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Chapter 7

"Hey, Jo!"

I turned around in the hallway, my brows narrowed, questioning why Roman was rushing through the crowd in the hall to get to my side. I kept walking. I wasn't interested in hearing his bull first thing in the morning. I was starting to feel different. I felt bitter and angry. I'd had my ass kicked every which way imaginable my entire life and I had stayed up all night trying to think of what I could have done to deserve the punishment I got. And you know what? I couldn't think of anything. What the hell was I if not kind to everyone, even if they didn't deserve it? I did as I was told. I studied hard. I brought home honor roll grades just to get my ass handed to me if I made a B and if I had all A's I got beat for not having perfect scores.

I always did my chores, no matter how hard. I was always respectful and I had helped Pam and my father after many nights of drinking too much or taking too many drugs.

Yes, I made one mistake in my life. I made the mistake of falling in love and trusting a man! Randy set me up that first night and many nights after that. I had spent so much time blaming myself for everything when it wasn't my fault at all.

If I hadn't been starved for a little bit of affection I wouldn't have been so stuck on Randy. I wouldn't have fallen for his tricks and soft kisses. I would have never given in to him. I felt so stupid for thinking that he really loved me. He loved me so much that he fed me to the wolves and stole my baby.

We'd been friends so many years. We were so close, I thought. I had never lied to him or given him any reason to think I would do such a horrible thing. I know that boy had seen the bruises on me. He had to know something was wrong in my home. Yet, he came in there without so much as a hint that he'd even worried about what had happened to me. I guess he was off messing around with the next girl. Maybe I did want to keep our feelings secret because I didn't want to hurt Rachel or Seth but Randy never fought against it. If he had really wanted me as his girl, he would have never agreed. He would have convinced me that it would all be alright and that if it wasn't we would still have each other. Damn, that's all it was in the beginning anyway. Just me and him.

Then he had the nerve to kiss me in class? What the hell was that? I think he only did it to try and hurt Seth and Rachel. But I don't think those two even cared any more. Neither of them even tried to talk to me when I came back. So much for friendship, huh? It was obvious what it was about. Rachel was my friend because she liked Randy and she knew Randy was my best friend. And Seth only hung around because he wanted to screw me too. None of it could have been real because if it was they would have gotten over everything and we'd be friends again. Sleeping with Randy wasn't that major of a thing. It's not like we were dating either of them. We weren't cheating on anybody. The only person who got cheated in the entire situation was me.

"Jo!" Roman caught up to me and slowed his pace. "Girl, you walk fast."

"What do you want, Roman." I snapped at him.

"Why are you walking around alone?"

"Why do you care?"

"You can sit me and my friends." He jutted his head toward the brick wall his group of clowns liked to sit on outside. I saw Randy sitting there with his arms crossed, like he was the toughest guy in school.

"No thanks." I spat.

"Come on." Roman begged. "I know I've given you a hard time, but I saw something in you yesterday."

"Like what?"

"You're not one of the nerds. You belong with us."

"Oh yeah." I reached into my bag and put on my glasses. "Still think so?"

"Jo," he pulled me into a closet and shut the door behind us. He trapped me against a shelf.

"Let me go." I stated brashly, nearly spitting in his face.

"Listen to me for just one minute." He begged. "I know what it's like for you."

"You don't know anything about me."

"I know my old man knocks me around whenever he feels like it." he spat and pulled up one of the long sleeves he always wore, no matter how hot, exposing a long thick scar from his wrist to his elbow. "This was punishment for pulling the cord out of the push mower." He pulled his sleeve down. "I've always been mean to people around here because it makes me feel like I have some power over something." He confided. "Not only that, but I feel like if I make people fear me, they won't dare hurt me. Look at me. I'm poor as shit. I don't dress in nice clothes. I stole this jacket from a department store. Hell, it's the nicest thing I own, but it keeps me safe."

"Why are you telling me this?" I scowled at him. "If you think it's gonna get you laid you're wrong."

"When I saw those marks on you – I felt bad because I know you've been through a lot and you didn't need anymore shit from me."

"You know a lot of people don't need anymore shit from you. You shouldn't pick at anyone because you don't know what they have to deal with at home."

"I didn't think anyone knew what it was like to be tortured at home." He seemed honestly sorry. "Jo, everyone gives you a hard time."

