ACT THREE
Scene B
FADE IN:
INT. THE JEAN GREY SCHOOL CONFERENCE ROOM, SALEM CENTER, NEW YORK – NIGHT
Wolverine reamed Frenzy down one side and up the other. To her credit, Frenzy took it like a champ, her face immobile even as Wolverine had pulled over a step-stool to scream directly in her face. "Irresponsible...endangering civilians...destroying apartment buildings...stealing vehicles...why you didn't pick up a damned phone...!" When Wolverine was done, Frenzy turned on her heel and marched out the open door, but not before putting her fist through a wall.
Then there was the call in to Utopia.
"Woulda been nice if you'd let us know you'd let Exodus out of the X-Brig," Wolverine told Cyclops. Cyclops was staring out of the screen, his call relayed by Skype. He was sitting at a table, his mouth set in a petulant frown.
"What are you talking about?" Cyclops responded. "We didn't let Exodus out. He's sitting right there in his cell-."
From behind Cyclops they could spy the robotic torso of the X-Brig's warden, Danger, approaching the camera.
"You don't have him, we do!" Wolverine said, pointing at Cyclops. "In our medical clinic!"
"That's preposterous!" Cyclops announced.
"Cyclops," Danger intoned.
"Not now, Danger," Cyclops waved dismissively.
"What kind of operation are you running out there?" Wolverine demanded.
"Cyclops," Danger said again.
"What is it?" Cyclops snapped. Danger set what appeared to be a red-painted mannequin head down onto the table. Cyclops stared at it.
"What is that?" Cyclops asked.
"I attempted to question the prisoner," Danger said. "And his head fell off. That almost never happens."
Cyclops looked at Wolverine. "We'll send someone to pick Exodus up." The call disconnected.
Cecelia didn't have much to add to the debriefing that took place in the conference room of The Jean Grey School. Beast had begun a long-winded explanation of Exodus' medical condition which Cece interrupted with a curt: "He'll live." Wolverine seemed to be thankful for the brief summation. Shadowcat was video conferencing with Reed Richards about trans-dimensional teleportation while simultaneously trying to reverse-engineer the transport coin that had vanished both Rogue and Gambit into thin air.
"So what we've got is one nutjob in critical condition, two X-Men taken to Murderworld, and a shit-load of other problems to go along with that," Wolverine concluded. "Our priority is figuring out where in the Murderworld they might be, and the logistics of finding out a way to get them back."
"Can we consult Longshot or Dazzler?" Marvel Girl asked.
"Longshot's an amnesiac," Husk explained.
Iceman consulted his cellphone. "And Dazzler's last Facebook post has her jaunting off to some other galaxy," he said.
"Crap," Wolverine said.
"Once I figure out the coordinates programmed into this transport coin," Shadowcat said as she typed into a computer, "we can find out where Rogue and Gambit landed."
"That's great," Wolverine said. "But we need to know how to get there ourselves and then what to expect when we get there."
"We can conduct some basic research from here," said the Shi'ar bodyguard Warbird. She raised an arm. In her hand she held a remote control. She depressed a button. "Prince Kubark demanded upon his departure that he have access to the premium cable stations we enjoyed on our home-world."
"Who's your service provider?" Iceman asked. "Time Warbler Cable?"
Several people groaned. "What?" Iceman said. "C'mon! It's a pun. Get it? Warbler like the bird...because the Shi'ar are descended from birds-."
"Robert," Beast interrupted. "It isn't clever if you have to explain the meaning behind it."
"I'm giving you people comedic gold here!" Iceman exclaimed. "I should take my talents elsewhere!"
Warbird did not get the joke. She instead turned on the television and opened up the menu. She flipped through several stations. "I do not know the channel number on Earth," she said. "Ah, this is it. Murderworld programming is on channel 666, MOJOTV."
"We get Mojo's station now?" Iceman asked and sat up in his chair. "What's Shi'ar HBO look like?"
Channel 666 was currently airing a show about toddler-aged beauty queens who did hand-to-hand combat in a cage-match scenario. Cecelia turned away and covered her eyes with her hands.
