CHAPTER SEVEN

Ianto shoved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie and strode purposefully through the circular doorway into the Hub. Completely ignoring his teammates he charged up the steps to Jack's office and barged in slamming the door behind him.

Jack was on his feet straight away to greet him but Ianto frantically shook his head and put his hand to Jack's mouth to silence him at the same time as shoving a rumpled piece of paper into Jack's hand. Jack frowned and registered that Ianto needed him to read it quickly before speaking. It was scribbled hurriedly in Welsh, thank God he knew the language was all Jack could think as he read.

'I'm bugged with a mic. Need artefact duc 2234a . Final phase sw19 4bw 7pm day after tomorrow. Sorry Jack we're about to have an argument make it a good one. Yan x'

Jack looked straight across into Ianto's gorgeous blue eyes and baulked at how thin and pale he was looking.

"You're late again Ianto!"

"And?"

"We haven't seen you all week, where the hell have you been?" It was a loaded question, Jack hadn't heard from him in days and had been seriously worried.

Ianto was smiling faintly. "None of your fucking business!" He snapped back reaching out to grasp the fingers of Jack's right hand, desperate for the comfort and to make him realise how hard this was. Ianto hated to fight at the best of times but this confrontation had to be believable.

"You here to do your job? Do you even want your job?" Jack squeezed his fingers back. The two of them unable to look away from one another.

"Which one would that be? Tea Boy or the Captain's part time shag?" Ianto demanded, knowing full well he'd have to apologise to Jack later for that comment.

Jack's face darkened for a moment even though he knew that Ianto hadn't meant what he said.

"Ianto get out of my office, clean yourself up and get back to work!"

"Fine, but you can make your own fucking coffee you lazy bastard." Ianto let go his hold and charged out of the office making a show of stomping off in the direction of the locker rooms. Receiving puzzled and concerned glances from Gwen and Tosh as he did so.

"I guess Ianto and Jack aren't an item any more then." Tosh commented unhappily.

Gwen smiled. "They never were, Ianto can't give him what he wants, never could so far as I can see. Sorry was I just being really bitchy then?"

Tosh glared at her and got up. "Yes you were. I'm going to see if Ianto is ok."

"Owen! My office now!" Gwen and Tosh both turned their heads in the direction of Jack's bellowing and Owen swept past them to go to Jack's office.

Once again Owen found Jack marching up and down the lengths of his office. He closed the door.

"You summoned me?"

Jack passed the scrawled message to Owen. "We need to be ready for this."

"What the fuck is it?" Owen had no understanding of the Welsh language.

"Showtime Owen. Then hopefully this thing is in the bag." Jack was concerned by the lack of belief in Owen's dark eyes.

Ianto ran straight down to the archives. Knowing exactly where he needed to go he located the correct shelf and pulled out the item that Murry had instructed him to retrieve. He was shoving it down the front of his hoodie as Tosh caught up with him. He swore as soon as he registered her presence. Tosh froze under the fluorescent light.

"Ianto what are you doing?"

A confident smile washed over his young face and he strode over, gathered her in his arms and kissed her forcefully. Tosh was too stunned to react as he pulled away,

"Wow." He muttered. "Heaps better than Jack." His grin was wicked as he walked quickly away from her, thinking Jack's gonna kill me for this but it was the only way of distracting Tosh without engaging in conversation or hurting her. Ianto picked up his pace and fled the Hub. Leaving his shocked colleague in his wake.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Ianto's eyes slid shut. There was nothing he could do about it. There was nothing he wanted to do about it. The blackness of the outside world was too frightening and this blackness was warm, enveloping him like a comfortable old coat. He thought about Jack and the older man's flat refusal to part with his battered air force great coat that was almost 60 years old. Ianto suddenly knew why. The thing defined him, represented everything he wanted to be, everything he had seen and experienced. The things that Jack aspired to. And there was Jack, the thing that Ianto aspired to. His comic book hero. Ianto smiled inwardly to himself, how childish was that? He always felt like an awkward schoolboy around that impossible man. He knew he'd always been out of his depth as far as Jack was concerned.

Ianto had failed. The mission a blow off, his cover, no cover at all and Jason Murry had played him for the fool he was. This was one game Ianto had no instinct for and certainly not the stomach.

It was probably best this way, sliding into the welcoming empty black of beyond, quietly unafraid for the first time in his short life. He wouldn't have to see Jack's anger or Tosh's muted tears…. Would she cry over him? Would anyone?

"Ianto? Ianto, mate. Come on wake up."

Ianto didn't want to, the familiar voice too far away from him to feel the need to latch on to it. The acerbic cockney tones were unwelcome. If he kept sliding he'd find Lisa, his Mam and Tad. Things would be better then and the incessant pain in his gut that had lingered for months would finally leave him. He would be happy then, lost in dreams and possibilities he had been so harshly deprived of. The world no longer mattered, the anger the loneliness and the fear fell away in ecstatic waves, shuddering through his broken soul and out of his shattered body.

