Chapter 7: Diluvium

The Year of the Dog
February

"Ready, guys?" said Bonnibel, holding the new type of gun she'd invented at her side.

"I'm ready," said Gunter. He put out a few more bowls on the edge of the boat lookout. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah," said Bonnibel, smiling. "But are you?"

"I-I'm ready!" Simon announced, then wished he hadn't said anything. That wasn't funny or clever or anything. He'd been imagining leaning his head on Bonnibel's shoulder while she put her arm around him, and now it was all he could think about. He jiggled the bowl of fruit he was holding, but it didn't help.

"Uh... Good," said Bonnibel. "Eins, zwei, go!"

Simon and Gunter started throwing fruit into the air, and Bonnibel hit every one with her invention, dehydrating them instantly. The powder fell into the bowls they'd laid out, with a different colour to each bowl.

Simon tossed a peach straight up. Bonnibel shot it, and the powder fell into the bowl on the other side of the boat, with the rest of the peach powder.

"Throw wide!" Simon told Gunter. How was she doing that?

Gunter threw a banana off the side of the boat, and without looking around, Bonnibel shot at it. The yellowish powder flowed back up into the banana bowl.

How was Simon supposed to ever get over his crush when she did things like this? She wasn't interested. If something was going to happen between them, it would have already happened. He thought of himself as being pretty smart, and there was no excuse for not facing facts.

But sometimes he wondered what it would be like if she was interested, and then he couldn't think of anything else no matter he did.

"Simon," said Gunter.

"Whazzat?" said Simon. Even thinking about thinking about her was making him space out lately.

Gunter waved his flipper in front of Simon's face. In his other flipper, he held the dehydrating gun. "Hello? Mission control? We have a comatose human boy here." He pointed the gun at himself. "I wonder how this thing works." He pulled the trigger.

"Gunter, no!" said Simon, gesturing at the bowls of lifeless powder.

The gun fired, and Gunter clicked his beak. "Huh. Bit... bit dry."

Bonnibel took the gun off him. "It's okay. I calibrated it so it won't work on living beings."

"You don't want another Floating Gems incident, huh?" Simon blurted out, hoping to impress her with his knowledge of her work.

"Floating Gems?" said Bonnibel. She turned to face him with a frown. "Simon, how do you know about that?"

He didn't exactly know about it. He just knew what it was called and that it had caused people to transcend their physical forms. "I... overheard you talking about it. To Jumping Spider."

"Simon, in the two years we've known each other, I've mentioned it once," said Bonnibel. "It was three in the morning, Jumping Spider and I were in my lab, and the door was locked."

Her tone was icy, and Simon could see that his comment had backfired. But why wasn't she flattered? He would have been. "I-I was under the table."

Bonnibel gave him a strange look, and said "I gotta go change my locks."

She was gone before Simon could figure out whether to apologise.

He'd upset her, and he hated that he'd upset her, but he liked to know what he was apologising for. Maybe she was the one being unreasonable. He would have loved it if she'd taken 48 hours out of her schedule just to check up on him. He was usually pretty good at figuring people out, but he didn't get this.

"Um," said Gunter. "Yeah. Wow."

Simon turned around. Gunter was staring at him, with the gun back in his flipper. "What? What did I say? Why is she so mad?" He'd wanted to know more about her, and hiding in her house worked even better than going through her garbage.

"Y-you do realise you admitted to spying on her?" said Gunter. He rubbed his flippers together nervously. "Invading her privacy?"

"I wasn't spying!" Simon protested. "I just wanted to... know more about her. You know. Reconnaissance." He folded his arms. "It was a compliment, Gunter. I hide in Marceline's castle all the time."

"Okay," said Gunter. He climbed onto the railing of the boat and put a wing on Simon's shoulder. "But, listen, what if someone - someone other than Marceline - what if someone tried that on you?"

"I'd be flattered!" Simon insisted. He thought about Bonnibel hiding under his table, or even his bed. She never would, but it was a nice thought.

"Okay," said Gunter. "J... Just let me rephrase that, then. What if... Jumping Spider tried that on you?"

