Last Experiment Standing Ep. 7: There's an App for That
'Sup people. Remember, this is my story, but all characters belong to their respective owners. Also, any bold, bracketed text is the Confession Can from now on. Peace out.
Last time on Last Experiment Standing, Slushy really blew a fuse during a team meeting, resulting in a fight between him and Chopsuey that Angel considered strangely sexy.
Things just got even more heated up after their fifth challenge was revealed: a talent contest! Felix demonstrated his bubble skills, and Splodyhead proved he had some serious flaming-stick-twirling prowess!
However, both of these acts were the subject of a great strategic move by Angel. She swapped out Felix's bubble liquid for Splodyhead's lamp oil, then told Splodyhead of her plan. This plan came into action later, with the amphitheater almost burning down as a result! Ha ha, I love when that kind of stuff happens!
Meanwhile, Slushy had some tough luck when after he overreacted about his band's performance, they totally bailed and practiced without him!
When it was finally time for The Experiments to perform, Angel held the lead with her awesome performance of Rolling in the Deep by Adele. The band failed horribly until Slushy asked for their forgiveness. They refused, but let him perform anyway. They rocked like there was no tomorrow, but unfortunately, it wasn't enough to beat the Bass.
In the end, Slushy ended up being shockingly eliminated, by his own bandmates! That's some serious crap man!
Anyways, it's now time for the lucky seventh episode. Find out the results of this challenge right now on Last! Experiment! Standing!
Melty and his bandmates sat on the couch discussing their elimination of Slushy the previous night.
"What are we supposed to do now?" Richter asked. "Our leader's gone. How are we going to win?"
["What were we thinking getting everyone to vote off Slushy?" Melty said. "First 627, and now this? We don't stand a chance!"]
"You know what?" Melty said. "We should elect a new team leader."
The three experiments walked over to join the other team members sitting at the dining table.
"Guys, team meeting," Melty announced. "With Slushy gone, we need a new leader. Let's take a vote. Everybody write who you want to lead this team on a piece of paper and put it in Richter's cap."
Everyone did as Melty said, and Melty drew the names out of the cap one by one. After all the names were drawn, it was Melty who became the leader, mainly because he was Slushy's second in command.
"Speech! Speech! Speech!" some of the experiments started shouting. Melty then stood on a chair and spoke.
"As the newly christened leader of this awesome team, I pledge equal rights to every member! I also pledge that no team member gets left behind, because we are an 'ohana! And 'ohana means no one gets left behind, or forgotten! Understood?"
"Sir yes sir!" the other team members said in unison, giving the salutation gesture.
"Now let's get out there and kick some Bass butt!"
"Yeah!"
The two teams gathered near the bonfire area as Chris announced the next challenge.
"Everyone, I am really, sincerely stoked for this next challenge," Chris said. "It's a battle of the iPhone apps!"
The experiments cheered in excitement.
"The first challenge? A real life game of Temple Run!"
["Yes!" Clyde said. "I'm amazing at Temple Run! I've already gotten over a million on it! I'm ready to take this challenge on!"]
"Here are the rules," Chris explained, as he pointed to the exact replica of Temple Run's courses. "You will have to go as far as you can sliding, turning, and jumping, while at the same time being chased by our resident evil demon monkey, Chef!"
The experiments turned to see Chef, wearing a suit that looked like one of the demonic skull-headed monkeys from Temple Run.
"I hate my job," Chef muttered.
"The person who goes the longest before being eaten by the 'demon monkey' or tragically 'dying' wins for their team! A representative from each team will be chosen by you guys, so pick your players!"
"Since I'm the new leader of this team, I elect myself to go," Melty said.
"Eh, why not," Chopsuey said.
For the Bass, Clyde volunteered. "I'm wicked at this game," he said. "I could win this for all of us!"
"Well I think Stitch should go," Angel said.
"Yeah, he is the most athletic," Bonnie said.
Clyde sighed. "Alright fine, let him go."
"Up first will be Melty!" Chris announced. "On your mark! Get set! Go!"
As soon as Chris said go, Melty took off running through the maze, with Chef the demon monkey running close behind. The other Screaming Gophers cheered for him as he leapt, slid, and turned.
Eventually, Melty came to some flaming arches. He was surprised by them, but he yelled and jumped over both of them.
At one point, he tripped up over a root.
"I've got you now!" Chef said.
Melty got up painfully and turned to face Chef.
