Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any songs used

AN: Italics are thoughts that Edward listens to. And also song lyrics.

Chapter Six: Confusion Reigns In

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"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious Ambiguity."

Gilda Radner

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BPOV (Izzy/Bella)

I finally headed back home when the sun started rising. I parked my bike in the normal spot and tried to fix my windswept hair. I let out a sigh and looked over the school in front of me. For some strange reason I felt home and that just brought more confusion. I still haven't decided how I feel or even how I was supposed to feel. With one last glimpse toward the sunrise I started heading to Mark's room. I know I have to talk to him. Find out what happened when I left and for how long he knew Edward was here. I smiled at myself. It didn't hurt to think about him anymore and I found myself thinking about him constantly on my ride during the night. It still hurt to remember when he left but I found that thinking about the good memories was surprisingly freeing. But I also knew that I couldn't talk to him yet. There were still too many things I had to figure out.

I was standing in front of Mark's bedroom door when I heard the music playing and him singing. I stopped with my hand on the handle and listened to the familiar song that he sung in such a different way.

""Take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out

Chorus:
So take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out

I lit my pain on fire
and I watched it all burn down
and now I'm dancing in the ashes
and there's no one else around
Because I wanna be a part of something
This is just a story of a broken soul

Hook:
As days go by, my heart grows cold
I can't seem to let this all pass me by

So take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out

I'm burning in the heavens
and I'm drowning in the hell
My soul is in a coma
and none of my friends can tell
That I'm reaching out and getting nothing
This is just a story of a broken soul

As days go by, my heart grows cold
I can't seem to let this all pass me by
So take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out
So take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out

Don't shut me out"

I opened the door and walked into his room closing the door behind me. I walked over to his bed and sat down. I put my fist into the air and smiled at him as he continued playing on the guitar and singing the song.

"Does anyone around me feel the same
Just put your fist up and vent your pain
Does anyone around me feel the same
Put your fist up and vent your pain
Does anyone around me feel the same
Put your fist up and vent your pain
Does anyone around me feel the same
Put your fist up and vent your pain

As days go by, my heart grows cold
I can't seem to let this all pass me by
So take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out
So take me and let me in
Don't break me and shut me out
As days go by, my heart grows cold
I can't seem to let this all pass me by

Take me
Don't break me"

"I like what you did to my song." I told him when he finished and he walked over to the bed. "I'm sorry, I should have asked first." I laughed at him. He was apologising for singing a song faster and harder and better than I originally did. "You have nothing to be sorry about. Me on the other hand... well I have a lot to be sorry about. I'm sorry I just left last night without an explanation. I just had to get out and clear my head." He looked up at me and looked straight into my eyes. "Did you find what you were looking for?" I gave him a small smile. "No, I didn't. I still don't know what to do, but I know I want to be here. I want to be in school and I want to be with my family." He smiled at me. "Susan will be happy to hear that."

I let out a small sigh. "What happened after I left?" he got a look of anger in his eyes and did nothing to try and hide it. "Susan came in with the rest of them just after you left, looking for you to introduce you to them. I told her not to bother that you already knew them all. The small pixie got all excited then saying how you were alive and that she wanted to go find you to talk to you, but he stopped her. Telling her what you told him. Susan asked what was going on and he told her, Jack and I the whole story. Don't ask me, it's not my story to tell." I sighed, he really did know me too well. He already knew that I wanted to hear the story.

"What happened then?" I couldn't help but ask. "Susan started sobbing at their story and she hugged them. Her and Jack instantly forgave them for everything and said they still wanted to be friends. I told them that I wasn't going to listen to their crap anymore and I wasn't going to force you to talk to them and I left. Susan and Jack only came back a few minutes before you." I looked at him. "Why don't you like them?" my voice was small and probably sounded scared. "Because they broke you and now they think they can just come back into your life and take you away from me. I know their type. They'll just leave you again Izzy. They'll get bored of you and leave." I looked at him and felt the warmth in my eyes again. "Oh... ahm... I have to go... I have to get ready for school... I'll see you there okay?" my voice sounded pained but I didn't care. Who did he think he was to tell me that they'll get bored of me and leave again? He doesn't even know them and I started wondering if he even really knows me. I got up of the bed and started towards the door. I felt him grab my hand. "I'm sorry Izzy; I just don't want you to get hurt again." I gave him a small fake smile. "I know. I'll see you at school."

