Prompt: Aethyta seems like a very... open person. So people go to her for sex advice. Or rather, she gives people sex advice, whether they want it or not. As many people as possible, and as awkward and painful as it can be made.
AKA: How Dirty Little Secret was born. Was written for the Kink Meme ages ago and I nearly forgot about it.
Aethyta smiled, happy to be in her natural habitat. The Purgatory bar. It wasn't as good as her own on Illium but... she'd have to make do. She thought as she cleaned the glasses. Then she caught sight of a man sat at the bar to her left. He was hunched over slightly, and staring at the drink in his hand. Brow furrowed and biting his lip in concentration. Every so often he muttered to himself. Aethyta broke out in a grin, she knew exactly what his problem was and she was an expert at solving this stuff. She strolled over to the bloke.
"Sheesh, what did the drink do to you?" The man's head shot up, startled.
"Nothing just thinking." He took a sip.
"Let me guess, you're trying to figure out how to confess your love for someone? So who do you wanna fuck with?" Aethyta expertly dodged the drink as it was spluttered out. She waited until the man stopped coughing.
"It is not a thing like that..." She held up a hand to silence him.
"Look mate, I am 884 years old, I can tell when somebody is in love and when they are flummoxed. So let me give you a hand before the Reapers kill us all, Okay mate." The man's jaw hung open for a few seconds before he glanced towards some tables for a split second. It wasn't long but long enough for Aethyta to pick out the person. A tall Turian, with Palaven Blue colony markings. A visor was over one eye. The Turian was currently talking to her daughter.
"Oh. You're after the Turian who tried to catch a rocket with his face, aren't you?"
"Wha... ah... okay, I like him." The bloke hung his head and his face become flushed slightly. Aethyta leaned on the bar.
"So what's the problem?"
"Err... Let me see, 1. He's a Turian, I'm a human. 2. I'm pretty sure he isn't into men and 3. we've been friends a long time."
"And 4. you have no idea how to do it with a Turian. Advice mate, for blokes, you're gonna have to go for anal. Turians don't like you sticking your dick inside their sheath, unless they really trust you. Also get some decent lube 'cause there will be chafin..."
"Excuse me!" The look on the human's face was priceless. "How the hell do you know all that?"
"Please, I was a Maiden at one point, I have had my fair share of orgies. Anyway have you tried asking him whether he does he likes men? People tend to surprise you in many ways."
"You don't just ask a person their sexuality." Muttered the bloke, rubbing the back of his neck. Aethyta began focusing on cleaning the glass she held.
"I've done it many times. Nobody has ever been offended. Anyway, as I was saying, chafing is to be expected with Turians and be careful with blowjobs unless you want to poison each other. But trust me any possible poisoning will be worth it, Turians are very good with their fingers and have long tongues and they last a wh... where the hell has he gone?" Aethya suddenly realised her pupil had ran off.
"Ahh Fuck! Oh well, he'll be back. They always come back."
Joker was smiling. Damn, he and EDI were on a date and he was the happiest man alive. As they went to enter the Purgatory, Kaidan Alenko passed them, face bright red and walking as fast as he could and muttering something about 'Creepy Asari bartenders'.