To all my followers: thank you so much, it´s amazing to get support and it´s such an encouragement! And also a big thank you for being so patient with me. There are days were I truly feel like this story has no real point and that I might be too young to be able to really write a good story in a language that I´ve only been learning for three and a half years! But knowing that there are people who like what I do makes it so much easier not to just give up. Now: SORRY that I did not upload this chapter earlier! I do not even have an explanation why I didn´t, so let´s just get started…

Chapter 7: The good and the bad

Elena was sitting at the desk inside of her dorm room. She was staring out of the window and thought about what to write. After receiving text message 236 from Stefan she had felt a little guilty and decided to write him a nice long letter, tell him about everything that was going on at college and so on. Like he always did for her. She had gotten so many letters in the past weeks. He was writing about work, about all the people from Mystic Falls and about his plans for Christmas. He kept her informed about his life and now she was desperately trying to do the same thing for him. But that was harder than she thought it would be! There wasn´t much she felt like she wanted to tell him, or share with him.

They had lost their special connection and he was so far away from her and her life. It didn´t made sense to tell him about the parties Caroline had dragged her to because he didn´t know any of the people at college. Also, how could she describe her weird history teacher to him when he had never seen his silly scarf with the reindeer patterns?

Life at college was exciting, there were crazy parties, football games and dorm competitions that made every day different and interesting. But Stefan did not know about those things and it was pointless to try and explain it!

So she simply tucked her paper back into her shelf and grabbed her phone and started to write him a text message:

"Stefan, do you think you could visit me here on campus? Xxx Elena"

It would be good to have him around. To show him all the different places and introduce him to the people she was spending her days with. He would get a sense of what her life looked like and hopefully they would also have something to talk about again! The lack of conversation was driving Elena crazy. They did not see each other very often and even when they did – their lives were so immensely different that it was hard to find something to talk about since they did not have much in common anymore but their past. And since they wanted to have a fresh start in their relationship that was probably not the first thing on their list! – Yes this would sure be good for their relationship!

It took Stefan only about two minutes to reply to her text message with one of his own: "Sure cupcake! I miss you loads these days! I´ll visit you tomorrow if that´s fine? See you"

Elena smiled but then her thought went straight to the one person that she was clearly spending the most time with - beneath Caroline of course. Damon. They had spent almost every evening together during the last two weeks. After their meeting in the woods he knocked on her door only one day later. He had been smiling. She had been smiling. Oh, and Caroline was also smiling! After giving me a "Don´t you dare mess this up" look she had excused herself and told Damon to feel completely at home while she was confidently walking out of the door to do god knew what.

And Damon sure did feel at home right away. He had been talking about his courses and sport and whatever and then he started to make inappropriate jokes about some of the professors to make her laugh. They were talking. Simply talking about college, about their homes, families and their future plans.

And then, on the next day he asked her to come over to his dorm room to watch a movie.

At first Elena thought it might not be the best idea but she did not want to reject him so that evening she ended up next to him on his bed watching "transformers" on his laptop. During the movie he made one silly comment about the characters after another. They had fun but Elena made sure that even though she was sitting next to him none of her body parts were ever touching his. First because of the fact that she could not let him think that they were more than friends at the moment but also (even though she couldn´t fully admit that to herself) because she knew the affect that his touch always had on her body. It was tingling and goose bumps and nervousness – not very "we are so only friends, lol" convincing!

They had repeated this evening over and over. Watching a movie, innocent talking and just enjoying each other´s company. But during all of that Elena had noticed how Damon looked at her when he thought she wasn´t noticing it. She had noticed it and liked it enough to forget the text messages that Stefan wrote her every evening. And that was not ok.

It was also not alright that she was letting him look at her like that. Even worse – that she caught herself admiring his messy black hair and his cheeky smirk when he was paying attention to the movie. She really could not ever introduce him to Stefan. What if Stefan figured out that there was more than just friendship between the two of them? What if Damon backed off thinking she was being happy with Stefan and that there was no chance for him. Elena´s head started to hurt. She did not want to lose Damon, she couldn´t miss their daily movie nights and most of all, she knew that she did not ever wanted him to stop staring at her in secret.

Up until now everything had worked out quite well for her, texting with Stefan, telling him that she missed him (she was only true for so long) and spending time with Damon, laughing and teasing but still making sure that everything they did was appropriate friends-only behavior.

"There we go again" Elena sighed. But it was too late to tell him to stay in Mystic Falls now. After all it was her own idea to ask him to visit her at college. But she really didn´t want to just have Damon meet Stefan and say well hey, that´s my boyfriend, cool huh? She had to prepare him and then maybe gently ask him about what he thought she should tell Stefan about their relationship.

Elena got up, grabbed her key and went straight to Damon´s Place. But then she was standing there – in front of his room and unable to make a move and knock. What should that even help? Wouldn´t that rather make him hope for more than friendship if she asked him about how to introduce him to her boyfriend? It probably would be making everything only worse because then he´d know that she was thinking of him as more than just a good friend. Which he wasn´t really supposed to know!

