Thank you all so much for all of your support, I really appreciate it. I've been busy with work lately, but I'm still writing and continually trying to improve. I really value feedback from readers.
VII
"Did you ever think to tell me you're Arthur's foster sister?" Gwen asked, brown eyes sad.
"I didn't think it was important. I wanted you to like me for me, not for my family and connections," Morgana said earnestly.
"I do like you for you. We're friends, Morgana, aren't we?" Gwen said, sitting down.
Arthur had found her at work to invite her to his Christmas party. When Gwen had asked if Morgana was invited, Arthur replied that 'of course she was, she lived there', without thinking.
"Of course! Gwen, I am so incredibly sorry. I don't want you to hate me," she said.
"I don't hate you. Just upset you didn't trust me," Gwen shrugged.
"You know how guarded I am," she told Gwen, who conceded to this point.
"Look, Morgana, I wouldn't have treated you any differently, vague relation to Arthur Pendragon or not," Gwen promised.
"I know. I should have told you sooner. I am so sorry," Morgana said, taking a deep breath.
"It's okay. I get it. I wouldn't want to admit being related to Arthur, either, even if it isn't even a blood relation," she crossed her arms, smirking.
Morgana laughed.
She stood in the courtyard, coat buttons fastened haphazardly and beret askew. She loved the first snow of the winter season: the way the flakes floated down gently, so beautiful and delicate. She smiled, her warm breath mingling with the cold air. This is exactly what she needed to relax before her final examinations of the term.
"Morgana?" it was him. She knew it. They always tended to find each other when no one else was around, whether it be in the corner of the library at odd hours studying, or late at night when it seemed all of the world was asleep.
"Merlin," she greeted him, offering a small smile.
"What are you doing out here?" he asked, breath dancing in the air.
"I could ask you the same thing," she raised a brow.
"I helped Gaius close up and stayed over at his for dinner. We got to talking a lot," Merlin explained, "your turn."
"It's snowing," she beamed childishly.
"I can see that," Merlin snorted. Flecks of freshly fallen snow were peppered throughout his dark hair.
"I love the first snow," Morgana sighed. It'd been rainy lately, rain with a lot of hail and ice, but no snow, until now.
"You're going to catch a cold," Merlin said matter of-factly.
"But it's so beautiful out," she glanced at him briefly before turning away. The stars were marred by clouds, and the only light out were the streetlamps that illuminated the snow.
Merlin was quiet. He looked at Morgana fleetingly before nodding, "Beautiful."
They remained silent, watching the snow fall, standing stupidly without anything to say. Merlin wanted to ask about exams, to tell her to go home and sleep to get enough rest, but he couldn't. He'd never seen the young woman so at peace and serene, especially so calm without a cigarette, so he thought he should let her be.
"I should go," he mumbled, hands shoved into his coat pockets. He had forgotten his gloves and was freezing.
"Oh," her face fell before once again assuming its indifferent expression.
Merlin frowned, noticing the change in her. They'd catch their deaths if they stayed, and he couldn't invite her to his flat because Arthur would be a prat about it.
"It's cold and late," Merlin said awkwardly.
She nodded minutely, standing there in the snow. He noticed her jacket wasn't even buttoned properly and scowled.
"Did you just notice the snow from a window and run outside?" Merlin asked.
She finally looked at him, smiling sheepishly. He didn't know she could be sheepish. She nodded and he grinned.
"Do you want to come by and have some tea? Gwen's probably still up studying," Morgana looked at her watch. She appeared shocked at how late it was. No wonder there was scarcely a soul out. The cold and late hour, combined with finals continuing on the next day, was more than enough to keep students inside.
"Sure," he agreed.
They ended up joining Gwen, who was harried and tired and going mad with her studies. Morgana put on a kettle of tea for the three of them and Merlin made toast while Gwen kept studying.
The three friends ate, all the while quizzing Gwen on her history, asking questions from the textbook. After an hour, Morgana made Gwen stop studying. Morgana too took studying too far, often running herself ragged, so she could tell when someone needed a rest.
For the past two weeks or so, Morgana hadn't been eating normally, using every spare moment to study. It was only now that she was relaxed enough to have a bite to eat, even if it was just toast.
Merlin went home shortly thereafter, thanking them for the tea and toast, and wishing them well on their exams.
"Where were you two?" Gwen yawned as she cleared the coffee table of their mugs.
"In the courtyard," Morgana said.
"Smoking?" Gwen asked in annoyance. It was such a terrible habit, she didn't understand how two lovely people could do it.
