Funeral

Fortunately, Mrs. Bane had been aware that Magnus would have no ability to plan a funeral after her passing away, and she'd made most arrangements beforehand. Magnus did a good job at pretending to be okay, after only a week had passed. Alec, however, had almost lived with him in his apartment, and he knew that Magnus was far from okay. Instead of confronting Magnus about his feelings, he continued to turn his own frustration inward and put his thoughts into songs, which he kept to himself. Perhaps someday he would be ready to share them, but now wasn't the time for Magnus to hear what it really felt like to witness someone go through mourning and not being able to do something about it. Magnus had only ever had his mother, and now he had no one left.

Alec had taken a long shower, since he needed to get back to his studies for a few days, before the funeral. It was really true, how whenever you were upset, the shower was a horrible place to be alone with your thoughts, and Alec had remembered that maybe they should have notified a few of Mrs. Bane's friends and family.

"Did you let people know what time to show up tomor…?" Alec stopped himself, when he entered the living room and found Magnus reading his notebook full of sad songs. Magnus ignored his presence. "Magnus?"

"When did you write these?" Magnus looked up, he had tears in his eyes. Alec crossed his arms over his chest as a way of covering up his sense of awkwardness.

"Mostly when you were sleeping," he shrugged. "I never intended for anyone to see them," he added quickly, because he wanted that much to be clear.

"Why not?"

"They're hurting you," Alec stepped closer. Maybe he could take the notebook back, before he could read any more.

"No, they're helping me. You're helping me. You should play one at the funeral," Magnus replied.

"What? It'll just make everyone uncomfortable and even more sad," Alec shook his head.

"Who?"

"The guests? Didn't you invite anyone?"

"There's only me and my mom," Magnus said.

"She must have had friends? Colleagues?"

"She was self-employed. She had a small shop, selling gear and instruments, remember?" Magnus said.

"Oh, right."

"Besides, my friends aren't to be counted on. They're always too busy to stop by," Magnus looked down at the notebook in his hands. "I think this one would be very good for her funeral," he held up the page for Alec to look at. It was the song he'd written, while thinking of how she might have been before her illness took over. Alec really didn't feel like singing a song at a funeral, even if they were the only ones present. "Please?"

"Magnus…" Alec hesitated. He also really didn't feel like saying no to Magnus. The man got to his feet and moved to stand in front of Alec, he leaned in and kissed his neck. His warm breath against the sensitive skin on his neck made his knees weak. "Magnus, you know it's impossible for me to say no to you, right?"

Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because Magnus took a few steps away from him.

"What do you mean?"

"That you're irresistible?" Alec tried. Magnus frowned.

"Alec, you should be able to say no if I'm crossing any lines," he sighed.

"Oh, well making me sing that song at a funeral would be crossing my lines," Alec shrugged apologetically.

"Okay," Magnus said, but he seemed to be less than okay with that answer. Alec sighed, because he also didn't have time for an argument right now. He had practice with the band and then schoolwork afterwards.

"I really have to go, Magnus," he said and leaned in to kiss Magnus quickly, before leaving.

…

"You look like shit. You and Magnus should go outside once in a while, see the sun," Izzy grimaced, when she saw her brother enter the practice room.

"Thanks, Izzy," Alec replied flatly.

"Uh-oh, what's up?"

"The funeral is in two days," he shrugged, and went to sit by the drums. He'd missed the drums, while he'd been with Magnus most of his time the past week. His short response quieted the others for a while, and they started practice. Alec felt really stressed out about the band having a gig on the night after the funeral. For some reason it felt wrong, but normal people had to move on with their lives. People usually went to work right after funerals, there was nothing unusual about it. Alec just worried about Magnus, because he appeared to have lost everything he had.

Jace and Clary were flirting during the songs, but it mostly worked well with the lyrics, so Alec didn't complain. Maybe he was too emotionally tired to complain about it. Unfortunately, Clary might have noticed how tired he was, because she came up to him afterwards.

"Is everything okay?" she asked sweetly. Alec swallowed hard, before he decided to give her a real answer. Clary always expected a real answer.

"Magnus doesn't think anyone will show up for the funeral. You should have seen him. He wanted me to sing one of the songs I've written about the past week, but I don't think I can do it. I didn't even want him to see the song," Alec ranted.

"Oh boy. Well, guests we can definitely do something about, I'll ask my mom if she knew anyone who knew Mrs. Bane. Do you want me to sing the song with you?" Clary asked.

"Would you?" Alec felt a huge relief.

