Part VII – A Prelude to a Fight
A knock sounded on the door drawing their attention away from each other. Lansiah and Carson looked at each other wondering who it could be but didn't move to get it. Things were still a bit rough between them and they were currently trying to explain how they felt while not actually talking about it. It wasn't going well to say the least and the unexpected visitor only made them both annoyed at the interruption.
Carson had ended up sleeping for the better part of the afternoon leaving Lansiah to her thoughts while she went about her day. Her mind had spent the entire time arguing with her heart about what was real and what was not. The hurt of Carson's words and implied meaning still stung and as much as she wanted to believe his apology, a part of her couldn't. She felt as though some part of her trust had been violated and she was extremely reluctant to hand it out again.
After he'd woken they'd had a dinner of stew and bread thrown together from the meal that had been left over the night before. Unlike their normal meals, this one hadn't passed in comfortable chatter and longing glances but in uneasy silence and wary watches. Soon they began talking, the conversation started by Carson, and the suffocating feeling in the room eased as truths were admitted.
She confessed just how hurt she had been by his anger and indignation earlier in the day and she was surprised to see his eyes well up with tears while he listened. When it was his turn to talk, Carson did so without reservation and, after taking a good long while to apologize profusely for hurting her, had poured out a small portion of his soul to her. He talked of his feelings during his stay with her, both the good and the bad. It was during this talk that the two had finally admitted their attraction to one another and while it had been overly done on both parts it had served to begin healing things between them and moving their friendship into a new direction – courtship.
Once she'd had things cleaned up from dinner, Lansiah had stood patiently by while Carson slowly made his way down to the main floor. His movements had been quick at first, the physician was eager to see new scenery even if it was just the living room, but soon the speed slowed to a more comfortable level. She watched him with anxious, concerned eyes, images of him falling and becoming more injured kept tormenting her until he was seated on her two-person chair that sat before the fire.
She had had to force him to raise his leg upon the empty space and stretch out. At first he'd argued against taking up so much room, wanting to make sure that she could join him if she wished, but eventually the pain in his leg had won the argument for him and he had placed across the length of the chair with a deep grimace.
Unable to see him hurting as much as he was, Lansiah had immediately gone back upstairs for his pain medicines and a couple of pillows. While he'd taken the pills, she had elevated his leg upon the pillows then went outside to grab a bit of snow to sooth the annoyed joint until the tablets dissolved and relief was felt.
They currently sat across from one another, Lansiah curled up in her big chair and Carson stretched comfortably out on the long chair, watching each other and waiting to see if the person would go away.
Another knock sounded and Lansiah knew she'd have to get up to get it, tickling Carson's bare left foot as she went. Giving him an impish grin, Lansiah opened the door to find the old man Garleth standing on her porch. He held his had between his hands, wringing it in nerves and his eyes lit up when she answered.
"Garleth, what brings you here?" she asked warmly as she moved to allow him entrance. Garleth was an old, dear friend of her family's. He and her father had been best friends as boys and had continued their friendship throughout the years until her father's death had ended things. Even still she knew that Garleth had formed a friendship with her out of loyalty to his best friend at first but the more he had visited, the closer he had truly become to her. She shut the door behind him, patiently waiting for him to gain feeling in his extremities again before he finally answered.
"Sascha is sick," he explained nervously. His ice blue eyes trailed from her around the room to where Carson sat and he let out a breath of disappointment when he noticed the position the physician was in. "I was hoping Doctor Beckett could take a look at her."
"I'm sorry sir but I don't think I can," Carson admitted grudgingly. Snow and ice was tricky enough to walk through when you have two good legs. For someone who had one good leg and crutches, it was a very bad and foolish idea to even attempt it. Disappointment in himself tore through his heart at having to tell the villager he couldn't help. He felt as though he should be able to push through and ignore his own well being but the human mind is designed to protect itself and the body and was not giving his muscles any command other than "stay where you are".
Garleth nodded sadly. "I understand," he answered and he truly did. While many of his people believed the man to be something close to a god, Garleth was not so foolish. He knew that the doctor was a man bound by the same restrictions of the body as the rest of them.
"Lansiah could go in my stead though," Carson offered hoping the girl didn't mind him volunteering her.
"I am sure she will be fine," Garleth answered politely not wanting to offend either person by straight out declining. "It is just a cough."
"In this weather a cough could be bad enough," Carson answered while trying to sit up straighter. He winced when his knee gave him a shot of pain and lectured him not to do that again.
"He does not wish for me to help," Lansiah supplied filling in the blanks for her clueless friend. Although Garleth hadn't said those exact words she knew what he was thinking. His wife Sascha was the most important person in the entire collection of stars. As much as he trusted Lansiah, he didn't want to chance her health in the young Hoan's hands. She smiled and the warmth of endearment and adoration spread through her when Carson's brows furrowed and his gaze grew cold. Was he actually offended for her?