"Oh no you don't!" he said, and he narrowly missed Chef with one of his blasts of blue flame. This only maddened Chef further, and they kept up the chase, with Melty running backwards while rapidly trying and failing to melt Chef into goo.
Unfortunately, Melty wasn't able to see anything behind him, and he ended up crashing into a tree.
["Mental note—" Melty said. "—never run backwards in Temple Run."]
"That's a time of three minutes, forty-eight seconds!" Chris proclaimed. "Let's see if Stitch will be able to beat that! On your mark, get set, go!"
["I was never really familiar with this game," Stitch said. "Everyone else seems to play it, but oh well."]
As soon as Stitch started running, he gained a fair distance between him and Chef. Even though he had never played Temple Run before, he did surprisingly well on the course.
"Hey Stitch!" Richter suddenly shouted after Stitch had ran for about a minute. "I bet you can't jump a gap as soon as you turn!"
["I didn't want to look like a loser in front of everyone," Stitch explains. "I'm the strongest experiment here. I had to take that challenge."]
Stitch approached a turn, with Chef following closely behind. There was an immediate gap right after he turned, and surprisingly, he made it over and finally managed to beat Melty's time with a time of 5 minutes, 32 seconds.
"And the Killer Bass win the first challenge!" Chris explained. "Come back after this commercial break to see what happens next!"
During the period of the commercial break, Sample had went into his room to relax for a little while. He reached for a favorite CD, but he never found it.
"Hey, where's my Skrillex CD?" he asked to himself. "Hmm..."
Sample walked outside, where he was confronted by Kixx.
"Hey dude, did you happen to see my medicine ball anywhere?" Kixx asked Sample.
"Um, no," Sample said.
Both of the experiments sat down on the front steps of their respective cabins/houses.
"Hey, you know what's weird?" Sample asked. "I couldn't find my Skrillex CD anywhere. And I wanted to listen to Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites! That's like my favorite song ever!"
Suddenly, Yaarp walked in.
"Yeah, and I lost my lucky blankie," he said.
The other two experiments stared with questioning expressions on their faces.
"What?" Yaarp said in response to their stares.
["Yes, I know it's a little strange, but I sleep with a lucky blankie," Yaarp explained. "But it always helps me sleep. I just can't sleep without it."
"A blankie? Seriously?" Kixx teased. He then burst out laughing.
"There can only be one of two people who can be doing this," Sample said. "Bonnie or Clyde. Or maybe both...all I know now is that one of them is going home tonight."]
After this ordeal was over, Chris guided the 17 experiments to the location of the next challenge. This time, the iPhone app was Fruit Ninja.
["Oh man, I have so got this," Angel boasted. "I am going to wreck the other team hard with my sweet ninja skills. I'm a black belt in seven different kinds of martial arts you know. Hi-yah!"]
Chris explained the rules of the challenge.
"What you will be doing is having one teammate throw fruit towards another member of the opposite team while they have to try to slash it with these samurai swords."
Chris held up two sharp-looking samurai swords, then continued.
"The score will be determined by who can go the longest without fainting from excessive blows to the head from various fruits. The players have already been picked, so—"
Angel interrupted. "Oh come on, so we don't get to pick the players this time?"
"Ha, tricked you didn't I?" Chris replied. "I heard you talking in the confession can before!"
[Angel was furious. "This is so typical of Chris. We really need more privacy on this show."
Suddenly, Chris shouted from outside the confessional. "I heard that!"
"Crap!"]
Chris explained who the players for each team would be. Throwing and slicing for the Gophers would be Yin and Felix, respectively, and Spooky and Splodyhead would be the respective thrower and slicer for the Bass.
Chris announced the start of the game, and the throwers immediately tried to beat the other team's slicer senseless with their limited supply of fruits.
Even though Spooky was doing very well with finding Felix's weak spots and going for them, Felix still managed to slice nearly every fruit hurled in his direction. His sword was a blur as he got many of what would be considered "critical hits" and "combos".
At the same time though, Splodyhead was doing equally well. He sliced through less fruits than Felix, therefore getting beaned in the head more often, but he still managed to slice much more fruits per swipe of his sword.
When both throwers had run out of fruit, no one ended up knocked out, so Chris announced a tiebreaker to determine who would take the challenge.
"The tiebreaker is...an epic ninja sword fight!" Chris announced to Felix and Splodyhead with excitement. "You two will grab these plastic swords and fight to see who can knock the other experiment into the water first. The experiment who achieves this will win the Fruit Ninja challenge for their team. Both of you guys, get to the platform!"