I walked towards my building and for the first time since coming here saw the Volvo in the school parking lot. Has it always been there? I couldn't remember seeing it before but then again I wasn't really paying much attention yesterday when we got here. I reached my door and sighed before pushing it open. The room was empty, at least of people and vampires alike. There was an outfit put on my bed with a yellow stick it on. 'I thought you might like to wear this. Love Susan'

I smiled at the note and looked at the outfit. It was an old pair of jeans. Light blue with holes over both knees. There was a dark blue fitted t-shirt with Seattle's Best written on it and a smooth black zip up jacket. She had put out navy socks and a nice pair of navy underwear with my white sneakers with blue strips. It was the perfect outfit and I loved it. It was just the thing I wanted to wear right now. I went into my bathroom and took a warm shower relaxing all my muscles under the water. I washed my hair and then got out. I quickly dried my hair and it was instantly straight again, no doubt thanks to Susan. I looked in the mirror once, grabbed my book bag and went out the door.

I went looking for Susan and ended up looking in the cafeteria for her and Jack because that was where they went yesterday. I opened the door and walked in looking around at all the tables for her. I spotted the back of Jack's head and headed there. When I was a few feet away I stopped. They weren't alone. Sitting at the table with them was Edward, Alice and Jasper. Alice looked over at me and she looked like she was about to cry. Jasper looked up next and he looked at me like Edward did last night. Like he was seeing me for the first time and I guess technically he was. Edward was next to look up and his eyes were filled with the same love and longing from last night. I grabbed onto my side ready for the hole to be ripped open at seeing them again. But it never came. Instead of the crippling pain I usually felt when I thought of them, there was just this slight burning in my chest, like a warmth. It didn't hurt and it wasn't uncomfortable. It just was.

I let out a long sigh and took a step forward looking at Alice. My little pixie sister. I have missed her so much. I took another step forward looking at Jasper this time. My brother in every sense of the word. I could never blame him for anything that happened. I took another step forward this time looking at Edward. My angel was sitting there in front of my new family and his eyes were burning with hope. I froze again looking away. I couldn't do this. I couldn't give him hope. I wasn't ready yet.

"Susan..." my voice was small and sounded not like I was in pain but rather like I was scared. She spun around on her seat and gave me a huge smile. "Izzy! You're home. I was so worried, I didn't know if you'd come back." She stopped smiling then and looked angry. "Don't you ever scare me like that again Elizabeth Maria Masen Cooper or I will personally hunt you down and make you pay." I flinched at the use of my full name and knew I hurt her a lot. I caught the look on the other threes faces as she said my name and knew which parts they picked out. Elizabeth Masen, Edward's mother and Maria for Alice's human name Mary. I looked at Susan and tried to show her I was really sorry. "I'm sorry Suzie. I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted to come and say thank you for the outfit. I love it. It's just what I needed today." She gave me a big grin and jumped up to hug me. Knocking my bag of my shoulder. "I love you Izzy, I'm sorry I yelled at you. Will you sit with us?" She looked so hopeful as she asked and so did everyone else at the table. I frowned. "Love you too sis, but not right now okay? I'm still... I'm still working through everything." She frowned but nodded and Alice looked like I just stole and killed her puppy. I quickly added. "Maybe later? If nothing heavy gets discussed? If I can just sit here in silence and speak when I want to?" I looked at Susan and she gave me a big smile again. "We promise, you talk when you want to and until then you can be invisible just like you like it." I smiled at her and gave her a hug again. Looking at Alice over her shoulder and giving her a small sad smile. She lit up at my smile and smiled back at me. I mouthed the words to her 'I'm glad you're here' and she looked like she was going to cry. I gave her another smile and then pulled away from Susan. I picked up my bag that I dropped when Susan gave me the first hug and turned and walked away.

My first few classes were boring. I had already done all this work as a human and even though the memories were a bit foggy I could still remember it all. I noticed that so far I had none of my classes with any of the other vampires and were a bit relieved but also a bit sad at that. The bell rang then to signal that lunch was starting. I waited at my table for Mark to come get me like yesterday. He walked into my class and gave me a big smile. He pulled me up by my hand and led me to the cafeteria holding my hand.

