So, I've been getting reviews and PMs asking for the specifics of 'The Stapler Incident.' So for one special faithful reviewer (You know who you are...) and the others, I am attempting my very first OUTTAKE!

I'm so excited about this. It's a very monumental event. So review and tell me what you think.

Outtake #1: The Stapler Incident

LPOV

"I'm. Going. To. Kill. Him." I growled. This is the last time he will do this to me. He will pay. I slammed the door to my Lexus and started to stomp the long way to the elevators.

It wouldn't be that long if he would just GET OUT OF MY PARKING SPOT! (Oh, I'm sorry... Was I yelling?)

And to think, Jacob Black just risked his life for a goddamn Kit-Kat bar. (Yeah! I know about his addiction. It's so pathetic. He needs to be hooked on something more classy, like crack or Snickers.)

Emily scrambled to get out of the car and stumbled after me in her four inch heels. I had forgotten she was starting that absurd new 'Sam plan' today. Since I was so angry, I couldn't even remember it and laugh.

"Come on Leah." She tried to grab me, but I snarled and jerked myself from her grasp. "Okay! Jeez! I get it. I know you haven't had breakfast, but this is a little extreme."

"THAT COCKSUCKING ASSWIPE KEEPS STEALING MY SPOT!" I screeched. Emily glanced around the near empty garage just in case someone heard me.

"Leah. Just calm down. Breathe in... Breathe out... Breathe in... Breathe out." I did what she said for a couple minutes and began to feel calmer. Then I glanced at that gay-mobile happily parked in my spot and I got angry all over again.

"He will die." I left Emily where she was standing, pressed the button to the elevator, and stepped through when it opened. I could see Emily trying to stumble after me, but the elevators slid closed on her petrified face.

When the elevator got to the LBC, I pushed my way through the glass doors, not even acknowledging Gianna as she waved. I could hear pieces of my co-workers' conversations as I passed their doors.

"She looks pissed..."

"Uh-Oh. She's gonna do it this time..."

"Hope Jake doesn't have anything sharp on his desk..."

"Last I heard, he was in his bath..."

"Yeah, I know. Hiding behing the toil..."

"Pitiful really..."

"Kid has a death wi..."

"Oooooh. You think she'd tell me where she got her sho...?"

"OPEN UP, BLACK!" When I got no answer, I stomped my foot and yelled again. "I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!"

I heard a thump and a whimper. Sighing, I put my hand on the doorknob. Of course it was open. He was too busy finding a hiding spot to lock the damn door. I crossed the threshold and closed the door behind me.

The darkness surrounded me. I flicked on the light and glanced around the surprisingly neat office. There was no sign of Jacob anywhere.

"Oh, come on, Black. Stop being such a bitch. Face me like a man!" I shut up and listened for any noises. Time for plan B. You asked for it, sucker.

I slid one of my dress straps down my shoulder slowly. "I know you're in here." I lifted my bra strap as if I were going to take it off.

There was diminutive sound. If my hearing wasn't so excellent, I wouldn't have heard it at all. I still couldn't pinpoint where it was, so I pulled the other dress strap down and waited.

Okay then suckah. Plan Ho is a go.

Slowly, I bent down. My indigo dress was very fitted and it took a little to hit my destination. Then, I gripped my lacy black boy shorts and pulled them down, swaying my hips seductively. I stepped out of them and held it on my pointer finger. I swung it back and forth like a hypnotist's pendulum. Of course the dress still covered my lady bits. I did have some dignity.

"Look Jacob. No undies. Fresh as a daisy under here. You know you want it." No answer.

I know. It's cruel and unusual and all that shit, but I'm not a lawyer for nothing. I know what makes people tick. And I definitely made Jacob Black tick.

There was a groan and I smiled. Before I walked to the half closed closet, I fixed myself and threw open the door.

Jacob Black was sitting Indian Style on the floor, hiding behind a huge pack of coats and a box. He was cursing like a sailor and sweating bullets.

"Get up, Black." He whimpered and I raised an eyebrow at him. Jacob got up quickly and ran out of the closet, scambling to get as far away from me as possible.

"So what's up, Leah?" I smiled as pleasantly as I could. He was squirming more than a pig in a mud-bath. Jacob was adjusting his tie, shifting his feet, and running his hands through his wonderfully orgasmic short black hair.

If only he weren't such a dick... Bad choice of words.

"The sky, my blood pressure, your time on this Earth..." I scowled and crossed my arms, assuming my 'courtroom' position. "Why'd you do it, Black?"

"Do what?"

"Don't play stupid, Jacob." I said, rolling my eyes.

"I'm not playing!" He stopped and backtracked. "I mean... Well, you know what I mean."

"Then why in the name of all that is holy did you park in my spot again? Didn't I say that if I saw your stupid, gay, blueberry muffin colored, frat boy-like, hunk of metal in my spot ever again..."

