AN: Not much happens in this chapter, but what does happen is important.

Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. Catherine Jareau is mine, along with all the other character you do not recognize.

Chapter 5: Penelope Garcia

Buffy: I'm not gonna lie to you. It was scary.

I'm so used to you being a grownup,

and then I find out that you're a person.

Giles: Most grownups are.

- Season 2, The Dark Age, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Monday March 28th, 2011

It has been twenty-one days since Emily died. To say that everything has changed would be a major understatement. The team is different and Jen is different, hell even I am different and I know that Emily is alive. Her death or disappearance, I can't decide what to call it, has irrevocably changed my family. I don't even know if I can me mad at Emmy for disappearing because I don't have any idea why it was necessary and there must be a good reason, she wouldn't have abandoned us at the drop of a hat.

Today I am supposed to see Penelope for the first time since the 13th when we cleaned up Emily's condo and I found her note. The leave Aaron managed to get for the team and Jen has ended and so they have all been back at work for a few days. I can't bring myself to visit, not that I would be allowed. Things were tense after Montréal and they have only gotten worse since Emmy took off and Jen was called in to help find her and bring her back.

My classes after over, Henry has a play date with one of the neighbours and Jen is going to pick him up after work so I am free for the rest of the day. I take the subway and two busses before arriving at Penelope's latest apartment. She's moved twice since that deputy shot her. I take the stairs, there is no way I'm getting into an elevator with a bunch of strangers and knock on her door instead of letting myself in with my hot pink key.

Penelope answers the door smiling slightly, "Hiya Cupcake!"

I smile as I take in her appearance; Penelope is as colourful as ever, wearing a floral robe and pink slippers. She looks tired though. "So what are we doing today?" I ask as I step past her and pick up Sergio as I enter the apartment.

"Scrapbooking!" she exclaims happily, gesturing to her living room which is completely covered in colourful paper and photographs.

Oh dear, I think I've spotted Penelope's complete collection of glitter in both glue and tube form. I walk further into the main room. The pullout couch where I used to sleep before Penelope was shot is completely buried under photographs. I pick up the closest one and take a look, and then I pick up a few more from that pile. I look around a little more and frown, "Penny, why do you have a few dozen pictures of me sleeping? It's a little creepy."

She shrugs, "Not really. You just need to face facts Cupcake; you sleep a lot."

I roll my eyes, "Ha. Ha."

She purses her lips, "You really do Cupcake, have you seen someone about that?"

I shake my head in amusement, "Penelope, how about you try starting your day around three o'clock and then see how tired you are after dealing with annoying undergrads with stupid questions all day."

She snorts.

"What?" I snap.

She sniggers, "You sounded so much like JJ right then. After a long day on a case with no leads when the locals don't want to help and she has to play nice anyway."

I smile. Even at twenty, I still think sounding like my big sister is special and not annoying. I look around the apartment a little more, "So where is Kevin?"

"Oh," she looks sheepish, "Kevin's at his place."

I frown, "Penelope have you seen him in the past few weeks?"

"Of course I have!" she replies indignantly.

I cross my arms, "Where have you seen him?"

"At work," she says decisively.
I raise an eyebrow, "Have you seen him anywhere other than at work?"

Penelope blushes, "No…"

I sigh, "How many times has he called?"

She frowns and starts counting on her fingers. "Fourty-three times this past week," she answers.

I groan, "Penelope, you can't just ignore your boyfriend."

"I'm not ignoring him, I've just been really busy," she protests.

I move some of the scrapbooking paper off a chair and sit down, "Sit Penelope."

She sits.

I take a deep breath and let it out, "After E-" I cut myself off and try again, "You practically moved in with Derek-"

Penelope opens her mouth.

I cut her off before she has a chance to start, "Wait till I'm finished okay?"

She nods with a frown on her face.

I frown back; I am even more stubborn than she is, "You 'moved in' with Derek before the funeral. You're not answering any of Kevin's phone calls," I glance at her message recorder, "Or the numerous messages he has obviously left you. What do you think that tells Kevin?"

She sighs.

Penelope's cell phone rings.

She picks it up and dismisses the call.

Then the landline rings.

Penelope ignores it; her message inbox is full.

