I didn't need to love a human. I already loved Svar, the most beautiful freak I had ever met.
"I love you." I breathed.
Gasped erupted from all around us. I smiled. Svar was here, he was going to be free from his shackles of rage. But no one said anything while we held onto each other, we felt so alone. It wasn't a bad thing at all. The world could have imploded and I wouldn't have noticed until I was sent shooting through space, in pieces.
Then Jacob walked a few tentative steps toward us with his hands grasping the back of his head. Then he wiped his sweat caked forehead.
"Leah, what the fuck is going on?"
Don't let then see me cry...
Svar seemed to hear my thoughts and took my face in his hands. The hands that were so worn and yet could catch every one of my tears.
"It's okay. They'll understand."
Embry's voice permeated the air.
"What? What are we supposed to understand?
Frustration surged through his words.
But Svar's arms and his beating breast gave me strength.
To hell with all this confusion.
"I fell in love..." I breathed.
No gasps broke through the pack as realization sunk in throughout themselves. I heard footsteps approach behind me. Svar lifted his head up to see who was walking our way. But I could smell that it was Sam. His steps were tortured and troubled. I could almost feel the disturbed thoughts echoing out of his mind.
"You mean... you imprinted?"
I smiled at Svar, and he smiled back. Even in his human form, I could tell his teeth were slightly sharper than your average human. His trembling had long since stopped but the pack started to instead.
Why? This was a happy occasion. The joining of two souls and a reunion of the family. But we were encased in shame and confusion instead. But what the hell could I do? Send a post card? Hey guys, sorry for the breakdown, but what do ya know, I met the nicest werewolf. And not the "poof" you're a spirit warrior kind, the "Dear God! What the fuck is gnawing on my arm?!" kind.
And yet, none of this could even try to dampen my grin. Those ocean eyes had swallowed me so sweetly.
"I guess so..."
Again, everyone was speechless. I thought someone would try and say something to ease the tension in the air. Instead, they just left. I only heard their footsteps walking away, but Svar saw the whole thing. I could feel the tightening in his chest from such a blatant rejection.
I couldn't move. What they had just was almost as bad as betrayal. I had been the worst to react to Jake's imprintating, but I knew I couldn't do anything about it. Now they were just going to ignore my own? I didn't want to move. I wanted to be held. I wanted something that was without shape, without form; impossible to hold. I didn't even know what I wanted. I was so tired.
But I was too wired to sleep. Everything was collapsing around me. Why did everything that didn't make sense before seem crystal clear now? And why did everything that was previously so simple become incredibly confusing and possibly mind-boggling? I wanted my family but I needed Svar. Imprinters were supposed to only think about their imprintee. It was the epitome of trust and selflessness. Why did I have to think of myself? Was I really imprinted? Was my imprinting different because I was a woman?
I felt the arms around me and breathed in the musk filled air. I felt at peace when I did. There was no past or future when I was with Svar. There was only now. But as soon as I looked inward, all the fears, the insecurities, and the darkness of my own self flooded my being. I was losing this crazy head game with myself.
Score-one for psycho of the family! I thought bitterly. Now I was a schizophrenic lycanthrope who was in love another species of lycanthrope. God damn, 20/20 could spend an entire year to cover our family.
Screw this. I thought as I raised myself to my feet. I was going home. And home was now complete with Svar there beside me. I looked back down to that newly found puzzle piece of mine and smiled. I honestly didn't care about his dark past, or his violent behavior when the hunger seized his control; I only cared about what his future would be like. I guess he was a little like Nessie; was very rare in the immortal world and no one knew what he would become now that he was imprinted on.
Svar was watching me with a weird look on his face, "Where are you going?"
"I really have no idea. But would you come with me?" I asked, knowing his response already.
In the blink of an eye, he too was on his feet, gesturing me towards the woods that bordered the beach.
"Lead the way."
He was so sweet; I couldn't believe he was capable of slaughtering an entire herd of deer, or humans. I also couldn't help myself as I reached up on my tip toes and barely reached his lips with my own. He had to kneel down to help me, but I still reached them. Soon the kiss deepened and it took us a while to remember that we were still on Earth.
After I let go of his face, I starting walking towards the woods Svar had sent me toward. Taking a few steps, I noticed some things didn't seem right. In an attempt to find out what was going on, I flared my nostrils to get on the right path. I smelled everything, the salt, the woods, the dirt, some shit a deer had just gotten rid of and Svar. He enveloped my senses (again) and when I had finally remembered what I was doing, I came to a horrifying conclusion.
