Chapter Six: The Beach Episode (because it had to be done)

Clari was peeved over the radio in the morning, more so than the damage to the engine of the truck. Her string of nonstop glares was more exasperating than frightening for Jaye and Hidan, because it made them feel rather guilty. The engine they could probably fix, Lily had declared, peering into the mess of twisted, blackened metal. But Hidan's fingers had clawed the place for the radio too severely for it to ever be replaced.

Either way, the truck was not to be driven to the beach and, no matter how big the Beast was, there was no way they could cram twelve people in it, much less their baggage. Jaye and Clari called Seth to see if they could borrow his car, even asking if he and Ryan wanted to join them. He declined, claiming that he had work, but they were free to use his car. He would call Ryan's or his mom and ask if they would pick him up after work.

It worked out perfectly then, because the Beast fit eight and Seth's new car fit four.

And so, they packed.

"Umbrellas, check! Food, check! Towels, check! Sunscreen, check! Jaye what're you - no, we can't bring your fish to see their 'home land'! Go put them back!"

Finally, after Jaye put Shark Bait, Pablo II, and Sebastian back in their aquarium and left to go get Seth's car from the mall parking lot, they stuffed as much as they could into the trunk of the Beast. Kisame, Itachi, Hidan, and Kakuzu were all forcing the trunk closed when Jaye pulled up to the curb in a shiny, yet tiny, car. There was a unanimous groan; nobody wanted to be stuck in a small space like that with three other people for two hours straight.

"Clari and I can ride together since we tolerate each other pretty well," Jaye said, rolling down the window of Seth's car. "We can take turns driving."

"I wanna ride with Clari, un!" Deidara said. He turned to glare at Tobi. "And I refuse to ride with him."

"Oh, Deidara-senpai! Tobi is a good boy!"

Kakuzu shoved Hidan forward. "Here, take him too. He's been getting on my nerves all morning. I'd rather ride with Tobi and Leader."

"Last time Jaye and Hidan rode in a car together, they ended up stranded on the side of the road without a radio in the car," Clari pointed out.

"But see, you'll be there to prevent that," Lily said, patting Clari's shoulder.

"You just don't want to deal with them," Clari grumbled.

"You know me too well."

"C'mon, we're not that bad," Jaye said defensively.

No one bothered to comment, not even Hidan.

"Wait!" Bear called, bolting from the house. He stopped in front of Jaye, his tail wagging furiously and his tongue lolling out of his mouth. "I want to come to the beach with my Queen!"

Jaye bit her lip. She didn't think dogs were allowed at the beach they were going to, and she was sure that Seth didn't want dog hair in his new car. Suddenly she had an idea. She grabbed the huge beach umbrella and held it like a staff. "Well, knights don't go to the beach," she said, "and I need someone to protect my castle. Will thy relinquish his standing as a dog and serve me, Queen Jayden, as a knight?"

Bear nodded, starry-eyed.

"And will thy protect me, my fellows, and my abode?"

"Y-yes," Bear managed to stutter.

Jaye nodded solemnly and tapped the point of the umbrella on each of Bear's shoulders. "Then I hereby crown thee Sir Bear of Jayden Kingdom. Protect my territory well, humble knight."

So, after Bear had wobbled back inside and they had stuffed even more luggage into Seth's car, they all got into their respective vehicles and they were off on the two hour journey to the beach.

Clari drove first, with Deidara in the passenger seat and Jaye and Hidan in the back. She sighed as the gas light clicked on. "Jaye, why didn't you stop for gas on the way here?"

"The gas light wasn't on when I was driving," Jaye said with a shrug.

Clari pulled into a gas station and ordered everyone to stay in the car while she filled up the tank. But Jaye immediately ignored her request and got out of the car with her. "I'm gonna go get some snacks," she explained, heading towards the gas station. "You want anything?"

"No," Clari said.

While she idly watched the numbers, Hidan got out. "What's taking Bitch so long?" he roared. "I'm gonna go see."

"Wait, Hidan, I don't think that - " But he was already jogging up to the building, nearly being hit by a car in the process. Clari shrugged and turned back to the numbers as his swearing drowned out the car's honking horn.

"What's that smell?" Deidara inquired, suddenly popping up beside her. He sniffed the air, oblivious to her near-heart attack. "It smells flammable."