I sigh, "Give Kevin a chance to do the right thing okay? He loves you. He obviously wants to be there for you or he wouldn't have just called."

She looks at me curiously, "How did you know that was Kevin?"

I roll my eyes, "Come on Penelope, I've had the Goddess of Omnipotence and Spencer the Magician tutoring me for the past six years and nine months. I must have picked up something useful by now, other than how to read L337 and do Science Magic."

She smiles at my compliment before her brain catches up with the rest of my statement, "Wait Reid taught you how to do Science Magic?"

I smirk, "Of course he did."

Her jaw drops, "How? He wouldn't tell me or JJ or Em-" she cuts herself off and deflates.

I sigh; the almost happy mood is ruined. I bite my lip, "Do you still want to know?"

She nods silently.

I smile a little, "I traded him a trick for a trick."

She laughs, "Is it really that simple?"

I smirk, "Yes. Although, it might have helped my case to have been holding several of his first editions hostage."

Penelope's laugh is loud and vivacious.

Success, good mood restored. I smile at her, "You call Kevin and I'll start tiding up a bit okay? Then we can start on your project."

She waves a hand at the other half of the room, "The picture boxes are over there. Don't even think about leaving Cupcake."

I smile up at her, "Where could I possibly want to be that is more interesting than here?"

She pats my hand and stands up, "I love you Cupcake. Thank you for that kick up my rear end."

I snicker, "I love you too Penny. Now go call your tech-geek."

She wanders off into her bedroom with her cell.

I clean up and organize the photographs for a little while. I love looking at the pictures of the team. Penelope has thousands of pictures in boxes and scattered across the couch. I can't help but wonder where she got some of these from, maybe off the security cameras at work? That sounds like something she would do, and I can't think of another way for her to have gotten that picture of me. I'm half hidden by the couch in Jenny's office but definitely asleep, curled up in my nest. That particular array of nest colours hasn't existed since the summer I turned fourteen. Derek made it for me with blankets and pillows from Penelope's office.

After the accident my parents were killed in and I started living with Jenny, the nest appeared again. It was wonderful. My nest was somewhere I felt safe, which is something I adored because it doesn't happen very often. I'm not sure who made it but for months the nest was laid out with clean blankets every few days. Even when Jenny made me dismantle it at night before we went home, it would be set up again the next morning when we got back. I never asked who did it because that would ruin the magic, so I just left out chocolate chip cookies for whoever it was.

The nest doesn't technically exist anymore, but every now and again, when the team leaves on a case, the blankets and pillows reappear. They sit on the couch now instead of being a nest on the floor behind the couch. Every single time I see Jenny's couch it makes me smile. For a while, the maintenance workers keep moving it back into place, which is in the middle of the wall, but Jenny or I would always move it back out. Eventually they gave up and now when Henry and I visit Jenny, or when Jack and I visit Aaron, we make forts out of the blankets and pillows behind the couch. We only make forts in Jenny's office though, because Aaron's office isn't as private. He doesn't have enough space for a proper fort since his couch is right in front of the door; it's not very private either.

Penny has another picture that brings tears to my eyes. It was taken right before we left on the BAU jet for Montréal. Emily is carrying my sleeping self down the hall to the bullpen. I slip the double of that picture into my backpack. Crap, I don't remember falling asleep that day. I really hope that Strauss didn't see Emily carrying me.

The next picture is one I already have a copy of; me curled into Spencer, pretending to be asleep while the team talked. That memory is bittersweet because while I adore the picture, I still don't appreciate being talked about.

Finally a picture where I'm not sleeping, this one is of a family dinner. Everyone attended, even Will and Henry and Jack. This one was taken last year before Christmas, the night before everyone left for the holidays. Emily was going to England, Spencer to Vegas and Derek home to Chicago. Penelope was going somewhere with Kevin and Rossi was flying to Italy I think. Aaron and Jack were going to spend the holidays with Haley's sister while Jenny, Will, Henry and I were going to spend time together. Sometimes being the best team is a good thing, they get first choice for vacation time. I trace all of our faces with my finger. We look so happy. A tear hits the photo and I wipe it away quickly. I close the lid on the picture box; I can't do this right now.

"Sergio Ich vermisse Emmy," I miss Emmy Sergio. I whisper to the cat sleeping behind my head on the back of the couch.