["Wow am I gonna SUCK at this challenge," Felix stated unconfidently. "I'm a CLEANING experiment. I'm not good at combat! If I was in the Hunger Games, I would die within the first two minutes! I should probably just let Splodyhead win."]
The two experiments walked over to a medium-sized lake in the middle of the island, where they saw a large circular platform in the center. They walked across a bridge to get to the platform, and after both had walked onto it, Chris pushed a button, raising the platform high into the sky.
Suddenly, Chris announced a new fact about the tiebreaker.
"Oh yeah, did I mention the water is infested with our very own man-eating sharks?"
Two sharks' heads pooped out of the water, with hungry expressions on their faces.
["WHAT?" Splodyhead exclaimed, a shocked look on his face. "WHAT? WHAT?"]
"Alright you guys, let's start the fight!" Chris shouted excitedly. "On your mark, get set, don't get killed!"
Immediately, Splodyhead and Felix started the fight. Felix made the first move by slashing sideways toward Splodyhead, but he simply jumped out of the way and somersaulted to a cool-looking stop. He then jumped up, front-flipped over Felix, and smirked at him.
Felix eyed him nervously and gulped. As Splodyhead went in for the kill, Felix blocked the attack. Suddenly, it became a match of who could push the other over first.
With clenched teeth, Splodyhead spoke.
"Giving up yet?"
"Not even if you paid me!" Felix replied. He suddenly kneed Splodyhead in the crotch.
Splodyhead grimaced and dropped his plastic sword, holding his broken biscuits.
["And that's my favorite ballet," Felix said. "The Nutcracker!"]
As Splodyhead was distracted by the excruciating pain in his kiwis, Felix knocked him into the water with one swipe of his cheap plastic weapon.
Splodyhead fell screaming into the shark-infested water, and as the maneaters approached, he swam for his life.
Felix suddenly shouted "I'll save you Splody!" and jumped into the water after him. He punched both sharks in the nose and pulled Splodyhead towards the shore.
Splodyhead sighed in exasperation. "Thanks man, I owe you one. But never call me Splody again."
["I couldn't just let him get killed," Felix explained. "We're cousins. And cousins stick together, no matter what."]
Chris walked toward the two soaked experiments and announced the winner. "And that means Felix wins the tiebreaker, and the Fruit Ninja challenge, for the Screaming Gophers!"
The Gophers cheered and high-fived Felix.
"Yeah, that's how the Gophers roll!" Melty bragged. The Bass just glowered in anger at him and each other.
["Yes, we only have one person voted off so far, but we need to pull it together and win this!" Yang said. "Our team's just a bunch of losers who can't do anything! If we want to win this challenge they need to toughen up or get sent home!"]
All of a sudden, Chris realized someone had stolen the plastic swords. "Hey, where are the swords? Come on, I payed six dollars for each of those!"
But it was too late to find out whodunit, since the experiments were already going to their cabins for a break.
"That leaves the final challenge," Chris announced. "Find out what happens both in the challenge, and to the d**k who stole my swords, after the break!"
As the Bass sat at their dining table, they started to discuss who was stealing all that stuff.
"Okay, someone's stealing our s**t and whoever it is is seriously gonna get it!" Yang threatened while punching his hand.
Everyone's eyes then turned towards the infamous duo, Bonnie and Clyde.
"I swear, I didn't do nothin'!" Bonnie said defensively.
"Yeah, I didn't do nothin' neither," Clyde said.
"Mmhmm, yeah, sure," Angel said, crossing her arms and giving the famous "oh no you didn't" look.
"I swear on Jumba's fat butt that we didn't steal anything!" Bonnie yelled.
"Yeah, you just keep tellin' 'em," Yang threatened. "Just keep tellin' 'em."
As he walked away, he took a picture of Bonnie and Clyde and smashed it on the floor. Bonnie and Clyde gulped with fear.
Meanwhile, the Gophers were discussing the same topic. However, they were discussing how they were going to get whoever did it voted off.
"Okay, we all know it was Bonnie and/or Clyde," Richter said. "I mean who else would it be?"
"We just have to make sure we win this so we can get one of those tools voted off," Melty explained. "They've had it coming ever since this show started!"
"Alright, so its agreed," Chopsuey said. "We do everything we can to win this challenge so we can get one those kleptomaniacs off the island."
The camera then shot to Chris announcing the next challenge.
"Okay everyone, it's time for the final part of the challenge!" Chris announced. "Follow me to where all the action'll happen!"
As the experiments reached their destination, they realized it looked all too familiar...