"That's 'cause it is," Clari replied, perking up as the pump stopped, "highly flammable. So don't accidentally blow anything up, okay?"

Deidara waved her up. "I've never accidentally blown anything up before."

"That's not exactly comforting," Clari remarked, paying for the gas. She frowned and glanced at the gas station. "What's taking them so long?"

"I dunno. Wanna go check it out?"

They headed over to the gas station and looked around for Jaye and Hidan. Finally they heard them arguing over by the candy, where Hidan had loaded his arms with snacks and Jaye was telling him that she didn't have enough money to pay for all of it.

"Two things for the road," Jaye said, gesturing to her selection: a Snickers bar and a Mountain Dew. "We have snacks for the beach. They're with Mom."

"But - " Hidan began, looking forlornly at his pile of goods.

"Two things, Hidan," Clari agreed, plucking a Kit Kat bar from his arms and wandering over to the freezers to get a soda.

"But I wanna try all of it!" Hidan complained.

"We don't have enough cash," Jaye repeated, "and we're not stealing anything. So pick two things and put all that other crap back. Most of that fruit stuff tastes the same anyway."

Hidan surrendered everything except for the Reese's cups, which Clari and Jaye both assured him were good, and a Coca Cola. Deidara grabbed a bag of gummy worms and some lemonade and then they were back on the road, this time with Jaye driving.

"Don't. Touch. The. Radio," she said as Deidara reached for it. He slowly removed his hand, instead opting to fumbling around with his bag of gummy worms.

"Hey!" he suddenly exclaimed, plucking something out. "There's a gummy bear in my gummy worm bag!"

"No way!" Jaye and Clari said simultaneously, looking curiously at the small, fruit-flavored, animal-shaped snack. Indeed, it was a bear and not a worm. Deidara pinched it between his thumb and forefinger, peering at it with his visible blue eye.

"So artistic, un," he decided with a sigh. "I can't eat it."

"I can," Jaye said, plucking it from his hand and popping it in her mouth. Deidara momentarily looked utterly heartbroken, then his face turned a furious red. Hidan and Clari quickly grabbed him before he could lunge at her. Jaye swerved as a scuffle ensued, Clari unfortunately in the middle of it.

"Maybe I should drive," she said, glaring at Jaye as Hidan held Deidara down by his hair.

"Good idea. I don't think I should sit beside him for a while."

"YOU - ATE - MY - GUMMY - BEAR! IT WAS SO - ARTISTIC! AND - AND SPECIAL, UN!"

"Yeah, I don't think you should."

oOoOoOoOo

When they arrived at the beach, Lily and the others were already there, unloading stuff. Itachi was in the midst of freeing Tobi, whose hands, feet, and mouth they had to duct tape together for the car ride. He ran out into the sand, ecstatic that he was finally unbound.

"What exactly are you supposed to do at the beach?" Itachi asked as they helped him carry the last of the stuff. The others had gone down to the beach beforehand, claiming that they would start ripping out throats otherwise.

"Hm...you can tan...or build sandcastles...or surf if you know how to...I don't know, just do whatever you want," Clari suggested, readjusting the inner-tube in her arms. "As long as it's not illegal," she added.

"Damn," Deidara said, his voice muffled by the stack of towels he was carrying.

Lily was lounging under the shade of a giant umbrella, ravenously reading a book. Jaye quirked an eyebrow and searched for a title. She rolled her eyes. "Dear gods, Mother," she snorted, shaking her head, "how many times are you gonna read that book before you realize that you're going to cry at the end no matter what?"

Lily didn't seem to hear her; she kept reading, her eyes flying across the pages. Itachi tilted his head. "What is she reading?"

" 'The Sickly-Sweet Romance That Always Makes You Cry,' " Clari replied without even looking at the book. "She's read it twenty times already, and I'm not even exaggerating. She cries every time, especially when she reads it on the beach."

"What's it about?" Itachi asked warily, trying to get a glimpse of the cover. There was nothing but the title, which dominated the cover in vomit-inducing pink, curly lettering.

Clari and Jaye just stared at him. "Itachi, it's called 'The Sickly-Sweet Romance That Always Makes You Cry, ' " Jaye said, "what the hell do you think it's about? It's smut with a tragically sad ending."

Lily held up a finger to silence her daughter. "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh," she whispered, her eyes still glued to the book. She brought her hand back down to flip the page without another word.