Warbird looked at the remote buttons for a moment until Iceman snatched the controller from her hands. He began pressing the button to scroll forward in the menu's schedule.
"Wait," Shadowcat said. "Slow down, you're going too fast. No one can read that!"
"I can," Iceman said, pressing the button repeatedly as the menu screen flashed past in a blur.
"Bobby! Stop!" Cecelia cried. "Go back one screen!"
Iceman paused, glared at Cece for a moment and then reluctantly pressed the back button.
"There!" Cecelia said and pointed. "Look!"
Iceman stopped on a show titled: Paradise Lust: Oceans of Passion! They read the show's description.
"Part-Bachelorette, part-Survivor, part-Hunger Games. With no escape, our heroic pair must reunite or face an angry island goddess' lust-fueled wrath," read the description. "Starring the X-Men's Rogue and Gambit!"
"That has got to be the stupidest title I have ever seen," Iceman said.
"I believe it to be the producer's clever play on the title of Milton's epic poem Paradise Lost, which details the fall of man in the Garden of Eden," Beast said.
Iceman made a face. "'It's not that clever if you have to explain the meaning behind it'," he pompously mimicked. He pressed another button on the remote. Three green "thumbs-ups" appeared on the screen.
"What are you doing?" Shadowcat asked.
"I'm giving it a thumbs-up," Iceman explained. "So that the TiVo will record it."
"No!" Shadowcat exclaimed. "Don't do that! Just set it to record. God knows what TiVo is going to recommend to us now!"
"You and you," Wolverine said, pointing to Iceman and Warbird. "Will do the reconnaissance and watch the show. Take notes. You and you," he then pointed at Beast and Shadowcat, "figure out the mechanics of this operation. Find a way for us to get Rogue back-."
"And Gambit," Cecelia added.
Wolverine waved a hand. "Yeah, him too, I guess. We'll meet again at 10:00 p.m. after the show is over. The rest of you, figure out what to do with twenty over-stimulated teenagers. Me, I'm going to get a beer."
"What about me?" Cecelia asked.
"Why are you here again?" Wolverine asked. "Never mind, don't care."
Cecelia stared after him, her mouth agape. She stomped out of the conference room after Wolverine. Wolverine was turning in one direction, so Cecelia turned in the other. She continued down the hallway until she found herself in front of the staff room. The door was open so Cecelia walked in. It was a nicely appointed room with lounge chairs, a kitchenette, and several cubicles. Frenzy was standing in front of the sink and staring out the darkened window.
"Hey," Cecelia said to her back. "You okay?"
Frenzy glanced over her shoulder. "Just peachy," she said dully.
Cecelia hesitated and then walked forward to put her hand to the back of one of the chairs. "If it's any consolation, I probably wouldn't have done any different than you."
Frenzy slowly turned to face Cecelia. "As a mater of fact, that's no consolation at all," she snapped. "You're not a soldier...you're not an X-Man...you're nobody! Nobody but a pathetic loser pretending to live a human's life! Do you think spending all your time stitching up humans makes you a hero? Well, you're not! You don't make any difference! You're someone who won't acknowledge being a mutant. You won't even help your own kind! So take your meaningless platitudes and shove them up your ass!"
Cecelia gasped as if she'd been slapped. "You-!" she began. "Like you have any place to be judging me? You're a criminal and a murderer! I cannot believe I even tried to be nice to you!" With her shields she shoved Frenzy against the kitchenette counter.
"Oh, you did not just shove me!" Frenzy said, her eyes growing wide.
"Oh yeah, I did," Cecelia responded, her chin thrust forward. Suddenly, the Bronx was representin': "Wha'chu gonna doaboudit?"
"Whoa, whoa!" Iceman suddenly said from behind them. "Ladies! Let's just calm down here! Let's not fight...now, how about we pop us some popcorn, have a seat, and watch us some television."
Both women turned to look at Iceman, who would have melted under the force of their combined glare if he'd actually been ice at the time.
"How about I pop your pointy head off your scrawny neck?" Frenzy asked.
