Chapter 7

Face woke to a dark room. Once his eyes adjusted he also realized that he was alone. He wasn't sure if he should be relieved for the privacy or upset by it. But then he heard voices next door and strained to hear what they were saying.

"B.A.'s been out there a long time, colonel."

"I know Murdock…I expect him to spend the night in the van."

"But…"

"But nothing…I said I didn't want to see him for the rest of the day and I meant it."

"John, we really need to get to the root of these team issues."

"I know doc…I know."

"I have to confess that the team before me is quite different than the one portrayed by Murdock for all these years."

"Since Face got hurt we are different."

"Colonel…Doc…why don't we get something to eat while Face is still out. Then I'll take the first shift with him. Maybe after some food and rest we can start to work on things."

Face's head throbbed from the effort it took to listen in, but his heart ached hearing that his getting hurt triggered all of the problems. And B.A. was being punished for speaking what he really felt to be true. 'If anybody's to blame it's me…I have to do something to make it right.'

Face knew he had to take advantage of the others being in the kitchen to make his move…but how he was going to move was another story. 'Slowly…very slowly.'

He knew it was stupid; he had surgery and a badly broken rib. 'I'll blame it on my head injury,' he thought. 'Because anybody in their right mind would stay put.'

The worst part was getting out of bed; his belly ached fiercely and his head swam. But he found that once he was on his feet and holding onto the wall he could inch his way along at slow pace. The kitchen was in the opposite direction of the front door and for that Face was grateful. Once he was outside the cool air felt like heaven against his still warm skin.

The van was just down at the end of a long driveway. Following the path illuminated by the moonlight, Face staggered aimlessly toward his destination. Amazed when he was actually successful in reaching the van he fell against the door with a loud thud that brought a dozing BA back to awareness. He looked around in the darkness to see what had caused the noise but couldn't see anything. Instincts on alert he grabbed his gun and was about to slowly open the door when he heard another sound as if something was scraping along the side of the van.

"Darn dogs out here, it better pray it hasn't left any marks on my…Faceman!" BA was shocked to see Face trying to pull himself up but not finding a grip on the closed sliding door of the van.

"Man you trying to get both of us in trouble? What you doing out here?" Contrary to his harshly spoken words BA carefully helped Face up and into a sitting position with his back to the van.

"BA I….need….I…tell you….I ….need…." The pounding in his head and the pain in his abdomen made it difficult to get the words out. Besides he only knew he needed to do something but didn't know what.

"Calm down Faceman, what is it? Did something happen? I dozed but I didn't see or hear anything."

"No….fine….I…BA…you're right….I….screw up….sorry." Face's eyes rolled back and it was all BA could do to keep him from keeling over.

"No Faceman, I was wrong to say them things about you and you're one difficult dude. Wonder why I never saw what a big kid you are, today you sure behave like a five year old." BA picked up the unconscious man and carried him back towards the house, being careful not to aggravate his injuries.

"Hannibal!"

"What are you yelling around here Face needs…oh my god, Face. What did you do?"

"What I did? Question is what you did."

"Sergeant…"

"Oh, cut the crap and open the darn bedroom door already, he's getting heavy."

"What happened?"

"How am I supposed to know? We were all there when Keith said he's not to be left alone and then you allow him to wander around outside."

"I didn't allow him to wander around," Hannibal retorted hotly as the larger man placed Face down on top of the sheets.

"Oh no? What did he do then…fly over to my van?"

"That's enough, sergeant."

Murdock entered the room with Dr. Richter right on his heels. "That's enough from both of you…let the doc check Face over."

Still glaring at each other, both Hannibal and B.A. obliged and moved out of the way to separate corners of the room. All eyes were on the psychiatrist as he lifted Face's shirt to check out his surgical incision and felt along his rib cage. "Luckily, he didn't pull any stitches…and I don't feel any abnormalities."

"How about his head, doc?"

Richter smiled at his longtime patient. "If I could see inside a person's head so easily, I would have been out of business a long time ago. We'll just have to wait and see how he responds when he comes back around."

They didn't have to wait long for Face to start to moan softly, his head tossing from side to side. They circled around the bed with the exception of B.A. who remained put. It took a few more minutes for his eyes to open, and a few more after that for them to remain that way.

"Welcome back, kid. Did you have a nice little walk?" Hannibal tried to keep the tone light so as not to further agitate Face. But he was still annoyed with B.A. and the strain in his voice was clear. Unfortunately, it came across to Face as if the anger was directed at him.

