Chapter 7

She could hear the music playing and she could see everyone dancing, but Buffy couldn't remember how she got here at all. Hadn't she just been recklessly making out with the undead like twenty seconds ago? On the ground at the cemetery? How the hell did she get here, to the Bronze it looked like? Still feeling a bit disoriented, it took her a second to realize that her hand was being held, held in cold fingers. She looked up to her side and saw that William was standing with her, staring out into the crowd. He had a smile on his face, something that was too beautiful for words. Buffy followed what he was looking at and was shocked to see herself. A more alive and exciting version of herself. She was dancing, with Xander and Willow from school and they were having a blast.

"Is this for real?" Buffy was so confused, but enthralled at watching herself being happy and friend-having.

"Well luv, it was real once upon a time. Another time. This is the first time we met, I mean the first time the first pair of us met," William was trying not to confuse himself, but especially not to confuse her.

"Just watch, it'll all make sense in a little while," he was trying to be encouraging because he didn't want her to react badly to what happens next.

"You better call the police. There's some guy out there trying to bite someone."

Buffy knew that voice, but didn't have time to notice who it belonged to as her other self suddenly looked concerned and darted outside. Still holding William's hand, Buffy walked out behind herself. There was a fight between herself and a vampire, so she guessed right that she had always been the slayer, no matter what life she was living.

After the slayer successfully won the fight, there was clapping and from the shadows emerged William, but not William, an evil William. Quickly Buffy began to understand how they had met, under death-threaty circumstances.

William gripped her fingers as she came to this realization and she gripped back, hoping that this would end better than it had started.

There were many more memories and images. Images of her and William fighting, him planning to kill her, him helping her, and most importantly, him loving her. Watching William's devastation when she died and watching how she treated him when she came back to life made her cringe. He had tried to rape her and yet she couldn't avoid caring that he had gotten his soul for her.

In the final battle, the one she could feel her other self had been preparing many years for, time slowed down and she could feel every detail of the moment.

The first had promised to devour them all. And it had succeeded. There were dozens of young girls and young girl parts strewn all over the dirty hole in the ground known as the Hellmouth. Buffy had done her best to keep her slayers together, but no one could have prepared her or anyone for the slaughter they were walking into. The one weapon she had planned on using was the amulet that Spike was wearing, but it hadn't turned on yet, if it ever would. Spike was holding her now. His arms felt so safe, but hadn't she always known that? She was beginning to feel cold, was that him making her cold or was she actually dying? She was doing her best to remember why she would be dying. When Spike lifted one of his hands up to her face to caress her hair behind her ear, it was covered in blood. Was that her blood?

"Spike, where is everyone?" She couldn't remember the last time she had seen Giles or Faith, or anyone that she cared about.

"They're all gone luv, it's just me and you now. I'm going to change it Buffy, I won't let it end like this luv. I love you so bloody much. You can't leave me." William sobbed.

"Spike, I love you too" Buffy gasped, then she was gone. Her body was so beaten, they both were. A human would have been long since dead with those types of injuries.

William squeezed her tight and continued to cry, holding Buffy's dead body. His tears mixing with their blood. Then he screamed

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Buffy could feel his weight on top of her, her back against the dewing grass when she startled out of the vision they had just shared. The night had completely fallen on the cemetery. Her mind was swimming with memories that she had never had before, memories that she had not just shared with William.

A whole other life in Sunnydale and as the slayer and she was happy, at least most of the time. William braced himself and propped himself above her, ready to see a very angry slayer. But instead she had tears in her eyes.

"Was all of that real? Did I really live another complete life? Were we—?" Buffy's breath hitched in her throat as she struggled to make sense of what just happened. They both sat up, but remained close to each other. "It was real luv, every memory, every moment. You and I have lived before, in another place and time. And we've been given a second chance—"

"But why? How did this happen?"

"So, it was 1880, I was 26 and still living with my mum, she was sick and she needed taking care of. I was just the most awful poet and had a crush on this girl back then, and well, I was publicly humiliated one night when she heard some of my poetry. I ran out into the night. I had never run so hard to get away from my life. In the alley, there was this woman, dark beautiful, scary. She offered me power and a new life. Then she bit me. It was excruciating for a bit. But then I started getting flashes. I didn't know what they were, but they were flashes of me with bright blonde hair, fighting a young blonde woman: you. They jumped around until finally, I had you in my arms and you were dying. I had never felt such pain as the moment your life slipped away while I was holding you. I screamed when I woke up. The woman stared at me, entirely confused. My face had changed, it was bumpy and hard and my teeth were sharp and I craved blood. But underneath all of that I just knew that I had to find you. I had to know if everything, my entire other life was real. I ran away from the dark lady and I kept running for the last 117 years. That's the short of it." William was staring off across the cemetery as he told his story and turned to look back at Buffy. Her face was hard to read, but she wasn't scared or concerned anymore.