"You'd torture and decapitate me, then deliver the corpse to the police, mangled so badly my own mother won't even be able to recognize my face. I know, I know..." He said, repeating my previous threat word-for-word and smirking for God knows what reason.

"Then why, in the face of this heinous threat -which I have no problem carrying out- would you do it again? Do you have a death wish. Are you suicidal or something?" I asked, stepping forward.

"Do you have like, a fever? Because that is the only reason to justify your stupid ass behavior." I continued, pressing my hand to his forehead and inwardly cheering when I copped a surrepticious feel of that awesome hair.

"Are you molesting my hair, Clearwater?" He asked after a few moments.

Maybe not so surrepticious after all...

"Whatever, Black. I only came in here to scare you into moving your 'Blue Waffle' out of my goddamn spot." I turned and began to walk out of his office. "By ten on the dot, Black, or you're gonna be fish food tonight."

"No. You don't scare me."

"Are you kidding me?" I yelled, turning back around and making him flinch. "That spot has my name on it."

"Oh come on, Clearwater. You know you cheated! You took advantage of that poor mail guy. I should have won that spot!"

"And your point? I won that spot fair and square. You're just mad because you didn't think of the loopholes first."

"Yeah, because seducing the mail room dude is something all of us should have done."

"Now get your fucking car out of my fucking spot or I fuck you up so bad, that you'll have to get fucking plastic fucking surgery to fucking fix it, you fucking fuckhead!" I said in response, punching his chest and rubbing my hand when it bounced off.

"Wow, eight F-bombs in one sentence. New record, Clearwater." He said, smirking again, and inflaming my anger even more. That cocky asshole.

I snarled and glared at him. I needed a weapon, any weapon.

That was when my eyes landed on the blue stapler on his desk. I grabbed it and snapped it menacingly. "Get. Your. Ass. Out. Of. My. Spot. Douchebag."

"No."

And I lunged.

"Eeeeeeeh!" Jacob screamed like a little girl. He fell to the ground with me on top of him. I was stapling his collar, his belt, anything I could get my hands on. By the time I was finished, he would be a magnet's wet dream.

Suddenly, Sam and Paul burst through the door. We froze and looked up. Unfortunately, my dress had ridden up while I was straddling him and he had his hands on my arms to keep me from stapling anymore body parts. To anyone who didn't know, it would look like we were in the middle of a very passionate moment.

Paul started laughing, leaning against the door for support. "Emily wasn't lying when she said you'd fuck him up, Leah." Then he stepped forward.

I had calmed down marginally as they started laughing, seeing how crazy I was acting. I was about to get up, but then I felt a bulge underneath my underwear. I looked down in disgust.

"Oh. That is fucking nasty." Sam pulled the stapler from my hands before I could use it again. Paul helped me up and I adjusted myself. Emily came running in and I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, Sam! You're so strong. I knew I could count on you." Emily had pushed out her chest, leaning up against Sam's arm like a stripper. He blushed and adjusted his tie, smiling a little.

"Give me a break!" Paul had helped Jacob up and was removing the staples from his shirt. I glared at him and he just smirked again, winking.

Jacob's office phone rang, and we all jumped at the sound. Somehow, Jacob had programmed it to play 'Baby Got Back.' Which if you think about it, was kind of fitting.

He glanced at me and answered it. "Hello?... Hi, Mr. Cullen... No. Just a misunderstanding... Oh. Okay... We'll be there... Good-bye."

"Well?" I said.

"Cullen wants us in his office right now." Immediately, I began to panic.

"Oh, my gosh! I'm gonna lose my job! Oh no, oh no, oh no, oh no..." I started hypervenilating and fanning myself, leaning on Emily for support. "I can't lose this job. I actually like it. I can wear cute clothes and scare people with my courtroom voice, and the pay is amazing... Ouch! What was that for?"

"Sorry." Emily said as I rubbed my arm. That girl can pinch like a crab. "You looked like you needed it."

"He wants to see the both of us though. We'll be okay, Clearwater."

"Oh that's easy for you to say when your daddy and your uncle own the company you work for, asshole. The chances of you getting fired are the same as my chances of making out with Edward Cullen."

We all shared a repressed shudder at that image.

"Well get your Chapstick ready, Clearwater, because you're not getting fired. I just know it."

"How would you know?"

"Didn't you pull in that huge Stanley account the other day?" I nodded. "Dude, Jessica loves you. She won't accept any other lawyer. And by firing you, Cullen would lose one of his biggest clients."

"Well, that's true."

"And because I'm a charmed individual."

"That's not so true."

So we all left his office. Emily and Sam wished us good luck and we had that damn meeting with Cullen. The result?

A shitload of anger management for me and a crapload of workplace courtesy workshops for him. That insufferable asshole. But it was all worth it. Would I do it again?

Oh, hell yeah. The guy has got thigh muscles firmer than Hercules.

So, Whaddya think? I love outtakes!