Quickly, Elena turned around and practically ran back to her own room. In a rush she opened the door, jumped inside and leaned against it, panting hard from running so fast.

"Did you meet Freddy Krueger on the hallway or why are you pale?" Caroline´s voice teased her from across the room. Elena gave her a halfhearted smile and sank down to the floor. "No", she said trying to catch her breath, " I was just running" Elena chocked out and brushed her hair back behind her ears. Caroline rolled her eyes: "Would have never guessed that!"

Elena went over to Caroline´s bed and sat down next to her. "I need to tell you something Care, but you´re probably not going to like it very much!" She said, hoping Caroline wouldn´t make a scene after hearing the news. "What´s wrong? Did you spill juice over my Gucci bag again?" Her friend asked concerned. Elena smiled at her and shook her head. "Not quite! But I asked Stefan to come and visit me. He will be here tomorrow at about 2pm."

Caroline´s face fell and she leaned back into her cushions. " Well that´s a shame! I had almost managed to forget about his unlucky existent since you´ve been hanging out with Damon so much lately. Actually, what did lover boy say after hearing that your boyfriends coming to town?"

Yeah, Caroline always managed to make her feel guilty. And this time, she was completely right. "I haven´t told him. I´m pretty sure it would only make thing worse and more complicated than they already are! I like Damon and my relationship the way it is right now and i´m scared shitless that meeting Stefan might have him back off. And since that´s the least I want, I thought I´m just going to skip the beyond awkward part were Damon meets Stefan and the other way around. I mean, Damon has his classes tomorrow and he´s going to be occupied so there is no reason why they would even have to notice each other."

Caroline raised her eyebrows and smirked in disbelief: "So you´re just going ty lie to both of them and hope that it will work out well. Do you really think it´s that easy? Them not meeting and after Stefan´s gone you´ll simply continue to spend every, I repeat every evening with your lover boy and tell yourself and him that there´s only friendship between you two while you let Stefan think you´d be giving him a second chance and that you actually think it might work out between the two of you?"

Elena just stared at her. Caroline was right. She was fooling not only herself but also both boys with her selfish behavior. It really had to stop. But how could she make that happen? Suddenly she felt Caroline´s warm arms wrapping around her neck. She realized that she was crying and Caroline was rubbing small circles on her aback, trying to soothe her down. "I´m sorry Elena, I should not have been so hard on you. Don´t worry, it will all be ok somehow. You just need to give it some time."

Elena hugged her friend back and answered: "No Care, please don´t apologize! You´re completely right. I´m being selfish and unfair to both Damon and Stefan! But It´s just – I´m the good girl. I always do the right thing and the right thing was getting back together with Stefan and to forgive him because of everything he has done for me and because I know that he can make me happy . So I did exactly that. But if I´d be truly good than I would forget about Damon and do my very best to make my boyfriend happy, to make our relationship work and to at least be able to send him a simple text message without thinking about Damon. But I´m not. I´m not the person I´m supposed to be, the person I want to be."

Caroline softly pushed her back to be able to look at Elena. She smiled and took her hand. "Hey, that´s not a bad thing. And that´s probably why you cannot let go of Stefan. Because you want to be good and you feel like you´re not when you break up with him and give in to your feelings for Damon. And after what you just told me, you have a lot of feelings for him!"

Both girls hugged again but soon the dark thoughts caught Elena again. She took her phone, stared at Stefan´s number. She wanted to call him. She wanted to tell him that she missed him, that she was eager to see him the next day but everything inside her body screamed to tell him good bye. To simply say that´s it, enough. She wanted to go to Damon´s room, grab him and have that prefect first kiss that he promised her.

But she couldn´t. Not now and not yet.

It was impossible because she knew exactly that that wasn´t her. It was what Caroline would do, simple and painless. But Elena knew that she was everything but easy. Her decisions were complicated and they often made things a lot harder than they´d have to be. And she also knew that her relationship with Stefan could not go on like that. That it wasn´t what she wanted and what made her happy. Maybe it was just because they did not see each other anymore. Maybe it would be completely different if they would still live in the same town, able to actually meet and go on dates and all the stuff they used to do.

But the sad fact was – they did not meet more often. They did not share a life and having a relationship simply because of a connection they once had in the past was seriously not enough!

Stefan was smiling. Even from across the hallway she noticed how big his smile was. Poor Stefan. He didn´t have a clue what was going on. Slowly she walked towards him, fighting the urge to just run away to the furthest corner she´d be able to find and hide there. As soon as they met in the middle Stefan wrapped his arms around her. "I missed you cupcake" He whispered into her ear, she felt his lips on her forehead. On her cheek. And then he was kissing her, a joyful and excited kiss. He was truly happy to see her. She simply couldn´t help but kiss him back. Her lips automatically, mechanically moved against his.

She did not want to break his heart. She did not want to cause even more loss of confidence in him.

And then she suddenly did not feel his lips against hers anymore. There was screaming. Two people were screaming. She recognized both voices and sighed. She did not want to open her eyes. The familiar people that were fighting only about a meter away from where she was standing. Those people were the ones that she had been hurting badly with her behavior for weeks! And it was also her fault that they were fighting now. Everything was her own fault.

