Mark knew he shouldn't be laughing. It was morally wrong to do so and it was upsetting poor Glenn. But he couldn't help himself. He really couldn't. Watching James torment Phil was just way too much fun. James currently had Phil hanging upside down from the ceiling and was spinnning him around in circles as fast as he could. Cooper and Connor were trying to tie Glenn down to a chair, but Glenn was fighting them every step of the way.

"James stop!" Phil whined as he desperately tried to grab on to something that would make him stop spinning. "Please! No more! I'm gonna get sick!"

"Remind me why I should care!" James replied.

Adam winced and looked away. "I think I'm gonna get sick just watching this. There is way too much spinning going on."

"I agree," Gil said.

"Wusses!" Jeff shouted. He began spinning around in circles. "You spin me right round baby right round like a record baby!"

"I'm sorry!" Phil yelled as his face started to turn green. "James I'm sorry! I'll never change the channel when you're watching something again!"

James stopped spinning Phil, but it probably wasn't because that promise had been made. "Didn't I just make you shave last month? Why are you all hairy again?"

"Um....I um...I..."

"I told him he could do it if he wants to," Glenn snapped. "It's not even your business James. He's my lover and it's his facial hair."

"But we all have to look at it!" James pointed out.

"Yeah really," Cooper agreed.

"Well if you can't see that my Phil is still sexy--"

"You think he's sexy like this?" James asked incredulously. "If Mark ever grew that much facial hair, our relationship would run into a serious problem."

Mark reached up and ran his fingers over what facial hair he did have. Note to self: always invest in shaving. It'll keep James a very happy killer.

Glenn glared at James. "Phil is sexy no matter what he does or what he looks like, and if you don't like it, you can kiss my white ass!"

Jeff suddenly raised his hands. "Is it as white as Sheamus is?"

"Jeff!" Matt said in shock.

"What?" Jeff asked innocently. "You were thinking it!"

"No I wasn't."

"Oh yes you were."

"No I wasn't."

Glenn suddenly yanked himself free from Cooper and Connor's grip and grabbed James by the throat. James grabbed Glenn's throat in return and suddenly it was the clash of the giants. James managed to shove Glenn up against the wall, but didn't keep him there for long. Glenn shoved back and soon enough the two of them were fighting all over the living room.

"Go Daddy!" Connor yelled excitedly.

"Yeah!" Cooper agreed. "Kick his ass!"

"Aw, nobody's cheering for Glenn yet," Jeff noticed. He clapped his hands together. "Go Glenn! I'll be nice and cheer for you!"

Matt quickly grabbed Adam by the hand and moved both him and himself out of the way. "Someone is going to get hurt here," he said out loud.

Mark rolled his eyes. "Thank you Captain Obvious. I'm glad you pointed that out."

"Can someone please let me down?" Phil asked. He was trying to reach up and get himself down, but it wasn't going well so far. "Please? I don't feel so well right now."

Cooper smirked. "Well what are you going to do for us if we do let you down?"

"Yeah," Connor agreed. "Are you going to get us cookies?"

Cooper glared at his younger brother. "Not everything in life is about cookies!"

Connor glared at Cooper. "Shut up infidel. Everything is about cookies. Cookies are the bomb." He began giggling madly. "Boom boom! Bombs go boom boom! Kofi goes boom boom!" He did the clapping thing Kofi always did and then did the Boom Drop right on to the floor. "Owie! Cooper, I just hurted my butt!"

Mark shook his head and chuckled. Connor annoyed him more often than not, but sometimes he got a kick out of the kid. Not that he would ever admit that out loud of course. Word might get back to Connor and then that could mean the brat would start annoying him more. And that would not be a good thing at all.

"Would you two be careful?" Gil yelled at James and Glenn. "You're going to--look out!"

The warning came too late though. Both James and Glenn ended up falling into the Christmas tree, knocking it over and making a lot of the ornaments fall off of it.

"Holy shit!" Adam yelled.

"Damn it!" James cursed. "I branch just hit me in the eye!"

"Forget that damn branch!" Glenn growled. "Something just cut my back!"

Mark sighed as he walked over there and pulled both of them to their feet. "You both are fucking idiots," he informed them. "Look what you did! You squashed the poor tree!"

"We did not!" James denied. He set the tree back upright and fixed some of the branches. "See? It's still okay!"

Glenn frowned. "I don't know...it kind of looks like it's going to fall over again."

James glared at him. "Whose side are you on Crispy Critter?"

"Would you both please just stop?" Mark asked. "I swear, sometimes you two are worse than an old married couple."

"Hey! I'm begging you people here to get me the fuck down!" Phil was not going to let himself be ignored.

Glenn immediately went to his honey's side and got him down. "Poor baby," Glenn said quietly. "I'm sorry honey."