"Do you think this is funny?" Cecelia snapped and jabbed her finger into Iceman's chest. "Does it amuse you? That your teammates are stuck in a place called Murderworld? There is something fundamentally wrong with you people and your priorities!"
She stomped out of the room. Iceman stared after her a moment and then turned to Frenzy.
"Logan says she and Gambit are dating," he said. "Can you believe that? Hey...so. Why do you look so angry? Wait. Frenzy...! Someone help me!"
The microwave flew out into the hallway to crash against the wall.
FADE OUT
ACT THREE
Scene C
FADE IN:
INT. ARACHNA'S TEMPLE, PARADISE ISLAND, MURDERWORLD – DAY
When Gambit regained consciousness, he found that he was still immobilized. He was laying on his back on a flat surface, though he was no longer on a metal table but a raised stone dais. He wasn't shackled, but was instead bound in white silk cords. He opened his eyes slowly and cringed at the light. He was now in a shadowy chamber lit by bright sunlight which fell through an open doorway to his left. He turned away from the light and blinked, waiting for his eyes to adjust to the dim interior.
Gambit raised his head. He found he was bound from mid-chest down to his knees. He was wearing nothing but a leather loincloth. There was something strapped to his thigh. With his arms bound to his sides, he could just touch the thing on his thigh with his fingertips. Gambit's head dropped back and he stared upwards. The chamber was made of rough stone. Above was a vaulted ceiling hung thickly with spiderwebs. Something whirred past; a giant insect of some sort about the size of a goose egg. He began to struggle against the bonds, rolling around on the stone table, making little noises of effort. A fine layer of grit stuck to his sweat-dampened skin. It was no use, the bonds were too tight and weirdly sticky. He lay back onto the table and reassessed his options. As he turned his head, he saw a figure seated on the ground with its back against the wall. The figure was staring at him with a joyful look on his face.
"Hey," Gambit said to the man. "Little help here?"
The man continued to stare blankly, his mouth fixed in a gleeful smile. Gambit saw that the man was dressed in some sort of tribal fashion and was covered in spiderwebs. That was when Gambit realized the man was very dead. Gambit's gaze moved along the wall of the chamber. Another equally happy looking corpse was sitting next to the first, albeit in a more apparent state of decay. There was a third man, even more decomposed than the second, as were the fourth and fifth man. Even the skeletal remains of the last figure seemed to have a happy grin.
"Not good. Not good at all," Gambit said and renewed his struggles. He then saw that the thing strapped to his thigh was a knife. His fingertips clawed at it. When he felt the handle of the blade shift from its sheath, he drew the knife into his hand inch by inch. Once free of the sheath, he pressed the tip of the blade under the cord wrapped around his leg. Very carefully, he slid the blade under the cord, then turned it at an angle, severing the binding.
Gambit relaxed and fell back, gyrating his legs and hips in an attempt to loosen the bonds further. The bonds were just beginning to slacken when a dark shadow blocked out the light. Gambit froze and turned his head to the open door.
A figure stood silhouetted in the bright sunlight. It was very clearly female. Her arms raised and she placed her hands to either side of the door frame. Then a second set of arms raised. A third pair of hands placed themselves on the figure's hips.
"Spiral," Gambit said. "I got serious beef wit' you, girl."
The woman strode forward with a slow, purposeful step. She took another, bringing herself fully into the chamber.
"Another offering!" the woman said happily. She sprang upon Gambit's body with predator-like speed. Gambit found himself face to face with an ebony-skinned woman who was most certainly not Spiral. Her hair was dark red. A pair of jet black eyes stared at him rapturously, as did the six other eyes beading her forehead. All eight eyes blinked one slow blink and the woman smiled, her lips parting to reveal a toothless mouth. Gambit recoiled.
"Uhm, hi there," he began. "I'm in a bit of a bind..."
The woman petted the side of Gambit's face. "ARACHNA will help you find releathe," she told him softly, her speech lisping slightly.
"Heh, okay...," Gambit said, his eyes darting to the corpses propped up against the wall.
The woman scooted backwards, her hands trailing down Gambit's torso to his hips. "Thutch a generous offering!" Arachna said. "Arachna ith pleased!"
