Sorry this took so long!!!
Saturday, November 5th
5 Cigarettes, 1 Alcohol unit (mum called so vodka shot jumped into hand), 135 lbs
7:15 am Phone rings. Is mum. Says she needs me over right away because dad has gone mad. Find hard to believe as usually it is mum who is right mad. Like Mad Hatter in Wonderland. Always having tea. Do wonder if tea is cause of madness. Does sound rightly so to me as mum is always having tea with not so sane friends.
Mark wakes, turns over to look at me, "What's going on?" he asks as I eye v. sexy man chest.
Watch, almost in slow motion, as Mark puts hand through his mop of black hair, his eyes going quickly to the clock, his mouth never leaving it's stern position on his face.
"Bridget." Mark says. Notice now that he is leaned into his pillow with his elbows, staring at me. Looks as if has been in this poise for a few moments.
Must have lost a minute or two in trance.
"Mum." I say quickly with a shake of my head. Really must stop going into daydreams.
"Right." Says Mark as collapses back into sleep poise.
Stare at head of hair for moment and wish could have hands there or just nose.
Mark always smells so good.
Suppose, as mum goes on about something on the phone, smelling that good is just one of the great benefits of being v. wealthy.
Plus, suppose his water is made of something different. Maybe fairy magic water. Thought I might have seen tiny fairy fluttering in his bathroom days ago. But, in all fairness to fairy world, could have been in daydream.
Thank God did not stick head in toilet thinking was rabbit hole.
Would be v. bad for Mark to find me with head stuck in his toilet.
Not so fabulous and sexy.
10:00 am Mum and dad's. Feel a bit scared of going in as mum had sounded on verge of breakdown. Maybe will find her zapped out on kitchen table, with smoke coming out of ears like scary robot.
10:15 am Done with fourth cigarette. Ready to do battle with the crazed parents. Walk into home only to hear dramatic sobbing coming from the kitchen.
Gah…
Mum suddenly in doorway, one eye twitching like mad doll.
"Bridget!" says mum while blowing nose and waving hands in front of face insanely.
"Mum." I say as dad comes from behind and hugs me tightly.
"He's having an affair." Says mum as she points at dad. As if her pointing will rule out all the other invisible men in the house.
Oh God…
"It was only a tiny kiss." Says dad as he goes over to mum, "Come on Pam, I didn't mean it."
"You did." Says mum as she backs back into the kitchen still waving her hands as if to ward off dad's affair.
10:55am Phone rings. Is Mark. Duck into pantry quickly.
"Dare I ask?" he says teasingly.
"Hmmm…yes…" I say as pull door tight. Mum and dad on other side trying to get in, "Dad seems to have had a date and a kiss with a woman from Church." Pull door tighter, loose grip and fall into shelves. A couple cans fall on me.
"Bridget!" says Mark almost in alarm, "Are you okay?"
"Fine." I say quickly as mum and dad rush into pantry.
"You must be on a side." Says mum as if am in some sort of match between them.
"Suppose I will see you at midnight." Says Mark almost tiredly, "Best of luck."
"Thanks." I say as mum wildly grabs for phone.
12:15 pm Out of pantry. Bruise on back pulsating. Mark off phone as mum hung up on him.
Both parents are sitting at the small kitchen table.
Dad looking at mum in tired stare.
Mum still sobbing.
"Mum," I start rather delicately," you have had a few affairs so I don't think it is really that fair for you to act this way."
"Yes Pam." Says dad, "maybe I get lonely too and maybe Greta was lonely. I couldn't help it, really."
"So," I say very carefully as not to start her crying hysterically again," maybe this is an even affair between you two now."
Maybe I should be counselor. Be v. good at it and save people tons of money. Be v. popular and helpful like Mark.
Picture self in little suit, sitting cross legged with pen in mouth. Would be v. smart looking.
Mum, eye twitching again, says, "So your on his sideeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." Of course, the 'side' part being the part where she begins her weeping again.
V. annoying. Will not become counselor.
2:00 pm Out of mum and dads home. Thank God. Mum is too much. Really thinking about drinking a whole bottle of wine by self.
3:00 pm Arrive at Mark's home with large grocery bag and two bottles of cheap wine.
Suddenly am bombarded with microphones in face as if big celebrity caught in the act of shopping.
All sorts of questions hailed at me. Feel glamorous and confused at same time. Must look like deer in headlights.
"Are you Mr. Darcy's maid?" says one reporter as four microphones push at my lips. Am a bit peeved by being looked upon as frumpy maid. Maybe am not so glamorous after all.
Another reporter, "Can you talk about the case Mr. Darcy is now handling?"
Turn to see Mark come out of home, suit and tie on, over to me. Like professional superhero.