"It was terrible Glenn," Phil pouted. He wrapped his arms around Glenn's neck and buried his face into the bald headed man's chest. "I don't like it here. Why do we always come here?"

"Because we would have nobody to torture if you weren't here," Cooper pointed out.

"Yeah," Connor said. He got up to his feet and poked Phil's arm. "We loves ya Philly."

"No we don't," James said automatically. He looked at Mark. "I'm bored!"

Mark frowned. "Well what do you want me to do about it?"

"Um....um.....I gots an idea!" James said triumphantly.

"If it's for an orgy, I think I'm going to pass," Gil informed him.

James rolled his eyes. "No, it's not an orgy."

"It's not?" Jeff sounded disappointed.

"Nope. Although I won't rule that out for later." James started to run out the door. "Give me a half hour and I'll have everything we'll need!"

Mark shook his head and sighed. "I have a bad feeling about this."

Connor tilted his head to the side. "Oh come on Marky? It's Daddy! What do ya got to worry about?"

XXXXX

Thirty minutes later, Connor's question was answered. "You have got to be kidding me," Mark said in disbelief. "Seriously James? You're really going to do this?"

James frowned. "Sure I am. Why wouldn't I?"

"Uh...because it's stupid!" Mark said, stating the obvious. He looked at the scene in front of him. James had tied a giant sled to the bumper of his truck and apparently the plan was for two or three people to ride on the sled while someone else drove it all over the street.

"It's not stupid!" James denied.

"Actually it is," Glenn said. "Someone is going to get hurt."

James rolled his eyes. "No they won't." He held up three football helmets. "See? I've got these!" He put one on over his Santa hat. "Now would you people stop being pussies and do this with me?"

"I'll do it Daddy!" Connor said eagerly.

"Me too," Jeff volunteered.

Matt shook his head. "Jeff--"

"Save it Matty. Imma doin' this whether you like it or not!"

"That's the spirit!" James handed the helmets to Connor and Jeff. "Who's driving?"

"I'll drive," Cooper volunteered.

"Well then I call shotgun," Adam said.

Mark just climbed into the back of the truck (Matt joined him seconds later. "This is going to come back and bite you in the ass Lawson," he warned. "I hope you know that."

His warning went ignored of course. It always did. James, Connor and Jeff climbed on to the sled while Cooper and Adam got into the truck. He felt like he should put a stop to this, or at least insist on elbow and knee pads, but he decided against it. If the idiots were stupid enough to want to ride on that sled, then that was their problem.

"I'm not sure if Cooper driving is the best idea," Matt muttered. "I've got a bad feeling about this."

"If you got such a bad feeling, why don't you jump out while you still have the chance?" Mark asked.

"Someone has to watch out for Jeff."

"We--HOLY FUCKHEAD!" Cooper had sped off as fast as he could, hitting the mailbox and turning so fast that he lost control of the truck and they almost spun completely around. "COOPER BENJAMIN LAWSON!"

"WHEE!" Jeff and Connor shouted while James just cackled. They had gone from the driveway all the way over to the neighbor's yard from what Cooper had just done.

"I told you that I had a bad feeling!" Matt exclaimed. He was hanging on to the side of the truck for dear life.

Mark didn't have time to answer him. He banged on the back window, yelling for Cooper to slow down. Cooper did the exact opposite of that though. He just kept going faster and faster, obviously not giving a shit about what the hell he was doing. "LAWSON!" he yelled as Cooper started swerving all over the place just to make the sled go everywhere. "YOUR SON IS A MANIAC!"

"I KNOW!" JAMES YELLED BACK. "ISN'T IT GREAT?"

"NO IT IS NOT GREAT! YOU TELL HIM TO SLOW DOWN RIGHT THIS INSTANT!"

"I DON'T THINK HE CAN HEAR ME MARKY!"

Mark growled. This was not good. He should have known better than to get involved in this. He didn't know what the fuck he had been thinking when he climbed into the back of the truck.

"Cooper! Bad! Bad Cooper!" Matt shouted as Cooper turned the corner and went on to a street that had more traffic. He was now swerving from lane to lane, causing people to nearly wreck trying to get out of his way.

"Dear mother of God, we are going to die," Mark muttered.

"Faster!" Jeff yelled. "Go faster!"

Cooper did go faster, and he turned another corner. Suddenly the rope that was tying the sled came loose and James, Connor and Jeff ended up crashing into a poor, defenseless trashcan that was sitting on the curb. Before Mark could do anything, Cooper came screeching to a halt. "Did we loose them?" he asked as he opened the car door.

Mark didn't answer. He just got out of the truck and tried to grab Cooper by the throat. "Who in the blue hell taught you how to drive?" he shouted. "Huh? Who did it? You could have killed us all and--"

Cooper punched Mark in the gut and took off running. Mark growled and began to chase after him. Cooper was so fucking dead when he got his hands on him.