WARNING: Violence will be in this chapter. Romance will be in this chapter. More questions will arise in this chapter. Thank you my Loyal reads.
HoshiAM: your comment about Hector made me laugh out loud.
Nep2une: you have quite the intuitiveness sometimes you seem really close to where I'm going with all this.
Lena: thanks for remaining a loyal reader since I'm prettier sure you were the first to respond
. And PoisonGirl: it's always nice to hear from you.
Chapter 7
Helga in Hysterics
"I always say how I don't need you but it's always gonna come right back to this please, don't leave me. I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me. I cannot be without, you're my perfect little punching bag, and I need you I'm sorry." -Pink
(Please don't leave me)
Diary entry #1
Today I discovered that I was expecting my first born child. I hold shame for surely my baby will be born of wedlock. My sister has trapped my beloved under oath to take her hand instead of mine. This betrayal will not be taken lightly or my name is not Hilda! Hanna will rue the day she stole him away from me, and in the end I will make sure to steal him back!
- Hilda
I closed the pink diary shut my attention back on the school Baseball game. It was the same every time but I always attended the boy's games for Phoebe because of Gerald. It was the same every week now. Whether Arnold meant to our not he would steal the show with consistent home runs and right on cue batting ranges. I hadn't spoken to Arnold since he'd read to me that love poem by Poe. I didn't plan to either. I would constantly see him and Lila sneaking around and I was not naive they were fooling around. He had claimed to love me! I laughed to myself what was love anyway? Love sure wasn't running off with Ms. Country from utility closet to utility closest.
"Helga are you alright?" Phoebe waved her hand back and forth over my eyes. She was gorgeous like a Geisha. Her Japanese features extenuated with complementary make up. Phoebe always wore her hair in half or whole buns held up by chopsticks. Bored once Gerald was no longer in out field Phoebe had put half my hair up with chop sticks too. Phoebe was my very first friend. She always reminded me of the fact that you catch more bees with Honey then vinegar. I could tell Phoebe all the secrets I couldn't share with Rhonda. Secrets like finding a human heart, arson, and of course about Arnold.
It was childish but I still referred to him as ice cream well discussing him with her. Calling him ice cream gave me more courage to delve into more information about Arnold with her. "Ice cream sure is trying to get your attention. He's handsome isn't he?" Phoebe noted pointing to Arnold as he got ready to go up to bat. Arnold was indeed looking over at me without shame. His jade eyes glaring into my soul. I looked away as if I could care less. "Well, Hairboy can keep dreaming. I'm happy with Hector and he's sneaking around with that Lila." Just saying her name made me want to wash my mouth out with soap.
Phoebe rolled her slanted eyes as she pushed her glasses to the brim of her delicate nose. "Lila is a good girl. If you're so happy with Hector why do you still have that damned locket under your floor boards." I hushed Phoebe looking around to ensure no one else over heard her little rant. "Old crushes die hard, stop talking about it!" I demanded. Phoebe wasn't as easy to push over as she once was especially when her know-it-all self found herself to be right about something.
"Arnold is right for you. How can you not see that? I swear you were a brighter kid then you are now." Phoebe snipped at me as she rose from her seat clapping for Gerald enthusiastically. "Hector is right for me," I countered. "No Hector is a good time. You guys are attracted so you fool around. Attraction is not love Helga. Hector is your best friend not your boyfriend at heart." Phoebe still ignored eye contact as she shouted her hoorays as Gerald made second base. "Besides wasn't it what you always wanted? Wanting Arnold to chase after you like he did Lila?" She demanded. I scowled at her, primping my black summer dress, as I shuffled my black slip on Vans together.
"He's been tap'n Lila on the side yeah "You, Me, and Lila," is definitely my idea of a perfect romance film turned to reality" I huffed completely annoyed now. "Well Helga, he's older now and doing more then he ever did or may be doing for Lila just to catch your eye. I mean, come on, the guy has left you how many messages? Read you a love poem even went as far as leaving a note in your locker just today!" Phoebe insisted as if she were leading the blind to the obvious. "Helga you do what's right by destiny before this ship you've been waiting for, for so long, sets sail without you!" With that, the game was over and Phoebe ran into Gerald's arms. I excited the field and in the corner of my eye, I could see Arnold at my flanks.
