Disclaimer: Didn't you know? I don't own Castle! Surprising, right?
A/N: Wow! This story has more alerts than any of my other ones. Thank you all who are reading. Thanks especially to everyone reviewing. I can't properly explain how encouraging it is to see that you all are still enjoying this. By the way, SMH is internet speak for Shaking My Head. You'll find examples if you search on google.
P.S. Last part has Castle's evil genius-ness in italics.
Chapter 7: Cockblocking: The Revengeance – Part deuce
Several days earlier in Castle's study
When Kate had followed Castle into his study at the loft, she had been surprised. That was surprising in itself because over the years she had come to learn that Richard Castle was full of surprises. And yet, there she stood, peering into the A four sized papers now adorned with Castle's tidy scrawl all over it, as he looked over her shoulder.
"Castle, what is this?", she asked him, confused at some of the words; definitely confused at the appearance of her name and Jenny's.
"Blueprints, my dear detective."
He was standing at her back. Actually, he was hugging her from behind, snuggly. Like her very own cuddly Koala. So when she turned her head, she was within inches from his face with his chin on her shoulder, his face now turned to face her. Even at this awkward angle, he smiled and stole a kiss from the corner of her mouth.
"You were hardly gone for a couple of minutes", she said. "How did you come up with and write this down so fast?", she asked, genuinely impressed and curious.
"One of my many talents. And erm… It was more than a couple of minutes.", he said, with his eyebrows furrowed. But then he smirked. "Were you so engaged in your thoughts about a certain devilishly handsome mystery writer that you lost all concept of time? How adorable!"
How did he do that? "I was not – ", she spluttered. No, seriously, how did he do that? "Oh, shut up."
He chuckled. "Anyway, first we tackle Ryan. Obviously that's going to be easier.", he said, pointing out to the first 'blueprint'. "That's mainly going to be you. I could be there too, but that would turn things awkward and they'd all be too suspicious for us to pull it off. Think you can do it, my darling devious detective?"
Kate raised her eyebrow.
"What? I like alliterations.", he justified.
"Uhuh. Yeah, I guess. I still don't like this very much."
"Oh, what's a week? Well, he'll think it's for one week every two months. But if it's going to make you feel better, then you can tell Jenny at the end of this month that they discovered that this study was a sham."
"I guess."
"Come on, Kate. Need I remind you again about all the times that those two pulled a fast one on us? More often me than you. Actually, a few times, you were the brains behind their operations. Hmpf."
Ah. The curse of the missing museum mummy. Damn, that was easy. Also damn! Alliteration just snuck in there.
"Uhuh.", Castle said, as if reading her mind. "So you see, you owe me. Now you're on my team. And with our powers combined, those two don't stand a chance. Think about all those times they've teased us about our then non-existent relationship. It used to irk us so. Mostly you. Okay, just you. I was fine with it. More than fine with it.", he said till he caught her narrowed eyes. "It's their loss really. I mean, let's face it, having you on any side gives said side an automatic advantage. You're like the perfect little schemer, and the perfect person to pull it off on the field too! Brains, and skill. And you're extremely hot. And gorgeous. Did I mention hot? And tall."
She smiled fondly. "Alright Castle. You can stop now. I already told you I'd help. We're partners.", she said as she nudged his head with hers.
"Yeah.", he breathed out and placed a kiss on the side of her neck.
"Focus."
"You make it hard."
"I know, Castle. But this first, that later.", she said, poking his side and laughed so hard that he had to lift his head of her shaking shoulders.
"Oh my! Katherine Beckett, I never.", he said in mock indignation, before he burst out laughing too. A couple of minutes later, he mumbled to himself, "And she thinks I can focus now."
He did, with some effort, manage to focus and explain both plans to Kate. He was right. Ryan's takedown was going to be a cinch to pull off. Esposito's wasn't going to be nearly as easy. For one thing, they had to keep Lanie out of it because she'd see right through any scheme. And for another, Javi wasn't going to be too easy to fool either. But Kate had to hand it to the man, his plan did seem to have its merits.
He rubbed his hands together and declared, "It's on!"
A few days later.
"Cockblocking: The Revengeance – Revenge on Ryan went off without a hitch!", Castle said gleefully when he and Kate were on their lunch break at Remy's. All day Ryan had been giving both of them the stink-eye. Esposito had noticed but didn't call him out on it. Poor Ryan didn't say anything, probably out of embarrassment. That part of the plan had also worked out splendidly, as Castle happily pointed out. This way, Esposito didn't know he was next on their hit-list.