"Uh..." Jumping Spider was a good person, but Simon didn't want him in their house without at least an invitation. "That's different. I don't..." He wasn't obsessed with Jumping Spider. He was a nice person, but Simon didn't really want to date him, and not just because he was practically thirty. "Oh."

He really was a bad person.

Simon stood up. "I'm gonna go take a shower." He didn't deserve a shower, but he still wanted one.

He'd thought she'd be flattered.

Gunter waited until the water had been running for a few minutes, then knocked on the bathroom door. "Simon? You okay in there?"

Simon mumbled something too quiet to hear over the water.

"Beg your pardon?" said Gunter.

"I said no!" Simon yelled. "I'm not okay! I hurt Bonnie real bad this time."

"Yeah, what's her problem, anyway?" said Queen Marceline's voice from behind Gunter.

Gunter jumped, and spewed out a clone that tried to indicate with its eyes that now was not the best time for her to be hiding in their house. He couldn't know how Simon would react after today.

"You didn't know it was wrong," said Gunter, hoping that Simon hadn't heard anything. "Look, I'm sure if you just apologise-"

"I hurt her because I... I'm in love with her. I'm just gonna keep hurting her!"

Gunter rubbed his forehead. There was no sign of Marceline, and he hoped that she really had left. "Simon, no. You made a mistake. Everybody makes mistakes. I mean, I nearly flash-dried myself. Remember that?" Sometimes people told him to think more about what he was doing, but he wasn't dead yet, so he didn't see the need.

Simon didn't reply, and Gunter tried to think of something better. He knew Simon's crush on Bonnibel was getting unhealthy, but Simon knew that too. There was no need to remind him. All Gunter could do was try to stop Simon from worrying so much about things that had already happened. He'd thought Simon would eventually grow out of his worrying problem, but it actually seemed to be getting worse.

"You... you know what?" said Gunter eventually. "You should find another love interest. Take your mind off Bonnibel for a bit, eh?"

Simon mumbled something, then yelled "Gunter, I don't need a girlfriend! I need to stop thinking about Bonnibel!"

"And what better way to go about it?" said Gunter. "T-Just take it from me. I'll set up with someone exactly your type, anyone you want, and you'll forget all about her. Works every time." There was nothing like reciprocated love to make you forget about the painful kind.

Simon muttered something.

"Sorry?" said Gunter.

"I said how would you know!" Simon yelled. "You... You're dating fifteen-seventeenths of Uuu!"

Gunter rubbed under his beak. It was worse than he'd thought. Simon had a temper, but he usually didn't lash out like this. "Not that many."

"Sure, I'll take your dating advice!" yelled Simon. "How much child support do you owe again?"

"Er... none," said Gunter. Did Simon really think he was that irresponsible, or was he just being nasty? He was probably just trying to start a fight because he was miserable. "None at all."

"Shut up!" Simon screamed. Something crashed against the wall.

Gunter sat and waited for him to calm down.

After a while, the water slowed to a trickle. "Gunter?" said Simon in a small voice. "Are you still there? I'm sorry."

"It's okay, it's okay," said Gunter. "Listen. How about some music? To make you feel better?"

The only sound from the bathroom was the dripping of the shower, which Gunter took as agreement. He didn't want to leave Simon alone yet, so he used a clone to retrieve his keyboard from the main room, plugged it in, and started to improvise a simple melody.

Soon, Simon joined in. Gunter was pleased, until he heard what Simon was saying.

"I'd rake the world over the coals
If it would make you happy
I'd condemn a million souls
If you'd smile at me
If I thought I'd earn your love
I'd kill you"

Gunter hit a wrong note and stopped. That wasn't true. Simon had to know it wasn't true.

Simon kept singing.

"I'm not a good person
I'm not a hero
I'm just stuck to you
I'm stuck to you
I'm always stuck to you"

Simon stopped singing, and shower came back on. Gunter stood up, went into the living room, and packed away his keyboard.

He'd read nearly a whole book on mental health once, and Simon clearly came under At Risk. He had to find Simon a new love interest, for both their sakes. He knew it would help, no matter what Simon really thought of his advice.

All he had to do was find a kid of around Simon's age, who was available, and who was Simon's type.

