Hey guys sorry for posting so late..it's actually 12:24 right now now exactly sat. but lol i was at church all day! check my facebook profii if you don't belive me lol anyways here is the next post. Finally some JxB moment. Oh and a big big thanks to KG Wulf my new friend, advisor and supporter...thanks for your thoughtful pm's and reviews!

JPOV

Victory! This is what I thought as I heard Bella sigh and leave my room. I had won this battle and I hoped that this would discourage her from trying to do something like that in the future. However I couldn't help but to feel the slightest twinge of guilt. Bella had almost knocked me off my feet with the feelings that she sent blasting through the door. Where did the sudden rush of emotions, specifically sadness, come from? I pushed the thought out of my head as I stood to my feet. Surely it was all a trick; her waves of sadness were all a plan devised by my family to get me to give in. I could feel the little seed of resentment growing in my dead cold heart. My family doesn't trust me around humans but they lock me inside of the house with Bella, the irony is overwhelming.

I take the moment of separation to lock my door; hoping that it will be enough to keep Bella from coming inside. Flitting to the huge mirror that Alice has placed inside of our room, I look at myself. This is the person my family cannot trust; this is the face of a natural born killer. I'm sure that if Carlisle knew of my past, he would have never allowed me to become a part of this family. But then where would I be? This family is a part of me now…a part of the monster that I have become…or the one I've always been. I violently turn away from the mirror; suddenly hating the face that I see reflected back at me.

I wish I knew their reasons; their true reasons to making me do this whole thing with Bella. In the past year I've only slipped twice. Twice! The word sinks in as I sit on the bed. Two times, I have killed an innocent human for my own selfish needs. How could I try to justify that? Our family doesn't drink human blood; we're vegetarians. But I, only I, couldn't learn to live like the rest of them. Why couldn't I just stuff my past into a box like I've done so many times before? Why couldn't I control it? Just the thought of drinking human blood, is so tempting to me right now. STOP IT JASPER! The rational part inside of me is trying to help me, why can't I listen? But what puzzled me the most was why the family kept me around. Why they won't just tell me to leave, tell me to never come back to their house again? I run a free hand through my hair. It's because they love me, it's because they want me to be the best I can be. Oh I've been so irrational and thoughtless. Bella could be the key to my fix, the solution to all of my problems. And all I could do is yell and push her away.

I yank my door open and run into her room, but it's empty, she's not there. Could I have pushed her to her limit? Her scent is still fresh so she must've just left the room. I follow down the stairs and outside. Is she trying to leave? She hasn't walked far, I think as I follow her scent outside. There she was sitting on a rock…crying. Her chest was heaving in and out erratically, like her lungs were desperately trying to claw at air they couldn't reach. The pain she exuded was so commanding that it knocked me down onto my knees. Before I could stop myself, I was on the ground tearing at the grass. Tearless, silent sobs broke through my chest as I watched her do the same. The pain, the torture that I am feeling is indescribable. What could she be thinking right now? Then it hit me, she is crying because she just realized how much of a monster I really am. She's crying because she has to deal with me. The feeling to redeem myself in front of her shocked me. Why should I care what she thinks about me? It can't be any worse than what my family already thinks of me. My sobs slowed down and I began to release my hold on the grass; my hands still covered in dirt though. Out of the blue I smell it, the potent and delicious smell of blood. I whipped my head up; my teeth bared. There was a small stream of blood cascading down her wrists. Oh God this must be heaven, this smell, this enchanting aroma. I slowly stand onto my feet, ready to pounce. DON'T DO IT JASPER; somehow this voice in my head snaps me out of my trance before I can do anything. What am I doing? I turn the other way and run, I run as fast as my legs can push.

I was going to kill her; I was going to kill Bella because of my lack of control. They were right; I am weak. I stumble into a small clearing and fall pathetically onto the grass. How could I go from feeling sympathetic to murderous? Her blood was like something I've never smelled before, it was so appetizing and so….I would kill to smell that again. I would do anything just to be near Bella not to drain her of her bouquet of blood but just to smell her. Yesterday when we unboxed her, I could only think of one thing. How I could get closer to her. It's no wonder that Emmett killed his singer. The attraction is undeniable; the attraction to her blood, to her scent. I Know that I can control myself when around her but the blood, her blood is enough to send me into my darker days. Was that what she was trying to do? Was she trying to test me? STOP, there's that voice again. I can smile faintly for the wise advice that it gives me. I need to stop thinking like I'm still training newborns or fighting the Volturi, not everything Bella does is strategic…right?

I sit on the grass for just a while longer. There are so many flaws in this plan though. Bella speaks a foreign language. How am I supposed to understand what she says without having Carlisle be there to translate? I guess I could read that book that Carlisle read, but it took him whole year to learn it…I don't have a whole year to waste reading. I wonder if Bella would teach it to me. No, no she wouldn't, she must hate me now. The way she was crying could only mean one thing, that she doesn't want to be here, or be around me. She doesn't seem to like anyone but Carlisle. Well I can't say that for certain since I was not there when she was with Alice. Alice…she seems more excited about being Bella's stylist than the fact that this could be helping us. Sure she said she was looking forward to me being "better" but I could feel the anticipation bubbling in her. She was waiting for Bella to settle in before jumping on her. I'm not sure that Bella would be totally comfortable with Alice poking and prodding her everywhere. What am I saying? I know absolutely nothing about Bella whatsoever. But I think I owe it to her, and my family to get to know her better.

I can hear a car pulling up to the garage; it's a little early for them to be back from school. My eyes flicker to the watch on my hand and I know that I'm dead. It's three a clock, school has been over for an hour already. I wasted the whole day isolating myself in the bathroom. I could already feel the frustration, irritation, and sadness coming from inside of the house. Running fast back into the house I dart through the door. The faces that I meet are of angry and disappointed vampires. Edward is hovering over Bella, who is sleeping. Alice is standing next to Carlisle with her hands on her hips and with a look of vexation on her face.

