a.n./ it's coming.

Apologies for the extreme delay, I had huge doubts that I was ruining this and took an extended break, as well as flew out of the country.

all better now.

Also, at the time I planned to write this chapter, the song featured in the next chapter was pretty new at the time. Now it isn't as much. Give it a listen sometime. I always end up in tears because I'm reminded of this story.

THANK YOU FOR ALL THE REVIEWS.

Like, seriously. They're pretty much the reason this story hasn't been deleted. They mean so, so much to me, you guys.

And now it's my turn to repay you all.

It was early January by this point, where the effects of winter truly shown through. It was the coldest it had ever been, and I sat in the corner of my room huddled in my parka. Shiver, shiver. Better than overheating, in my opinion.

I rubbed my hands together frantically; my teeth were chattering like a bitch. Why did it have to get so damn cold in Colorado? Why did I even live in Colorado? Couldn't our family have lived in Florida?

Or we could at least have a heating system installed. That would be heaven.

I swear to God I could see my breath. In my own room. I could see my breath.

Things had been going better in general. I saved up enough cash to buy a radio, cheap as it was. My health issues were improving, somewhat. In terms of family relationships, my mom and I didn't scream back and forth so fucking often. We had little slip-ups here and there, but we pretty much were at a friendly level again.

I was even more stable around Kyle. My love for him grew stronger daily, but so did my control over it. I was pretty certain on how to tell him in the end, and I kept telling myself I was going to do it today. I would. I swear, I would.

I was going to tell him in person, not over the phone, not through a text. I was going to invite him over and tell him up front. I needed to be fucking brave for once, and this would be my only source of joy.

Though, I was pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate getting invited to the freezer that is my room. But it was the best that I could manage, and that was enough, right? It's the thought that counts.

And he had to know. He had to know that the person I ranted about and confessed my dying love for was him. If he didn't already, of course. Which I really, really hoped he didn't, because then the purpose of this embarrassing confession would pretty much vanish.

…What if he did?

It would be like, "hey, Kyle, I love you with every inch of my body" and his response is like, "yeah, I knew that already"? That would suck ass. I want it to go somewhere along the lines of "hey, Kyle, I love you with every inch of my body" and he'd say, "I do too, I'm leaving Stan and living with you for eternity. I'm gonna strip down in celebration, now make out with me!".

… Yeah, wishful thinking, Kenny.

But he'd be cool about it, at least. I know him.

Worst part was, not only had I gotten more obsessed with Kyle, so had Stan. They were way too close nowadays, which meant Kyle was never, ever alone. When they weren't sucking face, they were cuddling, or seeing a movie, or doing other things I didn't want to torture myself by imagining.

Which also meant I needed to plan things very, very carefully.

I stood up with an abrupt shiver, cracking my knuckles before searching for my cell phone. Hell, it was probably frozen solid by now. I know I almost was.

I lifted my mattress off of the carpet, as my phone tended to slide between the space between it and the wall. No sign of the phone. I checked my jacket pockets; pant pockets, windowsill- there it was.

I flipped it open, puffing hot air on the cold surface to warm it up. The screen fogged up and I rubbed it away with my jacket sleeve. I fiddled with the buttons until I brought up my contacts list, inhaling deep before selecting "Kyle" on the list. I bit my lip as the dial tone slowly droned in my ear. Two times. Three times. Four times.

"Hey, this is Kyle's phone, leave a message and I'll get back to you. Thanks!" I mouthed along with Kyle's programmed recording, as I had it memorized by now. I sighed in disappointment, clearing my throat for the beep.

Beep.

"Kyle… hey. It's Kenny. Uhm, it'd be great if you could, uh, call me back. It's, er… urgent, I guess. I'm not bleeding or anything, though, so it isn't really, uh, urgent. Call me back, bye," I stumbled, trying to be as convincing as possible. I flipped the phone closed, sighing again. So much for that, then.

And then my phone rang. I already knew it was Kyle, considering I set his personal ringtone to some cheesy love song-sounding one, which always made me jump. I flipped it open once again, gasping with excitement.

"Kyle?" I squealed, a bit too enthusiastic.

"Yeah, hey. What's wrong?" he asked, sounding preoccupied with something.

"Oh, uhm. Nothing. I kind of over-exaggerated in the message I left you so you'd pick up right away," I confessed, pacing around the room. "But it's still kind of important."

"Uh, alrighty. What is wrong, then?" he asked once more, sounding a bit more involved.

"Well. It's one of those things that I, er, need to tell you in person, okay? It's an issue I, um, need to work out. It's been bothering me for a few months," I explained. "It involves you."

"Mmm, okay," was all that he said.

"Is… is Stan there?" I asked, worried.

"Yeah," he chuckled softly, and I could picture him gazing all wide-eyed and loving at Stan. "But, uh, if you need me that bad, I'm here. I can head over if you don't want to run through the snow."

Kyle had recently gotten his driver's license, and was driving everywhere he possibly could. Which was great, because in a case like this I didn't have to freeze my ass off just to watch Stan and Kyle's make-out session and then give up on attempting to spill anything to Kyle. He could drive here. Alone.

"Thaaat would be amazing," I beamed, grinning from ear to ear.

"Okay then… I'll be over in…" he paused, probably looking at a clock. "Three hours. Around 9:30."

"P-perfect. Thanks," I replied, trying to stay as mellow as possible.

"Staaan…" I heard him giggle, and then shuffling. "Alright then. Be there soon."

"Fantastic. Later," I concluded, still containing my excitement.

"Bye," he ended, hanging up.

"I FUCKING LOVE YOU, KYLE BROFLOVSKI," I screamed at the dial tone, letting everything out.

"…What was that, Kenny?" my mother yelled from across the house (which wasn't very far).

"Um, nothing, Mom!" I shouted, laughing hysterically afterwards. I just invited Kyle over. Holy shit. A year or two ago, that would be no big fucking deal, but dude.

I put my cell phone back on the windowsill, doing a belly flop onto my mattress. Which I regretted.

"…Owww. Fuck," I moaned, sitting up and clutching my stomach. I needed to get into shape.

I distracted myself from the pain by picturing Kyle in my room. With no Stan around his arm. Me confessing everything that I've been attempting to hide from him. It'd be just like one of the hundreds of dreams I've been having… but actually real.

I sighed dreamily, similar to a lovestruck teenage girl, rolling back and forth on my mattress. Soon, Kyle would know. Soon.