"She's gonna be like this all day," Jaye sighed. "I didn't realize this is what she meant when she said she needed a vacation. Let's go, Clari."

They left to go test the waters of the ocean, leaving the others on the shore. Konan was splayed out on a towel, tanning beside Lily. Itachi looked around for the other Akatsuki members. Tobi was showing Leader how to build a sandcastle; Kisame was scaring the other beach-goers away, on Lily's command; Zetsu was collecting seashells; Kakuzu had "borrowed" a metal detector from a blind old man and was taking a walk, looking for valuable items; Deidara and Hidan were as confounded as he was, and standing there looking like idiots. Itachi realized that he probably looked like an idiot too and flopped down next to Lily under the umbrella.

"I'm gonna tan," Deidara decided, laying a towel down on the sand and laying next to Konan.

"You are such a girl," Hidan scoffed.

"Fuck off."

Hidan ignored this and grabbed a surfboard, holding it up in the air, screeching, "I'm gonna surf!"

"Hidan, do you even know how to surf?" Konan asked from her place on the towel.

"Yes!" said Hidan in a way that suggested he didn't but was going to try anyway. He ran into the water, only to be toppled over by the first wave he encountered.

Jaye blatantly pointed and laughed, causing Hidan to argue with her uproariously until Kisame became fed up with it, dragged them both into the water, and proceeded to dunk them until they stopped screaming at each other. Clari, who was a certified lifeguard, pretended not to notice. Unfortunately she was tackled and carried into the water by Deidara, who had grown bored of laying in the sun and decided that there was no better form of entertainment (besides art) than that of antagonizing Clari.

Tobi topped off his enormous sandcastle with a lumpy clump of moistened sand. He grinned at it proudly. "What do you think, Leader-sama?"

"It looks...good," Pein lied, nodding approvingly. Well, it looked better than his sandcastle, which held a resemblance to Spongebob Squarepant's house if it rotted to the ground.

"Tobi is going to show Deidara-senpai!" Tobi said, looking for his elusive partner. He finally found him being abused by a waterlogged Clari. Tobi bit his lip and put on floaties before he got in the ocean, much to Konan's amusement.

"Deidara-senpai!" he yelled to be heard over the sound of Clari's cursing. "Deidara-senpai! Come look at Tobi's sandcastle! It's art!"

"Art?" Deidara said, standing still long enough for Clari to finally whack him upside the head.

"Yes, Deidara-senpai! Art! It's beautiful art, come take a look!"

"What's he going on about?" Clari asked, watching as Tobi dog-paddled back to shore.

"He says he made art," Deidara explained. "I gotta see this, un."

They followed the enthusiastic masked man up to the shore, where Pein was sitting next to a sorry lump and looking at it miserably. Tobi's sandcastle was a bit more extravagant, with sea shells and seaweed stuck to it in a semblance of windows and doors, and a second lump which Clari supposed was the second floor of the castle.

"That's not art," Deidara scoffed. "That's...I don't know what that is."

"B-but...Tobi worked so hard on it..."

"It's a decent sandcastle, Tobi," Clari cut in, shooting Deidara a look. "It's very good for a first attempt."

"It's better than mine," Pein input, looking down at his squashed mound of sand.

"But it's not art," Deidara persisted, sitting himself down in the sand. "I'll show you art!"

"Yay! Deidara-senpai is making sandcastles with Tobi!"

"Shut up! I'm just demonstrating proper sculpting techniques, worthy of being called art! It's a lesson, so pay attention, un!"

"Yes, senpai!"

Clari jumped as Kisame tapped on her shoulder. "I scared everybody away without alerting the officials," he reported, knocking water out of his ear. "What should I do now?"

"Whatever you want," Clari said. She looked down at Deidara, Tobi, and Pein, who were all gathering enormous amounts of sand and building foundations for their masterpieces. She looked back up at Kisame. "You wanna build sandcastles with us?"

"Nah, I think I'm gonna knock Hidan off his surfboard."

Clari plopped down in the sand. "Okay."

Hidan's chorus of curses was soon heard all the way to the peir. He stormed out of the water, brandishing his surfboard at Kisame like a weapon. "Get away from me!" he screeched as Kisame laughed so hard he would have drowned if not for his gills.

