Thanks to Tif S and Dixie. f. 9. For reviewing.

Happy new year everybody.

When we walked from the hallway and further into a house I started feeling weirdly sedated. As if I was physically in here. Back in Newport and in my house. But mentally back in Khao Lak and seeing all the damage and death that had been made.

"How long has it been since any of you last ate?"

I tried to figure the answer to mum's question but my mind was working too slowly. A picture of a cola and some egg rolls from Cliff Garver right before we left Thailand. Another picture of a Styrofoam box with some food on the flatbed of a pickup van when I barely knew if I was able to eat at all.

"Dora." Mum put a shopping list in my sister's hand before I'd been able to answer. "Go to the store and get these things. Do not change anything on the list. It's just a few items but we'll have to do more shopping tomorrow or the day after and do it more exactly. Go now. And you, you and you." Mum turned to me, Kirsten, Lucien and Seth. "Shower, now. Lucien help Seth cover up his cast with a plastic bag. Then go into the pool house. You two can shower together. And do-it-now."

I and Kirsten only looked to each other as if we had forgotten what English words meant. Then I finally woke up and laid my hand on Kirsten's back and led her into the bathroom where I let go of her and turned my back to turn the lights on.

When I turned towards the shower again I felt more distressed than ever. Kirsten had stepped into the shower. But forgotten about something- she was still wearing those jeans shorts and a T shirt.

"Kirsten."

"Come in here."

Without waiting for an answer Kirsten turned the water on running. And then, once the water hit her and started running down her hair she first hissed. Then she took the expression as if all feelings had just simply ran off while she only stood lax in the shower and let the water run over her.

"Kirsten." I stepped into the shower, I too with all clothes still on. "Kirsten?"

I didn't know what made me do it. I just knew I needed to do something. And I needed to do something for my wife. So without another word, now with water running over the both of us I leaned forward and tenderly touched the bruise around Kirsten's eye with my lips. Then did the same at one bruise on her chin, and another on her neck before I continued down towards her shoulder, her arm, her elbow and down towards her hand on one side. And it wasn't until I raised to continue on the other that I noticed there weren't just water from the shower streaming down Kirsten's cheek.

"Hey." I embraced her bruised and sore body as tightly as I dared and laid one hand on the back of her soft, blonde hair. "It's okay now. It's okay…. It's…"

Kirsten, this woman I know who had just always been so, very strong was sobbing as if her heart was breaking.

And I could do nothing else than to hold her like that, stroke her hair and her back just to prove that whatever happened now or in the future I would still be here. I couldn't even say anything because it was only when I heard what I said I realized that I was wrong. This wasn't okay. None of this was okay.

"We're home now." I said at last. "We're safe. I've got you."

I silent. None of what I said sounded like enough and it all just sounded wrong. So for a moment I just held Kirsten while she sobbed towards my T shirt under the pouring water.

"I'm just putting some clothes for you here right inside the door"

I flinched when the door opened and (without opening the door so much she could actually she us) mum opened the door and pushed in a pile of clothes through the door. Then closed it again. Not until then I realized that we were still wearing clothes and would need something to wear afterwards too.

"THANKS MUM... Come here." I took a step back. Not that I wanted to but this could go on forever and things needed to be done. "Arms up."

The water had made the cotton fabric stick to her skin. But while Kirsten weakly held her arms up I pulled the shirt off and threw it in a corner of the shower. The thought only flashed by that as soon as all of these fabrics had dried off I'd set them on fire.

When I looked up again I saw quickly I recognized the grey and white pattern on her bikini top. It was the one she had bought only two days before we went to Thailand. Somehow it must have stayed on through the wave.

I helped getting that top of too. Then when Kirsten herself bent down to get a pair of shorts off I concentrated on getting my own T shirt and sweatpants off. Then threw everything in the same corner as the first T shirt before I took the showerhead.

"Lean your head back."