"Ma'am, it's a pleasure meetin' you as well," Gambit said. "But really-."
The woman leaned over and kissed Gambit on the mouth. She might not have had any teeth, but she definitely had a tongue.
"Mmmph!" Gambit said, his eyes widening.
"Arachna thhall have her fill..." she said and she began moving her lips down to his chin, to his throat, and then down his chest.
"Okay-okay-okay...!" Gambit said, trying to squirm away. The bonds around his thighs had loosened, but one pair of Arachna's hands was resting on his knees. "Now just wait a minute here!"
She looked up at him with all eight eyes. "My offerings are uthually more willing than this. Arachna promithes you will enjoy your thacrifithe." She began kissing his stomach as she slid lower.
"Just what in tarnation do you plan on doin' t'me!" Gambit asked.
Arachna moved lower, her lips now below his navel. "Arachna drainths her offerings," she told him. Her hands abruptly slid up his thighs and under the loincloth. "And feedth upon their virility. Stho that she might be sthustained. Now, close your eyes!"
"Holy-!" Gambit said. Then after a moment: "Help...?" His eyes closed and his mouth opened in amazement. "Oh-my-god!" Gambit's arms were now free. He held the blade in his hand. He looked down at the back of Arachna's head. Gambit certainly didn't want to harm the woman, especially with her being so very close to a sensitive region of his anatomy. He wasn't sure what to do. "Oh my god!" he said again.
Another shadow blocked out the light from the doorway. Gambit turned. Arachna sat up and one of her hands wiped her chin. The figure in the doorway was a man, but his features were indecipherable in the gloom of the chamber. The light haloed his head.
"Is this the place guys come to get fellated to death?" he asked cheerfully.
"You'll have to wait your turn," Arachna told him.
"No, no! I'm all done here!" Gambit said and backwards-somersaulted off the table. "Thanks for-that, but...I got t'go!"
Gambit bolted for the door. He passed the willing offering on the way out. Once outside, Gambit found himself at the top of a very long set of stone steps. He stumbled down the first few, then turned back to the door. Behind him was a small box of a temple built of rough-hewn golden stones set back into a cliff's face. A pair of six-armed caryatids flanked the open door. There was a spiderweb motif along the top of the temple.
From inside the temple he heard Arachna speak: "Sthhow me your offering!"
"Ta da!" There was a pause, then the man said: "Whoops, sorry about that. Kinda premature on my part."
"Arachna ith not pleased!"
Gambit began to run down the steps.
To the left of the staircase was a sheer drop to a rocky shore, where the ocean waves crashed and frothed. Beyond that was an endless expanse of blue ocean. To Gambit's right was the craggy cliff face, rising hundreds of feet above his head. The stone steps ended at a narrow cliffside path, which followed every curve and crevice of the cliff face. Gambit hurried along it as fast as he dared. When he turned a corner and the temple was out of sight, he paused and put his hands on his knees. He remained thus until he regained his breath. Slowly, he straightened. He slid the knife he carried back into its sheath. He looked to his right and left, then surreptitiously looked under his loincloth. He breathed a sigh of relief. Something whirred past his head and he reflexively slapped it away. He struck the flying object and it fell to the path, its little wings twitching. It wasn't a large bug, as he first believed, but some strange spherical object with wings. A single eye winked at him. Gambit realized it wasn't an eye, but a tiny camera lens. His toe nudged the camera and then he kicked the thing over the edge of the cliff.
Two more cameras dropped into view, buzzing around and staring at him with their expressionless little eyes. Gambit tried to slap them away but they zoomed out of range. As he flailed his arms, he realized there was something on his right bicep. He looked at it. Someone had drawn on him with blue pen. He rubbed at the mark. It was some kind of tribal scrawl of symbols that wrapped entirely around his arm. The mark didn't come off. Gambit licked his thumb and rubbed at the mark harder. It still didn't come off. Realization dawned on him.
"Oh, eff!" he cried, raising his arm and spinning in a circle as if he could escape the tattoo. "My poppa's gonna kill me!"