"Helga wait!" Arnold called out after me. "Not now Hairboy." If I did not get a move on I would miss Hector and then we would be late to taking Heather to the park as promised. I was a cold-hearted bitch for the most part but not when it came to a pinkie promise made to a four year old. I could not even respond it happened so quickly. Arnold lightly pulled the chopsticks from my hair and spun me around. "The lovely lady in black, but I think pink suits you much better." Arnold made me lightheaded with his wide white Crest smile. His blonde hair wrapping around his baseball cap. Arnold's baseball uniform hugging him in all the right places. Phoebe was right Arnold was handsome, even more then handsome he looked like a walking, living, breathing Hercules! I smirked recalling my favorite Disney movie. Arnold was indeed much like the do-gooder Hercules and I much like his witty lover Megara.
"Get your mangy hands off me Arnoldo!" I snapped pushing him off me almost tripping over the chopsticks forgotten on the floor. "Why? You can lie to me all you want Helga but your body always told me the truth." He pushed himself closer lightly pinning me up against the lockers. I was light headed dazed at how our roles had reversed. I had spent my life chasing after Arnold Shortman; how did the hunter become hunted? "I tried the civil way of getting a hold of you Helga. You ignored that, so if it's anyone's fault where we are now it's you. All is fair in love and war." I could smell all the Big Red gum he'd been chewing well on the field earlier. A lost part of me wanted to take a piece from his mouth, not to build a shrine but to chew it too, to kiss him without actually touching tongs or lips.
It was tantalizing. He had a magnetic pull. However, my mind was enraged at his utter lack of consideration and defiance of what I requested; Arnold was right against my will my body screamed: take me now! I didn't like the lack of control Arnold was inflicting on me right now. I had never been so mesmerized by anyone else. I would always be under Arnold Shortman's spell. No one had captivated me as a child more then Arnold and I was beginning to realize Phoebe was right no one else would fit like a glove better then him. We were both blondes that had to look cute.
I shook my head reminding myself that I had a boyfriend with perfectly matching names. A boyfriend waiting for me with a perfect picnic date. Hector was perfect, and yet he did not fit inside my heart as perfectly as Arnold did.
"Look football head! I don't want you." I shoved him off my body. "You think so highly of yourself don't you? That just because you're sincere and sexy that any woman will just fall to your feet in praise?" my eyebrow lifted but Arnold stayed firmly planted in my way. "That because you whisper sweet nothings in my ear I'll be lured into your game. I'm not a game of cat and mouse Arnold!" The hurt that had stabbed into my soul from all the years of Arnold's neglect prickled to the surface. He glared at me biting his full lower lip in outrage at my accusatory gaze. He waited for me to continue my speech. By the time this speech was done, I would be ripping Arnold a new one.
"Now that my outer layer has all the boys drooling you want to drool after me too? Arnold, beauty is far more then skin-deep. You saw me before but you never actually looked at me! I was a damn good girl back then. There are girls who are one in a million, well let me tell you something Bucko," I pointed my finger sharply against his chest. "I am a once in a lifetime kind of woman. Yet, it doesn't matter because you'll never have me in your lifetime!" for a split secant Arnold looked as if I had repeatedly stabbed him in the heart but the look vanished as quick as it came and he went back to his composure.
"Helga we need to talk about the Diary." Arnold spoke as if I hadn't said anything at all earlier pulling me back towards him again as I tried for the second time to make my escape. I wrapped my arms across my chest tapping my little foot in outrage. "I don't want to see you Arnold, I don't like you," My voice was a venomous python. I knew I was being extreme but I was pissed. He had always been so close, close enough to caress even and yet so far away. I saw nothing wrong with giving him a sipping taste of his own medicine.
"Helga look. Not only do we need to talk about the diary but I want to open the safe with just you, never mind Hector or Lila." Arnold's words jumbled together almost as he hurried to convey his message to me. "Just come to my house tonight at 8:30," Arnold insisted. My anger bubbled as his body insisted on consistent body contact his hand on my shoulder. Every time I pulled away, his face would betray his hurt shortly and I smiled. He still only had an inkling of what he'd done to my heart over the years.
