Like a minnow escaping a shoal of barracuda, a taxi peeled away from the bumper-to-bumper traffic and turned into the swanky part of town. With a squeal of the brakes it stopped outside the high-rise Acme Arms apartment building, which at first appeared to be a remnant stage set from a musical.
Rising over forty stories, the Gothic-Art Deco structure was topped by marble columns and a polished dome of what appeared to be some kind of temple, complete with an altar and a flight of stone steps leading up to a pair of bronze doors, inlaid with dull gleaming copper.
Strangely and more ominously, a pair of huge stone beasts stood on pedestals, guarding the temple. With left paws raised, claws extending, they stared with blank eyes across the towers and canyons of Acme Acres.
Seen in the slanting light of the late afternoon sun, the structure and petrified beasts possessed a quality of disturbing unreality, and menace. As if, lost in another time, they were waiting for the day when at last they would be called upon to fulfill their dreadful duty.
Still, it had a great view of Acme Park.
Which was one of the reasons why Lola Bunny, the stunningly attractive bunny stepping out of the cab, chose to live there in the two-bedroom apartment on the twenty-second floor.
Lola juggled a bag of groceries and a duffel bag while she tried to pay the driver. She'd had a hard day of practicing.
"Now," she thought, as she entered the elevator, "I'll take a hot scented bath, sit naked in my living room, and listen to some music."
This plan met its first setback as Lola walked tiredly along the corridor, the weight of the gym bag slowing her down.
The setback came in the form of an over-zealous, suave, debonair skunk in a crimson collared shirt and black slacks named Pepé Le Pew, her neighbor one door down and across the hallway. When Lola first moved in, Pepé's heart sang. Most evenings he would wait behind the door, counting the seconds for the beautiful Siren's return.
Lola thought it had been an accident that she got the penthouse down and across the hall from Pepé's condo. But Pepé did not believe in accidents. Lola had tried to be kind to Pepé, recognizing the symptoms of a hopeless and unrequited passion. But tonight, she had to muster up all of her patience to deal compassionately with the Casanova of Acme Arms.
"Oh, Lola, it's you," he said, as if caught by surprise.
"Hi, Pepé. Yes, it's me,"
"I thought it was the deliveryman,"
Despite her better judgment, Lola stopped.
"Are you expecting something important?"
"Oh no, I just ordered some more Chocolat," he said.
Lola Bunny was the most gorgeously sexy creature Pepé had ever encountered. Tall and slender, with long legs that led right up to her tight, firm bunny bum, she had all the style and grace of Pepé's ideal woman: talented, independent, and with a determined tilt of her jaw that told the world that Lola Bunny knew what she wanted.
Pepé wished it was him; every night he dreamed of ravishing her.
"Would you like to come in for a glass of Champagne? Or at least sit and banter with me if only for a few brief moments?"
"Oh, I'd love to, Pepé, but I'm really tired. I've been practicing all day and I have to put these away," she said with a smile. "Excuse me."
"A rain check, then?" he asked, walking beside her. "Oh, before I forget, I'm having a little get together next month for some of the other residents. It's my fifth anniversary as a wedding planner. I know you probably think I'm a creep, I understand if you do, but I would like you to at least stop by, since you're my neighbor."
"Thank you, Pepé. No promises but I'll try," she said, fumbling for her key.
"Also, you left your TV on when you went out. The Pit Bull down the hall phoned the manager. I thought you should know,"
Lola frowned and listened. She could hear the sound through the door.
"That's strange. I didn't realize I left it on," she said, slipping into her apartment.
"So, I'll see you later?"
"Bye, Pepé," she said as the door closed gently but firmly in his face.
Lola dumped her duffel bag next to the couch. She reached for the remote to turn off the TV, but she paused when a commercial announced, "And now, an important message for you and your entire family..."
A black duck, a Tuxedo cat and a gray rabbit, all dressed in some sort of combat uniforms, stepped up to the camera.
"Hello, folks," Daffy began in a cheerful voice. "Have you ever been woken up by strange noises in the middle of the night?"
"Do you experience feelings of dread in your basement or attic?" asked Sylvester.
"Have you or any of your family ever seen a spook, specter, gremlin, ghoul or ghost?" Bugs added.
"If the answer is yes, then don't wait another minute," Daffy went on. "Pick up your phone and call us: Daffy Duck, Bugs Bunny and Sylvester Pussycat, Quackbusters. Our highly-skilled professional and courteous staff is equipped with the most advanced technology and is on call 24/7 to serve all of your supernatural-elimination needs."
And Daffy listed them as they appeared and scrolled up on the screen.
"Spooks Spooked, Goblins Gobbled, U.F.O.'s K.O.'d, Aliens Alienated, Vampires Evaporated, and Monsters Remonstrated."
The camera zoomed into a close-up of Daffy wearing a fixed, cheesy smile and he said, "Just call 555-5925. Remember, that's the same as dialing 555-KWAK."
As the telephone number appeared on the screen, Lola hit the "Power" button on her remote.
"'Quackbusters.' What a joke," she thought. "The gray hare's kinda cute, though."
In the kitchen, she unpacked her groceries and placed a carton of eggs on the counter. After the experience with Pepé, that hot bath seemed more inviting than ever.
"But first put these away," she thought as she reached up to open the cupboard.
Stifling a yawn, she put away a box of crackers and a loaf of bread. Behind her back the lid on the carton of eggs flipped open. The two neat rows of eggs started to shake. Then vibrate. An egg jumped out and smashed on the counter-top. A second did the same, and a third. And as they shattered they started to sizzle.
Lola turned around and gave a startled gasp. The eggs were frying on the counter. But when she touched the counter with tentative fingers, the plastic was cool, almost cold in fact.
Standing in the middle of her kitchen, Lola stared at the frying eggs with mesmerized eyes. There had to be a rational explanation. But she could not think of one.
Then, her heart leaped in her chest as something nearby gave a low, deep-throated growl.
It was her refrigerator.
Edging towards it, Lola reached out at full stretch and grasped the chrome handle. Part of her was telling her to not open it. Another part was saying not to be so stupid. People weren't afraid of their fridges. It was the 21st Century, after all.
The firm jaw that Pepé admired so stiffened. She yanked the door wide open.
Lola staggered back as a blood-red blast of heat and light poured into the kitchen. The inside of her fridge was a blazing inferno. Shafts of piercing light and swirling mist dazzled her eyes with fantastic shapes. The growling was very loud now, as if it were coming from the jaws of some demonic hound. In the distance, she could see a flight of stone steps, and beyond, shimmering through the heat, a pair of bronze temple doors.
The doors opened and from deep within came a hoarse whisper that made the blood congeal in her veins. Not of this world, it filled her head with a single word—
"Woe!"
Lola screamed and slammed the door shut.