"Whatever questions you have please direct them at me." He says as he shields me from the microphones and questions.
Back quickly into his home as if microphones are still coming after me.
Have glass of wine in hand when Mark comes back inside.
4:00 pm Mark loosens his tie and seats himself in irritated heap on his leather couch.
"The case." He says as he takes off his tie, "How did things go with your mum and dad?"
"Oh," say as slide in next to him on couch, "not so well. Mum is raving and dad is too apologetic."
"Have your parents ever had counseling?" he is now flipping through muted channels on the television, "Or shock therapy for your mum?"
Laugh lightly as Mark smiles at me.
"She had no mother, you know?" I say v. matter-of-factly, "And her father hardly paid attention to her. She is v. needy."
"Here we are." He says as he lays the remote on the couch, "Let's see if my interview is up yet."
Think may see mum and dad fighting in street. Local news reporters looking mildly terrified by mum's manic look. Can just see dad holding a long stick in front of him as if to ward off a hungry, crazed lion.
Do not see this. Instead, see something worse…ME!
"Oh God!" say as squeeze Darcy's knee, "Richard swore he would never air this!"
Mark grabs remote and turns up the volume as if he is v. interested in seeing this.
Dial Richard as begin to hyperventilate.
Mark plays with picture brightness as interview begins, his other hand lingering to my neck. Lovely neck massage as slowly I am falling into heart failure.
On television:
Me. Bikini. Sausage shop. I think you get the picture.
"This is Bridget Jones for Sit Up Britain bringing you lunch from Algori's Sausage Shop." Me on TV absent-mindedly picking bikini out of bottom. Of course, cameraman zoomed in on this shot.
Richard answers, "Yes."
"How could you Richard?" am mortified as cameraman focuses up close on puffy breasts, then almost double chin of face, and finally over to shop owner, "you said this was never going to show on TV."
"Sorry Bridget, but I had to do a filler piece for the station. You shouldn't mind. You look great."
Mark reaches up and takes the phone from my hands as I slump into his couch, "This is Mark Darcy." Mark says as he turns the interview down, but not off as I would have hoped, "Did you in fact tell Miss Jones that this interview would not be released?"
Silence, then…
"I understand that, but a promise is a promise. I don't think you want me suing you." Mark pats my leg as I see camera now on my ass and then my cellulite, "It wouldn't be very pretty for you or your little television station."
Silence, then…
"I think she deserves an apology and a raise."
Mark hands phone back to me.
Richard v. apologetic and scared Darcy may sue.
"I don't think he will sue." I say as Mark glances at me. He seems rather engrossed in my interview.
"So you will be in on Monday?" asks Richard.
"Yes." I hang up.
"Thank you." Tell Mark as he squeezes my leg. Feel myself flush a bit from his touch.
"No problem." He says lightly, now changing channels again, "Are you hungry?" he asks.
"Well," I say as get up, "I bought some…"
"I mean," he says, pulling me by waist back to him and the couch, "Going out hungry?"
Turn quickly and fall right onto him almost kneeing his crotch.
He smiles lightly, moving his hands up my thighs, "That was close." He says as he tightens his grip on my thighs, pulling me to his chest.
"Yes." I say, a bit distracted by his hands and his lips. Do not think he will loosen that grip anytime soon.
Trying desperately to remember if put on sexy panties this morning or just junkie, ripped panties.
Mark slides his warm hands higher as his mouth covers mine.
Up higher till I feel them pulling at my panties.
Then, abruptly, warm mouth and hands pulling away.
"What is this?" he asks. Must remember that Mark probably has never had a girlfriend who can't afford to buy underwear all the time.
Really have never thrown away a pair of underwear until I were unable to wear them.
Unablewear would be the name for my undies.
Mark pushes me up on his thighs, raising my skirt, "They're ripped all over." He says as he lifts them away from skin, "How can you wear something like this?"
"Well…" say as pull skirt back down, "just haven't had time to get new ones."
"I can say," he smiles lightly, now rubbing my thighs, "I have never been with a woman who wears ripped undergarments."
"Well," I say, "think of it as an adventure."
"Yes." He says as he pulls be back to him, his lips and tongue against my own, "An adventure."
6:00 pm At restaurant with Mark. Am v. hungry, but notice, as am poor, the prices of steak.
Good God and Gah…
Notice Mark grinning at me as I survey the menu with manic look on face.
"What may I get the two of you tonight?" says waiter.
Mark reaches over and takes my menu. He orders fish for the both of us and a bottle of wine.
"Yes Mr. Darcy." Says waiter. Do wonder if everyone knows him as if some sort of grand celebrity.
"Mark," say rather softly over table, boobs squashed against the cold wood. Bottom feeling v. nice as Mark has bought me proper underwear, "did you see those prices?"