"Do you have to call it that?"
"Yes! Evil genius plans need excellent titles."
Kate rolled her eyes as she sipped at her strawberry shake. Then she looked up at him through her lashes, and moved her tongue deliberately slowly, seductively over her lips. She let out a quick low moan as she drew it back in and saw from his widening eyes that it had the desired effects. She smirked inwardly. She loved doing that to him – seeing the abrupt change from playful boyish Castle to turned on, definitely grown up, completely in-her-power Castle.
He snapped himself out of it and glared at her. "You're doing that on purpose!"
"Are you complaining, Rick?", she asked, deliberately rolling the R when she said his name.
He cleared his throat and gulped. "Not at all. Not complaining."
She jumped slightly when she felt his socked foot running up on her calf. How'd he even take his shoe off so fast and soundlessly?
"Something wrong?", he asked innocently.
"Not at all.", she echoed and smiled. If she could dish it out, she could take it. Or so she told herself. "What about Javi's thing?", she asked distractedly.
He chuckled. "I don't know. You should ask Lanie about Javi's thing."
"Huh?... Oh ew! Castle!", she hissed and swatted his arm.
"It has a name. Not Javi's thing. Or well, I don't know about that….", he muttered.
"Castle", she snapped again.
"What? I meant the plan. It has a name. It's called 'Cockblocking: The Revengeance – Harpooning Javi'."
She rolled her eyes. "Whatever the name. It's too big to – ", she stopped as he smirked again. "Don't even! Ugh. Castle!"
"Okay. Okay. Seriously now. It's going fine. I already got my guy to make that fake medical website – and don't worry. He'll take it down the minute our plan is over."
"Uhuh. Okay. Don't screw it up, Castle. He'll catch on if you hesitate in the slightest."
He grinned, noting to himself that she was as into this as he was. "Don't worry, detective. I'm Martha Rodgers son. I've got this.", he said with a wink.
Earlier that day, when they made it to the crime scene, after their well established routine, Castle asked Esposito to walk through it with him again. He said that he had stayed up all night writing Nikki, and he missed a few things that Espo had said earlier. Esposito had simply smirked at him, but eventually led him back for a quick explanation.
Castle took the opportunity to hand him gloves as he pointed at some random object and asked Espo to see if there was residue on it. There wasn't, and Castle knew that, but he insisted and so Esposito had to put on the gloves. Gloves, the insides of which had a little bit of itching powder, courtesy of Castle.
As the day went on, Castle had noticed that Esposito had been scratching at his palm more and more. But he didn't pay too much attention to it. So it must have been the correct amount. Not too much, not too less.
The whole plan had entered his mind because Esposito had developed a sore throat. He was getting better though, so Castle didn't feel too guilty about it. He also knew that between being sick and all the cases, Esposito hadn't seen Lanie outside of work. A fact that Kate had gotten a confirmation for, but they were going to meet soon. And so they had to act fast.
It was nearing the end of the day. The perfect time for Castle to pull off the rest of his plan. It was a simple matter of selling ice to an Eskimo. If anyone could do it, Castle could. He walked up to a tired looking Esposito when Kate sent Ryan to the tech department – planned of course, to separate them – to collect some video he'd have to screen.
"Hey, Espo. You okay, man?", Castle asked, looking appropriately concerned.
"Yeah..", Esposito drawled. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know, dude. You're eyes are a little bit puffy and you look really tired. Slightly pale too."
"I do?", he asked. "Well, I guess I'm tired bro. I did have laryngitis last week. It's getting better now. Almost gone."
"I don't know, bro. You still look sick to me. Do you have a fever? Are you itchy anywhere?"
"I don't -. Wait. I guess. I mean, I don't have a fever. But my hands have been itching all day."
That's right, pal.
Castle gasped.
Kate rolled her eyes at the dramatics as she watched from afar, looking down into her paper, as if she wasn't trying to listen to the conversation.
"No WAY!", Castle said as he brought his hand to his chest.
"What? What?", Espo asked, now looking concerned himself.
"Dude.", Castle said as he shook his head.
"Castle. Cut the crap. Tell me what you're on about or go back to your lady love there.", he said loudly.
It took all of Kate's will power not to chuck her stapler at Esposito.
"Maybe I should. But, you're my friend. So I'm not going to leave your side.", Castle said solemnly.