"No, surprisingly," Morgana said.
Gwen raised a brow suspiciously.
"Just watching the snow," Morgana said, turning towards the window, the snow still falling gently. She hoped Merlin wouldn't catch a cold on his way home.
They walked slowly, cigarettes in hands. Morgana blew out a puff of smoke and took a drag, savouring it. She'd be quitting before long. She and Merlin made a deal after their latest exam. They'd come back from winter break clean. No more smoking. Ever. Their breath, combined with cold December air made shapes in front of them.
"Are excited to see your mum?" Morgana asked.
They had just finished submitting their final for journalism: a portfolio of all their best articles, edited to perfection.
"Yeah. I just don't want to leave Gaius, you know?" Merlin sighed.
Morgana liked the old man. She went to his shop for another potion for her nightmares, and Gaius told her that he'd lowered the dosage of valerian. She'd been surprised, since her nightmares hadn't bothered her for a month. She didn't dream of anything new or strange. Her dreams consisted of trying to remember her parents, trying to remember if anything seemed amiss before their untimely deaths.
"Why don't you take him with you?" Morgana asked.
"He won't leave the shop," Merlin pointed out.
"How about you spend Christmas with your mum and come back early, spend New Years with Gaius?" she suggested.
"Maybe. I'll figure it out soon enough," Merlin mulled it over.
"Tomorrow's our last day," Morgana breathed, making a face.
"Christmas with the Pendragons," Merlin sniggered.
She covered her face with her gloved hands, "It's a nightmare."
"It sounds like a cheesy holiday film," Merlin laughed.
"Oh, wow. It does. Well fuck," Morgana shook her head, grinning. Her stoic attitude and defence mechanisms seemed to melt away whenever she was with Merlin or Gwen. Damn them both for being so nice.
"Just call me if you need me to rescue you," Merlin offered.
She smiled broadly, "Thank you, kind sir."
"Not a problem, my lady," he smirked.
"You leave Saturday?" Morgana asked, kicking snow lightly with her foot.
"Yep. I'll have to switch trains in Dublin," Merlin took a drag.
"I miss Dublin. My parents and I would always go on weekends, just walking around," she sighed, remembering her short childhood, "I've wanted to go back for so long. Then go to Ashford, see my old house."
"Come with me," Merlin said suddenly.
"What?" she choked on her surprised laughter.
"We'll go to together, then you can go to Ashford, and I'll be on my way to Belfast and Armagh. It'll keep you from the Pendragons for a few days," he said, sorting it out in his head.
She bit her lip, "Let's do it."
"So you're both leaving?" Gwen asked over a mug of mulled cider. They were at the café where she worked.
Lancelot sat next to her, Merlin and Morgana across from them.
"It's really short notice, I know," Morgana said, buzzing with excitement. She was finally going home.
"It'll be wonderful to go back, I'm sure," Lancelot said. Gwen nodded agreeably.
"Did you buy your ticket?" Gwen asked like the mother hen she was.
"Yeah. I'll go with Merlin til Dublin then we'll part ways," Morgana said, glancing at the Irishman.
Merlin nodded in confirmation of the plans.
"I'll miss you," Gwen frowned, "both of you."
"I'll be back before Christmas," Morgana assured her, "we'll hang out then."
"At Arthur's Christmas party, I'm sure," Gwen rolled her eyes. Morgana nodded, remembering the annual bash Uther throws for her and Arthur's (mostly Arthur's) friends.
Lancelot shook his head at his friend, "Arthur is a perfectly nice person."
"Oh, Lancelot," Morgana reached across the table to pat his shoulder, making Merlin snort.
"Have fun without me, you lot," Merlin picked up his cider.
"Maybe I should just stay in Ireland until the party's over," Morgana said thoughtfully. She really didn't want to spend time with Arthur's friends. Gwen was about to protest, as she didn't want to be surrounded by Arthur's friends without her, but didn't get the chance to.
Arthur made his way over to their table, face stern.
"You're going to Ireland?" he spoke to Morgana, sounding more than a bit miffed.
"Hello to you, too," Gwen muttered.
"Hi, everyone," he said.
They mumbled their greetings.
"Ireland?"
"Yes," Morgana nodded.
"With Merlin?" he sounded perplexed.
"I'm right here," Merlin waved his arm in the air.
"Shut up, Merlin," Arthur glanced at him.
"You fucking clotpole," Merlin rolled his eyes in annoyance.
"Stay out of this," the blond growled.
