You'll Be Safe Here
DISCLAIMER: Harry Potter is J.K. Rowling's. You'll be Safe Here is by Rivermaya. This decent attempt at fiction is mine.
WARNING: AU/OOC. Implied self-harm/ SLASH/ Abuse/ Violence/ CHARACTER DEATH. You have been warned.
RATING: M (for mature readers only)
SUMMARY: Harry Potter has been in the spotlight all his life but he remains incomplete. Severus Snape's destiny has been cast aside in the shadows; he too wants to be whole. They would find what they both want and need in each other but those around them won't make it easy. If everything and everybody was against their unlikely union, will their love survive the adversity? Or will they be forced to take the easy way out? Told in first person POV
A/N: This song-fic is inspired by Rivermaya'sYou'll Be Safe Here. I recommend that you listen to the song while you read for the full effect. It's such a hopeful song but you can take its meaning both ways. This is what I came up with. Enjoy.
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Chapter 7: Long, Cold Night
"Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here
In my arms
Through the long, cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here."
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[Finding Answers: Harry Potter]
That ill- fated day began a series of unfortunate events.
Somehow, somebody managed to trace us back to our hideaway. All those months of work on secrecy, thrown to the wind. Owls started to pour in by the dozens, then hundreds, then thousands –I have already lost count by now, but they all mean the same thing.
How could they ever think that they 'know what's best' for me? Who died and crowned them Kings and Queens? I would like to know which of those bastards I offed (or at least cause the demise of) I thank for this. I would certainly want to curse them to hell and back, and then some.
What hurts more is how many of those letters, howlers, came from those who claim to know me, care for me and love me –those I consider my family.
All my life I had just wanted to be happy, to be loved, to be complete. And now that I have found my purpose, my reason, those who say they care were the first ones to turn their backs on me. They have questioned my decisions, my morals, even my sanity. They have even tried to psychoanalyze me. It makes me shudder to even think about it.
My friends… or rather, the friends of the boy-who-lived, were among those who voiced out their hate. One had even threatened to cease being my friend.
I have read a few of those letters, that's how I knew. But I had stopped after the 23rd piece of red, glowing parchment. My hands ache from burns, my eyes burn with tears, my heart tears me up from within.
I decided to just chuck the rest of them in the fireplace. Those that were charmed not to burn were dealt with the muggle way: flushed down the loo.
I sighed. I need a salve, really bad, both for my hands and my aching soul.
I walked around the house in search for my protector, to ask him for help in mending me, but he was nowhere to be found. In fact, I rarely see him these days. It's as if he was avoiding being with me.
That thought hurt me more than the blisters I got from those howlers; it hurt me more than anything life can ever throw at me. Is he rethinking his stand? His devotion? His feelings for me?
I know deep in my heart that those painful words they throw at us won't matter if I was with him. My dark knight was my fortress, but without him, I am weak.
Does he still love me then? Does he still care? He had promised me that he would hold on… is that promise still true? Or has he succumbed to the same mentality as the rest of our god-forsaken world?
My heart aches, my soul weeps, at the grim thought that I would ever lose the sole reason for my continued existence.
Without even thinking about it, I had started to avoid him as well. It hurts to be away from him but it would hurt more to have him near and know that in time I will lose him anyway.
Maybe he doesn't really mean that he loved me, needed me and wanted to protect me.
Maybe they were right. I messed up, again. It was all too good to be true. It was a sweet dream…
A beautiful nightmare.
Maybe it was too much to ask for comfort and warmth, protection and completeness, and love and life in the arms of the one you love.
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[Finding Revelations: Severus Snape]
I am back in the dark.
The day the world began to end, a rain shower of owls bombarded my refuge, our refuge. I see my angel endure howler after howler, each and every time, shrinking more in his seat after one red letter would explode.
They were horrible. To think those words were from those who say they love and care for him. I shudder to think what his haters would say then.
I stopped listening after the 3rd letter; this one was from a fiery female red head, threatening to hex his and my balls off into oblivion. I decided to stay away for the rest of the girl's colorful string of words.
I knew my angel was hurting deep inside; I can't even begin to wonder why he even bothers to endure those selfish souls. If I were him, I'd just chuck the whole lot down the loo and flush.
I knew my angel needed me. Oh, how much I wanted to wrap him in a heated embrace, kiss him senseless and never let him go until we were both over the edge! But right now, the only thing I feel is guilt.
If it weren't for me, I'm sure that my young savior wouldn't be in this predicament. He would have been receiving well-wishes, letters of gratitude, marriage proposals; not howlers, death threats and obscene requests.
If it weren't for me, he would be applauded, not heckled and jeckled. He would be up in a pedestal, not dragged in mud.
If it weren't for me…
Maybe they were right.
Maybe I should have just perished in the war. That was my original intention anyway. I would be rid of the hate, the prejudice and the pain of the world… and the world would be rid of me.
The only thing keeping me here was my beacon, my hope –my angel. And yet right now, he could definitely do better without me.
I am torn.
I had promised him that I would protect him. But how could I protect him from myself?
I had promised that I would always stand by his side. But how could I be with him if the whole world was against us?
I am torn.
It pains me to push him away, but probably this would be for the best, that I avoid him for a while.
For a long while.
I sneaked a glance at him when he wasn't looking; his face was a picture of hurt, loss and uncertainty. Those that I had vowed to drive away from the love of my life was crushing him, hounding him, haunting him.
I had wanted to just hold him and tell him how much I care, how sweet life was because of him. I wanted him to know that I do not care anymore what the rest of the world may say about us; to hell with the world and all of those who inhabit it.
If only I could convince myself of that first.
But I know no matter what I do, I still won't be enough for him. I would only corrupt him and pull him down –exactly the words of those around us. I can't help but start to agree.
I sighed deeply. What was I thinking anyway, that I would be able to live my life with a 'happily ever after?' No, not me. This is all just a big show, and unluckily, I'm the ugly old antagonist who dies alone on his sleep.
It was all my fault. Me and my dreams of grandeur that should and never could be.
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A/N: Wow, one chapter to go! I hope you guys stick with me until the end of this crazy ride. Tell me about your experience reading this story. Good or bad? I would love to know. Reviews, please! –Eastwoodgirl.