Buffy was having a hard time adjusting William's story. "You were turned into a vampire, but instead of an urge to maim and kill, you got all of these memories instead? How did you know that they were real? More importantly, how did you know that kissing me would transfer the memories to me?"

William smiled and continued. "Well, the kissing thing was an improvisation. I knew that touching you might work, but since I've been touching you here and there and no bright light, I guessed that maybe something more direct would transfer the memories. As for the vampire thing, over the years I searched for answers. Although I craved blood, I could never bear to kill anyone. That was confusing. Here I am, creature of the night and all, and the thought of hurting a human being was unbearable. It was around the turn of the century when I found these traveling mystics, while I was still in Europe. At first I frightened them, but then this old woman came and touched my chest. She said the most peculiar things. We sat near the fire one night and she held my hand and her eyes went wide with a bright light. When she came back down, she said that I had a soul, that I had an old soul. The soul of a man that had lived in another time. I asked how it was possible and she told me that sometimes, when something horrible happens in the world, that the magics will sometimes allow a mulligan of sorts."

"A mulligan? Like a do-over? What was so horrible that the magics let that happen?"

"Next to you dying pet, the final battle didn't end the way it was supposed to. We were supposed to win, but instead the big bad evil won and messed with the balance. The magics and the powers-that-be and all the neutral-white-hat-wearing beings could not let the balance get irrevocably muffed up. Of course they did not do this alone. The memories that I have after you died, aside from being really difficult to access or relive, show that I worked with your watcher to make the do-over happen. There were a lot of terms and conditions, but ultimately the plan was that we would live everything over with the slight differences that come with an alternate reality. But in the end we would have another chance to make it right."

Buffy was looking down at the ground, playing with some blades of grass when he looked at her. They were still close, but not touching. The absence of her warmth was killing him. He reached up to put a tendril of honey blonde hair behind her ear.

"What is it luv?" She continued to look down but leaned her head into his hand when he touched her face. "Please, talk to me." William was scared that he had broken her or something, this was a lot for anyone to take in.

"In my memories, I called you Spike, not William. What should I call you now?" Buffy turned her eyes to him. His blue eyes were piercing.

"I prefer Spike, but my human name William was less intimidating so I used it. I want you to call me whatever you feel comfortable with."

Buffy turned to face him more directly and when her fingers touched his, it was like they were on fire. She slowly started to intertwine her hand with his and they both looked at their hands in awe. They fit perfectly together and it was the most comfortable thing in the world to hold his hand. Memories flashed in their minds. Him holding and bandaging her bruised and bloody hands. Her holding his hands as they…holy crap! That was a naked Buffy and…I didn't know I could bend like that…

Buffy jumped, but continued to hold his hand. "I think that I prefer Spike too. It seems to fit your personality from the other life pretty well. We were pretty close huh? Naked and all that?"

Spike chuckled and grinned, "It looks that way."

"Wait, you can see me naked in there? Bad, this is totally bad."

Buffy stood up abruptly, taking Spike by surprise. "I mean, I know you are telling the truth, I can feel what previous me felt, and see what she saw and I can tell that it was really me. But listen, me now, today is not Buffy then. I am sixteen years old. A brand new person with new thoughts and obstacles. Two days ago, I was just here, hoping that Giles would let me have friends or even go on a date! Now, I'm filled with a very mature Buffy's thoughts and feelings and I want what she had, but I can't. I still have to go through these things on my own. I can't just start her life from here. And you shouldn't have to live the other Spike's life from here either. We know some things, some really important world changing things, but I still want to live MY life from here forward. I just want to be Buffy."

She was pacing now, making a line in the grass where she walked back and forth. "I mean, how do you feel about all of this? You waited around for the last 100 whatever years for me. You've had so much time to figure all this out and I've had like five minutes."

Spike stood up next to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Buffy all I know is that I'm here for you. Me, now Spike. I've been swimming in you for years pet and now that you are finally here, in front of me, I'm certainly not going to scare you away. And while sure, we share a lot of interesting, some naked, memories, the important thing to remember is that now we know how to make things right in the end when it comes. I know you are you, here and now, and I want to get to know you. Just tell me what you need and it's done pet."

Buffy could feel his hands on her arms and his body was so close. She felt so vulnerable in front of him, like what if she couldn't live up to past Buffy, what if she was all broody and broken and he didn't want her. It took only a second for her to collapse into his arms in tears. Spike held onto her as hard as he could and they both slipped to the ground as he cradled her sobbing body.

"I was ready to die, you know. I couldn't stand living this hard life with no friends or loved ones to share it with. I just wanted to disappear. Then you. You saved me then and you're saving me now." Her eyes, filled with tears, lifted to his and he could feel his heart breaking for her.

"You'll never be alone again Buffy. I will never let anything happen to you. And your life is worth living, you just need some, uh, perspective."

"Show me."