Chapter Seven: Seeing Green
The Shiz Train Station is a flurry of chaos and motion but I feel frozen to the platform, both hands clasped tight to the handle of my purse as if it is the only thing that is holding me together. I really should invest in waterproof mascara. It would make my life a lot easier.
"I'm so, so proud of you," I say to my roommate, blinking back a tear. I shouldn't be so emotionary! She's only going to be gone for two nights. She'll only spend a day in the Emerald City. But that day will forever change the course of her life; I can feel it. I am terrified. I have been terrified since our argument on the day that Dr. Dillamond was fired, terrified that I am losing her.
She smiles and places a green hand softly over my own. My hand quickly releases the purse strap and wraps around hers, squeezing just a bit too tightly. I want to say I'm sorry for how strained things have been between us, but if I do, I will break down completely. I can't even look her in the eye or I'll dissolve in a puddle of tears.
Nessarose arrives with the Munchkin in tow and I suppose I should be happy that, for once, she is showing her sister some support. But the timing is not right. I need my moment with Elphie and Nessa is intruding. Elphie turns to face the two of them and yelps when her arm twists because I still have hold of her hand. I'm not letting it go. I won't let her go until the last possible moment.
"Nessa, Biq," I say, trying to force a smile as Elphie rubs at the inside of her elbow.
"It's Boq!" the Munchkin practically explodes. "And I can't do this anymore!" he shouts at Nessa. Why he's shouting at her, I don't understand. I'm the one who mispronounced his name yet again. I feel so bad; I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it. No matter how many times he tells me, I keep slipping up and calling him Biq. I suddenly feel a strange sense of sympathy for Dr. Dillamond. I feel bad for raking him over the coals for his inability to get my name right.
Now, Boq is storming off and Nessa is wheeling after him. So much for sisterly support… Elphie moves to follow them both, but my grip remains firm on her fingers, tugging her back to me.
"She'll have to manage without you," I tell her. "We all will." She frowns.
"Don't be silly, my sweet. You still have your Warrior of Vinkus," she says, but I have realized that life is not a romance novel and my boyfriend is just as flawed as anyone. I want to tell her this; I want to tell her everything. I wish I had the time. But she has to meet the Wizard, which is far more important than hearing about how I mistakenly thought that giving myself to Fiyero was going to fix everything that was wrong in my life.
"He's been so distant and moodified lately," is what I say instead. And I mean to say that he's been thinking about the Lion cub, but I promised I wouldn't tell her where he released it, so "he's been thinking" is all that comes out. For some reason, Elphie finds that funny. She really does think he's an idiot. Well, maybe she's right…
And speak of the loveable idiot, he is running toward us with a bouquet of poppies. After nearly two weeks of avoiding Elphie, he has brought her flowers. "I've been thinking-" he announces.
"Yes, I heard," she says, cutting him off. I jam my elbow into her ribs.
"-about that day with the Lion cub. I think about it a lot." Oh Fiyero, please no confessions! Not now. We haven't the time. You want to unburdenate your conscience, but I haven't even said a proper goodbye to my roommate… to my best friend!
"I think about it too," Elphie says uncertainly.
"I think about it too," I blurt out before I can stop myself. Both my roommate and my boyfriend stop to look at me as if I've sprouted wings. Do they both really think me that self-absorbed and unaffected? Do they think I don't belong in their little club of people who think about things? Well, I'll show them!
"In fact," I say, "I've been thinking of changing my name." Oh, yes! It's brilliant! Thank you, Biq, for the moment of divine inspiration.
"Your name?" Fiyero asks.
"Yes," I say. "Since Dr. Dillamond had such a unique way of pronouncing it, I will henceforth be known not as Galinda but simply Glinda. Think of it as an expression of my solidarity and outrage."
Okay, now that I've said it out loud, maybe it's not so brilliant. Actually, it's stupid. It won't accomplish anything! Fiyero still looks baffled, but Elphie's expression is searching. "Glinda," she says softly, trying it out on her tongue.
Fiyero leaves as quickly and nervously as he came. The cold way he says "Glinda" when he bids us goodbye leaves me thoroughly unhinged.
