A/N; Thank you all again for the reviews. I love hearing what you all think and where you think this might go. A few of you seem to be reading my thoughts like an open book. :} I know you're all wanting to know what Will is doing, and the next chapter is going to be all about him.

Alicia went directly to Lockhart, Agos, & Cavanaugh when she arrived in Chicago. It felt like home walking through the halls of her old firm, even though the Chicago branch hadn't been her home base in nearly seven years. This is exactly what I needed, she told herself, as she rounded the corner to where the partner offices were located.

Cary was the first to see her as he came out of his office. With a big grin on his face he embraced her. "It's nice to know the big wigs at the DOJ still want to associate with us little people," he teased, as he pulled away from her.

Slightly embarrassed, she laughed under her breath. "I'm no big wig Cary. Same as I've always been. How are you?" Now that she was here she was beginning to realize just how much she missed her two partners, and her firm.

"Good."

"Mom!" Grace came around the corner, practically throwing herself into her mother's arms. Alicia held on tight not wanting to let go, but Grace managed to pry herself away a few moments later.

"Diane and Cary aren't working you into the ground are they," Alicia smiled, raising a brow to Cary.

"No more than the other first year associates." Grace had graduated from law school in the spring, and come to work for Cary and Diane.

Diane joined the group, and they all went into her office to continue their conversation. After catching up for a while, Cary excused himself. Grace had plans for the evening she couldn't get out of, but promised to spend the rest of the weekend with Alicia.

A few minutes later, Alicia and Diane were alone. Alicia settled herself on the couch, leaning back against the soft cushions. "It's so good to be here," she breathed, with an audible sigh of relief, feeling some of her built up anxiety from the past weeks seeping away.

Diane poured them both a drink, and sat down in the chair next to her. "It's good to have you here." Diane lifted her drink to her lips, looking at Alicia over the brim of her glass.

Silence filled the room. When Alicia didn't say anything, Diane took the opportunity. "What going on, Alicia?"

Alicia's own glass near her lips, she said, "What makes you think something's going on? James is busy with mid-terms, and It's been nearly five months since I've seen Grace. It seemed like a good opportunity to come for a visit."

Diane chuckled. "I'll tell you why I think something's going on. You called two nights ago, and said you were coming to Chicago in less than forty-eight hours, that you'd already booked a flight. You haven't been here in nearly a year. This isn't like you."

"I'm trying to be more spontaneous these days," Alicia countered.

This caused Diane to chuckle some more. "No. Something's wrong. You're a planner. You always have been. You don't plan a trip and take it in less than forty-eight hours. Now spill."

Alicia set her drink down, glancing around to see if anyone else was lurking nearby. "You're right. I wanted to talk to you face to face, but not here."

"I'll call Kurt, tell him I'll be home late, and we can go somewhere else."

Alicia nodded, as Diane pulled out her phone.

A short time later, the two women were seated on the couch in the front room of Alicia's hotel suite.

"Are you and James having troubles?" Diane asked.

Alicia didn't meet her gaze. "No…not exactly." She stood and moved to the window across the room. "Something happened a few weeks ago, and it's…" She told herself she wasn't going to cry, but the lump in her throat was waging war. "What happened doesn't matter. I can't give you the details because it's confidential."

"Something happened at work then?"

"No, yes. I just…"

"Alicia, tell me what's going on," Diane said, slightly frustrated.

Alicia sighed, and turned to face her. "This thing that happened, opened up all my old feelings for Will, and I thought that after a few days it would go away. That I'd be able to put it to rest. But I can't. And I don't know what to do about it. I feel like my life is spinning out of control again. I came here because I thought if I could talk to someone who understood, I'd feel better. Then I can go back home to James, and get back to my life. A life I love right now."

A few tears slipped down her cheek, and she sighed if frustration. "I feel so ridiculous. Like a high schooler who can't get over her first crush. I'm sorry to unload this on you, but I didn't know who else to talk to. James shouldn't have to listen to me prattle on about the man I had an affair with eleven years ago."