"As a matter of fact I didn't. It is my custom not to look at prices." He smiles lightly, "Of course I saw them Bridget." He squeezes my hand, "You really must stop worrying about spending my money."
"Alright." I say uneasily, "I suppose I can do that."
"Good." Mark says as kisses my hand.
7:00 pm Done with dinner.
Mark gesturing for the waiter to come over. Waiter does so, handing Mark the bill.
"Anything else sir?" says waiter as he eyes my puffy breasts.
Mark looks at me, "Are you done?"
Pat stomach, "Totally full."
Mark looks at waiter in stern Mark like way, "That will do it." He says as he fishes his card from his wallet.
Am adding bill up in head and then on napkin with cherry bright lipstick. Have no idea where lipstick came from. Maybe have magic purse. Maybe if reach far enough down can pull out million dollars and sanity.
Gah…
Mark just pulled napkin from my grip, "Why are you adding this up?" he rips up napkin and places in his coat pocket, "I'm hoping you did not get all your mother's lunacy."
"Only a bit." I say just as Mark grabs red lipstick from me to put in his coat pocket as well.
"You don't wear red lipstick." He says as waiter hands back his card, "Where on earth did you get that color?"
"Yes…well…I wear it for my other boyfriend." I say as put on coat, "And, really, it isn't that bad of a color."
"That's right." He stands, " I keep forgetting about him." He smiles, "I may have to have a go at him sometime."
Mark escorts me out of the building and into his car.
I sit back in seat and let the wine take effect.
Feel wonderful. Safe. Cozy.
Gah…
Mark in car, but not starting car. See that he is just sitting.
Alarm bells going off.
"I don't think this is going to work." He says softly.
Hear this, but not really. Think am slipping down rabbit hole again. Maybe wine is making me hallucinate.
"Do you?" he asks now as turns to me.
Feel heart, as if whole insides are buttered, slipping down into feet, "What?"
"I mean," he says as he pulls down expensive sunglasses, his hands toying with them for a second, "the money issue." He taps sunglasses as if to make point that I could never afford such money grabbing merchandise.
Am starting to knot up inside. Maybe will look like pretzel before he is finished.
"And," he puts the sunglasses back up in the visor, his hands now dropping to his lap, his eyes staring out into the darkness of the parking lot, "your mum isn't all there and your dad, well, he seems to be absorbing your mums lunacy."
Am totally blacking out. Have gone numb.
"The pig," he suddenly says, now looking at me as if to make a point, "I mean," he clears his throat, "You actually live with a pig."
"Yes." I say. Feel defeated. May throw up.
"Look in the glove box please." He says. His hand reaching up to turn on the inside light, "There is something in there you need and then we can go."
"Mark," I say softly as hold back crying like lunatic.
He squeezes my hand, "I didn't want it to be like this. Please Bridget, open the glove box."
Clear throat and with shaking hands, open the glove box.
I pick up a small book lying on top of a bunch of papers. The title looks worn off. Can't read it. Wonder if it is titled, 'What to expect when your boyfriend is breaking it off with you'.
Can imagine…
Chapter 1 Tears
Chapter 2 Insanity
Chapter 3 Institution
"Open it." He says softly.
Find myself taking in his smell as I open the book slowly.
Then almost pass out.
"For me?" question Mark as he reaches over and quickly closes the book.
"No." he teases as he reopens the book, "My other girlfriend."
Watch as Mark takes ring out of book carefully, a small smile on his lips, "Hold out your hand."
Of course, as in dumb Bridget fashion, hold out wrong hand.
Mark grins wider, "Your left hand."
Hold out and watch big glittery ring slide onto finger. Really can't take eyes off of it.
"You like it?" he asks now as he starts the car.
Wonder for a moment if could get sunburn from the brightness.
"It's beautiful Mark." I say, finally looking into his eyes. He smiles softly as we both lean in to kiss.
He smells so good. Clean with just a little scratchiness to his face. Feel his warm tongue against my own as slide my hand into his hair.
He pulls away, smiling, "I'm glad you like it."
Pull out of parking lot in dizzy haze of giddiness.
"Now you can start planning the wedding." Mark says as he turns the heat up a bit, "No expense spared of course."
Gah...
Giddiness just turned into frightning wedding daydream disaster!!!
"Bridget." Mark says as stop at light.
"In rabbit hole." say quickly.
Mark smiles lightly, "Yes Bridget," he takes my hand and kisses it with tight lips, "I have always dreamed of a wedding in a rabbit hole."
Cannot believe I said that out loud.
Hand still in Mark's as we drive home.
Hmmm...
Maybe wonderland has wedding planners. Must check with rabbit.