He picked up a fistful of sand from the path and scrubbed fiercely at the tattoo. He succeeded in making his bicep red and painful. The cameras hovered closer. Gambit fitfully swatted at them and almost sent himself over the edge of the cliff. He hastily backed up to hug the cliff face. Gambit began walking along the path once more. The path seemed to be growing more and more narrow. Soon he was having to walk with his front pressed against the cliff wall. There was the sound of crumbling rock. Pebbles fell onto the pathway. Ahead the pathway had dropped off, leaving nothing but empty space. Gambit looked over the edge to the angry surf below. He looked up. The cliff was very high.
Steeling himself, he took two firm hand holds and pulled himself upwards. His toes found purchase and he began to scale the cliff. The cameras hovered below him; they seemed to have multiplied. Gambit continued to climb. It seemed a good amount of time had passed as he carefully found purchase against the cliff's face. The sun was scorching his back. Sweat stung his eyes. He cursed profusely in several languages. Along the cliff walls, sea birds circled the surf. The cameras hovered. Gambit tried not to think about the angle they were filming him from.
His hand reached upwards and found the edge of the cliff. Gripping it firmly, he brought up his other hand and thrust his elbow forward. With both arms now on solid ground he began pulling himself upwards. The rock bearing the weight of his left foot suddenly gave way and he found himself sliding backwards. He let out a yelp and his hand reached out to grab a scraggly plant. It held for a moment, giving him the chance to throw himself forward. He clawed his way onto flat ground, then lay in the dirt panting. With the relentless sun beating down on him, he turned over onto his back and then climbed to his feet. He surveyed his surroundings.
Gambit found himself at the top of a mountain ridge. Below the mountain dipped sharply down into a bowl of a valley. The mountain was north-facing and shaded, the slopes furrowed and mossy green. In the valley below was a lake. Beyond the lake was a verdant jungle that stretched out for many miles. The jungle rose above the valley in fits and starts, broken here and there by rocky cliffs and waterfalls. Within the jungle was a clearing from which Gambit could make out the faint lines of smoke from several small fires. Past the clearing and at the second highest point of the island was a manmade structure of the same golden stone of Arachna's Temple. This structure was much larger however. There were tall stone walls surrounding a centralized area from which a truncated pyramid rose. Gambit shaded his eyes with his hand and looked out into the distance. Just past the structure rose a tall, tall mountain; the top of which had been scooped out. A plume of dark smoke rose from the mountain.
Just then, the earth beneath Gambit began to tremble. There was a sudden rumbling sound and Gambit stumbled as the ground shook. After a few moments, the rumblings ceased and the ground became still again save for the sound of crumbling rock as bits of the cliff tumbled downward into the sea.
"A volcano," Gambit said looking at the mountain. "Fan-freakin'-tastic."
CUT TO:
INT. THE JEAN GREY SCHOOL CONFERENCE ROOM, SALEM CENTER, NEW YORK – NIGHT
The viewers had gathered in the school's conference room for the series premiere. The first five minutes of Paradise Lust: Oceans of Passion! captured more gratuitous shots of bare flesh since the movie Caligula. The viewers watched as the leading man escaped an orally-fixated spider-lady and then ran down a cliffside path. Or rather, Bobby Drake and Warbird watched and Cecelia held her hands over her eyes. Hank McCoy and Kitty Pryde argued in the background while dissecting the burned-up transport coin.
Gambit began to climb the cliff. He was being filmed from a very low angle. Warbird regarded the screen for several long moments. She picked up a piece of popcorn from the bowl Bobby held in his lap. "Are all Earth men so well-appointed?" she asked curiously and put the popcorn into her mouth.
Bobby opened his mouth to reply when Cecelia testily snapped: "No!"
Warbird turned to look at Bobby Drake and glanced down at the popcorn bowl in his lap, then she turned to look at the screen again. She looked down into the popcorn bowl a second time and seemed disappointed.
"Hey!" Bobby said and looked at Cecelia. "You in the back! Keep it down, we're reconnoitering here!"
Cecelia scowled at him.
Gambit scaled the cliff-face and nearly fell just as he reached the top. "Omygod," Cecelia said, putting her hands over her eyes again.