"How are things between you and James?" Diane was trying to figure out where on earth all of this could have come from. The only thing that came to mind was that they had gotten into some horrible argument that was still simmering in the background.

"Good, great really. I don't deserve someone as understanding as he is. But I'm worried these feelings I'm having for Will are going to get in the way of our relationship. I can't let that happen. I just need to talk about it, get it out of my system, and everything will okay again."

"Okay, I'll listen for as long as you like. But Alicia, what on earth triggered all of this? I'd expect it if he'd died more recently. But it's been almost nine years now."

"It was a case at work. It…reminded me of…him. That's all I can say." It was partially true. Two days ago, when she'd first decided to come to Chicago, she'd planned on telling Diane Will was alive. But then her conscience kicked in, and she knew she couldn't. If she told Diane, Diane would want to tell Kurt. While she trusted these people with her life, she still hadn't talked to Finn to know what she could and couldn't say to people regarding Will.

Diane nodded. "I can understand that. Every so often I'll be working on a case, and something will remind me of him. All these years, and the loss still lingers in the background."

Alicia paced back and forth, rubbing her palms together. "Yes, it just hit me really hard this time. I miss him. I miss talking to him, I miss watching him work. I miss…being with him." She hated herself for admitting it. It felt like she was cheating on James by simply saying it.

"I know I've said this before, but Alicia, what you and he had, it was special. It meant something, even though neither of you were willing to admit it to the other. You loved each other."

"I still do. That's the problem," she admitted, her voice cracking.

"And you probably always will. It's not a crime Alicia."

But it is, she thought, silently to herself. She was in love with James, and she was in love with Will. And Will was alive. She felt like she was cheating on both of them.

"So, what do I do?"

Diane continued. "You talk about it, here. And realize that it's okay to be sad about it sometimes. It's okay to think about it, and it's okay to wish things had turned out differently."

Alicia nodded. "I know all that. I just can't seem to close the empty space in my heart this time." She stopped pacing, looking Diane in the eye. "I've been thinking the past few weeks that it was my fault he died." More tears slipped down her cheeks. "How can I live with that guilt?"

This took Diane off guard. She hadn't heard Alicia talk like this for a very long time. And she'd never said anything in the past about blaming herself for Will's death. This was crazy talk.

"Alicia, Will's death was in no way your fault. Why would you even think that?"

She didn't have to think twice about her answer. "Because I didn't take the Grant case from him. If I had, Jefferey wouldn't have shot Will. Yes, Will would have been angry at me for stealing another client, but that would be better than…"

What she wasn't telling Diane was that she'd done the math and come to her own conclusion. She'd gone back and looked at the dates in Finn's case notes. Finn had approached Will about being an informant a month before Peter's election. Will had agreed, but when Finn approached him about hiring Damian to get closer the Gerraghtys a few days after the election, he'd refused. He said it was too dangerous. That he was happy to feed the feds what little information he could get on Bishop, but he wasn't going to do more.

Then a few weeks later, after she'd left the firm, he changed his mind. She couldn't help but think her leaving, upsetting him as much as she did, had clouded his judgement when it came to hiring Damian. Ultimately, hiring Damian had led to him…being shot.

"Better than what? You being shot and killed instead?" Diane tried to reason with her.

"Jefferey wouldn't have shot me," she said, calmly, turning her gaze back to the large window.

Diane stood and moved next to her. "Yes, he would have."

They stood in silence for a few moments. "Do you ever think about him, or what the firm would be like now if he hadn't been shot?" Alicia asked.

Diane folded her arms across her chest. "Sometimes," she replied, softly. "By now we'd either be running a firm with offices across the country, or Will would have managed to bankrupt us. He was moving too fast on so many fronts those last few months. It was completely reckless."

