Chapter Six

She says nothing at all, but simply stares upward into the dark sky and watches, with sad eyes, the slow dance of the infinite stars.
-Neil Gaiman: Stardust

Feeling rather light-headed, Andie found her way back to the Slytherin common room. She had expected it to be completely deserted, but her sister was still there. She was reading a heavy book, illuminated only by a small light in the corner.

"Bella?"

Bellatrix looked up, seeming caught by surprise. She looked tired, her pale face contrasting with the tangle of black curls. "What were you doing out so late?"

"Astronomy chart," Andie replied, showing her the chart. She had almost forgotten about her homework when she and Ted left the tower. "What about you?"

"Just reading a book." Before Andie had a chance to read the title, Bella closed it with a thud.
"Doesn't look like just a book to me."

"It's from the Restricted Section," Bella finally explained. "I've been doing some background reading."

"On the Death Eaters?" Andie sighed, wondering how much time would ever be allowed to pass before that topic was mentioned again.

"Yes, " Bella nodded. "I need to be prepared."

When her sister loosened her grip in an unattended moment, Andie quickly reached out and grabbed the book. "The History of the Unforgiveable curses?! Bella, I'm shocked!"

"This is the real deal, Andie! This isn't school stuff," she defended herself. "Avery said we'd have to prove ourselves. A Bat-Bogey-Hex won't really impress them, I assure you."

"I wish you wouldn't need to impress them," Andie said quietly. "Leave it up to others."

"I'll decide that for myself, thank you very much," Bella replied haughtily, taking the book back. "And you have some explaining to do yourself."

"What do you mean?"

Andie froze, immediately thinking of Ted. Ted, and his delightful kiss. It had been her first kiss, unexpected but long since hoped for. But she was a smart girl; she knew her family would never approve of a muggleborn boy, and now with all the political uproar it might be downright dangerous.

"You were seen talking to Ted Tonks on the tower tonight."

Staring at her sister, she felt the colour drain from her face.

"Was he bothering you again?"

Slowly, Andie allowed the breath she'd been holding to escape. Of course. Bella only thought he had been bothering her. Whoever had seen them talking must not have stuck around long enough to see the kiss.

"Oh, no," she quickly responded, before she would cause Ted any more trouble. "He only asked something about Astronomy."

"He should know better than to bother someone like you. Make sure to tell me when he does again, I'll see to it he leaves you alone."

"You don't need to do that, I can fry my own fish," Andie said, heading towards the hallway leading up to her own dormitory.

"Oh, by the way," Bella called her back. "Have you seen the Evening Prophet?"

"No, what about it?" Andie stopped at the door and turned back around. Her sister had picked up the copy of the newspaper and skimmed through it absent-mindedly.

"There's been another murder. Mathilda Silverton found dead in her own home," Bella read out the heading.

"Do we know her? Another victim of the Death Eaters?"

"I believe so," Bella answered her last question. "I don't think we know her."

"Was she muggleborn?" Andie felt her stomach churn at all these murders. If the newspapers were reporting them, things were getting more out in the open, as well.

"No, she was Pureblood, as strange as that sounds," Bella continued. "But I see here she was in an affair with a mudblood who was pretty high ranked at the Ministry."

"Was?" Andie felt her mouth go dry.

"He was found dead too, just last week. Don't you read the news?"
"Not all the time," Andie whispered, holding onto the doorknob. "But maybe I should."

The days that followed, Andie felt like she was being torn apart. She wanted to be brave, and explore her feelings for Ted without caring what anyone else thought. On the other hand; she had his wellbeing to care for. With everything going on in the world concerning the rivalry between Purebloods and muggleborns, Andie started to think she might really endanger him by seeing him again. They had been caught once, although not the kissing part, but that meant they could easily be seen the next time, too. And something told her she wouldn't be able to fool her sister a second time. And so she started avoiding Ted. Cowardly, she found, but she didn't see another way. She didn't want to hurt him by explaining what danger he might be in, even from members of her own family. She was ashamed, too. For the first time she was ashamed of her own family. And of herself. If she hadn't met Ted and gotten to know him better, she might have still blindly followed her sister's footsteps. And still she couldn't be mad at Bella. She was still her favourite sister, and she wouldn't know what to do without her.