"Look! He's okay," Bobby said dismissively as Gambit struggled onto solid ground.
For several moments, Gambit lay in the dirt, panting. He climbed to his feet. The camera panned backwards, casting Gambit in a heroic shot as he surveyed the island vista, his hand shading his eyes. He was bruised, scraped, and sweaty, but his hair managed to look fabulous.
"How is it he's able to annoy me across dimensions?" Bobby groused.
On screen the earth began to shake and Gambit nearly lost his footing. When the trembling ceased, he said: "A volcano. Fan-freakin'-tastic."
Just then, there came the rising sound of rhythmic jungle drums. There was a series of shots in quick succession of native-looking women dancing around a fire (lots of jumping and bouncing was involved), flashes of jungle vegetation, stunning waterfalls, wild animals, then a shot of several loincloth-clad men laying prostrate on the ground. The camera panned up the backs of the bowing hunks to the feet of a young woman. As the camera drew back it revealed Rogue sitting on a throne, wearing what appeared to be two conveniently-placed bandages and a piece of string. Her expression was dazed and she blinked rapidly. Rogue's name appeared at the bottom of the screen just under her breasts.
Rogue looked down in dazed confusion and you could just make out her mouth forming the words: "What the fu-?"
The screen jumped back to show Gambit, still standing on the cliff looking around with the same expression of confusion on his face. Then his name appeared over his head. He looked up at it. Suddenly, the camera panned back revealing the expanse of the cliff face. The words: Paradise Lust were superimposed in big block letters on the cliff. Then "Oceans of Passion!" was scrawled out over the ocean waves. The jungle drumming came to a dramatic climax, then all was silent.
"You have got to be kidding me," Gambit said loudly from very far away.
The viewers watched as Gambit leaned over the north-facing slope. The cameras were positioned behind him now, giving the viewers a dizzying view of the slope from above. Gambit crouched and then began his decent.
"Unbelievable..." he griped as he climbed downward. "Why do these things happen t'me?" He grasped at moss-covered stones and vines, sliding at times on the damp surface. "Of all de stupid-this has gotta be de-stupidest-," here Gambit paused, dangling from a vine. "Okay, second stupidest-thing I've ever been involved wit'. Gambit dropped a few feet and slid on some stones. He caught himself and then continued his descent. "I'm done dis superhero crap. I am done. Had enough of dis here nonsense. Freakin' Exodus. Eff that guy and de horse he rode in on. I don't need dis bullshit." All the while Gambit bitched, he continued to climb ever downward. When he moved to find his next toehold, he found his foot searching the empty air. He glanced down. He was over a dip in the mountainside. Below him was a small outcropping. "I am a professional thief!" Gambit announced. "I don't belong in dis scenario! I demand respect! This is character defamation! You'd better lawyer up Mojo, 'cause I'm gonna sue you!"
Gambit dropped to the outcropping. He took a moment to look around. "Get me a fancy lawyer. That Matt Murdock guy, yeah. He looks expensive." Gambit paused to look at three large round boulders that were sitting on a bed of dried moss. The boulders were the size of Volkswagen Beetles.
"What're those?" Bobby asked, his mouth full of popcorn.
Gambit was scratching his head while looking at the stones. They were ovoid in shape, mostly smooth but with a faint pebbled texture, and pale brown in color.
"They look like eggs," Warbird observed.
One of the boulders moved slightly. Gambit took a hasty step backwards. He took in the three boulders, the nest of moss, and then he put two and two together. He quickly moved to the edge of the outcropping. There were only several more yards of sheer drop before the mountain sloped gently outwards. Gambit readied himself for the descent when suddenly a gust of wind swept back his fabulous hair.
A shadow fell over him. He looked up and his irritated expression changed to one of surprise.
"Gah!" he cried and leapt for a dangling vine.
"WAURRK!" screamed the unseen monster from off camera.
Rocks dropped onto Gambit from above and he slid down the vine. The vine abruptly snapped sending Gambit tumbling through the air. He struck a mossy embankment and then rolled head over heels down the slope. He came to a sudden stop at the bottom of the slope, landing on his side in a large mud puddle.
