First off, thank you to all of you who have been following this story and alerting and reviewing and all that other fun stuff! Means the world! Secondly, I want to thank Kee12345 especially. She has been so kind and supportive as I have been writing this story and it really inspires me to continue and update faster! Enjoy!
Emily Prentiss narrowed her rich brown eyes, carefully lined in a seductive noir to offset the caramel hues surrounding her irises, and observed as her imperious Unit Chief strode into the conference room. The stiff set of his strong jaw and his squared, even shoulders, pulled taut under the cut of his suit, broadcasted all the news Emily needed to be aware of.
That SSA Aaron Hotchner was in a furious and impatient mood.
She caught Morgan's dark eye as he filed in and folded her lips inwards, the warning becoming clear by the way the agent barely raised his right eyebrow as a signal that he understood.
It was all so tedious and silly – the slight motions to convey so many questions and answers. But they were profilers. And in dangerous situations, it had been proven helpful on more than one account that a trivial flick of the wrist or lazy blink could warrant a stampede of SWAT men.
"Hotch, what's this about?" Morgan eyed the older agent warily as he slid into his seat, feet coming to rest on top of each other in a forced attempt at relaxation.
Hotch ignored his agent and the shadows that crossed over the table as the remaining team members filed in, all except for Reid.
A glint of rage crouched low in his chest at the thought of the young and not-so-innocent agent.
His ex-lover.
Having Reid so blatantly and calmly lie to his face had set off an internal bomb in the Unit Chief, the boiling fury and iron-strong suspicion becoming all too overwhelming to bear. Images of his lover in another man's arms flickered in his mind and he clenched his fingers around the case file in his grasp, denting the paper and causing a faint white discoloration to creep over his aged knuckles.
He was livid at the possibility of infidelity and he felt a familiar darkness settle over him, clipped and cold and all too welcoming.
Bury him, Hotch cursed, efficiently erasing the past few months' supply of warm and fuzzy memories from his hardened memory.
Compartmentalize.
He's a waste of your time.
"Hey, you okay?" Emily's voice drew Hotch from his thoughts and he let his eyes slice to where Reid was slowly walking into the room. He noted the timid lean of the young agent and the rosy glow that peppered his sloped nose and his eyelids, all signs of overworked tear ducts.
"Yeah, why?" Reid avoided eye contact as he lifted his bag from around his aching body, hoping he could shield himself from the all too penetrating and deathly glare Hotch had currently fixed on him.
"You're never late," Morgan offered, letting his eyes swivel from his boss to his best friend. It didn't take a profiler to pick up on the growing tension that happily swirled around the BAU team and the way he noticed Hotch quickly look to his boyfriend at his words served as instant indicators to Morgan that something had shattered, that something had been broken between the two men.
He felt his left shoulder, the shoulder set closest to Hotch, instinctively rise up and edge away from the man in immediate defense. Hotch's palpable fury and Reid's shy demeanor told Morgan that Reid had somehow crossed a line and Hotch had once again let his wrath thunder down upon the slender agent in an ill-willed attempt to protect his heart and his family.
Morgan nudged Reid in the thigh with his knee as Reid passed by him and shot him a concise look of concern and understanding, wanting to convey to his friend that he was on his side.
That he would be there to pick up the broken pieces and that he would be there to shield him from his ex-boyfriend's outraged and aggressive behavior.
"Have we started the briefing yet?" Reid shrank into his seat next to Morgan, and bit down harshly on his bottom lip.
Morgan knew. That much was evident from the disturbingly congenial look the man just shot him.
"Just about to," Garcia trilled, oblivious to what was conspiring around her as she distributed the iPads and neatly patted her azure dress.
"Then I'm not late," Reid replied defensively, stealing a fleeting look at Hotch who looked all too interested in images of a man who, from Reid's sideways view, appeared to have shells in his ears.
He suddenly felt Hotch's heated glower warm his face and his heart seized in his throat as he dared raise his eyes. His heart felt like it was hammering against his chest with all the intent of an apology bursting through. Seeing Hotch's stony expression with his narrowed eyes drowning in hurt sparked a flash of pain in Reid's stomach.
It was like a ragged knife dragged lazily over his throat – slow and demonic – and Reid allowed the tears to well up again. He knew what murky thoughts lurked in the head of his ex-boyfriend and the gloomy urge to spring from his chair and comfort him, to tell him about the headaches and the pain and the insecurities, to yell that he loved Aaron Hotchner with all of his might, was almost too much to fight.
"I'm sorry," he mouthed, sadness tainting his lips.