Many students remained at Hogwarts during the Easter holidays. Bella did too; she wanted to use every moment to study for her OWLS, and she claimed she wouldn't be able to with her parents breathing down her neck. Out of solidarity, Andie stayed with Bella. Cissy was the only one of them to go home; she missed her parents and wanted to join them on their trip to Italy. This gave the two older sisters a chance to spend their evenings chatting more adult topics that wouldn't be suitable for their little sister's ears. One particularly sunny afternoon in late March brought them to the Black Lake, where they laid down on a sunny spot and took out their books to study.

"Rod asked me to come over to the Lestrange estate this summer and meet his parents," Bella said.

"We know his parents," Andie giggled, resting her head in her sister's lap while she opened her History of Magic book. Rodolphus's parents belonged to the Pureblood in crowd and so any society event the Blacks went to, they went as well.

"Yes, but they don't know me as their son's girlfriend," Bella explained.

"So that's what you are?"

"I guess so," Bella shrugged, running her fingers through Andie's hair. "As long as he still interests me. We need to find you someone, too."

"Why?"

"Because it's more fun that way," Bella chuckled. "And to make sure mother doesn't bestow Lucius Malfoy upon you. What do you think of Evan Rosier?"

"Evan?" Andie repeated thoughtfully, envisioning him. She didn't know Evan very well, but he was usually engaged in conversation with Lucius Malfoy, the Lestrange boys, and other popular Slytherin boys. "He's our cousin."

"Second cousin. But what does it matter? We're related to so many Pureblood families it's hard not to be related. Besides, he likes you."

"We're not related to the Lestranges," she pointed out. "And how do you know this?"

"I've seen him stare at you at the Christmas ball," Bella said.

"Hm." Despite all, Andie smiled. It was good to know boys could fancy her. And not just Ted. As painful as it was to look ahead, she had to divert herself to make sure she didn't put him in any danger. "Perhaps Evan isn't so bad."

"That's what I thought," Bella agreed. The two sisters sank into their study books for a while, revelling in the early spring's warmth that came as a pleasant surprise after a long, dreadful winter. They only both looked up when a shadow fell over them, indicating someone's appearance.

"I've been looking for you all over the place," said Rodolphus Lestrange. He was dark and handsome as always, and while Andie could see the charmeur in him, there was always something that held her back when it came to truly liking her sister's boyfriend.

"We don't always want to be found. Whatever do you need us for?" Bella put up her hand to shield her eyes from the light.

"You, to be precise," Rodolphus continued. "Some seventh-year Slytherins called to have a bit of a meeting. I thought you should be there, too. Andie can come as well."

"No thanks," Andie replied, wrinkling her nose at the prospect of yet another meeting. "I really need to get some studying done this time."

"I'll join you later," Bella assured her, gently pushing Andie off her lap and accepting Rodolphus's hand to pull her up.

Andie watched them walk off towards the castle together, two tall, dark-haired figures. They did make a beautiful couple. They didn't hold hands, but she figured neither of them were the types to do that. She had trouble picturing herself walking with Evan.

She attempted to concentrate on the History of Magic book, but it was a tough task. The subject matter was dull as always, and she suspected she should have paid better attention in class to truly understand what Professor Binns was on about. More and more she allowed herself to be distracted by her environment. Slowly the area had filled up with other students eager to catch some desirable sunrays. All around small groups of students were scattered on the ground, bent over books and scrolls of parchment. Andie's heart stopped when she could see Ted Tonks under a tree. He was all alone, and she could not stop her legs from standing up and walking over to him.

"Hello Ted," she said quietly. He looked so handsome in the sunlight; the light illuminating his face just perfectly. "Didn't you go home for the Easter holidays?"

"Nah, my parents went to visit some boring relatives in the south," he replied, a little caught-off-guard to be interrupted from his reading. The sun couldn't hide a slight shadow falling over his face, though. "I didn't think you'd remember my name."

"Of course I remember your name, Ted," Andie said. She realised she'd been wrong in her way of treating him, and now she wasn't sure how to make it up. "Can I sit?"

"Sure," he shrugged. "I'm sure you can only sit down until your sister comes back."

She sighed softly and ignored that last comment, seating herself down beside him. "I owe you an apology. I was wrong to treat you like that."

He shook his head and closed his book, which turned out to be on Quidditch techniques. "You don't owe me anything, Andie. I get it. I may not have grown up in this world, but I know how things work. If we were to hook up, and I like to flatter myself thinking you'd like that, you'd be ashamed of me. Your family would never approve of that."

"I'm not ashamed of you," Andie whispered, feeling terrible because there was truth in his words.