"Garleth, I assure you that Lansiah is every bit as good a healer as I am. I trust her judgment and skill and I have put my health and life into her hands without hesitation. There is no reason for you not to do the same. If you trust my knowledge and ability then you should trust hers. Lansiah will accompany you to check on Sascha. If she feels that things are beyond her talents as a healer then we will try to see what we can come up with but I have every confidence in her and so should you."
Lansiah was struck speechless. She had had no idea that Carson had that much trust in her and that knowledge more than any apology he could ever give helped to heal the damage that had been done by the argument.
During Carson and Garleth's talk she had moved over to stand beside Carson and now she placed a hand on his shoulder and gave it a squeeze to let him know that she'd received his message. He placed a warm hand atop hers and squeezed back but soon dropped it as he continued to stare at Garleth, silently challenging him to argue.
"Very well," Garleth replied apologetically when he realized he'd not only insulted Lansiah but had somehow insulted the doctor as well. Old ice eyes roamed over the protective stance Lansiah had taken beside the doctor, observing the way she held her hand on his shoulder as he had done many times to Sascha. He saw how Doctor Beckett reached up and gave her hand an assuring squeeze. Yes, there was more between this couple than mere friendship. He turned to look at the young woman, deciding to trust the Lantean doctor's assessment of her. "I will wait for you just outside."
"Thank you, I will be there shortly," Lansiah announced with a tone that was usually found in much older women. She waited until he exited then moved around and sat down on the long chair, her body opposite from Carson's so she was facing him. "Thank you," she said earnestly grateful.
"I meant every word of it," Carson responded with such honesty that Lansiah knew he meant it.
Feeling as though words were not strong enough to get her feelings across, Lansiah leaned in and did the one thing she'd been longing to do for five weeks. Her lips touched his and she felt her heart stop completely as stars exploded before her closed eyes. Tingling spread from her lips to every single area of her body and for a moment she forgot to breathe. The kiss had been chaste at first but soon she found herself pouring all of her feelings into it, wrapping herself around his neck the longer she went.
Garleth's reminder knock on her door drew them apart and when she pulled away, Lansiah was pleased to see her own disappointment reflected in Carson's beautiful jewel blue eyes. She turned around and grabbed a blanket she had made last winter, placing it upon her friend before tucking it in around his legs and hips. "Get some rest. I am sure the medication you have taken is starting to take affect and I do not know how long I'll be gone."
"Aye I think I will," Carson assured for her peace of mind. Truthfully he didn't think he'd be able to sleep right now even if he was in a coma. His heart was racing with each frantic beat gleefully yelling "she kissed me!" as it went and his nerves felt pleasure trace along them like nothing he'd ever felt before.
"Good," she responded with a smile. She quickly got her things together and slipped on her winter cloak and boots. Before she left she added, "And please stay off your leg. I know that you want to move about but I am still unsure it is ready for too much strain."
"I'll be fine love," Carson said, touched at her level of concern for him and her level of understanding of him. Another knock sounded, this time more impatient, and Lansiah offered a smile before she walked out into the cold night, leaving Carson alone with his thoughts.
Carson sat on the sofa, his mind bouncing between sleep and thought. The feeling of Lansiah's lips on his had kept reinserting itself whenever he tried to rest, bringing his dulling nerves back to life with renewed pleasure each time. He honestly couldn't count exactly how many times he'd wished to do that over the past five weeks. After fifty he just stopped counting and settled for the fact that he may never get the opportunity.
His heart had broken for Lansiah so often today that it had spent the day in shattered pieces, barely able to beat. For a while during their silent meal, Carson had run through the events of the afternoon, playing and re-playing everything that had happened and one thing that struck him was that when he'd been allowed to venture downstairs he hadn't chosen to. It was odd since his desire to do so was what had started the whole argument in the first place but he soon figured out that his heart and body were reacting and deferring to Lansiah's feelings and fears for his safety. He realized that by going back into his room, he'd shown the Hoan a form of respect but he didn't know if she'd noticed it.
That was when he decided that he needed to tell her almost everything he'd been feeling. The only thing that he had left out was how dearly he loved her and that was because he wasn't sure she was ready for it at the time. But if anything, her kiss just now proved she'd always been ready he just needed to show it more.
Immediately his mind went to work on thinking of ways to express just how much he adored her and it instantly came up with the main, big thing. Respect her feelings and concern for him. Don't push the boundaries because he was too stubborn to listen to his body.