Hotch continued to look at him and Reid at once spotted a softening of his hardened features before it disappeared and Hotch broke the stare.
It' over loomed above their heads, fizzing into the thick air after a moment and Reid fought the avalanche of tears that threatened to break free.
He swallowed. Case. Not Hotch. Not his shattered relationship. Man with shells in his fucking ears.
"Attention intrepid BAU adventurers! The land of Bermuda shorts, white leisure suits and slacks request your presence." Garcia intoned, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on the wall behind Seaver's head, lest she meet Hotch's Medusa-like glare and be turned to stone instantaneously.
"Vegas?" Rossi snorted.
"Arizona," Morgan shifted in his seat, breaking a small smile.
"Palm Springs!" Emily piped up.
"Please." Hotch growled, silence rifting through the room at once.
"I was going to say Miami but point well made about the dizzying number of locales with unfortunate fashion tendencies," Garcia felt herself rolling her chair away from Hotch ever so slightly as did the other agents.
A small mote of light pooled around Hotch like a halo where the other agents had moved closer to Reid and it became screamingly obvious when Hotch finally looked up from his iPad and noticed that no one deigned to look him in the eye.
He sighed as the team bounced around quick notions about the UnSub, pointedly ignoring Morgan casting waves of hatred his way like some petulant child.
Sit there and shut the hell up, Hotch shot back by the way he angled his broad chest to the darker agent.
Reid offered up suggestions, but never once directly engaged Hotch, until a heavy silence settled among the group where they expected their Unit Chief to order a gruff "Wheels up in twenty".
Nothing came.
The team watched as Hotch continued to keep his head down, marking detailed notes in the margins of his case file in his slightly smudged and slanting script, a curse brought on by left-handed writing.
"I'm getting tired of being profiled," Hotch echoed ominously, his head still down. The agents immediately jumped from their chairs, on the pretence that they most certainly had not been staring at their boss. "Wheels up in fifteen. I'm just finishing up something. Reid stay behind."
Reid bit down on his bottom lip again, drawing it into his mouth to chew, and he straightened his black tie against his blue shirt nervously. Morgan's heavy hand clapped him on the back while Emily offered a sympathetic smile as she shuffled out behind Seaver, though she only had some inkling of a suspicion that Hotch's bad mood was brought on by a romantic spat between him and Reid.
The young agent regarded the table in front of him once he was alone with Hotch, wondering whether he should take a seat before his beating or if it would be more poetic to stand his ground on off chance that his ex should decide to hurl him through the bulletproof window.
"Stop profiling the table, Reid." Hotch sighed as he finally closed the file.
Reid licked his lips; his mind all of a sudden became hazy with apologies. He opened his mouth to speak but Hotch held up a hand that warranted immediate silence.
A moment passed between them and Hotch's eyes flashed from rage to utter devastation as he let his deflective armor melt away.
"I can't do this anymore." He murmured. "The lies and the secrets? I can't do it. I feel like we're just going around in circles and I don't know anymore...perhaps this was never really meant to work…this thing between us….a relationship."
Reid opened his mouth to speak again…to scream the truth…but Hotch cut him off, his deep chocolate eyes clouding with tears.
"I gave the best of my heart uncritically to someone who hardly thought of me in return. And it all got too hard. It's just too hard, Spencer."
"Aaron-"
"Spencer, please stop." Hotch gathered his belongings, swiping angrily at his cheek as the tears began to fall. "Please hear what I have to say."
Reid watched as a tear dropped to the fawn-brown cover of a folder, staining the material much like his secret had stained their relationship.
"I'll go on acting as though everything is alright and I hope you'll do the same during the remainder of this case. I thought we had recovered from all of this months ago…I guess I was wrong. I'm not sure what's going on with you but…" Hotch paused, seemingly to catch the tears stuck in his throat, "but if it's someone else….well, then I hope he is really special. And I'm sorry that I wasn't good enough."
As he whispered the last few words, Hotch turned and strode out of the conference room because he knew if he looked back, he wouldn't be able to hold it in anymore.
Reid felt the sobs rack his body as he counted Hotch's fading footsteps, knowing that it was too late to confess to his lover. It was too late to prove his fidelity. It was too late for everything because Aaron was gone.
He'd said his goodbyes before he had faded into the blackness that was Agent Hotchner.
And Reid knew that the most painful goodbyes were the ones that were never said.
Never explained.
Dun-dun-dunnnn! Ah-ha suspense continues! What will happen on the plane to Miami? And what will Morgan do?
Wait and see! Please take the time to review if you don't mind.