"Hidan!" Jaye called, running over to him. He wrinkled his nose at the layer of sand she was covered in. "Hidan! I dug a hole!"

"Obviously," Hidan replied, throwing his surfboard on the ground. Kisame had taken a bite out of it, so he couldn't surf anymore even if he had wanted to. He'd gotten fed up with trying to learn and deal with the shark-man's ridicule.

"You should let me bury you in the sand!"

"Fuck no."

"Please? I already dug a hole and everything!" Jaye pleaded, unleashing the puppy-dog eyes she learned from Clari and Bear. She saw Hidan's cheek twitch, and knew she was getting somewhere. "It'll be relaxing!"

"How the fuck is piling sand on me supposed to be relaxing?" Hidan asked.

"It just is! It's like...like being cocooned in a heavy, warm blanket. Please?"

"...Fine..." Hidan finally said. Jaye cheered and lead him over to the gargantuan hole she had dug with an assortment of plastic sand toys. Hidan gaped at it. "Holy crap, that's at least a foot deep."

"Yeah, I know," Jaye agreed. She pushed him in, and watched as he landed with a thump. "Get comfortable, because once I start you're not getting out until I'm done."

Hidan situated himself, and Jaye began shoveling in sand from the huge pile she had beside the hole. Hidan had to admit, after a while it did get pretty relaxing. He leaned his head back and tried to wiggle his toes, but found that it was impossible. He opened an eye to see Jaye patting the sand, which was almost to his collar bone.

"Hey, don't pack it so tight," he commanded.

"Okay," Jaye said, but she made no change. "I'm almost done."

Then next time Hidan opened his eyes, the sand was to his chin and Jaye had stopped piling it on him. Instead she was making designs in the sand where is body was. He tried to raise his head, but found that it was very hard. "What're you doing?"

"Oh, nothing," Jaye said innocently, finishing up with a flick of her finger. "I'll get the camera so you can see."

She ran off. Hidan wriggled around, but found with a sudden panic that he couldn't move. He craned his neck again to see what Jaye had illustrated, and managed to get a glimpse of it.

A mermaid's tail. She had drawn a mermaid's tail where his legs were supposed to be. In fact, his whole body seemed to be that of a female mermaid, complete with a shell-bra and long, swirling hair around his head. He tried to move, to get out of it, and realized that Jaye had packed the sand too tight. He couldn't move.

"BIIIIIIIITCH!" he roared to no avail. The only response he got was Kisame, who pointed and chortled and went to get the others.

oOoOoOoOo

"Now this is art, un," Deidara declared, gesturing to his intricate sandcastle. He'd used nothing but his hands, which had rejected the gritty sand at first, but eventually spit out miniature bricks for his castle. After that was constructed, he also sculpted decorative gargoyles and little people. The masterpiece of a sandcastle came complete with a moat and a tiny draw-bridge made of stick-like seaweed found washed up on the beach.

"Indeed," Clari agreed, staring at her average-grade sandcastle with contempt while people came around to gawk at Deidara's grand medieval replica. Tobi looked even more deflated, as his sandcastle was still nothing more than a mound of dirt with a few seashells on it. Pein had given up completely and gone to lay in the sun next to Konan. Not that he would ever achieve the impressive tan Konan and Itachi were getting; he looked as though he'd just rolled around in several tubes of sunscreen.

Clari frowned at Deidara, pursing her lips. She crawled over to poke him in the face. He gave her a look. "What was that for?"

"Did you put on sunscreen?" she inquired, trying not to grin at the small round circle her finger left behind on his cheek. Deidara gave a dismissal wave, but Clari wasn't sure if he was dismissing the notion that he would be so careless as to forget sunscreen or if he was dismissing the suggestion he should put sunscreen on altogether.

Suddenly, a huge wave crashed down on the shore and obliterated all three of their sandcastles, much to the onlookers' dismay. They went along with their business, chattering about how awesome the sandcastle was.

Deidara looked entirely crestfallen, as did Tobi. Clari, who had been expecting a wave eventually, looked out into the water and remarked, "The tide's coming in."

"My...my art..." Deidara sniffed, "it didn't even go out with a bang."

"No, more of a whoosh," Tobi said.

"Art is a whoosh," Clari tried on her tongue.

Deidara shook his head. "It doesn't have the same ring to it."

"Guys!" Kisame ran over to them, tearing up with laughter. "Come check this out! It's freaking hilarious!"