A knock sounded on the door, bringing Carson out of his thoughts. For a moment he thought about answering it but Lansiah had told him to stay on the couch and rest his knee and at the moment that sounded like the perfect thing to do. However the person at the door would not be deterred and ended up pounding on the door, yelling through it, "Lansiah I know you're in there, please open up!"
Bugger, he wouldn't be able to get rest with the lad yellin through the door. With a deep groan he lowered his legs and grabbed the crutches that were leaning against the outside of the stone hearth. He slowly made his way over to the door, grumbling a mumbled, "I'm comin', I'm comin'. Keep your breeches on."
He opened the door to find a man of John's height standing at the door. His shoulder length, dark ebony hair hung loosely around his face, giving definition to a normally bland face. Cruel looking dark eyes peered out from behind long lashes, calculating whether or not he was worthy of talking to and a slight sneer of the lip told Carson the man thought he looked weak. He had the height of Colonel Sheppard but he had Ronon's build: broad shoulders, thick arms and hands that looked like they'd done some strangling in their time.
"Who are you?" the man asked as though he were royalty being forced to mingle with commoners.
"Doctor Carson Beckett. Who are you?" Carson returned feeling foolish that he's trying to be authoritative while on crutches. He didn't know why but for some reason he felt like he had been weighed, measured, and had been found wanting.
"Rosha Macara. I am here to see Lansiah. Is she here?" The man, Rosha, announced his name like it was a title and not a designation. His chest had puffed out more than a little and his shone down with a look that said, 'bow before me'.
"No she's not I'm afraid. She's gone to check on a patient." Carson shifted around on his crutches. The stance at the door was becoming tiresome and uncomfortable but he didn't have any intention of inviting this man in. His experience with being held captive by Michael had taught him to be careful of whom he trusted and his instincts were screaming at him not to trust this man.
Unfortunately whether or not the man came in wasn't up to him as said man pushed his way through the door, knocking Carson off balance as he did so. Carson tried to stifle a sound of pain as his right foot settled down upon the floor a little too hard for his knee's liking but it didn't work and a small, brief cry escaped. Through eyes beginning to fill with tears, he could have sworn he saw a faint smile appear on the man's face and a look of joy come into his eyes at Carson's pain but the next instant he looked, both indications were gone.
"Then I will just wait until she returns," Rosha announced haughtily lowering himself down onto the sofa that Carson had previously been occupying.
He did that on purpose, Carson's mind screamed as he fought to keep a pleasantly calm look on his face. "I'm sorry but that might not be the best idea. I don't know when she'll return. I was led to believe it could be morning before she was finished."
Hawk-like brown eyes focused on Carson with a short fury in them that for a moment Carson was tempted to step back. Rosha raised off the couch and slunk over to him like a cat ready to pounce. "You are not lying to me are you? I do not remember Lansiah mentioning she had a patient."
"She didn't. Garleth came to ask for my assistance but I was unable to help."
"And she thought she could?" Rosha asked incredulously. His eyes roamed over Carson again and soon recognition filled them. "You are that Doctor Beckett?" Again the incredulous tone was back and Carson wasn't liking the sound of it. "If you were unable to help what made her think she could?"
"I did," Carson answered indignantly and proudly. Why was it everyone in this village seemed to think as little of Lansiah as she did of herself?
Rosha's attention snapped back to Carson with alarming speed, staring at him so close he felt as if he were being undressed and experimented on. Carson couldn't tell what the other man was thinking but he knew it wasn't good. Had he given something away? At long last Rosha turned his gaze away and dismissed Carson with a wave of his hand saying, "Then you are a fool."
Cold fury threatened to drown Carson at those five words and before he realized it he had crutched over to the door and thrown it open. He glared at Rosha and said in a tone that was as icy as the weather outside, "You need to leave now."
Humor crept into Rosha's features and he addressed Carson like he were indulging a child. "Very well. Tell Lansiah that I stopped by. My father wishes to meet with her." He left quickly before Carson could ask why on Earth Lansiah would need to meet with his father.
Carson slammed the door shut harder than he meant and made his way over to the sofa. He practically threw the crutches against the wall of the hearth and refrained from spreading out into his comfortable position. His mind was racing with reasons for Lansiah's meeting and his chest rose quickly in rage and adrenaline.
This was something he would need to discuss with Lansiah. Not only would he mention the man's visit but he wanted to assess her take on the events and see what her reaction would be to the news that she were to meet with Rosha's father. He hoped it wouldn't be a good one.
Lansiah walked home with the elation of having successfully helped someone coursing through her veins. Thankfully Sascha's cough hadn't been more than the beginnings of a cold but as Carson had said it could easily have been worse. Maladies of the lungs were nothing things to be trifled with; it was always best to be seen to early on rather than suffer the consequences later.