"You're taking issue with me going with Morgana. What's the problem?" Merlin asked. He really did think he and Arthur were friends, now. Sort of.
"It's a bit sudden, isn't it? This trip?" Arthur asked, suddenly sounding normal.
"Yeah, so?" Morgana asked, glancing at Merlin from her peripheral vision. He shrugged, just as confused as she was.
"Is a happy announcement to follow soon?" Arthur crossed his arms.
"What the fuck are you talking about?" Morgana asked, peering at her foster brother.
"Are you two shagging or not?" Arthur finally exploded.
"What?" Merlin spit out his drink, and Morgana looked murderous. Gwen and Lancelot blushed in embarrassment for their friends.
"What on the fucking planet gave you that idea?" Morgana spluttered.
"Are you bloody mental?" Merlin asked seriously.
"Then what is this shit of you two going together?" Arthur hated being out of the loop.
"Merlin's going to Belfast. He has to change trains in Dublin. I decided to go with him and get to Ashford from Dublin. I'm going home, Arthur. Not going with Merlin," Morgana explained monotonously.
"Oh," he said.
"Oh," Morgana said mockingly.
"So, you'll be back in time for Christmas?" he asked.
"Yes. Morgause, too," she smirked at Arthur's annoyed look. Morgana's half-sister wasn't exactly his favourite person.
"Have a safe trip," Gwen hugged Morgana, then Merlin. Merlin shook Lancelot's hand, then hugged him. Arthur narrowed his eyes at the two men, seemingly glaring.
"Well, see you next term," Merlin said.
"Til next term," Arthur looked down, awkwardly clapping Merlin on the back.
"See you around, dragon," Morgana said, standing next to Merlin, who had escaped Arthur's hold.
"See you, fay," Arthur smiled at her using her old nickname for him. She grinned when he used hers.
The train waited for Morgana and Merlin, and they waved, bidding them farewell, til next time. Uther had a meeting he couldn't miss, and Gaius didn't like goodbyes.
Gwen had promised Merlin she'd go see Gaius as often as she could, since she lived around London with her dad and brother. Heck, she even offered to help the old man at the shop, just so he wouldn't be alone. Merlin couldn't express his appreciation enough, considering the guilt he felt upon leaving him.
Morgana stared out the window, resting her head against it. Her copy of the first in the Game of Thrones series was nestled in her bookbag, her eyes tired. She was too lazy to take her glasses off and put them in her bag, so the thick black frames remained on her face.
Merlin was listening to his ipod, an old edition. She leaned closer to him, trying to hear. She smiled a bit. Death Cab. She liked it. He had been changing the songs, switching from Of Monsters and Men to Death Cab for Cutie, and back again. He'd been so indecisive that Morgana's smile had turned into a frown and she had prodded him with her book earlier.
He wordlessly took out an earbud and rubbed it on his shirt, handing it to her. She took it, putting it in her ear.
"Have you figured out what you're going to do about your parents?" he asked after a long silence.
"I want their official death report. And all of my dad's old articles," Morgana informed him. No one knew she was still digging around to find out if the death of the Lefays was really an accident. Not what, but who, Morgause's words bounced around in her brain.
"Can I help?" Merlin asked, worried for his friend's mental well-being. Once she had her mind set on something, she ran herself ragged.
He'd seen it during finals, and he saw it now. Before exams, she barely ate, and walked around campus with a book in hand, not even looking where she was going. Yet she had taken it upon herself to care for Gwen and to make sure she remained healthy. So he had taken it upon himself to be with her at all times to make sure she didn't run into a wall or trip. He also made her eat something every once in a while in addition to the coffee and tea she requested. Friends had to look after one another, after all.
"I'm not hungry," she mumbled as she flipped a page in her textbook.
Merlin glared at her and snatched the book from her hands.
"Hey!" she shouted. He stood from the couch in Morgana and Gwen's flat.
"You'll get it when you eat something," he said.
She crossed her arms across her chest. She wore a baggy shirt and track pants that hung off of her thinning frame. She was starting to scare him and he was concerned for her health.
"Fine," Morgana said begrudgingly.
She ate a sandwich and soup that Gwen had left on the stove for her, and that Merlin had heated up. After taking a final bite of the sandwich, she reached across Merlin, snatching the book from his lap.
"You had no right to take my book," she said.
"You barely eat anymore," he grumbled.
"I'm busy studying," she stated the obvious.
