Chapter 7
Daryl watched the sun slowly ease its way above the horizon and stood up wearily, his bones cracking as he stretched. He was getting too old to sit up all night on hard concrete steps thinking and smoking. He would never admit that out loud, but deep inside he knew it to be true. He'd had a very rough life physically and his body was letting him know it more and more every year. He didn't have any problem keeping up with anyone on a run, or tracking while out hunting. His reflexes hadn't slowed any. But his bones ached more mornings than he liked to admit, and the rare times he slept in that bed up in the attic he found he had to make himself get up and out early when he really just wanted to lie in the bed and relax if possible.
This was not going to be a day to rest, and he didn't forsee any day anytime soon when he would be able to. The last two months had seen a series of skirmishes and attacks by Negan and his group on Alexandria. The fortifications Diana had proposed had made a huge difference –they had been able to keep their losses minimal and the town intact. But now they were basically being held siege-trapped inside their walls while Negan and his group played hide and seek outside the walls. They were running dangerously low on supplies and Rick and the other men had held a meeting and it was decided they had to risk a scouting trip outside the walls for food and hopefully some people to bring back to help defeat Negan and his group. He had to drink some coffee, eat something and get ready to head out again with Rick, Aaron, Glen, Paul Abraham and a few others to head north and widen their perimeter. They were still looking for material to scavenge to reinforce the walls and for setting more traps and pits outside the perimeter as well. Diana had asked them specifically to look for oil-she wanted to make something they could use to shoot arrows with flames and to pour on anyone who made it through their barricades and got too close to the wall.
At the thought of Diana, Daryl muffled a groan and rubbed his hand over his face tiredly. Christ, he hoped the others were ready to go quickly-he didn't relish the idea of bumping into her this early in the day. She would be spoiling for an argument and he didn't feel like dealing with that shit right now. Sitting up all night thinking and smoking hadn't done a damn thing to clear his mind about her. She was right-he wanted her in a way he'd never wanted any woman. He felt at ease with her, he could talk to her about the things that interested him and he never had to listen to her prattle on about shit he could care less about.
If they could just keep things the way they were-he could ignore his feelings and enjoy the friendship they had. But he knew that this wasn't possible. Sooner or later she would find someone that wasn't a backwards asshole like he was and he knew it would hurt him to lose her-they couldn't stay friends if she went off with someone else. She would lose interest in him and see him for the piece of shit he was. And goddammit, if he gave in and let himself try to be with her the way she wanted then she would see even more quickly what a loser he was and he wouldn't even have her friendship. Never mind the humiliation he'd feel when he finally saw the realization hit her that she'd been wasting her time on a piece of shit like him.
No, he was fucked. There wasn't going to be any way to fix this-and every way it ended would end up with him losing her friendship and having everyone go back to looking at him like they had back when he and his brother had first joined the group at the quarry.
He wandered into the kitchen and sighed inwardly. Carol was in there making coffee and breakfast. Dammit. If there was anyone he wanted to see even less than Diana this morning, it was Carol. Ever since Diana had arrived, Carol had been like a bur in his side-always ready with a smart ass comment about Diana and about him spending so much time with her. To hear Carol talk, you'd think Diana had come between he and Carol-like some goddam high schoolers. He couldn't figure out where Carol had gotten the idea he and she were an item-he'd never made one romantic gesture to her. He'd thought of her as a friend. She'd been kind to him all these months after they'd lost Beth-now he wondered what she'd really thought of his grief over Beth. Had she been jealous of the time he'd spent all those weeks alone with Beth? Had she been relieved that Beth was gone permanently now?
Daryl shook himself mentally. Christ what was wrong with him? Carol had been fond of Beth, hadn't she? His constant exhaustion was making him think nonsense. Still, he didn't relish the idea of spending any more time than he had to with Carol. He'd grab some coffee and head out-he could grab something to eat at Denise and Tara's. Denise was always trying to get him to eat better and forcing some kind of healthy shit on him. Although it looked awful, he had to admit it tasted pretty good and when he took her healthy food with him on runs he didn't feel as tired and wasn't as hungry as he normally was. And now, with food supplies getting tight he appreciated those healthy power bars or cookies or whatever she called them.
He stepped into the kitchen quietly, hoping to get some coffee and get out before Carol could get started in on something. He bit his lip when she turned and beamed at him in what he could only describe as her Mrs Cleaver look. Like she'd just baked a dozen cookies and was waiting for the Beav-him-to get home to tell her all about his day at school. It made him uncomfortable as hell-one his ma had never baked anyone any cookies as far as he knew, two his ma sure as hell had never asked him how his day at school had gone. He never knew how to answer Carol when she was like this-he couldn't tell if she was fucking with him or if she'd just gone batshit crazy and thought she was some kind of Stepford wife or something.
"Well good morning sunshine," Carol cooed at him, and he felt the hairs rise on the back of his neck. This was especially weird, even for Carol. He stood there silently, nonplussed as to what to reply.
"I've just started to mix up some pancake mix and I'm going to fry up some bacon as well. You'll need something to fill you up if you're going out on that run with Rick and the others," she continued smoothly as if Daryl weren't standing stock still with his eyes as wide as saucers.
He flinched when Carol laid her hand on his arm and started to steer him toward the table. "Now just have a seat and I'll get you a cup of coffee," she continued. Daryl sank into the chair as if his legs had lost their strength. He was too tired for this shit and had absolutely no idea of how to deal with it. He sent up a silent prayer that Rick would appear and tell him he was ready to leave.
As Carol turned to fix him a mug of coffee, Michonne entered the kitchen and arched an eyebrow at first Carol and then Daryl. Daryl just shook his head tiredly and Michonne smirked. Daryl rubbed a hand over his face and Michonne winked at him.
"Oh hey Daryl, there you are. Rick's looking for you, says to meet him out front. He's ready to head out," Michonne announced, keeping her gaze on Daryl.
Daryl nodded and quickly stood up and headed toward the front hall. "Um, thanks Michonne. I best get going," he mumbled gratefully. Michonne mouthed at him, "you owe me," and he nodded silently in agreement as he hurried toward the front door.
"Oh darn, I was going to make him a good breakfast before he went out," he heard Carol exclaim. He was out the door and down the steps before he could hear any reply from Michonne.
Rick was leaning against the hood of the SUV, looking like the cat that had gotten the cream. Since Rick and Michonne had hooked up, Rick was much more relaxed and happier. He knew, as did they all, that Michonne had his back and God help anyone who tried to hurt Rick or his kids. Michonne was like a lioness when it came to Rick and his family. Unlike Lori, who had always been nagging at Rick, Michonne rarely spoke unless Rick directly asked her opinion about something. Daryl was sure Rick heard an earful when the two were alone together but he respected the fact that Michonne kept a united front with Rick in front of the kids and the rest of the group. They were true and equal partners.
"You look like you're in a hurry to get out of the house," Rick teased. "What's got you so nervous this morning," he continued, laughing. Daryl knew Rick was enjoying the little mini drama playing out between Daryl and Diana and Carol. Now that Rick felt settled he could afford to enjoy somebody else's torment, Daryl thought bitterly.
"Aw shut the fuck up. Surprised ya ain't still sleepin as little sleep as ya got last night," Daryl shot back, smirking at the look of embarrassment on Rick's face.