What was Simon's type, anyway? He'd gone straight from thinking kissing was gross to practising on pictures of Bonnibel when he thought Gunter wasn't looking. For all Gunter knew, Simon only liked candy women who were too old for him and lived in caves.

He grabbed the side of his head. Simon did that sometimes. Maybe it would help Gunter think as well.

Okay. A lot of people only ever liked one gender, so he should play it safe and stick to girls. Simon was smart, and Bonnibel was even smarter. Gunter needed to find a smart girl in her early teens, which might be a problem. He knew some pretty intelligent white collar criminals from the old days, but going down that route would do more harm than good, especially with Simon.

He wasn't getting anywhere with this line of thought. Why else did Simon like Bonnibel? He'd told Gunter how dignified she was a few times, usually after she'd gone days without sleep or changing her clothes. He probably liked dignified girls.

That was easier. You couldn't throw a shuriken in Uuu without hitting some sort of monarch or other. After a few minutes of searching, Gunter located this year's copy of Princesses of Uuu down the back of the couch.

There had to be a princess Simon's age somewhere.

The water was starting to run cold, but Simon didn't move. So it was a bit chillier. It was no more than he deserved for hurting Bonnibel, and for being so nasty to Gunter. Gunter had been trying to help.

The water went completely cold, and before he realised what he was doing, he'd jumped out and wrapped himself in three towels. He couldn't stay under that in February, no matter how bad he felt. Or July.

He turned off the water, put on his clothes and glasses, tied his bowtie, wrung out the towels, and dried himself off. Then he inspected the shower drain for hair, checked the walls and floor for rot, made a mental note to buy more toilet paper, and wiped a tiny smear off the mirror.

When he couldn't put it off any longer, he went into the living room. Gunter was nowhere to be seen, and Simon didn't know if he was disappointed or relieved. Had Gunter really forgiven him? What good did apologising ever do anyone who'd been wronged? Gunter didn't deserve a brother like Simon.

He'd just sat down and got into a book about the Muscle succession crisis of five hundred years ago when Gunter came in through the front door, looking out of breath, but not upset.

Simon swallowed. "Hi, Gunter." He marked his place in the book and put it down.

"Reading a book, eh?" said Gunter, too brightly. "How would you like to go on a trip out to the Ocean Kingdom?" He held out two vials. "I bought us water breathing potion!"

"In winter?" said Simon. He glanced out the window. It was snowing lightly, although the western sky was clear.

"Look at that, it's practically spring!" said Gunter. "In... In Australia."

"It's nearly fall in Australia," said Simon. Or it would have been a thousand years ago. Gunter's species was native to the southern hemisphere. He should have known that.

"There you go then!" said Gunter. "Got to make the most of these summer months!"

Simon had no idea what he was up to, unless he was planning to take Simon to the Ocean Kingdom and then abandon him, which now that he thought about it, wasn't something Gunter would do, and wouldn't work anyway. "Gunter..."

"I hear the Ocean Kingdom has a great library..." Gunter added slowly.

Simon had heard that too. He'd heard it was the biggest collection of underwater books in Uuu. He'd heard that a lot of underwater books never made it out of the ocean. He'd heard that there were some great thinks who'd spent their entire lives underwater.

Could he really give up this opportunity just because it was cold?

He stood up. "I'm gonna get changed."

"But what about the boo-"

Simon looked around. "Into my diving gear, Gunter."

"Gunter!" Simon tried to focus on the black and white blob in front of him. He kept thinking Gunter was further ahead than he was. It was hard to judge distance in all this blue. "Gunter, wait up!"

He kicked harder. He was a strong swimmer for a human, he'd had to be to keep up with his family, but Gunter was more comfortable in the water than out.

Gunter looked back and began swimming in a circle, waiting for Simon to catch up. He made it look easy. "Taking your time, Simon? Appreciating the scenery?" he said, in a completely clear voice. It was a side effect of the waterbreathing potion they'd taken. Something about frequency matching or something. Simon had been meaning to look into it.

"Shut up, Gunter," said Simon. The scenery was nice, though. Dirt and seaweed below, a shimmering surface dotted with small chunks of ice above, and blue in the middle. Not much variation except for the occasional tip of a skyscraper poking through the dirt, but not something you got on land.