I couldn't have said why. Maybe it was something to do with how I had run around trying to find her and Seth. But I couldn't take care of myself and let Kirsten do hers. Instead I told Kirsten what to do as if I was talking to a little child. Then started running my fingers through her long, blonde hair while I washed it. And tried not to watch the water turning grey with dirt before it hit the floor.

Kirsten had bruises and scrapes all over. I carefully washed each of them at a time. Got a bunch of alcohol wipes from a first aid kit and then tried to shut out the noise of Kirsten's hissing whenever one of those wipes hit an open wound.

"Now then." I turned the water off at last, reached out for the biggest and softest towel in a cupboard that I wrapped around Kirsten. "Better?" Kirsten nodded. "Good. Mum put some new clothes by the door."

"Don't you need to get washed out yourself too?"

I looked down on myself and my body. I had been so concentrated on getting Kirsten cleaned off and to feel better I had forgotten. And drips of water had created patterns in the dirt on my body.

"Give me one second." In difference of when I did Kirsten I washed my hair and body as quickly as possible without leaving half dirt on myself. If I did I would only get dirty water all over the house.

Coming out of the bathroom, Dora had come back from the store was the first thing we could see. Mum was standing by the stove in the kitchen making something. But coming into the kitchen the first thing we really registered was Seth sitting there, wrapped in a towel and dripping wet. Lucien right by him, trying to comb out Seth's curly hair with a small comb he had found somewhere.

It wouldn't have bothered me. Walking around in a soft, warm towel and getting water everywhere was probably Seth's favorite thing to do. Lucien was a hair dresser and carried his bag full of combs, hair brushes and about a million things I barely knew what they were called- everywhere he came just in case he'd need it.

What bothered me was the panicked look in Seth's eyes and his bottom lip trembling as if he was on his way to crying.

"Mum, dad." He had been slumped on the chair but looked up when we came in. "The water in the shower. The water, the ocean. It made me think about the wave. And suddenly there was water everywhere? All around. Just like in the wave."

Lucien seemed weirdly concentrated on the comb in one hand, Seth's curls, one by one in the other and his job. But I knew my brother- I knew the way he swallowed and how Seth's words was ripping him into pieces too.

"Oh Seth."

"I showered anyway." Seth said with his voice breaking worse than ever answering his mum. "But the water made me remember everything. And then I just screamed… I just screamed."

Tears were rolling down my son's cheeks. He wasn't sobbing. Only crying in that heart wrenching, silent way that made me want to rip the whole world into pieces for whatever had done this to him.

But knowing I couldn't do that, knowing there was nobody I could blame and no one I could put all my anger on I only froze for a second. Then, at the exact same moment as my wife went over to our son at the same time and embraced him tight. Each one of us holding each arm around the two others.

My eyes were dry. Maybe I should have cried, with my son whose tears were rolling down his cheeks, onto his skin to at last drip onto my shirt. Or with my wife who knowing her, I knew she was trying with everything she had not to cry. Not very successful her tears were rolling so they ended up in Seth's hair.

I had heard somewhere years ago, that the best thing one could do after a tragedy. Out of every kind, was to cry- most of all cry together with the ones you loved more than anything. But I couldn't. Even though seeing Seth's and Kirsten's tears hurt more than anything else ever could I couldn't. And my eyes were still dry.

"Come here Seth." When we finally let go of each other mum came over and laid an arm around his shoulders. "I think you need some rest."

"I just slept for the whole flight back to Newport."

"Yes. But you've been under a whole lot of pressure during the last few days. You can eat something when you wake up again but now you need all the rest you can possibly get. You too Kirsten." I followed when mum lead my wife and son into my and Kirsten's bed. "You can be in here too Seth. Only for a bit so you don't have to be alone just now."

"The Nana is in charge."

Normally I would have laughed at what Seth commented. But I just didn't really feel like laughing now. And my smile ended up more of a halfhearted grimace before I decided to just follow the others into the bedroom where Kirsten as good as collapsed on her side of the bed and then tiredly rubbed her forehead.