"Of course," she smiled and gave him a hug. Once he felt his friend's arms around him, he felt how much he'd needed someone to just hold him for a moment, like he'd done for Magnus so much the past week. He held on to Clary for a short moment, before releasing her. She gave him a compassionate look after that. "Are you sure you're okay? You've been with Magnus for days now, maybe you need someone else to talk to?" This girl continued to grow on him, and he couldn't resist her offer, so they went for a cup of coffee, before his evening class began. He hadn't realized how much he'd needed to get off his chest. And it wasn't something he could talk to Izzy about, or even Jace. It was something he'd always felt more comfortable talking to Aline about, but Aline wasn't available at the moment, and Clary was beginning to be one hell of a stand in.

"I got scared, when he finally offered himself to me," Alec began.

"You didn't want to take advantage of him?" she wondered.

"No, more like the other way around. It seemed like he just wanted a distraction, although I know now that's not what he's doing with me. It just seems like the wrong time right now."

"People mourn differently, maybe he just needed to feel loved?" Clary offered.

"Yeah, I know. But then there is the fact that… ehm, I haven't…" Alec took a deep breath and looked down at his coffee.

"Been with a guy before?" she helped him.

"Right. And how do you know? Like how do you know which one does what?" This was beyond humiliating to talk about, but he just needed someone to help him understand what to do in these sort of scenarios.

"I'm not really an expert on gay sex. I even fell asleep during Brokeback Mountain," she shrugged apologetically.

"But you watched The L Word?"

"That's about lesbians, I don't think it's the same, they just take turns doing the same to each other. Anyway, I don't think TV is ever the same as reality. People probably just go along with what seems natural. You'll probably be making out before, so just read the signals during foreplay, what does Magnus seem to want. Or you know, you could ask him about it, while you're making out," Clary suggested.

"You're right. I'm thinking too much. And then I worried it was his way of forgetting the loss, and I didn't want to be just that," Alec said. Hearing Clary's suggestions now, made him think of a few hints Magnus might have given him, while they'd made out on the couch every night. How he'd pulled Alec down on him, and wrapped his legs up around Alec's waist or around his legs.

"It's perfectly natural to worry about these things. You shouldn't get so worked up about it though, I mean, Magnus is really hot and all, but so are you, in case you didn't know," Clary shrugged. Alec frowned at her.

"Thanks. I think," he said.

"That's what friends are for," she replied.

Alec made Clary a copy of the song Magnus requested and she promised to practice it before the funeral. In the meantime, Alec had a few classes he needed to catch up on. To be honest, he hadn't cared much for school lately, and now that he'd sold some of his songs to Tessa Gray, he wasn't even sure he would need an education. Tessa was huge, and if the songs were a hit and word got around that he'd written her songs, he probably wouldn't need an education anyway. He felt pretty confident about it, but of course all writers needed back up, in case of writer's block. And so he continued his studies for a few more days for now.

…

Clary had kept her word. At least fifteen people showed up to the funeral, including Clary's mom, who looked just like her, a couple of odd looking friends of Magnus', whom he seemed happy to see for some reason.

"Thanks for coming," Magnus gave a bubblegum blue-haired girl a hug and greeted a green-suited man. "Alec, these are some of my old friends, Catarina and Ragnor."

"Nice to meet you," Alec said. Although, he didn't understand why they would show up, when they probably hadn't even called within the past week. He let his doubt win, and decided they might not have known about Magnus' mother. Magnus was a very private person after all.

All of Alec's friends were there, which Magnus seemed to appreciate. Even Tessa and Will stopped by for the ceremony.

When time came, Alec had arranged for him and Clary to perform the song of Magnus' request as a surprise. It touched Magnus to tears, and he could no longer stop himself from crying.

Everything went beautifully, and by the end of the day, Magnus insisted on going to the concert in the evening.

"You really don't have to come, I'll come straight to your apartment afterwards," Alec had assured him.

"I really don't want to be alone," Magnus had replied, and had leaned closer to Alec in a manner that made it impossible for Alec to convince the man otherwise, because the truth was that he too wanted to be able to look at Magnus as much as possible.

…

The place was crowded; it was probably one of their bigger gigs. Alec was nervous for some reason, but when he looked down at the crowd and spotted Magnus by the corner by the stage, he relaxed a bit.

Clary came over to him, once he'd settled by his drums and they were just about to start.

"Let's end the whole thing with the song from the funeral? We'll dedicate it to Mrs. Bane," Clary whispered so only the band could hear her suggestion. Alec wasn't sure, but the others convinced him it was a great idea.

"Okay," he agreed at last.