"You're skin and bones, Morgana. I'm worried about you. Gwen's worried about you," Merlin said gently. He and Gwen were worried about her, while Morgana worried about Gwen. It was quite a cycle.
After that incident, Morgana began to eat in Merlin's presence. He learned from Gwen that Morgana rarely ate at dinner when Gwen was at work, so he made it a habit to show up on the nights Gwen worked late. Together they would study and eat. After finals, Morgana seemed to be back to normal and ate like a normal person once more.
Now Merlin was worried her search for the truth about her parents may make her ill again.
"You're already helping. I can't really talk to Arthur or Uther, or even Gwen about this," Morgana shrugged, interrupting Merlin's thoughts.
"Any nightmares?" Merlin asked.
"I'm fine. Stop worrying," she punched him lightly on the arm.
"Whatever you say," he decided to drop it. She was grateful and yawned. She leaned over, resting her head on his shoulder.
When they had become so familiar with each other, she wasn't quite sure. Was an entire term a long enough time to be so at ease with another person? Maybe it was because Merlin had been by her side the past two weeks before and during finals to make sure she ate enough to keep going. Or maybe it was during their study sessions. Or maybe it was from sitting next to each other during class. Or maybe it was watching the first snowfall of the season. Who knew?
She blinked slowly. Merlin's shoulder was extremely bony. She mumbled her thinly veiled insult, and he smirked. An arm wrapped around her shoulder and his chin fell onto the top of her head. It was actually quite comfortable.
Merlin turned the music's volume lower, mumbling.
"Don't fall asleep on me," he sounded tired.
"Too late," she smirked lazily.
"Your neck's gonna hurt like that," he pointed out.
There it was again, his constant concern for other people's well-being. She sat up, nearly hitting him in the jaw with her head. He flinched back, slightly scared. She took out the earbud and handed it to him. He scooted back and she shook her head, resting it against the window. Merlin slid closer towards her feet brushed against his knees. Bony. Did the man ever eat? He'd been on her case, making her eat regular meals, but he looked as though he didn't eat, though she knew otherwise. He could eat more than her and Arthur combined. He sensed her discomfort and made a pillow out of his scarf, placing it between her and his knees. She smiled up at him. He was so damn nice and attentive.
She looked up at the ceiling, waiting. In a few short hours, she'd be home. Her true home.
"Tell me about Armagh, Merlin," Morgana requested, voice soft.
She felt him take a deep breath.
"Not much to tell. Just a three-room small flat with my mum; I never met my dad. My best friend and neighbour, Will, and I got into a lot of trouble as kids," he started.
Morgana smiled at the image of a small, pint-sized Merlin running around, wreaking havoc.
"I got into a lot of trouble, actually," he blinked at the memory of every time he would be scolded.
"I bet you were let off easy," she said.
"Why?" he fought a grin.
"You don't seem like the kind of person that's easy to stay angry at for long," she shrugged.
"I was a terribly hyper and strange child, Morgana. My mum could stay angry at me for as long as she wanted," he snorted.
"Aw, but you must've been so cute as a kid," she said teasingly.
"The teachers never stayed mad for very long," he agreed reluctantly.
"I knew it. Probably charmed the socks of them," she reached over to pat him on the head, and he scowled at her.
"Don't patronise me," he grumbled.
"I'm not," she took her hand back.
"I did get suspended a few times," he grinned suddenly, "setting the chemistry lab on fire."
Morgana laughed, a true, loud and honest laugh.
"I just imagined you with Einstein's hair and burnt clothes," she looked at him mirthfully.
He leaned his head back, resting it on the seat, no longer on the top of her head.
"Pretty accurate, actually."
"What about your girlfriend?" Morgana asked, curious, "you don't have to talk about her if you don't want to," she said quickly.
"Her name's Freya. She's…she was amazing. She was so incredibly nice and loving," he sighed, closing his eyes.
Morgana sat up, looking at him.
"What happened?"
"We grew apart. It happens to everyone, eventually. She decided to stay, and I wanted to leave. We still talk once in a while."
"Really?" she asked.
"No one can just get over her. It's like she's got this energy that draws everyone towards her, reeling them in, and she just lets them all go. When she smiles and laughs, it's like everything's right. She didn't want anyone, no one interested her. Except me. She chose me," he sighed, nearly scoffing at his own luck.
"And then, after a few years, we realised we weren't the same kids we once were. We hated the music the other liked. Hated each other's career plans. I think we just got sick of each other. Who marries the girlfriend they had since the age of thirteen, anyway?" Merlin opened his eyes, a bit lost with where he was going with his tale of woe.
