Disclaimer: I do not own anything, it all belongs to Once Upon a Time.
A/N: This is co-written with eisafangirl, she is super awesome and hilarious, so check out her stories as well!
This is a break from our traditional chapters to provide our (silly) stance on certain new ships we've seen floating the internet (aka. tumblr).
Intermission
After a long day of surgeries Dr. Whale was exhausted. But for some reason he didn't want to go home. He didn't understand it, but he had an incredible attraction to a lovely couch in the waiting room. He sat down slowly and let out a sigh of relief.
Captain Hook pat down his utility belt, checking off the necessary items to compliment his one true love. His eyes scanned the single lady he spotted in the waiting room. He smirked and began to slide to the floor. With a heavy rag on his shiny hook, he caressed the ground.
"Are you...single and over 18?" Hook whispered to the tiles.
Dr. Whale opened his eyes slowly to see, out of all people, Captain Hook cleaning the floor with a rag. Dr. Whale thought about standing up, but decided against it.
"No one is supposed to be here Killian. What are you up to?" Dr. Whale lazily asked, with a hint of condemnation laced somewhere in there.
The pirate slowly glanced at the doctor pulling out his extra thick eyeliner. He kept eyes with the doctor and applied the makeup to his eyelids.
"I'm getting ready with my new date." Hook started to scribble on the floor.
Dr. Whale raised an eyebrow and continued to watch the silly drawing form on the ground.
"Isn't she beautiful…?" Hook stared at her dreamily. "Her name is Emma."
Dr. Whale turned his head to the side and gave it a quizzical stare.
"Huh. It bears a remarkable resemblance to someone I know. I can't remember her name…." Dr. Whale stared into space blankly while caressing the couch.
The real Emma, however, marched into the hospital on a mission. Henry had gotten the chills, and she needed medical advice. And no, she wasn't going to ask her parents. They were not exactly qualified to lecture her on modern day medicines. She froze when the scene before her.
"Killian….Dr. Whale?"
Captain Hook received a disappointed head shake from the goddess. He put on a cheesy smile and slowly hid the rag behind his back.
"No! No, it's not what it looks like. She's only a side chick and nothing more!" He began to stand up.
With only a few steps, his feet trembled. He stared down, hallucinating glue forming around his feet preventing him from leaving his inky lady on the ground.
"Emma! She's trying to take me away from you! I never loved-" His foot twitched and jerked, allowing him to slip.
Dr. Whale blinked twice, and then a third time, before he looked up at Emma.
"Why are you here?" He asked finally.
"I'm here about Henry-" Emma started.
"Good, good. Come sit on the couch." Dr. Whale held his hand out to Emma, who gingerly took it, stepped over the muttering pirate, and sat on the green couch.
"Dr. Whale" Emma began.
"Shh. Don't ruin the moment with the insesent babble you charmings go on about. Enjoy this moment….on this couch. Feel how it sags just right when you sit, how the fabric feels under your fingertips. It's a magical chair, even Rumplestiltskin would succumb to it's glory." Dr. Whale placed Emma's hand on the arm of the couch. "See?"
"No. Not really." Emma grimaced, she was now seriously regretting coming in.
Hook's illusion finally broke, which allowed him to scoot slowly over the floor to where Emma's feet were. He rested his head on Emma's knees and gave a large sigh of relief.
"You're much better than the side chick."
"I'm not yours." Emma stood up abruptly. "You both need serious help. This is strange, really strange. Killian, the floor isn't your lover. Dr. Whale I think you should go home, staying late is messing with your mind."
"She isn't my lover!" Hook protested, "We never got that far!"
"My mind is perfectly fine! I just have a superior appreciation for furniture."
"Oh my goodness!" Emma threw her arms in the air, and just walked away, unable to handle it anymore.
"We don't need her." Whale said.
"Don't speak for me, mate, I need her." Hook gazed fondly at the door Emma just slammed.
Whale stretched out on the couch. "So are you going to go after her?"
Hook opened and closed his mouth a couple of times before saying, "No, I'm think I'm stuck."
Emma rushed into the apartment to find Henry happily watching TV.
"I picked up some medicine on my way home. Henry called and said you might want some help." Neal said quietly from the side.
"Thank you. I had the worst visit hospital, things get strange there after hours."
"Want to tell me about it?" Neal asked wrapping his arms around Emma's waist, resting his head on her shoulder.
"Well first off, Dr. Whale has an obsession with a couch."
"Okay, that is weird. This weird conversation needs beer." Neal led her into the kitchen, and handed her a can.
"Thanks. So then Hook was there too."
"Really? I thought he skipped town."
"Same here. He was pretending to have a relationship with the floor."
Neal laughed, "Wait, the floor?"
"Well, a drawing of a girl that looks similar to a blonde you know on the floor."
"Oh, he's still on this. You know he slept with my mother."
"I know our family tree is messed up. No need to remind me."
"If I died, would you consider going on a date with him."
Emma thought for a moment. "Maybe."
"Maybe?!"
"Well, he does have looks on his side."
"I am hurt." Neal joked, "How could you?"
"Well it would depend on how you died. If you died a heroic death that saved the whole town, it would be hard, but I know you'd want me to move on because you did it for me."
"Not with Hook."
"Well, that's not your decision."
"Besides I am not going to die in some spectacular sacrificial manner. We both know that it's going to be in a dumb accident where I trip down a staircase or something."
"Don't say that." Emma held back a laugh and leaned towards Neal over the counter.
"I tell it like it is."
"Let's just agree now that you never die."
Neal smiled softly, and leaned into her, their noses pressed together. "I can live with that."