Well, it's not like I told everyone that my name is Glinda now. I can still take it back! We can pretend this conversation never happened. But we can't pretend that nothing is different. We can't turn back the clock, and Galinda is breaking apart like a shell. I am breaking apart; I am breaking down. Ozdamnit, my makeup is running. Elphie pulls me into her arms and I sob into her shoulder. It feels so good to be held by her again. I want to be Glinda for her, whoever Glinda is.
"Come with me," Elphie says, and when I realize what she's asking, I sob even harder.
And so, I am off to the Emerald City with absolutely no luggage and nothing to wear for our audience with the Wizard. This will necessitate some shopping! It will be too late for shopping when we arrive tonight. But the Wizard is putting us up in The Emerald Marquise, the city's swankiest hotel, so I suppose I can make do without my things for a little longer.
Tears have given way to excitement. I have touched up my makeup and paid my fares to the conductor. Our train starts moving along the track and I lean against my friend's shoulder.
"Elphie, I missed you," I say.
"I missed you too," she responds. I take her hand and make little circles on her open palm with my fingertips. I sit up to look at her and she turns toward me. Our eyes meet.
"I'm sorry," she says, stealing the very words that were on the tip of my tongue.
"I'm the one who should be sorry," I say.
"For what? Speaking your mind, when it was obvious that you only wanted the best for me?"
"I was unduly cruel," I answer.
"Bringing me soup and offering to tuck me into bed is cruel? Or the fact that you've met me every day after sorcery lessons to escort me back to the room? You have acted with unwavering loyalty, despite our disagreement. Even though I've done nothing but push you away since. We had - still have - a difference in the way we approach things, but it's not like you don't care about the injustices of this world. You proved that back in the station… Glinda," she smiles. "It has a nice ring. Less syllables. Now if only we could whittle down the syllables in the rest of your speech…"
"Admit it, you envy the creative librarities I take with my language!"
"I have to admit that you have been taking less of them as of late," she says. Then she grins, almost arrogantly. "I am really wearing off on you."
"You give yourself too much credit," I tease.
"And I give you far too little. You were right about that. Not only for your loyalty but your bravery and intelligence."
"Oh, Elphie, stop, I'm not brave or intelligent. That's you," I say. In fact, any miniscule amount of bravery or intelligence I might exhibit has worn off from her.
"You might try to hide it, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. I see you under all that makeup." She grins. I think I'm blushing. I put my head back on her shoulder and play with her fingers.
"Glinda, my sweet," she whispers after a few moments, "You know I adore you, but might want to stop that. People are looking at us."
Sure enough, the older couple in the seats across the aisle are staring at us with open-mouthed horror. I'm sure it's in response to her color, but the fact that I'm being so affectionate with her can't be helping matters. Since when does Elphie care what anyone thinks though? And when did I stop caring? I flash a toothy smile in the direction of the couple and snuggle closer to her, running my fingers over her wrist and sliding up her sleeve to gain access to her forearm. I rub at the crook of her elbow, which was unfortunately twisted by one overenthusiary blonde roommate.
The woman turns and whispers something to her husband. Elphie shifts uncomfortably under their gaze.
"Come on," I giggle, "let's give them a show. Give me a kiss." I say. I reach up and cup her chin, trying to turn her face toward mine.
"I will do no such thing!" she says, turning her head in the opposite direction. That doesn't stop me from planting several quick, fluttery kisses on her cheek. I press the last one to the spot where the back of her jaw meets her neck, just below her ear. Our spectators get up and move to another seat. I feel victorious.
"Glinda, stop that!" Elphie whispers. "What's gotten into you?" I giggle.
"I don't know how Fiyero puts up with these horribly public displays of affection," she says.
"He happens to like when I kiss him here," I say, lightly touching the spot beneath her ear. She swats my hand. Then she turns to face me with her piercing dark eyes.
"Am I supposed to like it?" she asks. And she looks completely serious. Instead of answering, I throw my arms around her and hug her tightly.
"What's gotten into me," I say, "is that I'm going to the Emerald City and I am going to meet the Wizard with the best friend I've ever had, who I am no longer fighting with and should have never fought with to begin with but that doesn't matter now because you forgive me… Oh Elphie, I love you so much!" I squeeze tighter. She gasps for air.
Awkward conversation avoided. For now.
