(And now readers we have the last chapter in this tale. Here we see how dastardly the Queen is and one of her best ideas yet.)
Chapter 7: Down with the Queen (or Eds vs. Kankers round 2 )
"Ha, paper beats rock, I win," said the Cheshire Cat who was playing "Rock, paper, scissors" with the Mock Turtle who began to cry when he lost.
The Cheshire Cat ignored this (The Mock Turtle is almost always crying for some weird reason) and walked over to the Griffin who was looking around with binoculars muttering, "The Queen is going to regret messing with me."
The Cat rolled his eyes and asked, "Are you still angry at the Queen for putting Nair in your shampoo?"
At this the Griffin's eyes began to water up with tears, and he began to cry bawling, "it's not fair a Griffin's greatest pride is his feathers. Why did she have to get rid of them? Why I ask you?"
The Cheshire Cat strolled over to the Caterpillar who was smoking his Hookah quietly and not taking the slightest notice of the Cat. The Cat said, "You do know that will give you lung cancer right?"
The Caterpillar looked at him for a minute or so and then blew smoke in the cat's face who said again in a choking whisper, "Oy, I hate it when he does that."
So there they all were - bored out of their skull - when suddenly "attention all Wonderlandians, this is Cthulhu speaking. It has come to my attention that the Queen has pulled a fast one on us and kidnapped the Kanker sisters. At this point I don't know what that freak is up to, but I'm giving you all permission to invade Wonderland and throw out the Queen." Cthulhu telepathically sent this message to every Wonderlandian They rushed out of the house and charged for the Queen's castle except the Dodo who stopped to cause a round slab of moon fall to the ground so he could have a vehicle to move on.
MEANWHILE IN THE QUEEN'S PALACE
"Yes, yes, yes," shouted the Queen. She was dancing for joy because she just found out that Trump discovered that "Trump pork and beans" was an excellent substitute for C4 and had reopened the line to sell it to the government. She was dancing when suddenly…
"Your grace, your grace, something terrible has happened," said one of her servants who was rushing in.
The Queen stopped dancing and asked, "What is Michel Jackson rising from the grave as a demented zombie with no head?"
The servant shook his head "No, it's even worse. Cthulhu's men have attacked the castle and are making progress in causing total anarchy."
The Queen shook her head and said, "Oy, their heads will roll for this." She turned on her PA system and said, "Attention, Crazy Gang, get your butts out there now and destroy those blasted attackers or else your heads will roll."
MEANWHILE IN LOOKING GLASS LAND
Jonny was still yakking with some flowers when Cthulhu came and said, "Get up. I'm sending you, Sarah, and Jimmy out to attack the Queen. The day of the coup has arrived, so get up already."
Jonny looked up at him and asked, "Oh, come on, can't I hear one more story?"
Cthulhu thought, "I was once confused as to whether Jonny is insane or stupid. Now I realize he's both." He grabbed him with a tentacle and stuffed him in a rocket with Sarah and Jimmy and told them, "I think it's only fair to warn you that the Queen has kidnapped the Kankers. So be prepared for anything. I'll send the rest in a little bit." And with that, he launched the rocket and watched it soar.
MEANWHILE AT THE QUEEN'S PALACE
Pandemonium ensued as the Wonderlandians made their move against the Queen. They didn't even fight rationally. They just ran around beating up card soldiers and acting crazy. When suddenly, the Crazy Gang showed up and said, "the Crazy Gang demands you stop these terrorist acts against our Queen." At this the Mock Turtle began to cry again, but instead the tears shot from his eyes in a pressurized blast that knocked out Tweedledope. Seeing him out of the fight, the others attacked. But the Knave Of Hearts was scooped up by the Griffin who threw him at the wall knocking him out. The Jester tried to slash the Caterpillar, but the Caterpillar made a force field that sent the Jester flying into a tree from the force of recoil. As for the Executioner, he tried to kill the Cheshire Cat, but he just turned invisible and gave him an atomic wedgie. And as if to add insult to injury, tripped him so he'd fall off a cliff and his underwear got caught on a branch making it the only thing keeping him from falling to his doom. Now to get to the Eds vs. Kankers match.
MEANWHILE IN LOOKING GLASS LAND
The Eds and Co. had gotten back together and were waiting for Cthulhu to arrive when he showed up a few minutes after he launched Jonny 2x4, Sarah, and Jimmy. He said, "Now here is the day I have been waiting for. I am going to use this rocket." He gestured to an even bigger rocket. He continued saying, "to send you all to the Queen's palace, but be careful because the Kankers were captured and I might have an idea what the Queen is planning on doing. So I'm sending you to get them out. Good luck. Oh, and leave the Queen to me. " And with that, the others got in and got blasted all the way to the palace.