"Do you have a headache?" Mum actually did seem like the only one who knew the tiniest things to do and she felt Kirsten's forehead. "I don't think you have a fever. Is there anything I can get you Kirsten? An Aspirin or some water?"

"No." Kirsten exhaustedly covered her eyes. I hurried over to the windows and lowered the blinds and then turned off the light. "Thanks Sandy. Are you okay Seth?" Mum had made the bed with some pillows and a blanket in between mine and Kirsten's side. And in difference from his mum he didn't seem to have any intention on falling asleep. Even though his eyelids were closing by themselves.

"It's okay." I ran my hand over his forehead. Maybe he'd gotten ill from everything. No- he wasn't warm. "You can sleep if you want to. Nana's right. We all need all the rest we can get."

"Dad." Seth tiredly looked up at me. His thick, brown hair and hazel eyes only barely visible from under the covers. And the way he looked at me sent a gust of distress through me- if I could take all of this away from my son! "Could that kind of wave happen here?"

I hesitated for a moment. The way Seth looked up on me had me wishing so bad I could tell him no. But I didn't want to lie to him. So I decided to just stay as calm as I possibly could and tell him the truth. Even though it might scare him.

"You know, these kind of waves, they're really rare. And they are made when there's a big, great earthquake far out at sea. But when it happened this time. Nobody knew what would happen because it haven't happened before. They thought there was an earthquake and that would be it. But if there would be one again. One outside here. People would know, and they would know what would happen. And therefore we would have time to get away from the water and onto higher grounds where the water couldn't reach us."

"But so many people lost all of their stuff. Houses and hotels. All of the stuff we brought there. It's all gone. Clothes and your phone and mum's phone and everything."

"Seth Ezekiel Cohen." I said calmly and forced back the shiver in my voice. "Those are just things. They're just material. They can be replaced." I pushed my hand through his hair one more time. Then left my hand lying towards his hair, with my fingers wrapped in the curls. "You cannot."

Kirsten turned on her bed and reached out to hold onto Seth's hand. Seth then turned away from me. And wrapped tight together both of theirs breaths turned slower as they fell asleep. I could do nothing else for them, so as quietly as I could not to wake them up. I stood up and left the room.

"Come here Sandy." Mum called me from the kitchen. "Food is ready?"

"Food? Have you been cooking?"

"It's only some chicken and rice." Mum started putting up on a small plate when I came into the kitchen. "And water. Don't forget the water." She filled up a glass and then turned to me. "Start off with this small portion. If you're still hungry in a while you can have some more. But I think it's best to start off with something that will be easy for the stomach to handle after everything."

I raised an eyebrow. I barely even got what she was telling me. Still I watched her take knife and fork from the kitchen drawer and walk towards the table before I protested.

"I gotta go to the hospital and see Ryan. He might be out of surgery soon. And I don't think anyone will have gotten contact with his dad yet. I gotta…"

"You gotta eat." Mum put the plate she had put up on on the table with a bang. "Sit down. Take your fork and eat. Now."

She hadn't changed a bit since I was little. Not even the words she used had.

And neither had the fact that no matter that I didn't feel like eating. I still took my fork and automatically chewed the smallest bites I could possibly take. While I also knew that mum wouldn't let me leave before every crumble of the food that had been there was gone on the plate.

I didn't know what made me do it. But with the plate and glass still on the table I just needed to get away. I knew Dora was right in the living room watching TV and mum and Lucien were talking so without telling anyone I took the kitchen door outside, passed the pool and glanced over the view over the ocean.

I and Kirsten had decided to move to Newport to be close to Kirsten's mum Rose when she got ill. But the view was like ninety percent of the reason we had moved to just this house. So close to the beach one morning I could just decide to go down and surf or take a swim. I could go jogging and decide to take the beach-route.

"What happened to the water?" As we neared the beach in Thailand we could see how there was as if a wall of water nearing land. "Mum? What is going on?"

Yet now the whole ocean seemed to be pressing towards my chest so to the point I couldn't breathe at all.