"I'm…s…sor…ry." His head felt heavy and there was a pulsating pain radiating from what felt like behind his eyes and all the way around his skull.

"It's okay, Facey. Can you tell us what you remember?"

"I…um…I…," Face was having trouble getting his thoughts together. He looked at the men standing above him…but somebody was missing. Then suddenly it started falling into place. B.A.! "B.A. Had to…tell…B.A. Where…where is…he? Did I…make…him go? My fault…he was…right. I'm no…good. Even parents…didn't want…me. Make him…stay…I'll go."

"Stop that crazy jibber jabber fool."

"I didn't say anything."

"You not the only fool here." The banter had distracted the others but for Face it was a shock to hear BA's deep voice. His whirling mind was just able to grasp the few facts his eyes saw and BA didn't fit into the picture. He was so startled that he lost his grip on reality again. By the time he blinked his eyes open again he saw only BA standing right over him. His mind mixed memories of what he had wanted to do with reality and he saw himself outside by the van, talking to BA.

"I don't want to hear such nonsense again. Ain't nobody going."

"But…but you're out here, it's not right…Hann'bal …not your fault…you were right."

"No I was wrong, now stop it and rest."

"But…but I'm useless…I'm not strong like you. All I can do Murdock can too, even better…. Even if his face is messed up he could scam and if not he can fly, not useless like me. You are all better off without me…you shouldn't be out here."

"Oh man, you really took a good hit this time. One, you ain't useless and two, we're inside."

Again that information didn't fit in the picture and made his head spin. "Not outside…but the van…"

"The van's still outside. You blacked out and I carried you back, see we're inside, everybody is here."

"Here?...What?...Where?...oh….couldn't even do that right." Now that he saw all his team mates and the doc standing around him he felt stupid and cast his eyes down.

"Faceman…I shouldn't have said what I did to ya," B.A. said softly.

This time the other standing men backed up allowing B.A. and Face to have some space to talk.

"Did…did you…mean…it?" Face stuttered nervously.

B.A. looked away. "I shouldn't have said them things."

"But…but did you…did you mean them?"

"Look, man, you had it tough growing up. You only doin' what you know how to do."

"Oh, so that's how it is?" Face's voice was devoid of emotion.

"Yeah…it ain't your fault you didn't learn right from wrong."

There was a collective groan from their audience, but neither Face nor B.A. heard; they were too caught up in their own conversation.

"So…I'm a bad guy…but it's okay on account that I'm an orphan?" If looks could kill, B.A. would be in some serious trouble. "So…you really don't approve of me." The emotion was back and Face balled his fists in an effort to keep control.

"Faceman…my mama taught me not to lie…"

Face cut him off. "And my mama left me on the orphanage doorstep because she hated me."

"That's not what I said, man."

Face sighed and closed his eyes. "Close enough."

"Look at me, Faceman," B.A. ordered. When Face didn't comply he said again, "look at me." Once two pain-filled blue eyes were trained on his own brown ones he continued. "My mama taught me not to lie, so I ain't gonna. Let's get one thing clear…I don't hate you."

"No…but you don't like me. You tolerate me out of pity for my past."

Hannibal was about to step forward and even had his mouth open, but both Dr. Richter and Murdock grabbed an arm and pulled him back. They knew these feelings needed to be vocalized if there was ever to be healing…no matter how painful and what the cost.

"I don't pity you…you a grown man…you know what you doin'. It's just that I understand why now."

"Oh…well thank you for understanding." The statement was dripping with sarcasm. "I guess it made it a lot easier for you to understand all those times I was lying, stealing and cheating to your advantage."

"What you talkin' about?"

"C'mon, B.A. You seem to have no problem with me when I'm getting you a part for your van…or arranging for you to see your mama…or getting things for the center."

"That's different?"

"Oh, is it? Look , B.A., I wish I didn't always have to provide for us the way I do. But the fact is that we are fugitives…it's not as if I can go into a store and buy things."

B.A. nodded. "I know that."

Face's eyes were more focused than they had been in days, in spite of the fact that his head was reeling. "Do you? Because you could have fooled me. All I know is that I try to do my best for us…I never hurt innocent people…and I don't judge others. Which is more than I can say for you."

"Watch it, fool."

"I don't judge you…I wish you wouldn't judge me." Face's voice was growing softer; his words slurring slightly. If he wasn't at the end of his rope he would have never uttered the next words out loud. "I wish you cared about me half as much as I care about you."