"So I guess it's just us today?" he asked and I could hear the faint hint of happiness in his voice. "Actually I promised Susan we would sit with them. She promised that everyone would ignore me until I wanted to talk. Do you mind?" I knew he minded when I caught a glimpse of his angry and hurt eyes before he could make them softer again. "No, if that is what you want then I'll sit by you. I'm always here for you Izzy." He gave me a smile and squeezed my hand. I was kind of glad I didn't have to sit alone with him anymore. I still didn't know what to do or what to really say to him. I nodded at him and smiled as he led us to the door of the cafeteria. He pushed the door open and I immediately dropped his hand from mine. He looked at me with hurt in his eyes and I pretended to look for something in my bag so he would think that was why I dropped his hand. I hated hurting him.

Hurt turned into understanding and I knew I fooled him. I hated having to do it but I was just still so confused. I walked ahead of him then to the table they were sitting at this morning still digging in my bag so he wouldn't take my hand. When we reached the table everyone was already there with trays of food in front of them. The three Cullen's sat at the one side of the table and Jack and Susan at the other. I went to go sit next to Susan and everyone gave me a small smile.

"Do you want me to bring you anything from the food counter Izzy?" Mark was looking at me and it took me a second to process his words. "Huh? Oh... no thank you, I brought my own lunch." He looked at me again with a mad expression and walked off. Alice and Jasper were laughing and it looked like Edward was having trouble keeping a straight face while looking at me. I instantly felt self-aware again. "Do I have something in my hair?" I asked running my fingers through my black and pink hair. Edward burst out laughing and I frowned. "What? Something on my face? What's so funny?" I was getting annoyed now. Edward calmed down and gave me a big smile. "You brought your own lunch?" I shook my head and laughed too, knowing that they probably were imagining some dead animal in my bag. "Yes I did, I still remember how bad the food was at Forks." And I pulled out a cinnamon milk tart from my bag. The smell reminded me of him but he didn't have to know that. Everyone started laughing again. "I remember, that pizza was terrible." He laughed and I frowned when I remembered the memory. We were in Forks high and I dared him to eat human food. "Sorry..." He said and looked away. I looked up at him and strangely enough I wasn't sad or mad or anything really. "Nothing to be sorry about." I said and looked away when it looked like he was going to answer me.

I took out my notebook and a pencil and spread it in front of me on the table. Opening it to a sketch I was busy with. It was Jake in wolf form with a dozen red roses in his mouth. Only the red of the roses were in colour the rest were all in a shade of black/grey. I noticed everyone staring at my picture but I didn't care. I felt Mark sit down next to me and start staring too. I labelled the picture 'Izzy: Day One' and started writing the poem, I think it is, next to the picture.

Mark started reading the male voice aloud and I did the female. He knew this one. It was the same thing I wrote next to every picture of Jacob that I drew. He started reading and I could feel all the eyes at the table on us.

"On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?" he asked in a seductive tone. "Will he offer me his mouth" I asked in a small almost scared voice. "Yes." He answered in a sibilant whisper. "Will he offer me his teeth?" I asked in the same voice as earlier. "Yes." He almost hissed at me and I could see the rest of them looking at us like we were crazy. "Will he offer me his jaws?" I almost cooed at him. "Yes." Again as almost a hiss. More urgent this time I asked. "Will he offer me his hunger?" He answered a bit softer "Yes." Even more urgent now I asked again. "Again, Will he offer me his hunger?" a bit louder he answered. "Yes." My voice got a little darker as I asked. "And will he starve without me?" "Yes." He said so loud that a few people walking passed the table looked at him before walking on. "Then, does he love me?" I asked in a gentle soft voice. "Yes." He said in a soft sweet voice. I looked up at him. "Yes." I said still in a soft voice. Then he yelled. "On a hot summer night, would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses?" Everyone at the table looked at him in shock but I smiled and answered with a nod. "Yes." He smirked at me and said. "I bet you say that to all the boys." Everyone burst out laughing and I couldn't help but laugh too.

