His ears were ringing. He swore that someone was calling his name, but he heard nothing as he dropped in the grass. He clutched at his stomach, willing himself to breathe, but he couldn't - he couldn't breathe. He couldn't stop the sobs that started to come from him, and he didn't care who saw. He didn't know where he was. Where am I? Can't breathe. Can't breathe.
"Cam?" someone was saying. Someone had their hand on his arm.
His god damned arm.
Just do it. Do it. He remembered telling himself when he sat on that ledge. And then he fell and there was a breeze and then crippling pain in his stupid, stupid arm.
He needed to hurt. To hurt, so he can breathe. He dug his fingernails in to his arm, he didn't care who was watching.
"Can't...breathe..." Cam said. He wasn't sure if he said it out loud. He only hoped that someone could help him.
He gasped and he gasped and he sobbed and he scratched. Someone was grabbing his hand.
"Cam! Stop! It's okay," she said. And then Maya's face was close to his and she was kneeling in the grass with him and her eyes were watering and she looked so scared. He gasped once more, and one small breath came out as he looked at her face. Just her face. This is Maya.
He thought of kissing her, and how she was there at the hospital with him. She was always there for him. He sung karaoke with her.
He took another breath. Soon enough, he was breathing again, just enough to keep him alive. He could only see her blurred figure through the tears in his eyes, but he knew she was there.
He hugged her. He buried his face in to her shoulder and she hugged him back, tightly. He sobbed in to her shoulder, suddenly wanting to die. To just die right there, in her arms, and never have to feel this way again. The smell of her hair comforted him and he tried to control the shaking of his whole body as she held him.
He felt trapped. Everywhere he went, he was anticipating anxiety, scared of what was to come. He didn't know what to do with himself. Too much to do, not enough to do. Homesick, yet doesn't want to go home. He felt alone, yet he knew he wasn't. He was scared. Scared of everything and nothing at all.
"Maya," he whispered, just wanting to say her name.
"Yeah, Cam, I'm here," she said, and she hugged him tighter and let him cry. He remembered what Bianca said to him when he was crying in the girls' bathroom.
"High school sucks, kid. Hang out with people who don't."
And that's exactly what he did. He tried and he tried and he's still not happy. For god's sake, he broke his arm to be happy.
He pulled away from Maya after what seemed like hours. The tears still came, but silently.
Then, realization hit him. He would have to explain everything to Maya now. He couldn't lie anymore, after she'd seen all of that. Soon, she would probably be to scared and outraged and disgusted to even think of being his girlfriend anymore.
She was looking at him, scared and concerned and just overall confused.
"I'm sorry," Cam said, as he wiped his tears. He wasn't sure why he was apologizing, but it just felt right to say it. He breathed in the air of the outdoors, looking for some kind of comfort, but he felt empty. He felt so empty and cold as he kneeled down in the grass. He wanted nothing more than to lay down and stay there.
"It's okay. It's okay, Cam. What...are you okay?" she asked.
Cam covered the fresh marks on his arm from his fingernails. It was bleeding. His hands trembled and he felt light-headed. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep himself from sobbing once more. He decided the time for lies was over, so he shook his head no.
No, Maya. I'm not okay.
Author's Note: This is the last update for today, but I can promise you that I won't be gone for as long as I was before. Hope you enjoyed this quick little chapter!