"Faceman…I…uh…," B.A. was at a loss. He did care for Face; he loved him like a brother. Somehow things were getting twisted around and coming out the wrong way. Face was right; he was being judgmental. And another thing his mama taught him was not to judge others.

B.A. didn't believe in lying and stealing, but he did believe in Face. Face was a good man…and a good friend. In his quest to be honest he had forgotten that things were not always black and white…sometimes there were shades of gray. 'I spent so much time tellin' him the few things I didn't like…that I forgot to tell him the multiple things I did like.'

The good far outweighed the bad, and B.A. was about to tell him that when Face looked at him with tears in his eyes and said, "It's, okay, really. I…I'm just…so tired. Tired of…of being…being me. S'not easy you know…not easy." Face began to shake and his eyes glazed over. "Just…just so…so tired…so tired."

"Faceman…you alright?"

Dr. Richter took that as his cue to step in. "Talk to me…tell me how you're feeling, lieutenant."

Face sighed and spoke from the heart. "Broken."

Broken…the word though spoken at a barely audible level resonated in the room.

The doctor had a hand on Face's wrist and didn't even need to count to know it was alarmingly fast. "Just take some deep breaths…you're going to be okay."

"No…no…don't think…so." Face's eyes started to roll back, but it was B.A. that kept him conscious a few more seconds.

"Faceman…wait. I gotta tell you…," B.A.'s voice was choking up, "I…I Iove you, man."

Those were the last words Face heard before the darkness engulfed him yet again.

"Doc?"

"He's all worked up but now that he's out…give him some minutes and he'll be okay" 'Or as okay as it gets in his situation' he mentally added.

BA turned around facing Hannibal. His scowl was deeper than usual and he folded his arms over his chest. "Don't even think of sending me out again sucker, if you don't wanna see me you can leave yourself. I'm gonna stay and protect him."

Dr. Richter didn't want to have the next fight at his hands just yet and stepped in between the two men. "It's late and he's very exhausted from the long day. He's probably going to sleep through the night. You can all get some rest.

"Fine with me, come on Murdock let's get some rest then." Murdock didn't really want to go but one look at his therapist and he relented. What disturbed Richter was that Hannibal so easily went out of the room but that could be looked at later, right now he had BA to deal with. He waited for the others to leave the room before he spoke up.

"BA, he's sleeping now, you can get some rest, it was a long day for all of you."

"Told you I'm staying. I'll call you when he wakes up, get some rest yourself doc."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Staying awake while you're clearly exhausted to watch over someone whom you don't even approve of."

"Hey man, watch it. You're talking about a member of my team and a good friend. I may not approve of his methods but I do approve of him."

"That's all I wanted to hear."

"Just wish that fool here had heard it too."

"You just told him you love him."

"Yeah, but I'm not sure he heard it. But I'll make sure he hears it when he wakes up again. I did him enough wrong the last days, time to right some things."

Richter patted BA on the shoulder, "I'll be outside. Watch his temperature and heart rate and any abnormalities."

The doc went to the kitchen and poured two cups of coffee then went out on the front porch. Sure enough Hannibal was sitting on the steps, smoking a cigar and watching the stars.

"Mind if I join you?"

"No, it's your place after all."

Richter sat down and Hannibal took the offered coffee. "Your team is interesting."

"Yeah, hotheads. I'm getting too old for this crap."

"What do you mean?"

"BA constantly bickering about Face or threatening to kill Murdock, Murdock and his antics and then Face…not able to follow an order if his life depended on it, he always has to twist it some and end up in trouble, trouble we have to save him from."

"It's not easy to be a leader."

"Sure not, especially with these boys."

"Your lieutenant sure is one interesting case."

"What do you mean?"

"Come on colonel, you know as well as me that he has at least as many issues as Murdock has, and probably not just from the war. Right now I understand that the risk of admitting him is too great but if you get your pardons…my door is always open. "

Hannibal turned towards his companion. "I'm never going to admit that kid anywhere. Why do you even think so?"

"He needs help and he's one interesting case I'm looking forward to handle."

"He gets all the help he needs from his team, that's final."

"I'm sure you do what you can but maybe an outsider…"

Hannibal cut him short. "That subject is closed doc, and I don't want to hear another word about it. Good night." Hannibal rose and went inside.

Richter sat at the stairs smiling to himself. He had Hannibal exactly where he wanted him. He had just admitted that Face needed help and had also shown that he cared deeply for his men, especially his lieutenant. From the little he had seen Face craved approval, especially from his colonel. From how it seemed he had all this and more. Now all he had to do was to make all of them understand what a role they play in the other's lives, piece of cake.