I looked down at my drawing again and gave it another label on the side. 'Jacob Black, friends for always.' I looked up and saw Edward eyeing the drawing curiously. I gave him a small smile and said. "Jacob was my best friend in Forks. We don't see each other as often anymore... he's a werewolf and he saved my life... or rather he tried... his pack doesn't like it when he visits me too often now. He stayed with me while I was turned and he brought me a dozen red roses the day I woke up and this was what we said to each other then. Right before he took me hunting for the first time." I smiled at the memory and made a mental note to phone Jake later.

Edward looked shocked and disgusted with himself. He sighed. "I never knew... if I knew you were in danger without me there I would never have left." His eyes looked pained and I sighed. "Nothing heavy, you promised." He sighed again and nodded. I turned back to my sketch and started shading it with my pencil. I heard the rest of them talking but I wasn't really paying any attention.

"Izzy!" Jack yelled at me. I looked up then my eyes wide. "What? Did I do something?" Edward looked up at me then his eyes were shocked. "Wait, Bella is the shield?" he started laughing and said. "I should have guessed as much." I looked at Jack, curiosity shining in my eyes and I raised my eyebrow at him. "I've been asking you to drop the shield, just not by your name. I thought you would hear me." I was shocked. "It's okay, we trust him, I want to show him a few things and I can't do it with the shield up." I stared at him in disbelieve for a second and he yelled again. "Izzy! Pay attention! Drop your shield, please?" I shook my head and dropped my shield so fast from the shock that I dropped my own as well. I didn't even realise I still had it on everyone.

"What did you just say?" Edward was staring at me with huge eyes. "I didn't say anything." Looks like I'm not the only crazy one. "I'm not crazy and neither are you! Stop saying that." He was angry now and then I realised what was going on. Oh crap... I quickly put my shield over myself again, keeping the rest of them out. "You could hear me?" I asked with chagrin. He nodded his eyes still big and shocked. "Can you do it again?" I looked at him and I could see the burning desire in his eyes to hear me again but I couldn't. There was too much going on in my mind. So many things I still didn't understand myself. "It takes a lot more concentration to drop my shield from myself. I don't like doing it. I was just so shocked that Jack was yelling that I dropped it by accident." He looked disappointed but nodded and continued his conversation with Jack and Susan.

After a while I looked up and sighed. "What's wrong Izzy?" Mark looked over me and frowned. I rolled my eyes at him. "Nothing..." I knew that wasn't true. I was having the urge to talk to Alice. My real sister and my best friend. I wanted to know why they left me and why they didn't come back when she saw I was in danger. It broke my heart to think that maybe they just really didn't care. Maybe Mark was right this morning. Jasper raised his eyebrows at me and I knew I was caught in a lie. "I have to go, I'm sorry. I thought I could do this but I can't. I just can't stay here. I need to be alone." I grabbed all my things off the table and shoved them into my bag. "Izzy wait, don't go now, there's only a few minutes left." Susan was begging me to stay and I could see the hurt in Alice and Edwards' eyes. "No, I'm sorry. I'm not ready..." I looked at Alice again and felt my heart break a bit, all I wanted was to talk to her, talk to my best friend about my ex boyfriend who broke my heart and my sister that left without putting up a fight. I tore my eyes away from her and walked off.

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The rest of the week was uneventful. I didn't sit at their lunch table again and chose to sit on my own most of the time. Getting my thoughts straight. I ended up having biology with Edward but luckily I didn't have to sit next to him. I wouldn't be able to handle that yet. The next Battle of the Bands show was coming up fast and I heard that Edward was going to perform a song along with Jack. They had become really good friends in this short time and so have the rest of them. It was just Mark that still hated them. I really wished he didn't but there was nothing I could say to change his mind.

I had been pulling away from Mark this last week and needless to say he has noticed. I hated having to hurt him but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that we were just fooling ourselves. We didn't belong together and we both knew it from the beginning.

So of three things I was sure. First, Mark hated Edward with a passion. Second, Mark and I knew we weren't meant to be. And third, I was still unconditionally and irrevocably in love with Edward Cullen and his family...

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AN: so what do you guys think? I really hope you liked it. Please let me know what you think. Thank you again to everyone that has reviewed. It means the world to me.

The song is called Take Me by Papa Roach