So I know it has really been forever since I last updated. This whole real life thing has really been keeping me busy, leaving me little free time. But I found some and now I bring to you another chapter. I hope to have another chapter up before the holidays... and if not before than most certainly right after. Let's keep our fingers crossed. Matt Nathanson's "Car Crash" kept me company while I cranked this out. I am totally obsessed with that song. Anyway please leave your gracious words and thoughts. I hope you like this one. It's all Romy.
Let Go
Rogue was exhausted. Her limbs were heavy and the pounding behind her eyes only made her wish for sweet relief. Who knew that spending a whole day with Kitty could possibly make you feel as if you could sleep forever? It could have been the wine she drank at lunch or it could have been the fact that she had more feelings locked inside than she could handle.
When she entered her room, she switched on the lights, but quickly decided that she was not ready for the brightness. Instead she lit a few candles, stripped off her clothes, and collapsed onto her bed. She closed her eyes and let the light of the candles dance behind her closed lids. She sighed. It was moments like this, alone in her room, that she wished she could touch.
She hated being alone. She would never admit it out loud. She rubbed her hands over her face and stared at the ceiling. The shadows played against the walls, bouncing all over the place. She imagined that was how the essences of other mutants were like inside of her. Bouncing around, never still. They would always be with her. She would never really be alone. Such cold comfort for a girl who only wanted someone, anyone to share her life with.
She closed her eyes again, and regretted it the moment she did. She did not want just anyone; there was only one. She could see him clear as day. He was always there, affecting every part of her life. As much as she hated him for getting under her skin, she knew that she would not want it any other way. Well, unless that other way involved him touching her skin…
She wondered what he was doing tonight. Actually, the more she thought about it the more she hated thinking about it. She was pretty sure she knew exactly what he was doing, and that it probably involved a lot of drinking and loose women. If only she could give him what they both wanted. Which was what exactly? A night of unbridled passion? A future filled with happiness? Complete surrender? Blind faith?
Right now all she wanted was to be able to touch him. To feel his weight on top of her. To reach out to him and him reach back. She wanted him to straddle her hips and pin her arms above her head. She wanted to feel his lips press kisses to her lips, her neck. To feel his hands roam her body. She wanted to feel her hands in his hair and holding his face. She wanted to grip his shoulders, scratch his back. She wanted to feel their bodies joined together, pressed together and slicked from sweat.
Rogue's eyes flew open. Her skin was damp and her breathing labored. It took her a moment to realize that she was no longer alone. She reached for a blanket and tried to cover her scantily clad frame.
"You know chere," he started while watching her fumble with her sheets. "If I were another man I would be jealous."
And there he was— the man of her dreams. Easily leaning against her bureau, arms crossed, smiling sheepishly. There were times when he simply took her breath away, and this was one of them. There he was, so real, standing in her room as if he belonged there. She was acutely aware of her precarious situation. He was only steps away; five steps exactly.
Remy realized that it would take him no time at all to bridge the gap and rip the covers away from her, revealing all of her creamy flesh. When he saw her lying on the bed, in her underwear with her eyes closed and a smile playing on her lips, he could not breathe. It was as if he had been sucker punched in the gut. She was just so beautiful. It took all of his strength not to climb in bed with her.
He knew that she was dreaming about him, and would have known even if he had not heard her breathe his name. He watched her chest rise, which rose increasingly faster after each breath that she took. The color in her cheeks deepened. Her skin was damp and rosy. He watched her body shift. Her hips rose slightly from the bed and her toes curled. He would have climbed on top of her and entered her then. He would have kissed her until her lashes fluttered open, and would have watched her face change as she realized that she was no longer dreaming. He would have used his hands to claim every inch of her body. He would have melded his body with hers so that they were one.
He'd been dreaming about her all night, and there she was just like something out a dream. Sitting in the middle of her bed, with the candlelight glowing around her; she was the most exquisite woman he had ever seen. Her eyes were blazing brilliantly green. Her auburn hair was wild, cascading all around her. She held a blue blanket up to her chest. A strap from her bra fell over her shoulder. He had to bite his lip; to keep from salivating uncontrollably and to keep from pouncing on her.
Rogue could have cursed him. Of all the times, he would choose this one to sneak into her room. It was bad enough that he had been invading her thoughts only moments ago, now he was invading her room. She did not have the strength to deal with him tonight. "Get out!" She shouted and hurled a pillow at him. He easily dodged it. "Ah mean it, Remy. Get out." Wrapped up in a blanket she left the bed. With her back to him she searched around the room for clothes. It was too bad her closet was on the side of the room where he was now. And it was also too bad that she cleaned her room that morning, so she did not have any clothes lying about the floor like she normally did.