"Jasper where were you?" her voice lacks the happy bounce it usually has.

"Out…I had to run for a while." I sent a wave of calm towards her.

"No! Don't manipulate my feelings. Jasper you haven't worked with Bella all day have you?" I couldn't lie to them, but I couldn't tell that I spent the whole day locked inside my bathroom either.

"The whole day Jasper?" I turned to Edward; he must've heard my thoughts. "Of course I did," he hissed.

"What did you do for the whole day?" Esme's sweet voice made my guilt increase.

"I…" I just couldn't bring myself to answer.

"What did you do for the whole day Jasper!?" Alice yelled.

I could feel Bella waking from her lethargy. She stared at me intently then at Alice.

"Calm down Alice." She scoffed.

"Calm down? Jasper I can't believe that you wasted this whole day doing whatever! Doesn't this matter to you?"

"Of course it does Ali,"

"Then why don't you act like it? Why don't you act you actually care about this?" her angry was flaring.

"Alice please settle down." Thank you Carlisle.

"I just…I just don't get it. Why is it so hard for you to grasp?"

"Alice," I step towards her but she flits back.

"I can't think right now, I have a headache from not being able to see anything. Please just give me some space for a while."

"Okay." I could give her that.

She darts out the door leaving us all in the living room. Again their faces all project sadness, all except Bella who is feeling…angry? Her teeth are visibly clenched and her browns are furrowed to the point where deep wrinkles form on her forehead. But I can't think of solutions to her anger right now, or solutions to Alice's. I leave the living room and run up the stairs and into my room. I fall onto my bed and burrow my face into my pillow. I feel so angry at myself but more towards Alice. How could she expect for things to work out so fast? Rome wasn't built in a day. I thought that when she came home, I would get encouragements from her, not heated conversations. Maybe she's tired; maybe she tired of always giving me encouragements. Well I'm tired too; I'm tired of always trying to live up to some status quo. I'm not perfect like she is. I growl into my pillow but stop midway when I hear the door to my room being opened. I feel someone sit onto the bed and pause. I'm sure it's Esme trying to cheer me up.

I lift my head and shock ripples through me, why is she here? She smiles quietly and pushes my book towards me. Did she come up here to give it to me? She sighs and moves closer to me, but I don't move because being next to her seems to calm me. She points to a notepad and pen on the bedside table beside me. I take it and hand it her. She looks at me and moves her hand side to side; I understand that she is saying so-so. I nod and she bites her lip, causing the blood to concentrate on that one spot. FOCUS, I shake away the thought of her blood and focus on the picture that Bella is now drawing. She looks at me expectantly and hands over the pad. On the pad she has drawn a person who looks like Alice.

"Alice?" She nods her head and then takes the pad back from my hands. She bites her lower lip again and begins to draw.

She hands it back and looks at me with sad eyes. The picture of Alice has now changed to a picture of Alice yelling at me. Her drawing isn't great but I can understand what she is talking to me about.

"She was mad." Her face scrunches up in confusion. I sigh and think of a way to explain it to her. "Mad." She nods but I can't still feel her confusion. I point to myself and say mad again then I feign anger. "Mad." She nods her head and smiles.

"Mad," her voice is just as enchanting as her blood is. "Mad…mad." She growls and then laughs. "Mad!" I smile and nod.

"Mad." She stops laughing and points to her chest.

"Mad," I'm guessing that is mad in her language. I repeat it to her and she smiles.

She grabs the notepad and draws what looks like a muzzle onto Alice's mouth. I can't help but to laugh but she looks serious. She circles the drawing of my face and points to it repeatedly. Her face looks sad and her body emanates it also. I turn away from her and shrug. I can feel her hand on my shoulder; she pulls me back to face her and begins to speak.

"Jasper mad." Her first English sentence. She wants me to be mad?

"No, Jasper no mad." I feel ridiculous speaking this way. She closes her eyes and shakes her head, assaulting me with her scent.

"Alice…" she bites her lip as if thinking of a word. "Alice." She huffs and scratches her black hair. Then she looks up. "Alice…" she pauses again and begins to act out silliness.

"Silly?" she stops and looks at me. "Silly?" she nods.

"Alice silly, Jasper mad." I laugh but she is serious. She moves even closer and takes my hand in hers. "Jasper" Her hand is warm and I revel in the feeling of it. "Alice silly," she says it again but it doesn't make me laugh because know the feeling behind it. I smile and she does too.

"Thank you," She smiles and releases my hand. Her eyes catch mine and I feel like I'm drowning in her pools of green.

She slides off the bed, sliding up her tunic in the process. I know I shouldn't look but I do. I've already established the fact that she is beautiful but seeing her backside just solidified it. I reached out to her, not wanting to be alone.

"Bella wait." I wanted to apologize to her; to make things better. She turned.

"Alice," she lifted up one hand "Jasper" and interlocked it with the other. She wanted me to talk with Alice.

She smiled and walked away. What just happened here? Did I just sit close to Bella, hold her hand and not once think about drinking her blood? I did! If I could do this then I could be back to school tomorrow. DON'T RUSH IT, right, right. It's going to take more than ten minutes of sitting with Bella on my bed, to cure me of thirst forever. But it was a start, a start that I was afraid to make. But not anymore, I'm not going to push Bella, I'm going to be her friend.

Remember I can't post unless you review so please leave something! Wow so Jasper wants to be Bella's friend...ugh finally! Next chap. Bella's POV and Bella makes a new friend...not Jasper but another cullen brother. I wonder who it will be? Tell me who you think it is a why! thanks