The show went on and Clary and Simon were amazing as usual. They really were quite the duo, whenever they sang together. Jace was rocking it, and Izzy was just flowing with the music, while Alec felt every rhythm in his bones.

"We would like to dedicate the last song to a woman, who raised one of our most talented teachers. We went to her funeral today, it was a beautiful ceremony, and we performed this song to commemorate the love that will live on in two of my favorite people," Clary said as they neared the end of the concert. Alec looked down at Magnus to see if he was still with them – he was still staring at them, maybe with more attention now than before.

They performed the song, and it was almost like a completely different version, now that they had drums and bass to add to the volume of the entire song. Once they were done performing, Alec couldn't spot Magnus in the crowd anymore, so he hurried off stage just to find him right there in the back; waiting. Magnus pulled Alec to him by his sweater and kissed him wholeheartedly. Alec didn't even notice the others walking past them as they got off the stage one by one.

"Thank you," Magnus whispered.

…

"That was a great show tonight. Gosh, I'll never get tired of looking at you rocking at your drums," Magnus said and closed the door behind them, when they arrived back at his apartment. Alec had had two beers during the show, but he wasn't tipsy. He felt something else entirely, so he softly grabbed Magnus' hand and the other man turned to look at him.

"Are you alright?" Alec asked. It had been a long day, with the funeral and the concert, but after his talk with Clary the other day, he felt ready. Still, he didn't want to overstep some sort of boundary.

"Yeah, why are you asking?"

Alec pulled him closer and kissed him softly. It didn't take Magnus long to catch on to Alec's mood, and he pushed their jackets off and leaned into the kiss. After a minute, Magnus took both of Alec's hands and pulled him into the living room and down on the couch. Alec almost fell on top of him, and had to break off the kiss for a moment. He looked down into the golden eyes beneath him, and brushed Magnus' cheek, before he crashed his lips against Magnus' with wild impulse. Something might have sparked inside him, when he looked at Magnus, and it gave him a sort of hunger. As he kissed Magnus, it seemed he couldn't get enough, and Magnus' small gestures, like his legs wrapped around Alec's waist, or his hands softly brushing over Alec's biceps to calm him down, making him realize that he was actually mildly shaking.

"Alec," Magnus murmured against his lips, and it gave Alec the confidence to arch his back and tip his hips so his crotch pressed against Magnus', earning a frantic gasp from the other man. Alec continued to circle his hips, rubbing against Magnus, creating almost an unbearable sensation. Before long they were panting into each other's mouths, and Magnus pushed Alec up slightly to breathe. "If this isn't going any further, I think we should stop now," he breathed. Alec didn't reply, but he sat up and removed his sweater, so that he was now shirtless on top of Magnus. When Magnus just stared at him, Alec helped him out of his shirt. Alec had been careful not to reveal too much of his physique to Magnus during the time he'd been staying with him. He'd always slept with a shirt on, and now Magnus was staring at his upper body like he'd never seen anything like it, and it made Alec blush from the attention. Magnus ran his warm hands over Alec's chest, and let his hand linger by the hem of his pants. He hadn't gone with Jace to the gym for quite some time, but it didn't seem to make much difference to Magnus. Alec looked down at Magnus' hand; his pants did not hide his excitement at the moment. Magnus sat up in front of him.

"If you don't feel like it today, I totally understand," Alec said. Magnus placed both of his hands on each side of Alec's waist.

"Are you kidding? I haven't felt this much in weeks," Magnus replied. "But I think my bed is more comfortable." Alec replied with a smirk, and dragged Magnus with him to the bedroom, pushing the older man down on the bed. Alec didn't know where these instincts came from, but he suddenly didn't feel nervous anymore. It was almost as if one look of awe from Magnus made him a whole new person. Alec started running his lips down Magnus' lean upper body, and down to his pants. When he hesitated, Magnus moved to take them off. Alec kicked off his own pants and fell down on top of Magnus again. He continued to rub against Magnus, while kissing him heavily, making him spread his legs around him again. He started kissing Magnus' jaw, all the way up to his ear.

"Magnus, I don't know what to do. Tell me what to do," he whispered into his ear. It seemed to be the right thing to ask, because Magnus lifted his legs even further up Alec's sides, and pushed upward.

"Do you want to fuck me, or do you want me to fuck you?" Magnus asked carefully. Alec caught Magnus' eyes to see if that's all it was – a fuck.

"I want to make love to you," he whispered back. Magnus let go a sigh of surprise, and a small smile, before giving Alec a nod.

"Good. You need to prepare me then," Magnus replied.