The sound of snow crunching underfoot echoed through the still evening air as she made her way back to the cottage, back to Carson. She stopped in her hike to take in the beauty of her home around her, loving the look of the snow upon the trees and bushes that presented. With a deep inhale of the freezing air, she continued on, opening her door and jumping in surprise when she found Carson sitting on the long chair with both feet on the ground. His shoulders were hunched as though he were trying to protect himself from injury and his hands were clenched upon his thighs. Something had clearly happened while she was gone.
"Carson?" she called gently as she closed the door. The door slammed shut with a finality that she'd heard many times but it wasn't that sound that had managed to stop her dead in her tracks. Carson's head had snapped up immediately at her call and she was worried to see tears filling his eyes. If the cold look in his normally warm blue eyes was anything to go by, she would guess that they were tears of frustration and anger but she hadn't a clue why he was angry. "What happened?"
"Rosha paid a visit while you were gone," Carson explained. While his entire posture screamed fury he was actually a mixture of everything and his fists were only clenched to stop them from shaking with fear, frustration, and pain.
"Oh and what did he want?" Lansiah asked, her tone deadening the more she spoke.
"He said his father wants a meeting with you."
And there it was, the thing that had Carson looking like he did. She knew that his mind, having been left to the silence too long, had come to the conclusion that she was to wed Rosha. It made sense. It was how a lot of other planets did things but it wasn't how her planet handled unions at all.
Anger bubbled within her chest at Rosha. He obviously sensed Carson's feelings for her and decided to make her friend doubt himself and her. A Gaelic curse exited her mouth while she mentally screamed at the man and Carson looked up at her in surprise. His mouth was agape and laughter momentarily brightened his eyes. That was obviously the best reaction she could have given him but she could see that it wasn't enough yet. He needed to understand.
She heaved a heavy sigh and walked over to join him on the long chair, choosing to sit on his left side so she could give soothing touches to his leg without hurting him. Reluctantly she stretched out her hand and gathered his fist into both of her hands.
"Carson we do not wed here as other planets do," she began soothingly, using one of her hands to gently massage his forearm as she spoke. "When two people wish to be joined there is a tradition. They court for a year then there is the meeting of families to make sure all persons agree. During the courtship, the plans are made for the ceremony that takes place in front of the entire village in the Assemblies. A dance is performed showing the gradual journey the couple has taken ending with their union. Ceremonial wine from the same goblet is shared first by the couple then the immediate family officially binding the couple to the alternate members, creating a bond that goes beyond any." She waited for the news to sink in then continued. "When two people wish to be joined, all family members have to agree. It is not usually a problem here because we are a small community and know one another closely. If I were to join with Rosha, I would have to meet not just his father but his mother, brothers, sisters, and distant relatives as well."
"I thought," Carson began before his brain finally caught up and hope sparked within him. "Really?"
Lansiah smiled and laughed a little, moving from her position beside him to in front of him, carefully parting his legs so she was between them. "Yes. We are not destined to join, we are not even courting."
She waited until the broadest smile she had ever seen spread across his face and the tears from earlier spilled out of his eyes then quickly raised herself so she were close to his height and pulled him in for a long, reassuring hug. Her arms vibrated with the amount of shaking he was doing and for the first time ever, it occurred to her that she was not the only fragile one of the relationship.
Carson Beckett could talk about a lot of things. She let him, enjoying his accent while she learned what she could. But there was one thing he never spoke of – his past relationships. She didn't know if it was because he hadn't really had any, an idea she found ridiculous given the man he was, or if it was because it was too painful for him but now she guessed it was the latter.
A frown that Carson couldn't see crossed her face as she ran her hands up and down his back while she comforted him. Beneath the fabric she could feel long, lean bumps rising against his skin. She silently ventured further down, hoping to determine what they were without having to ask. When she arrived at the biggest one, she accidentally applied too much pressure causing Carson to cry out in what she hoped was just surprise and pull away.
"I am sorry. Are you alright?" she asked anxiously, lowering herself back down to her heels on the floor and folding her hands in her lap.
"Aye. It's an old injury but still a wee bit tender at times," Carson replied sadly as his memory trailed back to the fateful day when the people of Atlantis had actually tried to have a day off. He heaved a great sigh full of past and present regrets. "I'm sorry, love."
Lansiah raised herself back up so she was staring him straight in the face. How had she not realized how scarred and broken the man before her was? "Carson, you have nothing to be sorry for," she assured with finality. "Rosha on the other hand. . ."
"Easy lass, don't get vicious," Carson warned lightly with a smile. He brought his hands up to his face, gave it a good scrub then lowered them again. "Do ya mind if we call it a night? I'm bloody tired. I think I could sleep for years."
Happy to see a bit of the old Carson back, Lansiah laughed indulgently and stood, "Of course, Cara. Of course."