12 Dannys POV
That was it, I broke down crying, sobbing as I realised how much of this was my fault. If I had just paid more attention to Tom, tried to get him to talk to me, or one of us, he could have still been here. I was riddled with guilt, I should have been able to get him to talk, he had been my lover of 4 years, why didn't he want to open up to me? Why did he feel like he couldn't open up to me? I would have listened, and tried to help him, I had done in the past, why couldn't I help him now? All I could think about was finding him, and wrapping him into my arms and not letting him go, letting him cry until he felt better. That was all I wanted, was to have Tom, my perfect Tom, back in my arms, safe and sound.
"Danny, open up the door for us! We need to talk about this." Harry pleaded, banging on the door. I ignored him, curling up underneath my duvet, laying on Toms side of the bed, wanting a muffled voice to tell me to 'sod off, you're heavy!' with an adorable giggle. Something rustled next to my ear, and I found it was the goodbye note Tom had written, and reading through it broke my heart all over again.
Danny, Harry and Dougie,
I'm so sorry, I really am, I am so, so sorry. I should have left a long time ago, and I'm sorry that I didn't. I've waited a long time, making sure it was the right thing to do, and it really is. I'm sorry for sticking around for so long, I should have gone sooner. But thank you for putting up with me for so long, it must have been tough to not just scream at me for being so d*mn annoying. I didn't mean to, I just wanted to feel safe and loved.
I love all you guys, and I didn't mean for things to turn out like this, but its obvious that I'm not wanted, or needed anymore. I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend, and boyfriend, or even band mate. I only wanted to be more like you, everyone loves you, while no-one even likes me. I've taken everything I can with me, so you can just get rid of everything else, I'm not coming back, so I won't need anything else. Just get rid of everything and sell the house, get rid of any trace of me, and get on with your lives. You'll be happier without me anyway, I've noticed how you're always happier when I'm not joining in with whatever your doing. I'll stay away from now on, don't worry. I might come back, for something, no I won't, yes I will, no I won't.
I'll take my phone as well, if for some reason you want to talk to me, and please don't just use it to ask me to come back, because I won't. I'll want to, but I won't, you won't want it really. I won't cause any more pain to you guys, I want you to be happy, so please, forget about me and move on. I'll always love you guys, especially you, Danny, thank you for being kind for the past couple of years. I'm sorry that I love you, Danny, and that I'm not the kind of man you really want, and have basically just forced you to pretend to love me too. I won't force you anymore, I promise.
Thomas xxx
13 Toms POV
I curled up on the back seat of my car, wrapped in a thin blanket, sobbing. It was the middle of the day, and all I wanted was to have Dannys arms around me, his lips kissing my neck while whispering words of love to me. Right now, I didn't care that he had lied to me about loving me, I would happily go back and hear his lies and pretend everything was fine, just to hear the words 'I love you' just one more time. I wanted to hear those words, so, so badly, they made me feel safe, and loved, and cared for.
I suddenly had an idea and grabbed my phone, thanking that I still had charge on it, quickly going through to my videos. I clicked on any random one, watching the scene play out. It was from our last tour, and we were warming up for the show.
"oooh who's your lover? I couldn't tell, when hell freezes over, that's when I'll tell!" me and Danny sang, giggling at each other as we pointed to one another for the first line. Danny leant closer and closer to me, until he wrapped his arms around me and whispered "your my lover, and I love you." Before he kissed me on the cheek. "Danny behave! Theres people here!" I giggled on screen, pushing at his chest lightly. "fine, want me to behave? I'll sing again... room on the third floor, not what we asked for!" Danny did his usual thing of singing in a way that made me cringe.
"Danny no! Your making me cringe!" I cried out, putting my hands over my ears. Of course, Danny carried on, singing Obviously, and more of Room On The Third Floor, following me around the dressing room. Dougie was giggling in the background, following us too as he filmed. "and I was afraid when you kissed me, on your intergalactical Frisbee, I wonder why, I wonder why, you never asked me to stay!" Danny started singing again, pressing himself close to me, slapping me on the bum playfully, giggling as I pushed him away. "I hate you at times you know." I joked, giggling anyway. "you love it all really! Like you love me." Danny laughed and jumped onto my back, attacking my neck with kisses, making me squeal.
The memory made me weep even more, missing those old games, where I could smile and be happy. I bet Danny was happy right now, probably trying to wind up Harry in the same way, though it only ever effected me, and it was a well known that it only effected me. I could imagine the two brunette boys play fighting, rolling around one of their front room floors, trying to outdo each other, then Dougie running and jumping on top of them as well, being pinned by the older two and being tickled until he screamed. The want to be a part of it killed me, I so wanted to be a part of that play fight, helping to cause those happy smiles and laughs. But they were only smiling and laughing because I wasn't there, they were happier without me, I knew they were. They had probably forgotten I even existed anymore anyway, so there was no point in going back, cause them some more unnecessary pain. I was staying, right where I was, crying, and trying not to think about ending it all so I didn't go back.