He doesn't answer.

I take a quick look around to see where Penelope is. She's still in her bedroom talking to Kevin. Good. Time for a little rudimentary 'hacking', I need to find out what happened to Emily. Even if she is alive and I only have to wait another 126 days for her to come home, my patience is wearing thin. I want to know what happened, I want to know why she took off. I want to know why she ran and didn't talk to her family. The team could have helped her, even if I couldn't.

I pull out my laptop, not the one that Penelope built for my fourteenth birthday, but the most recent one, a Christmas present this time. I log in and work for about five minutes before Penelope stops talking in the other room.

She walks back into the living room. "What are you doing Cupcake?" Penelope looks over my shoulder, "Oh no you are not going to do that." She reaches around me and types something in quickly, and suddenly all my hard won progress is gone.

"Penelope!" I am shocked. She's never cared about hacking before, in fact, she taught me just about everything I know on the subject.

"No," she interrupts me, "I've blocked your access to those files. I will not help you find out what happened to Emily-" she flinches before continuing, "The Strange and Great. You don't need to know all the gory details. Trust me. You don't want to know what really happened."

I am enraged, "Yes I do need to know what happened. For fuck's sake Penelope, I can't sleep at night without nightmares about what might have happened tormenting me."

She frowns at me, "It's been three weeks."

I growl, "Don't you think I know that? How could I possibly forget? I haven't gotten more than a few hours sleep each night, which is more than I can say for Spence."

She sighs; it's not a sound I am used to hearing out of Penelope, "Cupcake. Catherine. You're dealing with this horribly."

I frown at the use of my real name, "And you're not Penelope? This is the first time you've left Derek's house except to go to work since it happened. Until an hour ago, you hadn't talked to Kevin in weeks." I narrow my eyes at her, "And just how would you know just how I'm dealing with it? I haven't seen you since the- since we cleared out Emily's apartment."

"Thinking Emily-" she visibly flinches at the name, "Thinking my Gumdrop, your other mum, is going to come back is not healthy."

I swallow my fear at hearing Penelope call Emily my mum, no one was supposed to know how I felt, damn profilers. Penelope Garcia may not be a real profiler, but she sure has picked up on a lot from her interactions with the team. I frown up at her, "Penelope don't try and start anything with me now. I left school early; I changed my office hours so that we could spend time together. Don't you want to spend time with me?"

Her face softens, "Of course I want to spend time with you Cupcake."

I cross my arms, I don't care that my body language can be read as defensive, "Then please shut up about how I may or may not be dealing."

She opens her mouth to protest.

I hold up a hand, "Penelope, stop please, or I'll have to call Jen right now, while she's still at work, and tell her off for talking to you about something she shouldn't have."

She huffs before saying, "Catherine-"

I interrupt her, "I am 100% serious Penelope. Drop it or I'll leave and I will call Spence to drive me home."

Her hands are out, palm up, "Okay, fine. Don't ask Spencer to drive you home. I'll drop it. But you need to talk to someone Cupcake."

I frown at her, "I have."

She has the nerve to ask, "A real someone?"

"Penelope," the warning is clear in my voice.

She looks so sad but she holds up her hands in surrender, "Stopping now," she whispers.

I try to mend the bridge, "Where is your extra glue stick?"

Penelope shuffles around a little before handing me the yellow plastic tube.

We work for a few hours on scrapbooks of the team. I find myself unsurprised that Penelope already has scrapbooks from the beginning of the team's existence. She has pictures of the team from December 2003, when Jenny joined the team. I don't know how she got those pictures because she wasn't part of the team yet. She joined the BAU a few months later; I think it was in February or March.

It both hurts and begins to heal the hole in my heart to look at and work with the old pictures. I know exactly what Penelope is doing; she is trying to preserve the microscopic hold we, as a family, still have on Emily. She is trying to capture the team as it once was so that she never forgets.

126 Days.

Je me souviens.

I remember

- Phrase on the Québec, Canadian license plate

AN2: Thank you for reading, please review. The next chapter will be posted on August 28th or 29th 2012. So this chapter is on time because my ribs are mostly better even though my shoulder is not and that means I can actually reach for the keyboard and edit without my entire trunk protesting :)