"Don't worry, we're nearly there," said Gunter, swimming off again. He kept his speed down, so he was probably telling the truth this time. As much as he liked to race ahead in water, they usually arrived places at the same time.

They passed over a hill, and into a valley covered in vague of splotches of colour. At first, Simon thought they'd stumbled onto some kind of subarctic coral reef, but as they got closer, he saw that it was a town. It was arranged in a circular pattern, with green, waving houses on the outskirts, and more colourful and solid looking buildings in the centre. Strangely, the town was not walled. He guessed walls wouldn't do much underwater.

Gunter looked back at Simon and said "Here we are. Underwater Kingdom. They know me here."

"I-Is that a good thing?" said Simon. Gunter had claimed that he'd spent a lot of time in the Ocean Kingdom, but Simon had trouble believing it. They were pretty far out, and even Gunter couldn't hold his breath forever.

"Oh, stop worrying," said Gunter. "This'll be fun!"

They swam over a market thronged with starfish and sea cucumbers, dodged a school of human sized fish wearing "fun swim" shirts on their upper bodies, and touched down in the centre of the kingdom, next to a giant isopod with a cart.

Gunter held up his flippers. "Two drinks of your finest kelpshakes, Zhacks."

Zhacks scowled, and responded in an accent so thick that Simon could barely understand him.

Gunter laughed too loud. "Oh, that's Zhacks! Always, always joking around." He gave Zhacks some money.

Zhacks scooped some green stuff from the cart into two plastic cups, and gave them to Gunter with another surly, unintelligible remark.

"Oh, and Zhacks," added Gunter, as he handed one of the cups to Simon. "Do you know where the library is? It's... It's been a while. Since I've been down here."

Zhacks pointed behind them with three of his arms. "Vet ooi. Yin parlarsev."

"That's great!" Gunter laughed. "Come on, Simon!"

He offered his flipper to Simon, and Simon took it. With his other hand, Simon dipped a finger in the green stuff Gunter had bought him, put his finger in his mouth, and made a face. The kelp shake was slimy, and almost painfully salty. Did people really pay money for this down here?

Gunter swam for the largest building in the kingdom, which was made of colourful shells that shimmered in the sunlight.

Simon shielded his eyes. "Is that the palace?"

"Of course it is!" said Gunter. "Weren't you listening to Zhacks?"

Simon looked blank.

"Don't tell me you can't understand his accent," said Gunter, laughing again. "He's from the bathys. They all talk like there, every last one of them."

"Let's just find this library, okay?" said Simon. He was getting sick of Gunter's superior big brother act.

Simon couldn't see an entrance on this side of the palace, and he expected Gunter to swim around to the other side. Instead, he went straight up, towards the roof.

The entrance was a flat double door on the roof of the building, guarded by four menacing looking mersharks, or sharkmen.

Simon might not have been able to understand the accents of giant pill bugs from the... deep ocean, if his knowledge of ancient Greek was correct, but he knew where the term mermaid came from. Mer meant sea. Mershark just meant sea shark, and every shark was a sea shark.

Except for landsharks, of course. And those winged sharks from low Earth orbit they'd encountered that time.

Anyway, mershark was an inaccurate and misleading term, and Simon was ashamed that he'd even thought it.

"State your business," said the beefiest sharkman.

Gunter laughed and playfully hit him on the shoulder. "It's just me, back again."

The sharkmen looked at him impassively.

"We're here to visit," said Gunter quickly. He gestured at Simon. "He wants to see that amazing library you have."

Another sharkman opened the door and waved them in. Gunter tried unsuccessfully to hide his relief from Simon, and Simon wished he'd just admit that he wasn't as known in the Ocean Kingdom as he pretended.

The door led into a vertical shaft, with sloping passageways branching off it at seemingly random places. Simon had trouble keeping his bearings, especially when the doors shut behind them.

"Hey Gunter, who rules this kingdom?" said Simon, his hand on his chin as they descended. "Was it a king, or a princess?" It was definitely one of the two, but he'd forgotten which.

Gunter laughed and said "Who knows?" He continued to laugh as they sank down. "Who can tell? Oh, you know what, here's the library." He pointed to a passage several body lengths down, with "LIBRARY" written above it. "Have fun! I am just going to go... explore... around here... somewhere..."