She just couldn´t force herself to open her eyes and watch what she had caused. Only a few month ago she had been able to have a certain knowledge. That she was a good person. One who helped others and who was patient, loving and kind.

Now she had to doubt all four of these things. When had she lost the good? When did she first start to not think about how her actions could hurt others before she did something? Probably when Stefan broke up with her. Or maybe not. Maybe it had happened two years ago when her parents died. But with Stefan, it had been so very easy to be good. He had made her good and when he suddenly wasn´t there anymore, when she had lost his guidance and his influence it had changed her.

That was her problem. Stefan was an angel. He made all the right choices, was always good to others and with him as her boyfriend she did not even have to try to be good as well.

And now she did not know anymore how to be good without him. But she had to find out and try. There had to be a way that she would be able to be the person she wanted to be on her own, without his help. There was always a way and everything happened for a reason.

That was what her parents had taught her, what had been helping her through all the hard times in her life. Everything happens for a reason. Maybe all of this drama was simply because the universe or god or whatever wanted her to be able to be a good person independently. That made her smile.

As the voices, the screams around her got louder, as she heard something crack, as she heard bones hit the cold, hard stone wall of the college hallway, she kept her eyes closed and slowly walked away. She walked and walked, on and on. Keeping her eyes closed and remaining absolutely silent. Soon she couldn´t hear the screams anymore, it was peaceful again and she smelled the fresh air that surrounded her as she walked towards the library.

But when she reached the gateway, the door was closed and locked. She pulled and pulled but the door just wouldn´t open. How frustrating!

Elena sat down in front of the library´s entrance and observed the campus. Weird. There was not a single person outside right now. Everyone seemed to be gone and it was completely silent. Usually there were always a lot of noises here. The cheerleader´s practicing, The church club signing praises or someone demonstrating against pollution or bad cafeteria food or whatever. But this was new. It was empty.

And then she saw the blood. It was only a small trace that went from the entrance of her dorm building all the way over to the library. Slowly, Elena got up and followed the blood trace. It lead her up the stairs straight to the hallway where she had just standing in ten minutes ago.

But now there were no screams anymore. And all the people were gone – everyone except one person. Caroline was kneeling on the floor, her hair in a messy ponytail and she was scrubbing the floor. Or more precise, she was cleaning it because there was blood everywhere. The entire hallway was flooding over with red, disgusting blood. And in the middle of it all there was Caroline who seemed to be really angry because she was cursing over and over.

And then Caroline spotted her and stood up. "Do you see what you´ve done? This is all you fault" she pinted to the blood that was surrounding her and dripping down her clothes, "Stefan and Damon didn´t stop fighting! Why did you have to kiss Stefan in front of him? Now you´ve lost them both Elena, well done." Elena was confused. What did her friend mean?

"Why did I lose them both? Where did they go?" She asked and Caroline started laughing hysterically: "They are gone Elena, they are both gone because you did not decide who you want. This all because of you and now you are all alone. Your fault!"

Caroline did not stop laughing, she went on and on and on while all the blood around her seemed to get even more and more with every second. Elena tried to run away but she couldn´t. She just watched as more and more blood appeared out of nowhere. Soon it was at the hight of her knees, it was warm and sticky and it was her fault all of it! Then it was at her hip and her top soaked full with it. The top was one of her favorites, it was white and pretty but now it was red. Everything was red and ugly and it was her fault. Now the blood started to touch her shoulders. It felt so horrible on her exposed skin and Elena couldn´t move, couldn´t get away from the blood. She was going to drown in it. The blood was everywhere and on her neck and she was going to drown and it was all her faul…..

Elena woke up, sweat dripping down her forehead. "It was just a dream" she chanted, "just a dream". But now she know that she had to make her decicion final. She had to be honest with herself and also the people she cared about. She would have to be good independent because now she realized that trying to be good with Stefan had only made her bad.

So folks? What do ya´think? I might have overdone it a liiiiiitle bit with the dream scene but I felt like a little bit of drama wouldn´t hurt too much! And the main goal of this chapter was to realize why on earth Elena doesn´t just gets rid of Stefan and already kisses Damon and lives with him happily ever after. And all the blood at the end was just – well it was mainly to point out how guilty she feels about playing with both boys and that this is the final point where she realizes how wrong her decisions were. And of course – we´ve gotten a lot closer to the DELENA time in this chapter. Please stay with me because I promise: We will get there ;)

The scene were Caroline is kneeling in the blood and cleaning the floor is kind of stolen from Grey´s Anatomy. I have no idea what season or episode but it´s when Meredith is in the kitchen and cleaning Ava´s blood after she tried to kills herself. I simply thought that it would be a good fit for the scene I was writing. So please forgive me for being a thief – I promise everything else was my own idea!

Next chapter we´ll see what really happens when Stefan comes to visit.

If you have any critic, suggestions or even something nice to say about my story (which would be awesome!) please leave me a review ….