MEANWHILE AT THE QUEEN'S PALACE
When the Eds and Co. landed the matter came as to what course of action to take before anyone even spoke. Rolf said in third person, "Rolf will go with psycho Nazz girl and "Dork" shouting Kevin and get rid of the soldiers while you go get the Queen and the Kankers both Ed boys, yes?" Before Double Dee could point out that the correct term was Psychic not Psycho, Rolf had grabbed the two and ran off faster then they could see. So they just walked of into the maze when suddenly a blast of fire landed right behind them. They looked up and saw the Kankers except they were wearing weird looking helmets.
They were still wondering why the Kankers were wearing ugly helmets when suddenly the Queen's voice came over a loudspeaker "So you are the three who have came to save the hostages," Suddenly the wall opened up and the Queen stepped out carrying Jimmy, Sarah, and Jonny 2x4 all bound and gagged and tied to a rocket. The Queen continued to monologue, "As you can see, the Kankers are now my puppets thanks to these helmets - blah, blah, blah, fret, fret, fret, etc, OFF WITH THEIR HEADS."
At this, the Kankers began to attack the Eds…minus Eddy. He ran like heck. Double Dee was barely holding up against Marie, and Ed was just running for his life - flying just out of the reach of May's hair.
Double Dee thought he was doomed until a plan came into his mind and he shouted, "Hey, Eddy, if you get rid of the Kankers I'll give you ten bucks"
Now Eddy may have ran off like a bat straight out of heck, but he can hear anything involving money a mile away. And upon hearing Double Dee, he turned around and headed towards the Kankers with a greedy look in his eyes. Double Dee meanwhile was hurriedly trying to use his acid to burrow into the ground before Marie's fire burned off his scalp. When suddenly…"whoo hoo hang ten dudes" Eddy yelled as he sped in on a massive wave of earth. The Kankers looked up and were surprised at this. May wasn't because Eddy used it to ram her and send her flying into the wall, knocking her out, and breaking the helmet in the process. Lee saw the whole spectacle and began to move towards Eddy. One of her hands turning into a mace as she advanced.
Eddy simply grinned and said, "Now, now, let's not be violent" and blasted Lee with two energy bolts - one at her helmet and another at her face sending her into the wall and knocking her unconscious as well. Marie saw Eddy coming for her, so she decided to get something done right and broke Double Dee's shield and grinned as she saw the shield burst into hundreds to tiny shards. Her joy was short lived as she noticed that there was a hole in the ground and Double Dee just held up a sign that said "missed."
Marie felt her temper start to rise and just as she was about to go to Double Dee and fry him she felt a tap on her shoulder. She turned and saw Eddy throw a mighty wallop in her face with the help of a rock boxing glove breaking both her nose and the helmet and landing her unconscious.
The Queen saw this and said, "You may have gotten the pawns, but you won't save the hostages." She was about to launch the rocket when she saw the hostages were untied and Cthulhu was holding the broken ropes. Her jaw dropped and she run off into the maze…and got a horrible shock. When she did, they heard screaming and saw the Queen come back except she was chained and being carried by a large red skinned man with a forehead that had two horns that were filed down to nubs.
Everyone was confused even the Kankers who had regained consciousness by this time until Ed said, "Look it's, Hellboy."
Hellboy blinked and said, "Look if any of you don't mind I have orders to bring this freak in. Now if you would just get out of my way. I won't have to "get medieval" on ya." Everyone parted way for him. (Let's face it - would you be stupid enough to tick this guy off. I don't think so.) And he went off his own way.
Cthulhu blinked and said, "Weird, I didn't expect him to come here, so now homeward bound…"
"Could you excuse us a second, Cthulhu?" asked Lee. "We have a score to settle with Eddy for BEATING THE (CENSORED) OUT OF US." Eddy gulped and ran off with the Kankers in hot pursuit.
THE END…NOT
A shadowy figure was watching them the whole time. He watched with interest. The man thought to himself "Look at them. Those fools think it's all over. They don't realize that they have yet to face me - Xof.A. I can't wait to feast on their hearts…"
(This isn't my best work. I was rushing to finish it because once I finish this I am going to begin work on a fanfic I am making with Texaspanzer. And yes as the ending implies I will make a sequel, but don't expect it for a while.)