Simon frowned. "Okay." Maybe he was wrong about why Gunter was acting so weird. Maybe he'd really got to him earlier.

Gunter rocketed down at full speed, and Simon swam to the passageway and tried the smooth granite door at the end. It was locked.

"Rats..." He'd been looking forward to this. It wouldn't have surprised him if Gunter hadn't checked whether the library was open to the public, but then why hadn't the isopod or the sharkmen said something?

He braced himself against the wall and ran his fingers over the keyhole, wondering if locks worked the same as they did on the surface. After looking around to make sure nobody was watching, he got out his lockpicks and felt around with a half diamond pick.

The resistance felt odd, probably because of the water pressure, but there were definitely pins in there. He looked around again, and slid in the torsion wrench. He wasn't used to the way the pins moved underwater, and he had to start again a few times, but he soon got the hang of it.

Simon turned the lock and opened the door. "Holy lettuceballs," he whispered.

The library was cavernous, and lined with books. He floated to the closet shelf and looked over the book spines. They all had titles like "Subgeological Beings: Crustacean or Talpid?" and "Expedition to the Hadal Zone". He decided to skip this section for now. He'd had enough of underground monsters that might someday rise and kill them all for at least the next few years.

He swam over to a group of shelves lying on the floor at the centre of the room. At first he thought they'd been knocked down, but they fit perfectly into the grooves on the floor. Many of books on that shelf had titles in esoteric scripts that Simon barely recognised, but a few were readable. "Ah, the magic section!" This looked more interesting.

He saw a movement out of the corner of his eye, and looked around to see what might be a tail disappear around a standing shelf. "H-hello?"

The water absorbed his voice before it could bounce off the walls.

Simon looked over the top of the shelf, but he couldn't see anything. He put it out of his mind and went back to the magic books, looking for ones he could read without difficulty. There was one about trans-dimensional spirit convergence that looked interesting, and another about emotional space-time manipulation. In the end, he stacked ten books on top of each other, and pushed off towards a table near the corner.

As soon as he started swimming, the books swayed under the force of the water, and floated to the floor. After a few attempts, Simon gave up and just took them to the table one by one. When he was finished, he sat down and opened a book about the writer's experience spending a subjective hundred years in the infinitely small space between the edges of an interdimensional portal.

It was pretty interesting. Simon took a sip of kelpshake and made a mental note never to let a portal close on him like that.

"Hi!" said someone behind him.

Simon inhaled his drink.

The Underwater Kingdom was holding court that day, luckily. Gunter knew that he could have put more thought into this, but it was an emergency. The longer he let Simon stay in a funk, the harder it would be to get him out of it.

The throne room was a large hall that Gunter would have described as airy it if it hadn't been underwater. The room was full of underwater creatures, both half human and completely marine, and there was an octopus playing a pleasant piece on the aquaphone in the corner. The Underwater King himself was a tall, wiry merman with an unusually long, eel-like tail that wrapped around his throne. Behind the throne was a red curtain that seemed somehow out of place.

The sounds of conversation briefly stopped when Gunter entered, then started again. They obviously didn't find him very impressive. He considered demonstrating his powers, but it probably wasn't the time. Maybe later. He approached the throne and cleared his throat.

The Ocean King looked down at him. "Make it quick, air-breather."

Gunter floated up to eye level, noticing as he did that the curtain was made of wool. Wool was rare down here. "Er- yes. I am here on behalf of Simon the Human, the... viscount of the Grasslands." These royal types refused to even look at you if they didn't think you were also noble, and it wasn't like he was really lying. There was no power structure in the grasslands. Anyone could be noble if they said they were. "Simon asks for the hand of your daughter in date... age."

The Underwater King leaned forward. "How old is he? My daughter will not be dating out of her age range."

"Oh," said Gunter. "He's thirteen. Almost fourteen. Just like your daughter." He looked around the room. "Er... where is she?" The book hadn't had an image, but he couldn't see any thirteen-year-old mermaids. There were a couple of dolphins and a free swimming tunicate that could have been around that age. It was hard to tell, especially with dolphins.