I stumbled into the pool house and sank to my knees behind the kitchen island. If no one had seen me go into the pool house they wouldn't be able to know I was here so I could expect to have some time of my own. Nobody would have to see me breaking down.

"Sandy?"

I should have known.

Far away, as if I heard it from the other side of the wall I could hear two pairs of feet's footsteps towards the floor. During a second I rose, laid my hands towards my sighs and tried to get up. Which only sent me into a new round of wild sobbing I sunk back into the position where I had my face buried in my hands and couldn't see who came.

"I'll get mum."

At least that was Dora's voice. I would have wanted to shout at her not to. Not to get mum, shouted at her to go away. Let me cry in peace. That this wasn't something mum, or anyone could fix. But I couldn't even raise and turn my head to see her. Let alone breathe for long enough to say anything at all.

"SETH." Somehow I broke through the water. "KIRSTEN." Not half a second later I was being pulled down under again and hissed so my lungs filled with dirty water.

"Sanford." Mum's voice got me back to reality when she kneeled in front of me while I sobbed worse than ever. "Sch, sch, sch." She laid her arms around me in a mother's embrace. And I could feel Lucien and Dora embracing us both from either side. "It's okay. You're safe now. You're home."

Finally being able to grab onto a palm tree and holding on for dear life I did my best to look around. But where exactly was around? By all the water roaring around us in a million miles an hour everything looked the same.

"San? Can you hear me?"

"KIRSTEN?"

"It's okay."

"SETH?"

Memories from that dreadful day and how I'd been shouting for anything, or anyone familiar to me were flashing by. For the moment more real to me than mum's, Dora's and Lucien's arms around me in this very now.

"KI…"

I hadn't even noticed I had felt sick. But mum must have seen it coming before me because when I lurched forward and threw up time and time again. The bile burning in my throat making matters worse about the flash backs.

When my whole body screamed for oxygen the reflexes had me breathing in. Then feeling my lungs being filled with dirty salt water and God knows what else.

The heaving had turned into dry heaving that just wouldn't stop. Not even figuring how I could possibly keep sitting up and not collapsing on the floor my stomach kept painfully cramping and I couldn't even catch my breath.

"Se…" At the same moment I was through the surface and trying to shout for something I was pulled down under again. My throat and lungs burning with the water it was strange how I couldn't feel the pain or hear anything around.

At last, still panting and sweaty I collapsed on the floor by the trash can. I was already on my knees so it wasn't a long way down to the floor. But then I was left, panting and shaky on the floor- without any intention of ever getting up again.

"Excuse me. My name is Sanford Cohen and I'm looking for my wife Kirsten and our son Seth."

"I'm sorry." I panted at last, returning to reality. "I didn't mean to…"

"Don't say you're sorry San." Mum kept her arm around my shoulders and pulled me tight. "You've got nothing to be sorry for. Something terrible happened to you. And it's going to come out and be dealt with in Lord how many ways. But you have no reason to be sorry for any of them. Now come on, we'll get you inside and you can go to bed with Seth and Kirsten."

"I just slept for the whole flight from Khao Lak to Newport. I've got to go to the hospital. Ryan is all alone."

"And you've been severely traumatized during the last few days. Ryan won't have left until tomorrow. Now, you need all the rest you can possibly get. Go brush your teeth and then bed!"

"I don't even have a toothbrush. I brought one with me to Thailand. I won't ever see that one again."

"I had a feeling this might happen." Mum let go of me and searched through the grocery bag Dora had left on a chair. "So I asked Dora to buy a bunch of more tooth brushes."

"Talking about Dora…" I slowly pushed myself up into sitting position. "Where is she? I know she can't stand seeing or hearing or even smelling people throwing up. It makes her throw up herself."

"I sent her and Lucy into the house again when I noticed you started heaving. Like I said- I had a feeling this might happen. And there's absolutely no reason to feel sorry or embarrassed for it." Mum supported me while I got up on shaky legs. "Now come on. Bathroom first, then let's get you in bed."