"Shut up football head I'm not interested I'm a lone ranger I don't need second opinions on the diary. Do I look like a woman intrigued by material possessions? I could give to shits and fuck what's in that safe!" I concluded. I went to walk away and to my surprise, he was letting me go as if my words were an electric shock to him. "Maybe you should hit up Lila hair boy. Wonder if you've been pulling the same shit with her too. A man will be a man though right?" I said turning back but froze in place at the expression on his face. I was not one to tip toe across lines, no, I was the type of woman who stomped down and crunched them down. I had gone too far even for someone as patient as Arnold to tolerate.
"Look fucking here Helga!" He snapped and my mouth flew open I had never even heard the boy curse when hurt. "Never noticed you huh?" He paused. "Well sure I noticed you, but I ignored it you know why? Every time I break down a wall, even as kids, you become an insufferable bitch in your need to Handy Mandy and reconstruct the block off to you're heart." There was such a rage in his jade eyes that it killed me a thousand times over. Yet I knew he was not done. He'd allowed me to rant until I was done but this was merely the beginning for him.
"I gravitated to Lila because you practically shoved me to her. Every time I thought I was going to get through to you, you'd shove me away. When you told me you loved me, sure I was shocked Helga I was ten! You wanted to, hell maybe even needed to; pretend that you'd never said it. So like I always do myself be damned I gave you not what I wanted but what you desired." His voice was escalating in volume and I was relieved that we were alone in the hallway. "Helga you never gave me the chance to come to the realization that I needed you." He took a deep breath from his pointed nose. "At least Lila can come to the conclusion of what she needs and wants. At least she doesn't run from the truth." He spat at me and my world was crumbling. How many times could a man who wasn't even mine shatter my heartstrings?
"Arnold I hate you!" The words ran out of my mouth before I even thought them over. He looked at me as if I'd not verbally attacked him but physically slapped him across the face. He said nothing! Nothing at all! As if it was of little or no concern to him if I hated him or not. This conversation would be gnawing my brain away for months well he remained untouched by it all. "Goodbye Shortman." I said with the utmost bitterness. I began to walk away without a second thought of looking back.
"Yeah run away Pataki it's what you do best with emotions," He called after me.
I flipped him off, "My feet can't carry me away from you fast enough!" I hollered back.
"For someone who could care less Ice Cream sure is an obsessive code word!" He hollered. I froze. "For someone who could care less it's kind of creepy to have a heart shaped locket of my face in her floor boards!" He added hatefully. "Got to love Nadine's easing ears!" Arnold boomed I had never heard his voice at such a high decimal before, or as masculine, or as deep with rage. I was stunned. He knew a sliver of my secret that had been buried for almost fifteen years! Everything was so kayo tic and unexpected in my life now when it came to Arnold P. Shortman.
My facial expression was blank as I approached him. I took my hand and lovingly slid it across his face resting it on his cheek. He took a deep breath and blushed a deep maroon from my touch. Did I detected lusting from him? I flung my hand back and smacked him as hard as I could across the cheek. His eyes sprang open shocked. I held my composure without any pity for my sneak attack. He gazed at me in outrage almost to the point of scandalized. A look that said how dare you! A look that said you smacked my heart to shit and now my body as well! Yet, I still held no pity Arnold had head fucked me for years a couple weeks from me was the least I could do to repay him. Even with my revenge, he only added on to his record of damage towards me.
"Never, and I mean never, go prying into my business again Arnold. You think you know me sweetie but you haven't the slightest clue. I am untouchable when it comes to pain and I'll scar you before you even give my soul a single paper cut. Don't look, speak, or acknowledge me again Arnold. Today is the last time you'll ever have any impact on me again. You can't hurt me anymore. You said it yourself I won't let you love me so just leave me be." I turned to walk away but he spun me around again pressing his nose against mine. This wasn't a tango though this was the dance of life. "Helga G. Pataki. I hate you. I hate you because I am in love with you. Hate is only a breath away from love." with that Arnold let my arm go and I turned away without looking at him in the slightest. Just as Arnold predicted I ran away. I ran as fast as my long pale ivory legs would carry me.