The Wizard has arranged for a carriage to meet us at the train station and take us to the Marquise. It is early in the evening, but there's still enough sunlight for us to take in the full opulecesence of the Emerald City. I have never seen buildings so tall or streets so clean: in fact, the very pavement sparkles. Our driver kindly explains that it is because of crushed glass mixed in with the concrete.
There is green everywhere: green brick storefronts, green tile walkways, towers of green jewel-toned glass. But the green is peppered with other colors: crystalline fountains, white marble statues, planters brimming with pink and yellow flowers on every cast iron streetlamp. And the fashions! The streets are aflutter with dresses and hats and handbags like nothing I have ever seen before. The designs make the styles of Frottica and the Gillikin Uplands look charmingly old-fashioned by comparison.
"There are no Animals here," Elphie says. "I haven't seen a single one."
"Very observant," says our driver. "There used to be more of them working in the hotels, the playhouses and mansions. Over the last decade, human servants have become much more fashionable, as they are more expensive to employ. Show of wealth, and all that. The Animals have moved East to make their living in farming, or South to the mines."
"The subtle and systematic workings of oppression," Elphie whispers to me. She may call me intelligent, but her observations make me feel stupid. Because the city is unfolding around us like some sort of theatrical production; I am caught up in the lights and the spectacle, while she is looking for the gears and levers which control everything.
I can't dwell on my intellectual shortcomings for too long, however, because our carriage has reached the Marquise. And there isn't another building in the city like it. I expected it to be shaped, perhaps, like a marquise-cut gemstone, but the reality is even more spectacular. In what seems like an architectural impossibility, the building stands on a curve, like some sort of long sideways arch.
I am frozen in my seat, just staring at the hotel when Elphie claps me hard on the back. "Glinda, has your heart stopped? Must I resuscitate you?" she asks. But her own eyes have been as wide as saucers since we entered the city, and the brief discussion of Animals has been the only time that the smile has left her face. She is just as affected by the modernness and grandeur of it.
Our hotel suite is on the top floor of the impossibly-arched building. And just like everything else in the city, it is decked out in green. As opposed to the brilliant hues boasted in the streets, the color is more subdued. Shades of mint and seafoam abound. The moldings and furnishings are made from dark cherry-stained wood which pairs beautifully. The walls are crisp and white, lined with mirrored tiles a few feet from the ceiling.
There is a gigantic window that gives a beautiful view of the twinkling skyline against the sunset through gauzy honeydew curtains. There is a cubic glass table sitting in front of the window where a meal can be savored in tandem with the view. There is even an empty vase that I can put Fiyero's poppies in.
"Oh Elphie, it's so pretty!" I sigh.
"It's so… pastel," she groans in response. "It hurts my eyes."
"Your sense of style is truly hopeless," I chide.
I slip off my heels and take a flying leap into the soft, downy covers of the gigantic four-poster bed, sprawling out lengthwisely across it. My entire body doesn't reach from one end to the other. I kick my feet in the air and giggle. "Let's pretend this is our suite," I say, looking at my friend. "We are the Wizard's magical assistants and this is where we live."
"If this is our suite, we are going to redecorate with some pleasant neutrals. Really, I am all the green this room needs," she says.
"Your idea of pleasant neutrals would be blue, brown and gray all in the same unsightly scheme," I frown.
A teasing smile is her only response. She takes off her boots, pulls her glasses out of her satchel and settles down on the bed beside me with a book: a history of the Wizard's reign. Research for tomorrow, perhaps.
How one can read in a place like this is beyond me. I plan to relax! I will have dinner sent up for the two of us in a bit. Then I will soak myself in a tub full of bubbles for at least an hour. It's been forever since I've had a private bathroom and I am going to live it up! For now, though, I guess I will be useful and unpack. Though I have absolutely none of my things here. So, I will unpack Elphie's things instead.
Imagine my surprise, when the first thing I find when I reach into her travel bag is the hat. The hat that I gave her as part of that horrendific prank on the night at the Ozdust. "Elphaba!" I practically shout at her, "What were you thinking?"
She sets the book down and smiles broadly. "I thought that when I met the Wizard, I would wear it, in honor of my best friend who so kindly bestowed it upon me."
How embarrassing! How truly wicked!