Mum didn't move an inch from my side making our way from the pool house and past the pool. Taking one step at the time leaned on mum I couldn't help but to turn my head and look over the ocean, remember the sounds and once again being threatened to come back to what was then.

"It's okay Sanford. One step at a time."

This time mum's voice and her arm around me kept me in reality's here and now. And with that, slow and heavy steps we made our way into the kitchen together. Mum handed me a new toothbrush from the grocery bag that laid in the kitchen still and waited outside the bathroom while I brushed my teeth, then washed my toothbrush with soap and washed it all off, then again, then again, then again.

As if all of this was going to go away with the sour taste of bile.

At last I threw the toothbrush in the trash and with slow, heavy steps again supported by my mum got myself to the bedroom and then collapsed on the bed next to Seth. Thank God my side of the bed was the one closest to the door. I wasn't so sure I could have made it a single step more when I fell towards the sheets. Panting at first, then rolled over to my side and gripped the fabric of my T shirt over my still cramping stomach.

"Here." Mum had gone for a few seconds, now came back and I could hear she had some things with her that she put by the bed and on the bedside table. "You've got a bucket and a glass of water here if you need it." I nodded slightly towards the pillow and felt mum gently pushing away my hand from my stomach before she started rubbing her hand up and down my T shirt towards my stomach. "Remember I used to do this when you were little?"

"You shouldn't have to do it now."

"Shush. Even if you so are a hundred years old, you'll still be my little boy."

I couldn't help but smile slightly and gave a short, mostly forced laugh. I would wish I hadn't though- the movement had my stomach cramping again.

"Ow." A small whimper escaped my throat. "Oh God."

"Sch. Sch. It's okay." Mum tried to calm me down calm me down while she continued rubbing my stomach as on a little child. "Just try to relax."

I tried to smile at my mum. Which was unsuccessful. Then closed my eyes and tried to relax.

"No mum." When I could hear her moving, even though half asleep I just couldn't help it. "Can you stay?" I could almost hear her smiling. "Only for a little, little bit."

"Of course I can. But try to sleep now Sanford."

I tried, well I actually really tried falling asleep. What could be any better? But I guessed there was something that just needed to be said because I simply couldn't. But without opening my eyes there was just something that needed to be said.

"Mum?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry I just left."

After all of these years and I hadn't told her that once. And this happens and I just had to.

"You didn't just leave Sanford. You went to go after your dreams. Now, I love you and as your mother there is nothing I want for you more than that."

It took me a few seconds to sort out and understand what she had told me. Then, at the words "I love you" I couldn't help but smile

"Mum?"

"Sanford Cohen. I swear if you're not quiet to sleep in ten…"

Like before- not even the words she had used had changed in forty years. I knew what was coming. I didn't have to listen to it. So half asleep and mumbling half into the pillow I raised my voice one more time before I zoned off.

"I love you too."

Then. That's it. The first chapter of 2018. I've been trying to get all of my stories updated. Only dancing in the rain and the moment I needed the most left. Oh, and the rest of the A/N left on this chapter.

They're home. But traumatized. Sandy is trying to stay strong and be there for the others. Which ends up in him breaking down with crying and flashbacks. Seth was sent right back into the wave by the water in the shower and Kirsten is terribly bruised up. Although Sandy is doing what he can to make the best of it. Then Sophie, and of course Lucien and Dora are there for Sandy. It ends with the Nana actually. And after all- even if he'd so be a hundred years old he'd always be her little boy.

And Lucien is a hair dresser. Doesn't really add anything to the story I just thought I'd mention it.

Random fact

I have almost finished the chapter and have got three options for the title of the chapter. Either "The Trauma" (That one's not exactly rocket science) "The little boy" (Referring to both Seth and Sandy and Sophie saying Sandy will always be her little boy.) And now I don't even remember the third option… Nope. Cannot remember.

Now I have another option. "The mummy's little boy" That's cute.

Well whether I remembered that third/ fourth one or not, I have had to choose one of them when you guys read this. I hope I chose the right one.