With a curious glance at each other, Deidara, Tobi, and Clari followed Kisame over to a small orange speck in the sand. As they grew closer, they realized that the orange spot was Hidan's dyed hair. His head was sticking out of the sand.

"Did someone decapitate him?" Clari gasped, panicked.

"No, even better," Kisame giggled. He led them ever closer still, until they were standing directly in front of Hidan and staring, dumbfounded, at the illustration below him. It was a female mermaid's body, waving a the passerby, along with flowing hair and fish and bubbles. Hidan's face took the vacancy of the head. It looked as though he was the female mermaid.

And he did not seem at all happy about it.

"Get me out of here!" he screamed, thrashing his head back and forth.

"Wait, wait, wait," Jaye said, marching over to them with a camera in her hand and the others (minus Lily, who was still glued to her book) behind her. "I found the camera. I gotta take a picture."

"Hang on," Clari said, heading over to Hidan's feet. She wrote something in the sand, and then stepped back so the others could read it. In curly cursive she had written: The Little Mermaid.

"Oh, perfect," Jaye declared, bringing the camera to her eye.

"No! Bitch, don't even think abou - "

Snap!

The Akatsuki roared with laughter, attracting much attention from other beach-goers. Jaye grinned, pleased with the photographic evidence of her work and Hidan's humiliation. Deidara peaked over her shoulder, shaking with merriment.

"Now that's art," he said.

"I think so," Jaye agreed, pocketing the camera.

"Bitch! Let me out so I can kill you!" Hidan snarled, struggling more than ever.

"Not your best argument," Jaye remarked with a snort. "Why would I let you out if it meant my demise? Really, Hidan, you're asking for it."

And she walked away.

"Wait! Let me out!"

"Not until you stop yelling death threats at me."

"Okay! Just let me the fuck out, dammit!"

"No, I don't believe you. You have to calm down first."

"I AM CALM!"

"Coulda fooled me."

The others dispersed, leaving Hidan stranded and screaming all by his lonesome. Kakuzu paused and turned back around. Hidan was almost relieved until Kakuzu pulled a small silver hair clip from his pocket.

"I thought I could polish it and get some money for it," he said, bending down next to Hidan's convulsing head. He managed to get the hair clip on and assessed his work with a smile. "But it just suits you so well."

"Go to hell, Kakuzu," Hidan snapped, glaring beneath the glint of the clip in his hair.

"I'll save a seat for you."

oOoOoOoOo

Itachi glanced at Lily from the corner of his eye, frowning. She was still glued to the book, which she had almost completed in a matter of hours. She laid on her stomach, the book inches from her nose, every emotion plain on her face. It was quite amusing at first, to watch her features melt from shock to scandal to sorrow to happiness and back again. Once she blushed furiously and Itachi curiously tried to peer over her shoulder to see what she was reading, but the words were too small. He couldn't move without looking suspicious.

Now he was becoming bored. Generally Itachi didn't mind an absence of conversation, but having someone in such close proximity without speaking to them for three hours straight seemed strange. Even Kisame talked to him more often than that.

The others had gone into the ocean after seeing Hidan. Itachi watched them swim, float in inner-tubes, surf (or attempt to in some cases), and otherwise torment each other. He glanced back at Lily, who had remained under the shelter of her umbrella and swaddled in a t-shirt and shorts for the entire time. It was glaringly hot outside; even Jaye and Clari had shed their modest outer layer of clothing and revealed bathing suits, much to the delight of Hidan and Deidara, respectively. Lily was either abnormally conservative or so absorbed in her book that she wouldn't have noticed if she died of heat stroke.

Itachi decided to try for conversation.

"What was that book called again, Lily?" he asked pleasantly. She didn't answer; she turned the cover his way, exposing the swirling pink letters without taking her eyes off the page.

"Is it any good?" He got a thumbs-up in return.

"Oh, look, Jaye's top just came off." A lie, of course, but not even that was effective. Lily paid no mind; she just gasped and hurriedly fumbled with the page, trying to read the next sequence of words.

Itachi's mouth became a thin line. He was not used to being ignored, and he did not like it.