"Oh, she's not here right now," said the King. He smiled. "She's getting to that age when she thinks she needs time alone, I'm sure you know how it is. She keeps saying I can't keep her in the tank forever."

"Tank?" said Gunter.

"Yes, the tank she lives in because of her... condition," said the Underwater King. He pulled the curtain open, revealing an aquarium tank. Inside the tank was what looked like a normal bedroom, with several full bookshelves and a flat screen TV. There was a calendar on the outside with stickers with some of the days marked by stickers, as well as some mirrored writing that Gunter couldn't read.

Gunter laughed. "Ah, yeah, right, that... that tank." Maybe he should have done more than just skim the princess's entry. Research was boring, though. He had to make Simon happy fast, for both their sakes.

"Now, tell me about this Simon the Human," said the King. "Is he a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist, or psychotherapist?"

"Well, he's... he's thirteen," said Gunter uncomfortably. He was beginning to wonder what he was getting Simon into. "He's very smart, likes thinking, likes learning..." All he remembered from the book was that the princess was a bit of a nerd, and that her father was looking into romantic options for her. Gunter didn't see why she couldn't arrange her own relationships, especially if she was so intelligent, but he'd never really understood royalty.

The Underwater King frowned at his hesitation. "And where is he now?" He scanned the room. "Are you wasting our time? Does this viscount of yours even exist? Don't think I don't know who you are, Gunter."

Gunter bit the tip of his flipper. He definitely should have thought this out better. "Oh, yes, he's real, all right." He produced a photograph of the two of them. They were both making stupid faces, but it was the only picture he had on him. "See?"

The Underwater King leaned forward. "Are you sure he's nobility? He looks like some kind of a scrappy hero." It didn't sound like a compliment.

"You know, he likes to go in... incognito," said Gunter. He shrugged. "He's a kid, what can you do. Ask him not to stick out his tongue in the royal portrait? Viscountly portrait..."

The Underwater King seemed unconvinced.

"Listen, Simon is really into the princess," said Gunter. "He... he even wrote her a song!"

He pushed the octopus off the aquachord, cloned himself, and began to play. He didn't have time to improvise a whole serenade on his own, but he hoped Simon wouldn't mind if Gunter borrowed his song about Bonnibel.

"I'd bake the world cinnamon rolls
If it would make you happy
I'd dig you a million holes
If you'd smile at me
If I could just earn your love
I'd, er, takeyouonaromanticcruiseonanunderwaterbrinelake"

Gunter took a breath. The change in structure in the last two lines had nearly tripped him up. He thought he was doing pretty well so far.

I want to be near you
I want to hold you
I'm just overwhelmed
I'm overwhelmed
I'm always overwhelmed
By you

"Hm," said the Underwater King. "What was that? G major?"

"Yeah," said Gunter, confused. He reabsorbed his clones and swam back up to eye level. "Key of G major." At least he seemed convinced by the lyrics.

"One-six-four-five progression?" the Underwater King pressed.

The book hadn't said anything about the king being such a music freak. "Only the verse."

"The most boring of all chord progressions," the Underwater King proclaimed. He laughed and gave Gunter a friendly slap with the tip of his tail. "I love it! Your viscount sounds like a dull boy!"

"What?" said Gunter. It was a common progression, but it hadn't got that way by being particularly boring. He could have just played the root chord over and over. That would have been boring.

"And that chorus!" said the King. "Brilliantly cliched!" He produced a long, rolled up list and gave it to Gunter. "I'll allow them one date, under strict supervision. Make sure the viscount memorises these rules before he speaks with her."

Gunter unrolled the list, and it brushed the floor. He tried to read it, and was quickly overwhelmed by information on when the princess should eat, her favourite temperature range, and which water impurities would most irritate her. "I'll pass it onto him," he said weakly.

The Underwater King uncurled himself from the throne and grabbed Gunter in one hand. "Come on, it's time to tell my daughter the good news!"

Simon expected to choke, but thanks to the potion, he just... absorbed it. He thought he felt a bit lightheaded, but maybe he was just surprised.

He turned around to see a redhaired mermaid of about his age, looking at him curiously. "You really are a human, aren't you?"

"Uh, yeah," said Simon. He took some deep breathes, hoping to clear his lungs of the kelpshake. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't know there was anyone else in here."