My feet were sore. I had been running all day. Hector had given me flowers and a picnic lunch. Hector often did little things like that for me. It was to show how much he respected me for helping him raise Heather and just being there for him period. On the outside he seemed like a hard ass New Jersey boy but underneath he was much like me. Hector was a kind soul who just needed a friend. He was my best friend I'd never met someone just like myself before until him. I loved him. I loved him and yet I couldn't shake Arnold off my back.
I replayed the scene in the hallway over and over again. Arnold had finally professed a reciprocated love for me. Yet, it didn't feel as good as all my childish fantasies had made it out to be. In fact I was crushed. I was with a boy I loved and couldn't hurt because if he hurt then I would hurt too. I was madly in love with Arnold and my glorious moment had came and I pissed it away. Like a shooting star my chance sprang across the sky and just as quickly I let it burn out.
I grudgingly opened my front door and regretted coming home as I heard sobbing in the kitchen. I sprang to the kitchen to find Miriam sobbing on the floor face down bottles of liquor shattered across the linoleum floor. I touched her and she smacked my hand away. "Get away from me! You're not my daughter you're only a part of him!" She squealed at me. I was confused of course I was her daughter! Why would she say such preposterous things to the child who had been her main protector all these years?
"Mom? What are you talking about?" I rarely actually entitled her verbally as mom but her statement had stung like a bee. "I said you're not our daughter! You're a rancid Pataki!" She lifted her face and I gagged Big Bob had beaten her to a pulp. The plural of our confused me even further. "What has he done this time!" I yelled my brain exhausted I didn't want to know why she was suddenly denying parent ship of me. I helped her to her feet. She shook as heavy thudding feet thundered down the stairs.
Big Bob entered the room and from his appearance for the first time Miriam had defended herself. He bled profusely from his head pieces of glass in his hair. "Get out before I kill you both!" He ordered in rage. I was taller then Miriam but thinner. I blocked her from Bob's path but her sides remained exposed. He towered over me trying to painfully pinch her sides but I wouldn't allow it. With all the furry and bravery in myself I cocked back my fist and connected it with Bob's nose. He stepped back and roared. I knew it was coming and I flinched as his fist met my eye.
It had never gotten this bad before. I recalled Phoebe telling me that violence against violence only created more. Phoebe and Hector were the only ones who knew just how ugly home life could really get. I didn't blame Olga for splitting and never looking back when her estranged family became too gruesome to bare. I could see my reflection through a water puddle I was a mess. Big Bob had got me good. Miriam still didn't even appreciate my protection insisting still I did not belong to her. My fragile face and body were horrendous I couldn't even recognize myself. I was scared and had no clue where to go I couldn't find Hector anywhere and I was too ashamed to enter any public places in my search. So here I was lonesome in a deserted ally way.
I had finally had enough. I finally crumpled myself in the puddle hugging myself. My dress and shoes stained with red. I became hysterical sobbing face first into the puddle and coughing as it drowned me slightly. Should I be going to a hospital? I pondered as my sides stung with each heaving cry. "Don't worry baby I'll fix you," A tender voice spoke but I still buried my face in my hands hysterical. "Shh, Shh, Shh, I'll take you home and fix you right up," The voice promised and I had never heard a voice speak so lovingly to me before. The person behind the voice though sounding so soft was quite powerful as the man picked me up in a bridal position. Instinctually I wrapped my arms around his neck.
Arnold kissed my tear drops away. "Oh baby, it'll be okay. You look more beautiful to me now then ever before." He soothed and I sobbed still looking into those soft eyes. Arnold had been my rescuer since pre-school. Always there to wonder and ask if I was okay, which was more then anyone else ever did. "I like your black dress because it matches your shoes." I smiled through my sufferance his statement so much like the one he'd given me as a child in the rain. It was ironic as it was slowly beginning to rain. There was no umbrella but his words protected me from the wet cold. "I will take care of you, I promise. Close your eyes and rest now you're safe." Arnold kissed my bruising cheek. I closed my eyes and thanked the big guy upstairs for my beloved's perfect timing.
He looked stunning and I felt like I didn't need prince charming where ever the hell he was. Prince Charming had stood me up tonight where ever the hell Hector had disappeared to. I did not need Prince Charming not when I had Hercules by my side.