Alicia nodded, her gaze fixed on the Chicago skyline lit up before her. "That's the hardest thing for me. The dreams. I used to think about him maybe once every few months, or less. I'd see someone who looked like him from behind, or end up standing next to a man wearing the same cologne. Sometimes it would lead me to having a dream about him that night. Then it would pass, for months. But I've dreamt of him so often the past few weeks, it's clouded my memory. I can barely tell the difference between what actually happened, and what I've made up in my mind."

Diane felt for her. She could clearly see the struggle Alicia was having.

"I just wish I could I see him, talk to him one more time."

"But you can't," Diane said, resolutely.

"I know." And if she were honest, this was the thing that bothered her the most. This was the one thing that had kept her mind and her heart on Will and at a constant battle inside. He was alive, and she'd convinced herself there was no way to see him, no matter how much she wanted to. She'd been honest with James. She didn't want to just throw everything they had away, but she'd like an opportunity to set things right. Tell Will how she felt, and apologize for everything she'd done. But she couldn't.

They talked late into the night, sharing memories of Will, and laughing at some of the things that had gone on during the years that they had all worked together. By the time Diane was ready to leave, they'd covered everything from the goings on in Chicago, to Alicia's cushy job in D.C.

"You've made a real name for yourself, but I don't envy you," Diane said. "I'm getting too old to keep up with that amount of chaos," she said, in regards to Alicia's hectic schedule.

"You shouldn't envy me. The job has its perks, I don't regret taking it. But this is not something I want to do for years on end." She sat back comfortably into the couch, and took another sip of her wine. "I'll do this until we elect another president, and by then James will be up for taking a sabbatical, and I'll go with him."

A genuine smile crossed Diane's lips. "I'm glad things are going so well between you two."

"Me too."

"I should probably go. You'll come by Sunday before you leave? I know Kurt would love to see you."

"I will," Alicia set her glass on the coffee table. "Wait a minute. I have something I need to give to you." She got up and disappeared into the bedroom for a few moments.

When she reappeared, she was carrying a box in her hands.

"What's this?" Diane asked, as Alicia handed it to her.

"Things I've kept over the years from my time with Will. Photos of us, a baseball and cap he gave me, a few letters. A few other things he gave me during our affair, and some items he left for me in that mystery safety deposit box I discovered while reading through his writings."

Diane held her gaze with questioning eyes.

"I think it would be best to not have this around for a while. Just until I can get a handle on these emotions again. Would you mind storing it for me? I don't really trust anyone else to keep track of it, or keep their hands and eyes out of it." The corners of her lips turned upward into a tiny smile.

"I'd be happy to."

"Thank you, Diane. For everything." She was feeling much better, having been able to talk through some of her emotions. Hopefully between talking, and having his things out of her reach for a while, her heart would be able to heal again.

A few minutes later she was alone with only her thoughts to occupy her mind. She felt better than she had in six weeks. This was a process, she told herself. Give it a little more time, and everything will be fine. Everything will go back to normal. If worst came to worst, she'd go do a couple sessions of therapy. There was no shame in that.

Feeling restless, she changed her clothes, and went to the hotel fitness center that was open twenty-four hours. After putting in a few miles on the treadmill, her mind was more clear. She went back to her room, showered, and went to bed. For the first time in weeks her last thoughts before drifting off to sleep, weren't consumed with thoughts of Will.

The following night, James met Finn for drinks. They sat at a table near the back of the noisy establishment.

"How's Alicia?" Finn asked, a bit wearily. He'd tried to call her several times in the past six weeks, but she'd not answered.

James thumbed the glass in front of him. "She's fine. She's in Chicago for a few days to spend some time with Grace." He sighed, looking Finn in the eye. "She's still upset with you, and I think she's angry at him. But she isn't willing to talk about it, and she refuses to call you to get answers to the questions I know are swimming around in her head."

Finn nodded, and took a sip of his drink. "She has every right to be angry at me."

"She knows you were just doing your doing your job. She's trying to put it behind her, pretend he's still dead, and move on. But that's why I'm here."