"It's just how it is. I'm not a likable person I guess." I shrugged and gave him a weak smile. "Just do me a favor … if you figure out what I'm doing that makes people hate me, let me know."

"You don't do anything." He sighed. "You're just … you're beautiful, okay?" He looked at his feet. "You're so pretty and the kind of girl that I know would never give me a chance in hell."

"You're not ugly Roman." I touched his cheek. "You just have a bad attitude." He really was cute. He had a dark complexion, jet black hair and big coal black eyes. His hair hung long down his back and he had a muscular chest even if he was a little soft in the middle. He wasn't unattractive at all.
"I see you turning." He said. "And that's okay. I know you have your reasons. That's why you belong with us."

"Roman, what I need is to go to class." I dipped past him with a little laugh and went back to the hallway.

He was right. I was changing. I was turning cold towards people. I was snapping at the kids that bumped into me in the hall because I knew it wasn't all accidental. I was smarting off to teachers and to my father and stepmother. They smacked me around anyway, so I had nothing to lose by letting them know how I felt.

I felt darker. I felt like cold. I didn't want to be nice. I didn't need to be so damn nice. I wanted people to hate me and I wanted them to fear me. I guess I really wasn't much different than Roman.

I stopped caring. I even went to my neighbor's house and let him practice his tattoo work on my inner wrist. He was much better than he let on and I loved the scorpion that he permanently marked me with. I stole some makeup from my step mother. She had so much crap she didn't wear and she'd sure taken a lot of my things. Anything I managed to get actually and there was a few things that she hadn't ruined yet that I decided to take back.

I didn't care to wear anything but black. I put on thick black eyeliner and drew it in a point at the corners. I didn't want anyone to look at my eyes anymore. I didn't want them to see what had been done to me.

"damn girl." Roman caught up with me in the hall again. "I don't know what you're going for but you're only making yourself hotter." He smiled coyly as we stepped outside. I tolerated him mainly because I understood him. "It's cold out here." He took off his leather jacket and placed it around my shoulders."

"Don't try to claim me." I spat.

"Just put it on." He snapped back, then snatched a hat off a freshman boy that passed him. The kid was tiny. At least a foot shorter than he should be for his age.

"Give it back." I snarled at him.

"Why?"

I cocked an eyebrow and stared daggers at him until he relented.

"You're gonna give me a bad rep."

"You've always had a bad rep."

I gave in and sat on that brick wall with him that day. Snort, Bray and some tall guy that looked like a walking zombie joined him a few minutes later.

"I ought to deck you for what you did." Snort snarled at me.

"Go for it and I'll rearrange that new nose job." I spat back. I wasn't scared of anyone anymore it seemed. Why? What more could anyone really do to me?

Randy didn't say a word when he showed up. He just stood against the wall, glaring at me. Then he lit a cigarette and put it to his lips.

"Real nice, Orton." I spat. "Is that what you do around our kid?"

His eyes grew real big then and he flicked the thing away and walked off.

"You and Randy, huh?" Roman nudged.

"Shut up." I wasn't going to talk about it and I knew Roman wouldn't push.

"What the fuck did you say that for?" Randy snapped at me the moment we were in class together.

"What? I'm good enough to screw, but not good enough for people to know you screwed me?"

"You know better than that Joey." He spat. "Why are you being like this?"

I let out a laugh.

"Oh, you don't like me this way?" I snarled. "Well, you know what, Randy? I'm glad you don't like it. Because now every time you look at me, every time you witness the way I am, just remember that you helped make me this way." I turned and took one step to Roman's side. "Wash your hands, you pig." I nudged him with my elbow. Roman laughed so loud the whole class probably heard him.

"Joey," Randy was on my other side. "We need to talk."

"Why? You gonna change the restraining order from fifty feet to a hundred?"

"Never mind."

I just didn't want to talk to him anymore. It wasn't fair or right that I couldn't see my kid. Even hardcore criminals got that much. The only thing I'd ever done wrong was get pregnant.

"Damn it, girl, I'm not going to let you freeze me out."

"Are you scared I might be as good at it as you? You didn't speak to me for a year and a half." I spat.

"I'm trying." He choked. "I really messed up. I should have talked to you. I've always missed you."

"You used me." I hissed.

"No."

I walked up to Roman, grabbed his face and pulled him down to me so I could deliver a kiss that he – and Randy would never forget.

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