"Jesus. Ianto, not now please, not now."

The distant plea was ignored. It felt right to leave it behind, sinking further away into….

Jack had not been happy about having an NHS ambulance crew ship Ianto off to St George's hospital, but Owen had screamed at him giving the older man no choice. Ianto's life depended on it. There was simply no time to piss about. In that event Jack had turned aggressively toward the two UNIT officers who were closest to him, yelling his demands for an explanation as to what had gone wrong. They were clueless and completely unmoved by Jack's outburst. Torchwood had no right interfering in this business anyway, if their operative had got himself killed tough luck as far as they were concerned. The whole operation was a blow off anyway. A monumental screw up at that and eighteen good people had been left dead as a result. The clean up was going to be a nightmare. Jack could see their resentment in the way their hands tightened around the butts of their firearms, looking for any excuse. Jack turned away trying to calm himself down. UNIT had lost an entire team he should know better than to provoke them. He left the bombsite, deciding to follow the ambulance that was carrying Ianto away.

Owen wandered over to Jack proffering a cup of coffee prized out of the machine sitting in the AnE department of St George's Hospital. Jack accepted it with a nod of thanks and instantly regretted taking a sip.

Owen smiled an apology. "Best I could find. Any news?"

Jack shook his head running his hand shakily through his hair. "He's still in theatre." The reply was quiet, guilt ridden.

Owen leaned back on the plastic chair next to Jack. "I spoke to the girls, just about managed to convince Tosh to stay in Cardiff. I haven't given any details, just told them he'd been injured and that we were dealing with it."

"Thank you Owen." Jack was grateful, he really didn't want to deal with the two women on his team right now.

Two nurses walked hurriedly by and Owen lost in his own thoughts for a moment followed them with his gaze. He had worked in one of these places once. Healed people, flirted with the nurses, fallen in love with Katie, lost her and drowned in over whelming futility until the man sitting beside him had saved him from burying himself in his own grief and despair. Owen snuk a sneaky look at Jack's face, grief, the Captain rarely wore his deepest feelings so openly and realised just how much this hurting his boss. Losing one of the team was bad enough, but Ianto was clearly far more than that.

"He'll be ok Jack. Ianto's a tough little shit."

Jack didn't respond to the comment.

"It's not your fault Jack. He chose this and like he said to me, it's his job. What we get paid for. Ianto wouldn't have it any other way." Owen was trying to reassure himself as much as anything. Fuck's sake he's just a boy.

"Yeah right." Jack muttered. He stood up and walked away leaving Owen to sigh.

Gwen Cooper carefully pushed open the door to HDU* and flashed her Torchwood ID at the staff nurse stationed near the entrance. He pointed her in the direction of Ianto's bed. As she expected Jack was sitting at Ianto's side. She gently touched his shoulder and Jack turned, surprised to see her there. Gwen smiled down at him warmly, and planted a kiss on his forehead. Jack barely seemed to notice the contact.

"I've booked you in to the Holiday Inn down the road. I've left an over night bag in the room and here's the key. Go to the hotel, get a shower, some sleep and come back in this evening after you've had a break. I'll sit with Ianto until you get back." She advised gently, trying her best not to make it sound like an order.

The gratitude on his face was clearly evident in his returning smile and Gwen almost melted on the spot, her heart missing a beat. "Go on Jack. I'll call you if he wakes."

Jack rose from the chair and picked up his coat. "Everything back at base ok?"

Gwen nodded looking into his eyes with big sympathetic ones of her own. Jack caught her look and held it for a moment.

"It's been quiet Jack. I was going to head back to Cardiff tonight after you'd had a break."

Jack finally looked away from her back to Ianto, blissfully comatose under all the medical apparatus.

"No, take me back to the hotel. I'll get cleaned up and then we'll both head back. There's nothing more I can do for him here and there's work to do."

Gwen followed his gaze unmoved by what she saw, it didn't look like Ianto underneath all the medical equipment.

"What have they said?"

"He's stable. I've sat here for hours and there have been no changes. I don't think he wants to wake up. Perhaps that's best after everything he's been through." He said quietly.

Gwen briefly squeezed his hand. Jack hauled in a steadying breath. "Come on. Lets go."

While Jack was in the shower Gwen took the liberty of ordering a room service lunch for them. It was waiting for him when he finally stepped out of the bathroom, dressed and towelling at wet hair. They sat opposite one another and ate in silence. Gwen stealing glances at her leader every so often. She eventually ventured to speak.

"If you need anything Jack you only have to ask."

Before he even gave it a thought he got up and pulled her against him kissing her needfully. Gwen clung on to him as they staggered in the direction of the bed, hands pulling at clothes mouths searching out bare skin, not a single guilty thought passing between them as Jack took everything she offered because that was how he dealt with his feelings. He needed something and it was far better than shooting someone.

AN: Thank you to Fiction 111, PCJanto and I Love Janto for your reviews. Many of you have favourite (is that a word)…. Thank you too. I would welcome your thoughts.