Finn raised his brow at the comment.

"Is there any way she can contact him?"

Finn sighed heavily, and sat back in his seat, as James continued.

"She needs answers. Answers that only he can give her. Like why the hell he agreed to work for you? And the issue that's really bothering her." He paused to drink a bit of the dark liquid in his glass.

"Which issue?"

"The thing she's afraid to admit, and ask. If they were to see each other, able to talk, would there be anything left between them? Does he still think about her? Does he still…love her?" He looked away. "Could they still have a future together?" It was hard to say out loud. He loved Alicia. He loved her a great deal. But that was why he was here, because he did love her. He didn't want her to end up regretting her decision to stay with him ten years down the road if she could have what he feared she'd really want.

"I can tell you this. Just don't beat up the messenger," Finn said, half joking, half seriously.

"I'm not the type to throw a punch," James admitted.

Finn nodded. "He still asks about her. He hasn't come right out and said it, but if I had to guess, I'd say he does still have feelings for her."

"And you tell him about her?" A thin line formed on his brow. "All these years she thought he was dead. He on the other hand hasn't had to live with the grief I know she went through, because he didn't actually sever all of his ties when he went into protection. His situation wasn't as finite as hers because you've been feeding him information whenever he asks?" This made him angry, if only for her sake. "Just how much does he know about her life?"

Finn knew he had to be honest. "Only little tidbits. The last time I passed information to him was just after you two moved here. I told him about her new job, etc."

"Does he know about me?"

"Yes," he admitted.

"Do you know what a violation of privacy this is?" he said angrily, but managed to keep his tone down so he wouldn't draw attention to them. "What else does he know? Is the reason you've stayed in contact with her, to spy on her for Will?"

"No, it's not like that. And he never asked me to do it. I like Alicia, the friendship we have is real. I don't spy on her. He will periodically ask how she is because he knows I talk to her sometimes. That's all. Look, you can be angry with me if you want. I understand. But I promise it was innocent."

James ran a hand through his hair in frustration. What was done was done, he couldn't change that now. "Fine. But don't ever admit to her what you just told me. She'd be beyond furious if she knew."

"Agreed."

"Back to my question. Can she contact him?"

"Does she want to?"

"I can't say for certain, but I think if she could she would."

Finn thought about this for a few long moments before responding. "He's not in as much danger as he was eight years ago. But for her to call him, or email him… I wouldn't recommend it. Not with the job she has. The best thing to do would be to have them meet in person." He looked at James for some sort of reaction, but got none.

"Can you make that happen?"

"Are you going to leave her? Is that why you're asking?"

"No." His gaze moved to the glass in front of him again. "Alicia has been great. She's hurting I can tell, but I know she loves me, I know she cares. She's committed to me and our relationship."

"But," Finn said.

"I want her to be happy. And the only way she'll know if she can truly be happy with me, without regret, is to see him again and figure out what she really wants. So, can you do it? Figure out a way for her to see him?"

"All I can do is contact him and ask. I can't guarantee he'll agree to it." It was the truth. He had no idea if Will would want it, or allow it. If he didn't want to have contact with her, he could very easily ask to be relocated, so she wouldn't be able to find him. On the other hand, If he agreed to meet her, there was no telling what might happen. And if they decided they wanted to be together… He was getting a headache just thinking about the can of worms that would open up.

"Then ask him…please…for her." James said.

"If he agrees, then what?"

James stood, placing his hands in his pockets. "We'll deal with that when the time comes." He went to leave, but had one more thought. "Don't tell her we met. If he agrees to meet with her, I'll be the one to tell her. If he doesn't agree, then you're going to need to be prepared to give her the answers she's looking for." He turned and made his way through the crowd to the exit.

It was a cool autumn night. He decided to walk for a while. The pile of essays that still needed grading could wait. As much as he hated to admit it, he somehow knew this was the beginning of the end for him.