"You're wearing this to meet the Wizard over my dead, stiff, decaying, moldy body!" I say, utilizing every unpleasant adjective in my vocabulary. "I'm going to throw this out the window, to the street, where it can be swept up with the refuse or carried off by a crow!"
"You'll do no such thing," Elphie says, leaning forward on the mattress. Does she really mean to take it back from me? And by what means? I sprint toward the window and she springs after me. "Give it back, Glinda! It has sentimental value!"
"Don't be silly," I say, "I will buy you a new hat if you want, but this one needs to be put out of its hidareous misery…" I run my fingers around the edges of the window, looking for a latch, but apparently there is none. A safety measure, I suppose.
Elphie grabs for the hat, but I clutch it to my chest, ducking away from her. I circle back through the room and jump up on the bed, holding it out of her reach. Perhaps, with the realization that I can't rid us of the fashion aberration so easily, Elphie's expression changes from a grimace to a playful smirk. My Elphie, playful? Can it really be?
I feel the mattress shift as she jumps up beside me, but I am not about to give up now. I hook my foot around her calf, just below her knee. Her leg folds up under her and she goes down. The only problem is that she's falling on top of me, bringing me down to the mattress with her. My legs are quite pinned beneath the green girl's body. I cast the hat away to the other side of the room and try to sit up, reaching for Elphie's arms so that she can't go after it. But it seems that she has other plans when she starts tickling me. Yes, she is being playful. Oz help us all!
"How do you like it, my sweet?" she grins. "Not so fun when you're on the receiving end, is it?" I bite my lip to keep from laughing, but I give in as her fingers trail down my sides. "You squeak so pleasantly, Glinda. Just like a little mouse."
"Elphieeeeeehehehehe, please stop!" I plead with her, trying to pry her hands from me.
"I'll stop," she says as I thrash and flail beneath her, "if you say you'll let me wear the hat." She flashes her teeth.
"You may wear the fish!" I blurt out.
"Not the fish, Glinda," she says calmly as she continues her assault. "Though thank you for giving me permission. Perhaps I will wear anchovies as earrings, knowing how you love them…"
"You… may… wear… the…" I say between peals of laughter, but I am stalling. I have managed to free my right foot, and I jab my big toe into the nook above her hipbone, wiggling it against her for all I'm worth. She squeaks and rolls off of me. I roll right along with her, so that I am the one on top, straddling her waist. But she is quick and she catches my hands before I can exact my revenge.
She's not letting go, and it seems we're at a bit of a stalemate. "I'm wearing the hat," she says, looking up at me with a defiant smile.
"Elphie, what has gotten into you?" I ask. Her hair is tussled and strewn about her like a halo of black. Her dark eyes are twinkling. She's beautiful, radiant even, and at this moment I couldn't deny her anything in Oz. Even if it's a stupid hat.
"What's gotten into me," she says, raising the pitch of her voice as if she means to mock me, "is that I'm in the Emerald City and I'm going to meet the Wizard with my best friend ever." And then she does something that catches me off guard: she lets go of my hands and hugs me tight, pulling me down on top of her. Well, this position is awkward. I can feel the heat rising in my cheeks. I move away as soon as she lets me go, afraid of what she might see in my face.
"Make a fool of yourself, for all I care," I say, trying to look very stern, but failing. "The Emerald City is on the cutting edge of fashion, anyway. People might think pointy hats are the next big thing. But we have to shop tomorrow! You need a dress that will offset the absurdity of your headgear, and I need a dress, period…and we really need to get you one of those, ehm, supportive garments I've been threatening you with."
"I hardly think that I need to be calling attention to my breasts for a meeting with his Ozness…" she laughs.
"But you are sure to be a little bit nervous, and well, how do I say this? Nerves cause much the same reaction as being cold. Things can get a little perky and that would call attention far more than a proper bra would."
"I'm sure my skin will call more attention than anything else. Always does."
"Nonsense. You fit right in here." I pluck the glasses from her nose, glad that they weren't broken in our scuffle. "Now come here, you silly girl," I say, "put your head in my lap so I can play with your hair."
Elphie complies without question as I prop my back against the headboard. Gently, I twine the raven strands around my fingers. She trusts me so wholly and completely, even as I am having a hard time tearing my thoughts from my excessive concern over the state of her nipples.
"I have missed this," she says.