He stood up, loomed over her, and snatched the book from her hands. Lily was jerked out of her stupor and gaped at him as he strode purposely towards the ocean. Her eyes widen. "Itachi? Itachi what are you doing?" she cried frantically, scrambling off of her beach chair and chasing after him. "Itachi! Itachi, don't do it! Give it back! No! No, no, no, don't - "

But it was too late. In one fluid movement, he'd chucked the worn, paperback monstrosity of a book into the ocean. It flew high into the sky, over the heads of the astounded Akatsuki and girls, and plopped into the water right in front of a jet ski. The jet skier swerved sharply and fell off of his vehicle, popping up momentarily and swimming after it.

Lily fell to her knees in the sand, tears springing up in her eyes. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed, burying her face in her hands as she was enveloped in an episode of loud, ragged sobs.

"Well, what d'you know?" Clari said as she watched the entire thing from her inner-tube. "It really is 'The Sickly-Sweet Romance That Always Makes You Cry.' "

Deidara promptly tipped her over.

oOoOoOoOo

Extermination of the smutty book did Itachi no good. Lily still refused to talk to him, this time out of spite instead of rapt attention to something else. She sat under her umbrella, occasionally sniffing, and stared out into the ocean angrily.

The others came up for snacks. Lily was stoically silent as the others tried to talk to her. Finally, Jaye rolled her eyes and said, "C'mon, Mom, get over it. You've read that thing twenty times already."

Lily tossed up her nose and looked pointedly at Konan, who had just finished her sandwich. "Konan, do you know how to surf?" she asked.

"No," Konan admitted.

"Would you like to learn?"

"Um...sure."

Without another word, she stood and shimmied out of her shorts. Then, when those were safely in the bag, she grabbed the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it over her head.

Every male jaw in the Akatsuki dropped. Lily exercised nearly every day, and she had a naturally volumptious figure. Most of the time it went unnoticed under her business clothes and t-shirts, but there was absolutely no doubt about it; Lily in a bikini was a sight that made every woman cringe with envy.

She grabbed a surfboard and handed one to Konan. "Let's go," she said, marching out into the ocean with her blue-haired friend.

"Holy shit, Jaye," Kakuzu said after a while of them all just staring after her, "your mom is fine."

"Ew," Jaye said, grimacing. It was one thing for them all to be thinking it, but another matter entirely for them to be saying it aloud. This was the woman who gave birth to her, after all.

"It's times like these I wish I lived in this world," Zetsu said sadly. "As if you would have had a shot with her anyway...No, but I still like to look...What's the point of looking if you can't touch?"

"Please stop talking," Jaye suggested, plugging her ears. She was glad she did, because there was a pause and she heard Clari beside her shriek, "Hidan!"

"S-she's not all that," Deidara squeaked, quickly clearing his throat. "I-I mean, she's okay - "

"Just shut up," Clari sighed, rolling her eyes. "You all are disgusting, hormone-driven perverts. Think about who you're talking about - Lily. Jaye's mother."

But her words were lost as the Akatsuki realized there was single surfboard left, and they all made a mad dash for it. She sighed and shook her head as they wrestled for it and Jaye hummed a loud tune while covering her ears with her hands.

"What is going on?"

Every pair of eyes turned to a dripping Lily, who was looking at them as if they were all insane. They did nothing but gape at her in all her majesty for a moment, then Deidara opened his mouth. Clari slapped a hand over it, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.

"I think it's time for us to leave," she proposed.

Lily shrugged. "Okay. Go ahead and start packing up. I'll go get Konan and tell her." She raced down to the water, oblivious to the eight pairs of eyes trailing her every move.

Kisame elbowed Itachi in the ribs, grinning. "Sure sorry you pissed her off, eh?"

Itachi seemed to be at a loss for words.

oOoOoOoOo

They clamored into the car, sandy and tired. Deidara stretched, taking his place in the passenger seat. "That was fun, un," he decided, smiling contently, "we should go to the beach more often."

Jaye yawned. "I'm tired. Let's go home, Clari."

"I drove here," Clari said dryly, pulling out of the parking lot, "so shouldn't you be driving back?"

"You offered to drive."

"Because Deidara was going to kill you otherwise."

"He could have sat in the back. You really need to plan better," Jaye reasoned. "Besides, if I drive I might fall asleep at the wheel. I'm really tired."

Clari sighed and followed the Beast out of the parking lot. Just as they were turning into the road, Jaye gasped and screamed, "WAIT!"

