A/N: Hello my darlings, so sorry for the long delay in between posts. Holidays, writer's block, song indecision, it all came to one massive implosion. But we're here now, and I have for you the next entry from Elena. It takes place the "morning after" (4x08); she's left the boarding house and is on her way to school, reflecting on all the things that transpired and she now feels. Enjoy!
Flyleaf – All Around Me
My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you
This fire rising through my being
Burning, I'm not used to seeing you
I'm alive
I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place
The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they are too with you
I'm alive
I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you
I'm alive
I'm alive
I'm alive
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing
Take my hand, I give it to you
Now you owe me, all I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you, I believe
I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed
I said I wanted this.
If I had only known earlier how right I would be…
There is nothing that compares to being loved by him.
There is no before, there is no after.
There is only him.
Everything else in my hands feels wrong now after touching his skin.
Leather snags, cotton is coarse; he is the softest velvet and nothing can equate.
I'm too light without the presence of his weight against me, because he is all that anchors me to this world.
He poured my soul back into my body, and with mine came his.
I can still feel it, blazing through me and searing my veins with his name as he bound us together.
There is now passion and a will inside of me that wasn't there before; an intrinsic need and knowledge that I was crafted for him alone.
My arms now have the might I need to wind them around him, holding him to me so I can shield him from those that would tear him down.
My legs locked themselves around his hips freely, secure and unyielding to let him leave the place where I can keep him safe.
In all of the times that he's protected me, I never realized he was the one that was asking to be saved.
I see it now; his tranquil desperation, and all the ways he made me strong enough to be what he needed me to be.
He said he's never seen me more alive, and I believe him; with every second that his eyes rest on me, he steals away another slice of the death that tried to take me from him.
He makes me shimmer with vibrancy.
I didn't know what it was to feel until his mouth was on my skin.
With every languid graze of his tongue on my body, he propelled life to flourish and re-awaken at his command.
And when he moaned over my swollen lips and I felt it slide down my throat and into my eager lungs, I knew what it was to breathe.
I was always suffocating around him before, never able to reach the place of comfort from drawing a deep, steadying gulp of air.
I know why now.
He was hiding it from me, sealing it behind a smirk that seeped longing and the knowledge of secrets he wouldn't share.
I have them now, and I've never been this deliciously full.
I want to feel this way forever…
Every part of me is tingling, prickling, aching for him to soothe me in the way that only he can.
He is blistering silk, caressing and scorching, restoring and staining, redeeming and devouring, all at once.
He is the dance of danger and devotion, and he's calling for me to take my place as his rightful partner.
I would have never been able to refuse, even if I had wanted to; I was meant to be by him.
He is brave and he is sturdy, but together we reap a sovereignty that is nothing short of dangerous.
We could manipulate destiny, make bereavement hail down from the skies and take God's creations for ourselves to play with as we please.
He's done it before, and he can do it again.
And when he was above me, inside me, encasing and possessing me, I knew that if he summoned, I would join him without hesitation.
I would sing for his kills and clean the blood from him with my kiss.
He is the Knight of Shadows and Secrets.
And while he had me contained, able at his mercy to twist and mold me into whatever creature he so desired, capable of manipulating me into a donor of demise, he told me that he loved me.
This is the secret that only I know…
That he wears black to cloak the radiance that rushes off him in waves, blinding all those he allows to see.
His whispers to me in the dark carry a sweetness that makes me want to weep for those that have never been cherished in the way that he reveres me.
He is tenderness, draped in death.
I want to live forever in our hideaway of truth, to never again close the hidden doorway between us that when open, reveals love over desire.
It is only here in our solitary escape that he truly allows me to see him, hear him, know him.
He is transformed in our secret place, and I worship and abhor the awareness that no one will ever understand him like I do, because he won't let them.
They don't warrant him, but I should want to give him to the world so they can venerate him as I will.
But when I think of having to share him, it evokes a possessiveness that chokes me, and a growl to rip past my snarl.
I don't trust anyone else with him, and I refuse to let them hurt him anymore.
The son that was a disappointment, the brother that was second best, deserves to be honored and valued.
He wants it, needs it, and will only take it from me.
His body and his heart have been broken so many times, and even at my own doing…
But he gave himself to me, placed himself into my care with trust I don't deserve, and I will guard his soul every moment I'm alive.
He's fought for me, and I will gladly go to war for him if I need to.
I will flatten and empty cities, gorge on screams, tear hearts from chests, twist spines and rupture souls; whatever it takes, I'll do it to make sure he's safe and feels loved, so that he knows that he's worthy.
He made me whole and clean, and when I broke, he rebuilt me so that I could rise from the ash and still find glory in the Sun on the grayest of days.
And when the time came for me to look into the light, to seek out my salvation, I found him waiting for me.
He will never have to be patient again.
I will greedily seize everything he bequeaths me, and there is nothing I will deny him.
I will have centuries upon centuries to kiss him, touch him, drink from him and taste his desire.
We can have a millennium of vows and memories, and it will still never be enough.
I don't know how I was ever able to bury and attempt to disregard something of this magnitude.
I never will again.
I can't…
I'm alive now, and I won't let myself die again.
A/N: Sooooo what did you think? Thanks for reading, please r/r, always so eager to hear your thoughts.
-Goldnox