"Shit…" I muttered. Svar was immediately by my side.
"What is it?" The level of concern in his voice was staggering. I was touched so deeply, I felt like my organs were rearranging.
"We're going the wrong way…" I had grown up on this beach and I didn't know where I was going now? How long had I been gone?
Svar let a relieved chuckle escape his lips. "Then that's my fault; I led you astray."
I looked up into his eyes. "Any direction is perfect as long as you're right beside me." A kind smile wove its way onto Svar's face. A soft feeling wove its way into my heart. My rearranging organs were liking this.
And we went along again towards my home. Where ever that might be.
We walked hand in hand through the woods until we finally reached the interstate. It would be an easy walk home now. But we needed to stay confined to the woods. People would think it would be a little odd to see an eight foot tall beast of a man walking around an apparent death trap for a town. I always found it odd that we were the only community of spirit warriors trained to kill vampires and guess where one such family just happens to settle down? Right next door.
I breathed in, thinking, but content. I was just happy to hold a warm hand within my own. Svar's body temperature was a little lower than mine but it was still above that of an average human. And he noticed it apparently.
"Are you cold?" He asked for the third time since we got up.
I had laughed the first time, cringed the second, but now; I shoved him into a pile of leaves.
"I'm fine! For the third time! I'm fine!" I nearly screamed at him.
He looked at me, shocked. I put my hands on my hips and a determined look on his face. Then something changed. The glint in his eye was warmer and his mouth turned up into a poorly-concealed smirk. A gnawing feeling told me that was not a terribly good sign.
He jumped up, rushed me, quick as any vampire, and threw me to the ground. I would have screamed if not for the wad of leaves he was suddenly rubbing into my face. They were wet, slimy and probably had a worm on them. Now they were on my face. Happiness was no longer a feeling I was experiencing. I tried to get out from under him but his massive form was straddling me and my gut wasn't very happy about that either. Out of desperation I reached out and grabbed my own pile of leaves and thrust them in his face. I couldn't see him but I knew I'd hit my mark when my hand stopped almost right above me and a strangled yelp responded to my actions.
Immediately, I wrapped my legs around his and flipped him onto his back, still holding onto the leaves. He gasped for air around the mess I was currently shoving into his face and that unfortunately made him start choking.
Something inside didn't feel amiss though. Despite the obvious choking noises coming from Svar, the need to remove the leaves wasn't there. That realization made threw me into full panic mode.
Am I really imprinted? Why are his choking noises not affecting me? What the hell am I feeling now?
After the panic set in, I ripped the leaves out of his face.
His face was extremely dirty, as I imagined my own face to be, but the choking sound still persisted. I could clearly see that there was nothing in his mouth besides more dirt.
"Dear god, Svar! Are you okay?!" I screamed, my voice cracking numerous times. Now I was fighting back tears.
Thank you, insecure female imprinting hormones. In fact, thank you, hormones in general.
The choking sounds persisted. My panic just heightened with every piece of dirt flying out of his mouth. Then an even more surprising realization set in.
Svar was laughing.
"God damn, Svar! I was scared!" I screamed at him. He just kept laughing. I was going to kill the son of a bitch (in a loving, imprinted way…).
Taking an even bigger handful of leaves, I thrust them into his face. I didn't really care about his safety now.
But he kept laughing his choking laugh. Then, quite suddenly, I was laughing too. It just felt so good to finally break free and laugh. I'd been holding so much inside, so much pain, so much anger, I nearly melted at the relief I felt. I felt like a kid again. Running, playing and fighting with the guys I'd known since birth.
We kept thrusting leafs at each other, kept laughing and kept melting in a sea of serenity.
Finally, after waking the neighbors and a couple dead, we collapsed on each other. Forever together it seemed. How else should it seem?
I felt like a feather. I'd thought that imprinting made me feel wonderful; this was similar, but different. Imprinting had happened no matter what or why I was doing, but now, I'd accepted it. Everyone had told me because I was a woman, I was different and imprinting might not happen. They just didn't know. But then it did and even I didn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. I had been telling myself that I wouldn't imprint and I tried to get over it. Now my life was flipping itself upside down and inside out. And I didn't like it. Then I did. Life was good.
Why do I keep having these revelations? Can't I just find my purpose and work with it?!
Probably not… Oh, well. It's all good.
Sorry I haven't written but there are good reasons for that. I just need to remember them. I hope to get some more written before school starts but I am not promising anything. And Quina, I am very happy for your thirteenth chapter. I just didn't get to review due to the whole "can't review a chapter twice" rule. Okay, see ya later.