"Castle? What are you even talking about?"
Ding ding ding. Right question. I have an in.
"You have Seanorrhoea!"
Esposito snorted. "I have what?"
"Seanorrhoea. Don't laugh. Here, take a look.", Castle said as he pulled out his cell phone and opened his browser to a medical site. A fake medical site, but Esposito didn't know that. He looked around as if to make sure no one else was listening and then read out to Esposito, "The CDC* recently found evidence of a new disease doing the rounds in the States. Several cases have been cited from hospitals across Manhattan, New York. Sources say that they've discovered it to be a new combined strain of treponema and gonococcus – the causative organisms of Syphilis and Gonorrhoea. Luckily the mutations in the combination do not cause the same degree of illness as their individual counterparts. The disease is self limiting., without any lasting complications", he watched as Esposito's face paled.
"The incubation period ranges from two days to a week. Mode of spread is by sexual contact or direct contact with infected blood – like most STDs. The earliest symptom is hoarseness of voice and dryness of the throat, followed by itching of some body parts, most often the hands and maybe feet; puffiness around the eyes. The disease, as previously mentioned, is self limiting for a period of one to two weeks during which it is recommended patients abstain from sexual intercourse. The general public has taken to calling it Seanorrhoea for its effects on the patient's voice rendering it like Sean Connery's"
"Dude, you can't be serious! I haven't – it's been a while – it's not possible."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. What the hell kind of question is that.", he asked, agitatedly.
Castle looked like he was thinking for a minute. In fact he knew exactly what to say, but he smiled inside that Esposito looked like he was buying it. "Oh my God! You remember last week when you'd scraped your knuckles from tackling and dealing with Joe?"
"What? Yeah, I remember. So?"
Hmm. Not so quick at making connections then.
"I think he had the same symptoms. And his nose was bleeding. It's possible that you contracted it from him."
"Oh God!", Esposito paled even further. "Castle, bro, what do I do?"
BAM said the lady!
"Look, don't worry, man. They said the disease is self limiting. You just can't have sex for a week or two."
"What? Oh God! I was supposed to meet Lanie tomorrow night. I have to tell her."
"NO! You can't do that!", Castle yelled, and then whispered the same thing again.
"Why? She's a doctor."
"Yeah. That's the problem."
"I don't get it. How so?"
"She'll probably know all about Seanorrhoea. And what's she going to think, dude? It's an STD! You guys aren't exclusive, last I heard."
"Well – yeah, but I'm not sleeping with anyone else."
"She doesn't know that. Plus, do you really want her to have those doubts in her head? Everything's been going so well for you guys."
"No. Yeah. You're right. Oh my God. I can't tell her. Castle, you can't tell anyone."
"I won't."
"Not even Beckett, man. She's her best friend."
"Javi, Kate is like a sister to you. But okay, I won't even tell her. You just have to stay strong, bro. Wine and dine Lanie instead. And then cut it before anything else happens. I'm sure you'll come up with something."
"This is going to be torture."
He he he!
"I can imagine."
"It's not even my fault."
It's all your fault. All the cockblocking over the years. Look where it's gotten you.
Castle nodded.
"She's going to be so pissed.", he said, as he paled.
Mwahahahaha!
"I don't doubt that.", he said, trying valiantly to hide his smirk.
"But I can do this.", he said confidently. "It's already been a week. So maybe about a week longer?", he asked, not so confidently.
"Yeah. I guess. Maybe a week and a half just to be on the safe side?", Castle suggested, with a sympathetic tone.
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right.", Javi said, looking into the distance behind Castle's shoulder.
More Mwahahaha!
Castle stood up and gave Esposito a small smile and patted his shoulders. "Power to you, dude."
"Thanks", he replied, still looking lost.
He made his way back to his chair besides Kate, smiling all the way there. They both looked at him, Kate being discreet about it. "You know we're dead when Lanie finds out, right?" Castle crossed his legs as he thought about Lanie's threat again.
Esposito was jumpy, and avoiding Ryan's suspicious eyes when he came back from tech.
"But you'll save us.", he said with a huge grin. "Revenge is sweet." Kate couldn't help but grin too.
A/N: Okay, so first of all. I was feeling terrible for Javi and still laughing. Secondly, CDC* : Center of Devious Castleness. Thirdly, IN YO FACES, COCKBLOCKERS! .. With love. ;)
Oh and just to clarify, Seanorrhoea doesn't exist. :/