We go to bed early: me in nothing but my underclothes, because Elphie only packed one nightdress. She tried to insist that I wear it, but I wasn't going to let her sleep in her clothing. Or sleep without it, for that matter, because I am feeling strangely mistrustful of myself. I don't cuddle up against my friend because, I suppose, it would be improper in this state of undress. Instead, my fingers find hers beneath the covers and gently lace between them.
We go to bed early, but we can't sleep, because we're in the Emerald City and there is so much that we want to see and do. We talk about it as we lay on our backs, staring at the thin line of streetlight that makes its way in from the gap between the curtains on the ceiling above us. Eventually the conversation stops and I slip into my thoughts. But I don't sleep.
"Elphie," I turn on my side to face her and make the same suggestion that I did on our first night as friends. "Why don't we tell each other something that we've never told anyone else before?"
"I'm afraid I already told you my only secret the last time we played this game. I'm not that fascinating."
"You are fascinating, and I'm sure you can think of something," I say, propping my head up on my elbow. "I'm waiting." She rubs her temples.
"Well," she finally says, "of course, when we go to see the Wizard tomorrow, I will appeal to him on behalf of the Animals…"
"I already know that," I tell her.
"You didn't let me finish," she says. "The Animals are my first concern, obviously. But I have ulterior motives. There is something that I want from the Wizard too."
"You want to be recognized for your talents, your powers, your mind. Not for your skin," I say.
"Actually, I want to ask him to fix my skin," she says, still staring at the ceiling. "Not right away, mind you. I need to prove myself first; I need to earn his trust. But someday, I will ask him for the thing I've always wanted more than anything: my most selfish desire."
"Elphie, it's not selfish, but... you don't need to be fixed," I say, inching closer to her. The thought of anything other than a green Elphie makes me unbelievably sad. "I've already fixed you. You're perfect now." I squeeze her shoulder and she turns her face to rest her cheek on my hand.
"Says the girl who used to be afraid that the green was contagious," she says. As she speaks, I can feel her lips move against my knuckles.
"The green never bothered me," I lie. "It was the surliness. And the awful clothes."
I can still make out her smile in the dark. "And the green," she quips.
"Okay, well, I got used to it! And anyone who can't get used to it doesn't deserve to know you."
"But my life would be easier," she says, and I can't argue with that. I frown. "You got used to the way that I am and you could do it again. Especially with all the new colors you'd be able to dress me in. I won't clash with everything anymore, Glinda. Just think of the possibilities!" She's trying to make me feel better, and it's sweet, but…
"Still," I say, rather possessively, brushing her cheek with my fingers, "I like you better this way. Because I get you all to myself. You are my secret. Those shallow bastards don't know what they're missing."
She laughs. "Speaking of secrets, it's your turn. Tell me a secret, and make it a good one this time. None of this 'I am going to marry Fiyero' nonsense."
"I gave myself to him," I say and she goes silent. I have her full attention. She turns to face me and places a hand on my hip in a gesture that seems strangely protective.
"Was he gentle with you, my sweet?" she asks me, voice full of tenderness. "Because of not, I will turn him into something truly unpleasant!" My heart flutters a tiny bit. She is too good to me.
"Yes, yes, I'm fine. If anything, I was the one who was rough. I'm the one who seduced him, because I was tired of being ignored. I told you, he's been distant… The whole time I felt like I was acting and he was my audience. I fought to keep his attention on me. I only had it for as long as he lasted. Afterward, he went right back to being distant again. Oh, Elphie, I miss the way that things used to be. They've gotten so much more complicated. I'm afraid. I'm afraid he's going to stop loving me… that I'll lose him. Just like I almost lost you!"
I sniffle and she scoots up to me, embracing me fully. "My sweet, that's nonsense. I don't think anyone with a beating heart could not love you, and not do everything within their power to keep you… always."
She pulls back. I feel her fingers under my chin, lifting it up, and then her lips are on mine. Oh Oz, she's kissing me! It is a genuine kiss: a kiss with no pretenses about practicing for boys or frightening the elderly. And I am allowing it; no, I'm welcoming it with every fiber of my being. My heart is beating so fast. It is ready to leap out of my chest and thrash about the bed like a fish out of water.