"What?"

"There's lube and condoms in the drawer. Use your fingers," Magnus explained. Alec reached for the drawer, and grabbed the tube. Then he removed Magnus' boxer briefs, momentarily staring at Magnus' length and deciding it was probably a good decision for him to do Magnus this first time, and not the other way around. Magnus reached up and ran his thumb over Alec's chin. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he smiled down at Magnus and gave him a nervous kiss. He popped open the lid of the tube, but Magnus stopped him, he took the lube and put it aside, before turning over Alec. For a second, Alec felt his heart jump in his chest. Magnus pulled Alec's boxers off, and Alec felt squirmy underneath him, not knowing what he was up to with his sudden change of position. But then Magnus went down on him, and took him into his mouth. Alec moaned as a response to the pleasure the warmth of Magnus' mouth was giving him. Just as Alec felt an orgasm start to build, Magnus let go of him.

"What…?" Alec looked down, but Magnus was already at his mouth, kissing him passionately.

"I want to feel you," Magnus whispered. It took Alec a moment to compose himself, but then he turned Magnus over. The other man wrapped his legs around Alec's waist once again, giving him ready access. Alec did what Magnus told him to do to get ready, before he pressed inside him. It was a bitter sweet feeling that hit Alec's groin, a sense of pleasure and pain as Magnus tightened around him. Magnus arched his back as a response, and Alec went deeper, Magnus groaned and whimpered and the small sounds coming from Magnus quickly sent Alec over the edge. He felt like such a boy, for not being able to continue any longer than that. Magnus was only just getting comfortable underneath him. But the man underneath him was so gorgeously breathtaking and it suddenly felt like a curse. "Alec, it's fine," Magnus trying to make him calm down only made him aware of the fact that he was slightly panicking from the embarrassment.

"No, it's not fine. Just give me a minute."

"Alec," Magnus pushed him off him and rolled over on top of him. He looked down at Alec with the most tender eyes anyone had ever given him. "Thank you."

"For what? I didn't even get you off?"

"For showing me I still got it," Magnus smirked. Alec sulked, and it made Magnus drop his expression. "No, dumbass, for everything you've done for me the past few weeks. You're an amazing person, Alexander Lightwood."

"It's your own fault you know. You shouldn't have blown me before. I was already about to come," Alec looked away from Magnus' piercing eyes.

"It's completely my fault," Magnus agreed, but Alec sensed the humor in his tone and he didn't like it. So he pushed Magnus over and they switched positions again.

"Keep talking, while I get you off," Alec said and went down, before Magnus could reply with anything other than a loud moan filled with surprise at Alec's assertiveness. Alec had never given a blowjob before, but he knew what he liked and so he only did to Magnus what he had liked Magnus doing to him. He mirrored what he remembered from a moment ago, and not before long, Magnus was gripping the sheets and moaning for Alec not to stop. As all of Magnus' glory hit the back of Alec's throat, he felt that he was surprised with himself for even liking it as much as he did. The man twisting under him made the entire scenario all the more erotic and hot, and Alec thought up all the words he would use to describe all of Magnus' feline grace – seductive, sexy, passionate, riveting – and he felt Magnus down his throat, tasted Magnus and he thought to himself, 'I can get used to this'. He looked up at the older man with what was probably quite a grin, because satisfying another man was unbelievably stimulating. And not just stimulating in a sexually arousing manner, no, stimulating to the core of his soul.

Magnus was breathing hard with closed eyes, when Alec lay down next to him on his side facing the older man.

"That was even hotter than coming inside of you," Alec whispered, and it made Magnus peek at him sideways with a skeptic expression. He knew he could have come up with better words for it, if only he'd been writing them down on a piece of music sheet, but in front of Magnus his vocabulary always seemed to drop.

"You're out of your mind, kid," Magnus closed his eyes again, but with a huge grin on his face.

"Tell me something I don't know," Alec replied and leaned back to look at the dark ceiling of Magnus' bedroom. He loved the dark color of the ceiling. It was like it was always night in here. He wondered if maybe next time, he would let Magnus fuck him instead, and then maybe he would last longer. He hoped he would, because no matter what he did – wrote songs, played a gig, put out – he would always want to do his best, because of Magnus.

I'm sorry this one took me a while. I haven't started on the next chapter yet, so the next one might also take a while. I feel like I'm lacking inspiration these days, but I just got a copy of 'Lady Midnight' yesterday, so perhaps that will help with new inspiration.

Anyway, let me know what you think or if you have any wishes for how things should turn out for Magnus and Alec? :)