Clari slammed on the breaks, jerking them all forward. Cars honked behind her and swerved to avoid hitting Seth's car. She turned to the back seat, blinking at Jaye wildly. "What's wrong?"

"We forgot the bastard," Jaye grumbled, jabbing a thumb at the empty seat beside her. Clari let out a breath and scowled at her cousin.

"Don't ever scream like that again while I'm driving," she said, turning around. "You almost gave me a heart attack."

Deidara rubbed his forehead where it hit the dashboard. "Why does this always happen with you?" he asked to no one in particular, attempting to get a glimpse of his forehead though it was impossible.

They drove back and rushed to where Hidan was still buried. He was screaming his head off for help, but then started screaming at them as they dug him out of the ground.

"YOU FUCKING FORGOT ME HERE!" he accused, veins popping out of his neck.

"Why didn't you get our attention when we were packing?" Jaye grunted, heaving out more sand from the hole. "You were quiet for once, and then you just decide to shut up when you actually need to yell?"

"I fell asleep!"

"Holy shit, Jaye, how deep did you bury him?" Clari gasped, flopping down from exhaustion.

"Well, he couldn't move, so pretty deep."

"I can't feel anything, by the way," Hidan remarked, "thanks a lot, Bitch."

Once they finally unearthed Hidan, got his limbs working again, stopped him from attacking Jaye, washed him off, stopped him from drowning Jaye, walked back to the car, and stopped both Hidan and Deidara from attacking Jaye, they were finally on the road again.

"I'm hungry," Hidan complained. "I haven't eaten anything all day."

So they stopped at another gas station and grabbed snacks, once again having to persuade Hidan not to shoplift. Then they were on the road again (again).

"Okay, does anybody else need to stop?" Clari growled.

"Yeah...I gotta pee," Jaye admitted.

Clari huffed and pulled up next to a cluster of trees. "Go pee, then."

"I can hold it."

Everyone was yawning and ready to sleep by the time the sky faded into evening. Hidan was snoring away in the back seat already, much to everyone's annoyance. Deidara was trying to figure out how to recline his seat.

"This one?" he asked, gesturing to a lever.

"I don't know, it's not my car," Clari said.

Deidara pulled the lever and the seat shot forward, crushing his knees into the dashboard. "Nope, not that one," he said, pushing the seat back.

"Jeez," Clari said under her breath, stopping at a light and leaning over to assist Deidara. Apparently the light had turned green while she was trying to figure it out, because there was a chorus of honks behind her.

"I got it!" Deidara said, reaching across Clari to grab the wheel. Clari was not mean to twist that way, and readjusted her foot to compensate; the car swerved nearly off the road. Jaye leapt forward to try and arrest the wheel from Deidara's hands, and the car swerved in a different direction; the chair finally reclined, and she was knocked back onto Hidan, who exploded into a loud bout of swearing for being woken up. An argument about hypocrisy ensued.

"Deidara - let - me - up!" Clari demanded, finally untangling herself from the blonde artist and grabbing the steering wheel. She straighten out the car and surrendered to her own fit of screaming, shouting loudly at the drivers who were honking, cursing, or gesturing at her.

The rest of the car was silent by the time she was done.

"Road rage much, Clari?" Jaye scoffed.

Clari went very red in the face, but Deidara interrupted before she could erupt again. "I'm too far back," he complained. Jaye helped him push the seat up, more for her own benefit than for his. She was becoming rather squished.

Finally, everyone but Clari fell asleep. She yawned and slapped her cheeks, trying to stay awake. She heard Deidara snore softly beside her, and Jaye turn restlessly behind her. Evidently she was having trouble finding a comfortable place to rest her head.

Fed up, Hidan grabbed her head and roughly put it on his shoulder. "Here, bitch, just go to sleep," he said in a harsh whisper. Clari tried to retain her smile; both of them were an impossible shade of scarlet, which she could see even in the dark car. But they both eventually closed their eyes and went to sleep, becoming a lot less stiff and awkward as they did so. Clari smiled widely.

Perhaps those couple's anger management classes were doing them some good after all.

Fun chapter that's not really related to the story but kind of ties in anyway! Yay! I had a lot of fun right this; I understand why it's in almost ever single Akatsuki story now. I hope it wasn't too terribly cliche. I did my best to come up with original beach ideas.

Your thoughts, please?