"You still love her?" Morgana asked, brow furrowing.
Merlin's eyes met hers, "I love what we had. I love her as a person, and as a friend. I feel like my entire childhood I put her on a pedestal to compare everyone to her, effectively ruining any future relationship I could've had. I did love her, a lot. Still do. But not as a romantic partner. Not anymore."
Morgana nodded in understanding. She didn't expect Merlin to open up the way he did, but she was glad he trusted her. Freya had something good and she just let him go. Idiot.
"So, Morgana, what about you? Any boyfriends? Or girlfriends?" Merlin asked, not wanting to seem close-minded.
"No boyfriends, not ones who were interested in me for my personality, anyway," she frowned a bit.
"Those shitheads?" Merlin asked. He still didn't know what they had done to Morgana; she wouldn't say, and he wouldn't push her.
"Yeah," she ran a hand through long hair, "I sort of had a girlfriend."
"Really?" Merlin's eyes widened, and he looked interested. He wanted to ask if it was Gwen, but Gwen liked Lancelot and didn't seem to be gay or bi.
"Yeah," she laughed, "wow we were such idiots."
"What happened?"
"She was my only friend in secondary school. She wasn't so much a girlfriend as we were best friends who kissed a bit. She lives in Paris now," Morgana said.
"Oh," Merlin said.
"She's beautiful, though. You should meet her," Morgana said.
"Are you offering to set me up?" Merlin asked cheekily.
Morgana snorted, "I said you should meet her, not that you'd like her. Nimueh is a bit difficult to love."
"Nice name," Merlin said thoughtfully, "why do you think I won't like her?"
"She's a bit…severe," she said before shaking her head. She was a bit severe, too, yet Merlin was perfectly sweet to her. She wrinkled her nose, "She's stubborn and will do what she wants when she wants. She doesn't give a shit about anyone but herself. We're so alike," she laughed.
"You do give a shit, though," Merlin said.
"I do not!" Morgana argued.
"You give plenty of shits. You care about Gwen," Merlin said thoughtfully.
Morgana nodded slightly, "Fine, one person."
"As much as you complain about them, you give a shit about Arthur and Uther," Merlin pointed out, earning a nod.
"You forgot someone," she said with a grin.
"Oh, yeah? Who?"
"You, you arsehat," she snorted.
"See, with you calling me names, I'm not sure you care very much," he scowled.
"It's a term of endearment," she said solemnly, "surely you'd understand those. You have enough for Arthur."
"Those aren't terms of endearment! They're insults," Merlin spluttered.
Morgana raised a brow, "Really? You two seem to be getting on quite well."
"Shut up," Merlin's cheeks coloured, remembering how embarrassed they had been at Arthur's blunder earlier just that week. Breakfast. He shook his head.
"Sorry, sorry," she chuckled.
"You never did say why you won't set me up," Merlin said finally once Morgana had caught her breath.
She smirked, "Find yourself your own girlfriend. Plus, I'm pretty sure she has a girlfriend, a real one, now."
Merlin rolled his eyes, nudging his knee against her leg. She pushed back. Morgana yawned and crossed her arms across her chest. Though the train was heated, she couldn't help but feel a bit cold.
"What time's your connecting train?" she asked sleepily.
"In the morning," he sighed, running a hand over his face.
"You're just going to wait in the train station?" she frowned at him.
"Yeah," he said.
"No. You're coming with me," she said with finality.
"What?" he snorted. He should've been used to her bossing him around, but he was always surprised by her.
"There are no buses to Ashford this late, so I got a room at a hotel near the station," she explained, "we'll just ask for another bed."
"I can't impose," Merlin shook his head.
"You're not imposing. It'd be too late to do anything in the city, anyway. May as well sleep," she suggested.
"Then I'm paying my share," Merlin said with tentative agreement.
"I already paid," she shared.
"Then I'll pay you the difference," Merlin grumbled. He crossed his arms over his chest.
"Fine. Just stop being so disagreeable," Morgana kicked him gently.
"I'm disagreeable?" he snarled.
"We're both disagreeable. There," she rolled her eyes.
"I'm fucking lovely, thank you very much," he said, making Morgana laugh.
"A right doll," she said between giggles.
"Damn right," Merlin said.
The topic was settled, once and for all. They'd spend the night in Dublin before heading out in different directions in the morning.
This was a bit longer, so hopefully the wait was worth it. Comments? Questions? Suggestions? Please review.