Gambit rolled onto his back. "Ugh," he said, his face splattered with mud.
From above came another: "WAURRK!"
Gambit struggled to his feet and then took several slogging steps through the mud, making towards a line of trees. He stumbled free of the puddle then up a short slope and into the cover of vegetation. Once inside the trees he came to a staggering halt.
"Oh, lord have mercy," he said, panting. "I wish I never got out of bed."
Gambit limped deeper into the forest. From nearby came the sound of rushing water. Gambit came upon a stream and staggered into it. He waded into the center of the stream then dropped to his knees in the water. He splashed water into his face, wiping it free of mud and sweat. Now the cameras captured several slow-motion shots of a very wet Gambit as he slicked back his hair with both hands. The camera followed the rivulets of water down his chest and abdomen.
"This is making me uncomfortable," Bobby said.
"Shush," Kitty said, her eyes now glued to the television. While she was distracted, Hank covertly slid the transport coin and her laptop away from her, assuming complete control over the project.
Gambit began slurping handfuls of water from the stream. He tried rubbing the tattoo off again to to avail. He was breathing hard. "Ow," he said, and put his hand to his stomach. He tried drinking more water, but then gagged.
"What's wrong with him?" Bobby asked.
"Ugh," Gambit said and he leaned forward, bracing himself on his hands and knees.
"He looks like he's going to be sick," Kitty said.
"Hrk-!" Gambit said.
"Oh, gross!" Bobby exclaimed.
"He appears to be regurgitating something," Warbird said, shoveling a fistful of popcorn into her mouth.
Gambit gasped and wiped his mouth with one hand. He stared at his reflection in the water. Gambit blinked a few times, then his hand darted out and seized something from the stream bed. His other arm swung and slapped a camera away. Suddenly the viewers found themselves looking at the sky. When the camera returned to Gambit, he was pulling himself from the stream. Once on the other side, he removed his knife from its sheath. He had something clenched in his teeth. He used the knife to cut a strip of leather from his all ready too short loincloth. Returning the knife to his thigh, he then folded the strip, tucked what he had in his mouth into it, and then tied the strip over the tattoo on his bicep using one hand and his teeth.
"What was that?" Bobby asked.
"Dunno," Kitty said, propping her chin on her hands.
Gambit went back to the stream and gathered a few rocks. He tucked them under the leather strip as well. "Okay," he said to himself. "Now what?" He looked up at the coconut tree he was standing beneath and hauled himself upward. Once at the top of the tree, he surveyed the area. He spotted the signs of a path cut through the jungle growth. Gambit slid back down the trunk and hopped to the ground. He had to cling to the tree for support as the earth beneath his feet began to shake once more. Coconuts began to tumble from above. Gambit staggered backwards as the coconuts dropped all around him.
"Uh oh," Bobby said.
Gambit raised his arms to protect his head a moment too late.
"Ouch," Bobby said in commiseration.
"Agh!" Gambit said, clutching the top of his head. The earthquake rumbled to a stop and Gambit slowly stood. A trickle of blood ran down his forehead from his hairline. Gambit looked at his hand. It was covered in blood. "Oh," he said. He took one staggering step forwards, two back down the embankment to the stream, and then turned and fell face-first into the water.
"Oh no!" Bobby exclaimed and abruptly stood, sending the popcorn to the floor. "Get up Gambit!" he shouted at the screen.
"That is definitely a concussion," Hank said. He too had become absorbed by the show.
The screen faded to black and then to a commercial break. As Hank turned from the show he asked: "Cecelia what do you-Cecelia? Where did she go?"
Kitty retrieved her laptop from where Hank was hoarding it. "Never mind! We got to work on this thing and fast! Before someone is killed! I'm calling Reed Richards again."
"That's unnecessary!" Hank said, trying to pull the laptop back. "I can handle this conundrum!"
"Hank, let go!" Kitty said, slapping at one of his paws.
Bobby paused the TiVo. "Pee break!" he announced. "Then...more popcorn."
FADE OUT