Twilight: Retarded Edition

Somewhere Over the rainbow…..or in Edward's room a month after that accident…..and no she's not pregnant!

Bella: Edward?

Edward: Yes love?

Bella: Am I fat?

Edward: NO!

Bella: You didn't even look!

Edward sighs and looks down at her torso (stomach)

Edward: O.O *twitches*

Random Person : DA-

Edward covers Random Person's mouth and throws him out window.

Edward: (Nervously) No, love your not obese

Bella: ……I didn't say obese….I only said just plain fat.

Edward: …..

Bella: OMG I AM FAT AREN'T I!?!?!?!?

Edward: well you've been eating ice cream every other day, for two months……(what Edward didn't say was every time that Bella had a fit, he bribe her with her favorite…..well you can guess)

Bella: *GASP* Oh my god I am fat!!!!!!!!! *Bella runs off crying*

(in case your wondering Bella looks like this: starts off flat and then at the end a huge BULGE bwahahaha)

Me: *Light blub goes off in noggin* Edward! I got an awesome idea.

Edward: I already heard. Let's do this.

Random Person climbs back in room

Random Person: I'm in.

Weird Al "I'm Fat" song starts playing

Spotlight hits Edward who's wearing tight leather suit as are the rest of us (ha may I add, we all look pretty good)

Edward nods at both of us. A stage randomly appears and we all stand on it striking poses.

Edward: Your butt is wide, well hers is too, just watch your mouth or she'll sit on you (ha!) the word is out, better treat me right (ah) cause she's the queen of cellulite. (wow Edward can sing!)

Me: Ham on, Ham on, ham on whole wheat…ALRIGHT! (just a personal note we all can sing kay? Even Random)

Edward: Her zippers bust, her buckles break, she's too much girl, for you to take. The pavement cracks when she falls down (WOO!) She's got more chins than china town!

Well, she never used a phone booth, she never saw her toes. When she goes to the movies, she takes up seven rows!

All: Because she's fat! She's fat! Come on!

Random Person: Really, really fat!

All: You know she's fat! She's fat! Come on! Don't cha call her pudgy portly or stout just tell her once again WHO'S FAT!

Edward: When she walks out to get her mail, it measures on the richter scale! Down at the beach, she's a little woMAN she's the only one, that gets a tan! If she has one more, pie a la mode, she's gonna need, her own zip code! When your only having seconds she's having twenty-thirds. When she goes to get her shoe shined, SHE HAS TO TAKE THERE WORD!

ALL: Because she's fat! She's fat! Come on!

Random Person: Really, really fat!

All: you know she's fat! She's fat! You know it! You know! And her shadow weighs forty two pounds tell her once again WHO'S FAT!

Edward: If you see her coming your way, better give her plenty space, when shetells you that she's hungry, THEN WON'T YOU FEED HER FACE

All: Because she's fat! She's fat! You know it!

Random: Really, REALLY FAT!

All: Because she's fat! She's fat! Come on!!

Random Person: WOO! WOO! WOO! When she sits around the house she really sits around the house!!!

All: you know she's fat! She's fat! Sham on!! And you know all by my self I'm a crowd let me tell you once again; She's fat!

Edward: you know she's huge she's fat! You know it!

All: You know it you know! WOO!

All: you know she's huge she's fat! She's fat!!

Edward: HOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Michael Jackson yell weird al style lol)

All: and the whole world knows she's fat and she's proud just tell her once again.

Everyone points to Edward who comes from behind the two who were back to back with there arms crossed.

Edward: SHE'S FAT!

Bella: ….. and I was coming to tell you that I forgot I put a pillow under my shirt because it made me feel better!!!!!! YOU REALLY DO THINK IM FAT!!!!(Bella runs off crying)

Everyone: ……..*CRICKET SOUNDS*

ALL: DAMN!!!!!