A/N: WHOOPS! I meant to update this sooner! I suppose time sort of got away from me. I don't have a TARDIS, so you can't blame me. It's not my fault! I BLAME SCHOOL! But yeah, sorry for making anyone who was looking forward to this chapter wait almost a week for it.

Atherz Noat: Thanks boath Captin Cynthia and me Frend and Me for enspirin' me fer this chapter. The furst part of thie chappie is ritten differently than the reast of the chappie.

Disklammer: No own the Docter hoo, but own Dafne Helga Clarque.

Helga's Mind Diary: Day 1

Dear Diary,

My mother is an absolute idiot. It's absolutely ridiculous how utterly oblivious to the real world she is. I swear, she's constantly got her head in the clouds. How a genius like me came from that woman, I will never know... nor do I wish to find out.

My father, though also stupid, is a bit smarter than my mother. His name is the Master, but for some strange reason I will never understand, he likes to be called either the Masterbate (eww) or the Masterbasket, and he believes that he is a demigod that can fly. Both he and the abomination that is my mother believe that I'm some sort of demigod-werewolf-Time-Lord baby. I'm only a Time Lord. I don't even know WHERE the idea for the werewolf part came from.

My mother (the stupid thing) has another husband named the Doctor, although he insists that his name is spelled 'Doquter.' Apparently he's the father of my brother, Clarque, who I will talk about later. Anyway, my mother, the Doctor, and the Master all believe that I'm the Master's daughter and my twin brother is the Doctor's son. That's not possible, so I'm either the Doctor's daughter or the Master's.

Now for Clarque. He's my twin brother... and he inherited my mother's stupid. He's considered to be the Doctor's son (which might be true) and all he does is eat, sleep, and poop, like some filthy human infant. Sure, I do the same, but it's only because my inferior infant body forces me to do so. I can't wait until I learn to talk.

Ah, my mother's coming to put me in her disgusting furry pouch sack. *shudder* Wish me luck, dear brain.

Sincerely,

Helga

I seracht evrywear for my preshis kitty nun cat Butterflie. She weren't no-where to be viewed by my eyes, so I gived up and went to get my babiese.

I walkt into my babiese room and pickt up my babie Helga. She lookt just like her daddie the Masterbate plus me my faces. I smilet at her and she staret at me with the blanket eye. I laught as I put my dother in pouch, she a comdey.

Doquter walkt into roam and say, "Hi-lo wife, how the baby?"

"The baby in the pouch!" I laught "Comedy!"

"HAhAHAHA!" Doqtuer laught and Masterbasket comed too and he say "Lol"

"Lets go future now" I say

"yes the future" Doqtuer pickt up Clarque and put him my powch.

"Thankques Doqtuer!" I kist him lips and them the Masterbate.

We went out the TADRIS and skipt over two the hovermobeels and the Doqtuer got on one "Kome heer my luv" he sayt

"Ok" I went and goto nthe huvvermobeel and the Masterbate too.

"WEEEEE!" I squealt and my butiful hairs flowed behind.

"Let go to the stoar from future!" Masterbasket suggest.

"Yes let!" Doqtuer

We wented to the stoar that had names like "Futu-marte" an "Disk-lind" and "Not-the=paste!"

"I want to Notthepaste!"

Yes lets "The Masterbate say"

We wented tinto the stoar and I bote loats of thaothpaste and we checkt out with faek monie.

"They not no it fake because they stoopid." Doqtuer laughed.

Heelga sneezt in my powch and i laft. 'Sillie babies"

We leaft and then to the DARITS.

"Move time!" Masterbatsek say because we the TARDIS so it was.

"I get the mooviee." I say

I wente to movie cabnit and gotted my favrit moovie: "Noatboke"

I taked the moovie to the kichin and opent the caise. I tooked the moovie out the caise and put the disque in the mirowave and turnt it on.

The Doqtuer runned over and say, "No Dafne that not were movie goes!"

"it not? But that how I always the movie!" I exclaimt

"No no no" Doqtuer

I reelise it was a stupid to do, but it ok becuz I"m pretty.

Doqtuer taked the moovie from micro-oven and we put it in the real moovei do-oer.

We watched the movie and i criet.

Laitr I taked my babiese out my pouch and putted them on the craddles. Heelga glaret at me becuz she a comedy and I laft. "Silly Heelga."

The nI turnt out the lites and my babiese sleept becus that what the babiese do when you turn the lites away.

I went tothe Doquter room and then we to bed with warm toes.

"Happy night" say me

"Happy night" Doqtuer

"Happy night" Masterbate

In the dark no-light Butterflie creept from her hidding playse and ate her kitty cat food. She sleept in her kitty nun cat bed and used her kitty nun cat sparkel litter box.

She cat was good pet, but then she notices the evils in the TARDIS and screamt.