She might have no experience, but she's gentle… so gentle and careful. I part my lips just a tiny bit and flick my tongue against her mouth. I feel her inhale and I do it again, then catch her lower lip between my own. I suck it gently while lightly grazing it with my teeth. She shivers against me. I feel her tongue run along my upper lip and I let her deepen the kiss. I run my fingertips down the back of her neck as our tongues meet. Her hand settles back on my hip for a moment then moves to my lower back, where she traces delicate patterns on the bare skin.
Then she pulls away. Her voice is frantic and frightened. "Glinda, I'm so sorry, I don't know what came over me…"
"Oh no you don't," I stop her. "Don't apologize. Don't talk." I press my hand firmly between her shoulders, guiding her shaking body back to mine, capturing her mouth in my own again, this time more fiercely. She gasps. Her fingers travel up my spine and tangle in my hair. After a few moments, she is keeping pace with me. Really, not bad for her first time. Well, technically now, second time. I may have had better, but I've never had sweeter, and every part of me is here in this moment.
She kisses with a surprising tenderness, as if I am so delicate I will break under any force. I kiss her again and again.
There are consequentials to every action, and there will damned well be consequentials to this. You can't share something so deep, so intimate with someone and pretend it never happened. We won't be here in this dark hotel or this magical city forever. We will go back to Shiz, where my boyfriend is waiting for me. We will return to a world that has certain expectations. But I don't want to think about that right now. Right now, I want nothing but this Emerald City and this emerald girl in my arms. What would it be like to make love to her? I felt strangely numb and dissatisfied with Fiyero inside me. But to have her, back arched and panting, at the mercy of my fingers… that would be all the satisfaction I'd need.
I pull away from her lips for a moment, nosing her chin upward so that I can kiss underneath it. I put a hand on her shoulder, guiding her so that she's laying on her back again, and I am halfway on top of her. I move my lips back to the place where I kissed her on the train. She wiggles a little bit beneath me.
"I'm not tickling you, am I?" I whisper against her ear. "I promise I'm not trying, even though it wouldn't be uncalled for."
"You aren't exactly…" she answers, nervously.
"You like this, don't you?" I ask. She doesn't answer.
"Elphie…" I nibble her earlobe. Her legs are twitching. How adorable. "Say you like it," I warn her, "or I'll stop."
"I thought talking was forbidden," she says breathlessly.
"Not this kind of talking. Someone once told me, anyway, that you need to be straightforward about what you want and need…" I press my index finger to the tip of her nose.
"I was referring to you, my sweet, not to someone like me, who has no right to want or need-"
I cut her off with a kiss. "That is exactly the sort of talking I've forbiddified," I say. "Now let's try this again. Elphaba," I purr, low against her ear, "do you like it when I kiss you here?"
"Yes," she says, barely audible.
"Good girl," I say. I move my lips across her throat and nibble her collarbone. She holds onto me like she's scared I'll disappear. I slide my hand to her breast, and small as it may be, it's surprisingly firm. "You're beautiful," I gush, "so perfect. And I am going to make you feel that way..."
Make love to her I shall. Even if I don't know the first thing about how to do so. I will fumble until I find all the ways to make her whimper with pleasure. I will show her her worth.
"Glinda, please," she takes my hand in her own, moving it away from her body. She starts to sit up. I push her back down. "Listen to me," she says, her voice growing stern. "I am putting a stop to this."
"Why, Elphie?" I whine.
"You are excited about being here, but you're also upset about Fiyero and about our fight. You're in a heightened emotional state right now, and you're very vulnerable. I cannot be party to something that you are possibly going to regret. I've let it go too far already." And my heart sinks because she's right; she's always right. I am in no way ready for this. My body may be but my mind, my heart… Right now I don't care. I want what I want.
"I just want to make you happy," I whimper, aware that I've already lost the battle.
"And you do, my sweet. Trust me, you do. Right now, nothing would make me happier than if you'd just let me hold you for a while," she says. Defeated, I snuggle up in her arms.
"Good girl," she says, and kisses my forehead. She rubs my shoulders and plays with my hair in a way which soothes my desire, rather than igniting it further. She continues this gentle contact until I am fast asleep. My heart that has been flopping so wildly about has been set back in my chest for safekeeping. But something tells me that I may give it to her yet.
Next up: We're off to see the Wizard! And you're all going to hate me…