"The final part of the iPhone app challenge is...Angry Birds!"
["I think we ALL know this means trouble," Bonnie said.]
"Here's how it's gonna go down," Chris said. "Depending on whether your team are birds or pigs, you will either have another team member use the giant slingshot to shoot you into the other team, or you will have to defend yourself from incoming opponents as you stand within this giant wooden structure. Each team will have five representatives, so the birds are aiming for one pig per shot."
"Cool," Yin said.
"So here's who's doing what: the Bass will be the birds, and the Gophers will be the pigs. Oh yeah, and you'll have to wear these costumes."
Chris held up a dopey rubber chicken outfit and cheap-looking pig outfit.
Yang, as usual, was both furious and terrified.
["Oh, yep, here we go again with the costumes," Yang complained. "I swear to God, if I have to wear one more freakin' costume, I am going to give birth!"]
Chris announced who would be representing for each team.
"The pigs will be: Richter, Felix, Chopsuey, Yin, and Melty!"
"Yes!" Melty shouted in excitement. "Screw the costumes, this is gonna be epic!"
"Glad you think so, 'cause here are the birds: Angel, Stitch, Yaarp, Slugger, and...Yang!"
["F**king God!" Yang shouted in fury. "What, can he like, read my mind or something?"
The camera went to a flashback of Chris, who was sitting in a studio watching Yang's confessional tapes from previous episodes.
Chris looked at the camera and chuckled. "He has no idea."]
"Alright little birdies, time to fly," Chris said. "Piggies, get into a spot in the tower and prepare to 'duck' and cover! Ha, get it, 'cause, 'cause it's a bird..."
The experiments just stared at Chris with unamused looks on their faces.
"Hey, I put a lot of effort into those corny puns," Chris said. "Anyway, let's get started, shall we? Bass, prepare to shoot your first bird!"
"Okay guys, remember to aim for the base," Angel said. "That's the weak point."
Yaarp volunteered to be slingshot first, and Stitch volunteered to shoot him.
Stitch aimed, and then fired. Yaarp went flying, screaming as he went, ultimately crashing into Richter and knocking him down, despite how strong he was and how small and weak Yaarp was.
"And the Bass are one for one so far!" Chris announced. "But can they keep this up?"
The next to be flung was Slugger. Angel was the one to fire this time. She tried a strategy of hitting two birds with one stone (or should I say, two pigs with one bird). She made sure her aim made a precise arc into her targets, Melty and Felix, and she fired.
As Slugger flew into Angel's targets, his own strategy was to whip them in the face with his baseball bat tail. His strategy worked, and he hit the two unlucky experiments so hard, both went tumbling to the ground.
"Yeah, nice work Slugger!" Angel shouted. "Alright guys, let's keep it up!"
"Wow, already three for two!" Chris exclaimed. "The Bass are really bringing the heat here!"
Next to be shot into the tower was Stitch. Angel was once again the one to take aim and fire, and she aimed for the base. As Stitch was shot, he rolled up into a ball and acted like a living cannonball. Unfortunately, Angel's shot didn't hit her mark and no Gophers were down.
"Okay guys, there are two pigs left and two of us left to be shot," Yaarp said. "If we want to win, we're gonna have to make both of these shots."
"And aim for the base!" Angel reminded.
Yang was now the one to be shot. Little did the Bass know the Gophers were now trying out a new strategy.
"Okay, here's the plan," Chopsuey said to Yin. "Whenever you see someone coming towards you, hit him away with a piece of wood, or a water jet, or something else. Just make sure you don't fall over in the process."
"Got it," Yin said, determined to whack the stuffing out of anyone who passed.
Slugger shot Yang towards the tower, and as he approached, Yin was poised with a wooden board in her tentacles, despite Yang being her boyfriend. Unfortunately, Yang came in too fast, and Yin was knocked off the structure quickly.
"Sorry Yin!" Yang yelled.
"Mmmmn mnnnmmm!" Yin mumbled from beneath Yang.
"Yeah! The Bass are killing it!" Chris said in awe and enthusiasm. "Alright, this is it! This is the money shot! The whole challenge is resting on this shot! Can the Bass make this hail Mary? Find out, after the break!"
After the break had concluded, both teams got ready for the shot that would decide the challenge.
Yang would be taking aim here; he would be shooting Angel. He grinned evilly as he pulled back the slingshot.
"Whoops," Yang said as he let go, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. Angel's trajectory was completely off, and Angel was hurled screaming strait into the ground.
The Bass moaned and facepalmed with disappointment.
