Sorry about having two depressing drabbles in a row. I try to rotate between a fluffy one and a sad one, but this time it didn't work out like that. If you're reading this all in a row, may I suggest maybe putting this one off for later. I may have possibly cried while writing it... so. Enjoy?
It's a month after the funeral and Serenity is flying once more. A little slower and with more bumps than any of the crew was used to, but she kept going strong. They all did. Even Zoe. There were glances from the others, softer voices, and sometimes a cut off sentence here or there. Zoe didn't mind. Much. They had all lost and they were all recovering in their own way. She kept quite, but present. There was no locking herself into her room, no refusing to speak to anyone. Mal appreciated her for that, thought her strong, but he'd always known she was strong. Everyone knew she was strong. Any fear of her trying to hurt herself or join her husband floated away more and more each day. So when Zoe stopped Mal right at the mouth of the bridge and asked if she could take the shuttle out for a day, he didn't hesitate to let her and for that Zoe was grateful.
She was more quite that day, going around her bunk and packing. The old blanket, a bottle of cheap asian liquor from the back of their— her closet, and a dinosaur she didn't really know the name of. Her cloth sack bulged, not used to being so filled. She took one moment to take a deep breath. The bunk still smelled like them, but it was growing fainter each day. Zoe feared the day when that scent would be gone forever. No bringing it back. It would forever be stuck in an unreachable past.
The fly wasn't all that bad, Serenity had looped back around and had already been awful close to Mr. Universe's Moon. Zoe figured they all knew where she was going, didn't take a genius to, really. She landed the shuttle a little ways off from the three graves. She didn't want to disturb them. There was a moment of hesitation before Zoe clambered outta the shuttle, she hadn't been there since the funeral and afterwards, through a dark and intense numbness, she'd sworn to not go back for a long time. Now she was breaking that promise, but she needed to. She needed a real goodbye.
Zoe's eyes didn't leave the holographic picture of Wash for a long time. She silently thanked Kaylee for obsessing over that damn camera of hers and catching Wash like that, in a moment of happy contentedness. It was how Zoe wanted to remember him always. She smiled, despite the lump forming in her chest. She'd missed that face. Several minutes pass as she stared, but then Zoe remembered why she was here and cleared her throat. She pulled the sheet out of her bag, careful not to drop the glass bottle accidentally. She forgot to bring a cup, but that's alright. Not like she had anyone to share it with.
"You know," Zoe's voice was scratchy, but warm. She felt a bit ridiculous, talking to no one there, but Wash always did have a certain fondness for the wacky and silly. She supposed it was apropos. "Everyone thinks that I need to forget, they avoid the subject of you at all cost, least in front of me." Zoe took a small sip from the bottle, it burned her throat and tasted as cheap as it cost, but Zoe cherished it. This was their drink. Under current circumstances, though, she probably should only drink that little bit. "But they don't understand. That time we had, together, short and sweet, it was—" Zoe felt herself getting all choked up, but there was no one to see her, no reason not to just unashamedly feel. "It was the time of my life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I want to remember, I want to always remember because the minute I forget it'll be like it never happened. But it did, baby, it did. Oh god." The tears were falling and Zoe made no attempt to stop them. "I don't regret it, not one minute, Hoban Washburne. Not any fight or glare or nothing. I had never expected it to happen, not to me, not with you. But what we had— I'll always remember it like that, unpredictable and perfect for what it was. You were what healed me, that fork in the road, and I'll love you long as I live." She had to stop talking, her throat closed up and her tears weren't letting.
Instead, Zoe took the dinosaur outta her bag, her hands shaking under the tears. She placed it careful at the foot of the stone grave. The little beast looked up at her and Zoe could almost feel it mourning along with her. She'd come to say goodbye, but she also had come to make sure Wash wasn't alone. She still had her crew and the little baby growing inside of her. Now Wash would have a dino to keep him company, it wasn't much, but it was all Zoe could do. "Goodbye husband. And be good."
I put a lot into this one and I would really appreciate a review or something to know what you thought and what I could do to improve. Thank you so much!