She stood with her back to him for a long time. She knew he was still there, observing her with his crimson eyes. She could feel them on her, watching her every movement. Her stomach was somersaulting and her heart was hammering. If he did not leave soon she was going to jump out of her skin. She wrapped the blanket tighter and shut her eyes. She wished him gone— gone away from this room, this night, her dreams, her life.
"You don't really want me t'go."
"Of course ah do. Ah want ya gone."
"Why don't you turn around and tell me dat."
"Ah don't wanna do this tonight, ok?" She pleaded as she turned around to face him.
"Do what? We ain't doin' nothin'. Jus' shootin' da breeze."
Rogue let out a short laugh. "This is not shootin' tha breeze. Ah'm naked. You're drunk. This is a dangerous situation."
Remy sauntered toward her. He placed his hands on either side of her. "I like dangerous."
"Even when tha odds are against ya?"
"Dat's even better. More excitin' dat way."
The pair stood in silence in the middle of the room. Remy was moving his hands up and down Rogue's sides. She was becoming lightheaded. Being so close to him made her head swim and her blood hum through her veins. She looked up into his eyes and saw the passion that burned in them. Her hand involuntarily flexed, loosening her grip on the blanket. Remy took a step toward her and her grip faltered altogether.
"Stop it," he grunted as she scrambled for the fallen cover.
She tried to move away from him, but he only blocked her. She crossed her arms and cast her eyes to the floor. She could not face him in her bra and panties. If only the world would swallow her whole. She wished that the floor would just open up and let her fall into a dark abyss.
He had never seen her so vulnerable before. He was so afraid to move, to make a sound. He did not want to frighten her, but it may have been too late for that. She started to shake, so he removed his coat and placed it over her shoulders. When she slipped her arms inside, he instantly felt a connection that was not there before. And he knew she felt it too, because she closed her eyes, wrapped her arms around her middle, and sighed.
"Roguey," he said, his voice thick with desire. He braced her arms and stated, "I'm goin' t'kiss you."
She looked up into his eyes and slowly shook her head, no. He simply nodded, yes.
"Ya can't. Mah powers…" she trailed off. His head was moving closer to hers. "Remy," she breathed. The room was spinning. His scent enveloped her. She knew that if she gave in, everything would melt away and the storm that was raging inside of her would calm. She closed her eyes and swallowed a gulp of air. "No. We can't" She tried to push him away, but her hands only came to rest on his chest. And then she watched them slide down to his waist.
"Dat's why you a lousy poker player, chere. You're eyes betray you. I t'ink you want t'kiss me." His grip on her arms tightened and he pulled her closer to him. "Tell me dat you don' want me."
She was shaking again, more violently than the last. "Will ya leave if ah do?"
Once more he demanded, "Tell me Rogue."
"Ah want ya Remy." She closed her eyes and waited. She waited for the kiss. Her lips trembled. Her heart pounded. One second passed, and then another, and another. It was hesitation, and she knew it. A tear slipped down her cheek and she shoved him away. "Ya couldn't do it. Ah knew ya couldn't do it! Get out of here Remy. Get out!" She rushed at him and started pushing him toward the door.
"No. I'm not leavin'!"
"Tha hell ya are," she screamed. "Ah shoulda known better. Ah shoulda known ya wouldn't kiss meh. How could ah've been so stupid? Ah jus want ya ta leave. Leave meh alone."
"No, Rogue. We have t'be sure—"
"Ah am sure, Remy!" She interrupted. "Ah love you." She clamped her mouth shut. The words just flew out of her mouth before she had time to think. "Remy, ah…" She did not know what to say.
"I t'ink I better go." He turned away from her and towards the door.
"No. Wait. Stop." She grabbed his arm to keep him from leaving. There were more tears falling down her face. "Ah, uh, ah didn't mean it. Ah don't know wut happened," she stammered. "Remy, look at meh. Puhleaze, look at meh."
He turned to face her. He gathered her in his arms. "Don't cry chere. Look, you meant dem words. And it's ok. But I don't know if I can be dat man dat you need me t'be."
She clutched him. She was holding on for dear life. "Ya already tha man that ah want, that ah need. Ya don't have ta change. Stay. Don't go."
"It be for da best." He pried her off of him. She sank to the floor.
"Where ya goin?" She sobbed.
"Honestly, I don't know."