"And the Screaming Gophers finally win!" Chris announced.
The Gophers started cheering, jumping, etc. at their second win of the season.
After Angel had limped back to her team, she went completely postal on Yang.
"You A**WIPE! You lost us the freaking challenge you idiot! You've been a jerk before, but I think you've just earned yourself total d*****bag status! YOU'RE A F**KING LOSER!"
"Whoa," Stitch said.
["Ha ha, that's my girl!" Stitch praised.]
"If I could, I'd join the other team," Spooky said.
"Jerkface," Slugger said.
"Yeah, go f**k yourself!" Splodyhead yelled.
Yang stood by himself as his teammates angrily stomped back to their cabin. "What did I do? Come on you guys, that was an accident! Fine, have it your way! All you guys SUCK!"
[The confessionals showed who everyone on the Killer Bass wanted to send home that night, starting with Angel.
"Completely Yang. Who else would I vote for?" she said. "He's been a total b***h this whole season so far, and he lost us the game! He's so going home."
"I have to go with Bonnie," Stitch said. "Come on, Yang's misfire was just an accident, right? And Bonnie and Clyde stole all that stuff. Also, to be honest, I think Bonnie's the dumber one."
"It's definitely Yang," Splodyhead said.
"Though Yang was a jerk, I'm voting for Bonnie," Yaarp said.
"Well of course I'm votin' for Yang," Bonnie said. "He accused Clyde and me of something we didn't even do, he threatened to kill, us, AND he lost the challenge for us!"
"Bonnie's gonna hate it after I vote for her," Clyde chuckled.
"Oh duh, Yang," Spooky stated plainly.
"Actually, I think I want to vote for Bonnie," Slugger said. "Yang did say she or Clyde was gonna get it."
"Yang's incident was an accident, and one of those criminals stole my medicine ball," said Kixx. "but I like Clyde better, so...Bonnie,"
"I think I'm gonna vote for Clyde here," Yang said. "Hey, I may or may not get voted off here, but as long as he or Bonnie goes, I stay."]
The camera cut to a shot of the bonfire zone, and the infamous ceremony began.
Chris began. "These nine marshmallows represent the nine of you who will stay. The experiment who does not get a marshmallow will be the second Killer Bass to be kicked off the island. Now it was a pretty close vote tonight, so let's just cut to the chase. Angel, Stitch, Yaarp, Spooky, Splodyhead, Kixx, and Slugger, you all get marshmallows."
Chris threw marshmallows to the seven experiments he had called out. Suddenly the screen split into thirds, with Yang, Bonnie, and Clyde's faces each taking a third. Dramatic music started to play.
"There are only three of you left. The first marshmallow goes to...Clyde."
The screen was then split in half, with Yang and Bonnie's nervous faces filling them.
"The final marshmallow goes to...
Yang."
Pretty much every team member was completely shocked. Just how the heck did BONNIE get voted off?
"What?" Bonnie exclaimed. "What'd you guys vote me off for?"
"Yang's little slip was a complete accident!" Stitch said.
"Yeah, and you guys stole all that stuff!" Kixx yelled.
"No we did not!" Bonnie yelled in defense.
"Oh yeah you did!" Angel responded.
"See, I told you whoever did it was gonna get it!" Yang yelled.
"Yeah, and there was 5 votes you, and 4 votes Yang," Chris said. "And there are no take backs!"
Bonnie growled in anger. "Fine! But we didn't steal anything! You'll see!"
Bonnie was about to walk the dock when Clyde suddenly ran out to say goodbye.
"Wait! Bonnie! I'll miss you!"
"Aw, I'll miss you too, ya big goofball," Bonnie replied.
They ran into each other's arms and hugged.
"Aaaawwww," the other experiments said. Soon, Bonnie had stepped on the Boat of Losers and left New Wawanakwa.
Yang laughed to himself with a smirk and chomped on his marshmallow.
["That wasn't an accident," Yang laughed. "I bombed that shot on purpose! Yeah, that's right, I did that just to get one of those criminals voted off! Just watch. Every one of these losers are gonna get picked off, one by one. And it'll all be because of me. And guess what? No one's gonna stop me!"]
The camera cut to Chris sitting in his booth, watching Yang's confessional.
"Whoa, seven episodes in and we got ourselves a villain! Check in next time to see who goes down next! Won't be surprised if it's because of Yang. Anyways, that's it for this insane episode! Watch the next episode for another extremely dramatic campfire ceremony on Last! Experiment! STANDING!"