to me

Donnie's cheeks turned a bright pink once he realized what had just happened. He had been kissed by April once.. it felt nothing like this. He wasn't sure.. it was wrong.. he wasn't sure he liked it. But he had known one thing, he had kissed back for the split second it had happened.

Leo kept his head down and muttered an apology. His cheeks were a bright red and he started to stand up. "I better go.. I'm gonna go up top.." He rushed to his feet. Donnie caught his arm. He didn't feel safe being alone, and he didn't want to be. "Wait.." Donnie pulled him to sit down.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing, and I won't do it again. I promise. Just please know how embarrassed and stupid I feel right now..." Leo fumbled with his words. God, how could he have been so stupid?! He wanted to offer comfort to Donnie, but he knew.. it was a bad move to even brush his lips up against his brother's!

"Look, it's not a big deal." Donnie sighed, still blushing a little, "If you didn't mean it you didn't mean it. I don't care. With all that's going on I don't care at all what happens. It was a mistake, then fine. Just don't leave."

There was a great fear and sorrow in Donatello's eyes, one that screamed and pleaded to be with him. He didn't want to be alone.. not with Raphael the way he was.

"Leo, I'm scared." He shrugged. "I need you."

Donnie looked down, waiting for Leo's reaction.

"But, Donnie.. I-"

"Just shut up, Leo. I'm tired and I want to sleep."

Leo sniffled, still feeling embarrassed. "I'm so sorry.."

Donnie sighed and pulled his older brother to lay on his chest. "Just shut up.." He repeated and rubbed his back, his cheeks still red.

Mikey woke up being held tightly, and smiled. His throat hurt a little, and he reached up to feel around for a bruise, but his hands were grabbed by Raph and dropped back down.

"Shh.. just go to sleep.." Raph gently ran a hand down his head.

"But- but it's morning, dude. Come on, let's get up-" he tried to sit up but was gently pushed down again.

"Just go to sleep.." Raph's voice shook.

"Raph..?" His cheek was stroked. "What are you doing?"

"I love you Mikey.." He said softly, still petting him, "you know that..?" His voice sounded gentler, different, like it wasn't even him. Mikey was confused, but nodded anyway. "Course I do, Raphie.. why don't we get up now, okay..?"

He nuzzled his little brother, and shook his head. "No, no... Let's get some more sleep.."

"But, Raph.. it's morning.."

Raphael shivered a little and held on tighter. "Just for a little while more."

Mikey nodded and let Raph hold him, but was very confused. His tougher older brother never showed this kind of affection towards him unless he was hurt. And only then would Raph become a worried mother hen, but he wouldn't do this.

Because he felt he didn't have a choice, Mikey went to sleep again, still very confused and a little scared. He wondered what caused Raphael to suddenly be so protective and scared himself and feared he would never know.

Several hours later, once Raph was sound asleep and not clinging onto him as tightly, Mikey snuck out of bed and went to Leo's room to talk to Donnie.. they were both still there, sound asleep.

"Hey, Donnie..?" He shook him awake, noticing how oddly they slept. Leo was laying on Donnie's chest, and that in itself was odd. Donnie was the younger brother, and Leo had always been very confident and strong, not needing anyone else for support. He felt that something was very wrong. Donnie couldn't possibly still be upset about Raph's little outburst at him, could he?

"Donnie? Wake up, bro..." The purple masked turtle did not do so. He slept soundly for the first time in days, finally free from the worry, the knowledge that something was greatly wrong with Raphael, he was dangerous, out of control, and certainly unable to know right from wrong at times. Then there was Mikey. He was willing to do whatever it took to help Raph out. But what Raph needed was to confess what was going on with him, so the other turtles would help him out. Without a confession, they would never be able to help, and slowly Raphael would slip further and further into insanity.

However, Donatello wasn't entirely sure that he was sane himself, either. After what had gone on the night before, who knew what would happen. What if Leo did it again? What if Donnie enjoyed it? What if... oh god who knew- what if they eventually formed a relationship? Splinter would never accept that. And besides, didn't he still have a crush on April? Donnie was getting way ahead of himself. It was just a peck. An uncharacteristic peck on the lips, but nevertheless, sweet.

Mikey backed out of the room and was tapped on the shoulders by Raphael, who he thought was still asleep. "Oh.. R-Raph, hi..." He was still perplexed about his brother's affections earlier that day. Not that Mikey didn't enjoy the attention; he loved it, but he was worried about him.
"Mikey, will you come with me...?" Raph's eyes were scared, but also had a different, more demanding, persuasive and charismatic look to them.
"Where...? Should I get Donnie and Leo?"

"No. I- I need to get out of the city for the weekend. Going up to April's farmhouse, and it's not safe to go alone, you know. I think you'd enjoy it."

"Just with you?" Mikey looked at his eyes.

"Yes..." Raph bit his lip. The attacks were getting worse, and maybe getting out of the city would help. He was barely in control of his body at the moment. The spirits begged to be in full control, but Raph wouldn't allow it. He wanted his brother to escape with him up to the farmhouse, WITHOUT Leo or Donnie. What would they know or understand...?

"Well, okay I guess, bro... let me just tell them we're leaving."
No.

"I already told them. Come on." He grabbed Mikey's hand and led him away from the lair, and hopefully away from the darkness that had been surrounding his life for years.

He hoped for freedom.