"Great, then why did you ignore me for weeks on end?" he questioned. "Was it such a terrible kiss? You didn't seem to mind it at the time."

"No, it was a great kiss," she blushed, not even trying to hide it. "I'd worry for you," she added, barely audible. "With everything that's going on."

Eventually Ted took pity on her struggling to not make this any worse. He smiled, gently, and took her hand, without a quick glance around to make sure they weren't being seen. The large tree trunk took care of that. "I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself."

"I don't doubt that," she smiled, revelling in how well her hand fit into his.

"But it's still no?"

"I'm sorry, Ted," she sighed. "But my family..."

"I would never ask you to give up your family. Family's important." He didn't meet her eyes when he said that, though, and mainly studied a grasshopper on the floor. "You should go now. Don't make this any harder."

She nodded, wiping a grass stain off the skirt of her school uniform before she stood up. "Perhaps later, when the political climate changes."

He smiled vaguely, and looked up this time. "Sure. Although I doubt that."

When she walked back to the castle, Andie felt very sad. She tried to tell herself she'd done the right thing. She apologised, and tried to explain. And she stuck to her decision, as hard as that had been. Now all she had to do was come to terms with the gnawing feeling in her chest that told her she had just made the biggest mistake of her life.

Present

She'd known the treatments hadn't worked. She felt it. As if out of nowhere, the feeling had come to her. She wasn't going to recover from this.

Valerius Rowdes, her old colleague from St Mungo's, looked terribly uncomfortable telling her the news. She would have felt sorry for him, if she were still the nurse and he the unlucky Healer informing a patient of their pending death.

"So there's nothing that can be done?" she enquired, quietly. He was looking at her in a funny way, maybe expecting her to show more of a response than this. She was surprised herself by how calm and collected she felt.

"I'm so sorry," he said. "These were the latest treatment possibilities we had. Of course there's other things we can try, but..."

"They wouldn't save me," she filled in the blanks. She knew the drill. This was the hardest part. For the Healers, too. This wasn't a spell gone wrong or a poisonous potion an antidote could be made for. This was the very evidence that even in a world full of magic, they couldn't control life or death. After all these years the Healers studied to be able to practise their jobs accordingly, there were still dying patients.

"No," Healer Rowdes agreed. "I assure you we will do everything we can to make sure you're not in any pain. And we'll give you as much extra time as we can."

Extra time. What would that help her? "I've known for a while," she said. "Somehow, I just knew..."

"Maybe you're in shock," he suggested carefully. "Should we message your nephew to come and pick you up? Or your niece?"

"Gods, no. Don't bother Draco or Lucie. They have enough on their mind as it is," she assured him. "I'm probably in shock, I won't deny it. But I've thought of this before. I've lived a long life-"

"You're not very.."

"I know," she interrupted him. "I'm not very old. I get it. But when you've lived through two wars, and lost so many, you feel old. Relatively so, anyway. I like to tell myself I don't look so old and wrinkly."

"You're definitely not old and-"

"Thanks," she quickly said. "But that's not the point. The point is, I think I can come to terms with this. In a while. When I've finished some things left finishing." She stood up, not wishing to hear any more of his treatments that wouldn't help her. She also couldn't stand his pitiful gaze.

"That I should be the one to tell you this.."

"I'm glad it was you," she assured him truthfully, smiling gently as she shook his hand. "It's good to know I have friends."

She left her old colleague behind looking terribly confused. He was probably thinking she wasn't right in the head to remain so cool. She had just wanted to save him a breakdown. And maybe she could save herself that, too.

She thought of it, when she got home. She thought of it all the time. When she had first learned Ted was dead, and then Dora and Remus too, she had allowed herself a while where she surrendered to the feelings of wanting to join them. But she had had Teddy, then. He had needed her. Lucia and Draco had needed her as well. They were both mature now. Only Teddy would still need her, and that made her sad. She felt more sad for him than she felt for herself. She would have to think of something to make sure he was left tended to properly. And she wanted to spare him as much misery as she could.

As if in a dream, she ate dinner – not so much of it, but it was the thought that counted-. If there was one thing she had learned in life it was sticking to routine and discipline. It was the only thing that helped you survive. Keeping busy. She had once learned that from her mother-in-law. She forced herself to do the dishes, drink tea, and then prepare herself for bed. Only when she turned off the lights and surrendered to the memories that mixed with her dreams, did she manage to relax and let her feelings out.

"Dear Ted," she whispered, resting her hand on the pillow where he used to put his head, already so many years ago. "It might not be long now."