"Well of course, that's cause I hid from you," said the mermaid. "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers." She folded her arms and glared at a shelf.

"Oh... I'm sorry," said Simon. He'd heard of that parenting technique, but he'd never seen it in action on someone who looked his age. Did mermaids just mature more slowly than humans? Humans already matured pretty slowly.

The mermaid swam around him in a circle, apparently fascinated. "I thought you guys were all extinct."

Simon hung his head. "Yeah, pretty much." He'd been to the place his parents said they'd found him so many times, but there'd never been any clues. Maybe he was from that underground fish people city somehow? But how could he have wandered so far away?

He knew he was the last human in Uuu, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to know if he was the last human in the world. If he was, his people had gone a long way downhill since ancient times.

"Hey, what's the matter?" said the mermaid. "Did I say something wrong?" She laughed nervously. "Sorry."

Simon shook his head. "It's okay. It happens all the time." It only happened sometimes, but he didn't want to tell her that. It didn't seem like she was being insensitive on purpose. "Uh... I'm Simon."

"Betty," said the mermaid. She picked up one of Simon's books and made a face. "Ugh. Don't bother with that guy. He thinks you can explain the movement of magical particles with quantum mechanics."

"You can't use quantum mechanics to describe something infinitely small in size!" said Simon. He flipped through the book, which he decided that he already hated. He pushed his hair out of his eyes. There was a breeze in here. An underwater breeze. A current.

"Yeah, I know," said Betty. She pulled a ratty, dogeared book from the bottom of the pile. Simon expected the pile to collapse, but the books just floated down one by one. "Try this one. It's all about magic and emotions. It's good, except the writers think the most potent magical emotion is love." She made a vomiting gesture.

"Heheh, yeah." Simon could believe that, actually. He was beginning to understand how thoroughly love could mess you up. Although...

He abandoned that thought and opened the book, while Betty opened another. "I never read this one," she said, looking at the inside cover. "Precursers to Magical Abiogenesis..." She started reading and fell silent.

Simon was halfway through the introduction of the book Betty had recommended when she spoke again.

"You know, I really thought that door was locked."

Simon laughed nervously. "I-it was definitely unlocked when I opened it." Technically true. He'd had to unlock it before he could open it. He just didn't want this girl to hate him when they seemed to be getting along.

Betty floated to the door. "That's weird. Dad always makes sure no one can get in before he lets me study here." She laughed. "He wanted to post guards, can you believe it?"

Simon had rotated the lock back into place, but he couldn't hide the scratch marks he'd left. Even if Betty didn't see or recognise them, it was wrong to lie about wrongdoing, especially for such a selfish reason. "I did it."

"What?" Betty called, swinging the door on its hinges.

Simon swam over to her and took a deep, salty breath. "The door was locked. I picked it open."

Either mermaids expressed disgust by looking delighted, or Betty wasn't having the reaction he'd expected. "You can pick locks? Wow! Why did you want in here so much?"

Simon indicated the library. "The books. They're... they're one of a kind." The current in here seemed to be picking up, although he couldn't see why. Security measure? He gave up fighting against it, closed the door, and held onto the doorknob.

Betty swam closer. "You're like some kind of nerdy bad boy," she said happily.

Simon tightened his grip on the doorknob as the current pulled him towards her. She didn't seem affected by it at all. "No, no, I'm not. I just... I..." He lost his grip and crashed into her, throwing them both across the room.

"Oh glob, are you okay?" said Betty, when they'd untangled themselves. "I... I'm sorry. That was my fault. I gotta figure out how to control- I know!" She took his hand, and the current seemed to vanish entirely, though he thought he saw one of the tables shifting slightly.

"What happened?" said Simon. He'd expected her hand to be slimy, but it felt almost normal, except for the webbing.

"It's my stupid powers," said Betty. "I gotta stay calm, or... I don't know what! Dad always says I have to stay calm." She took a deep breath.

"Powers...?" said Simon. Like Gunter? Or was she stronger than Gunter?

Betty closed her eyes, still breathing deeply. Then she opened them and grinned. "I can't believe I ran into someone like you!"

The current increased to something that would have tossed Simon around helplessly if he'd been able to feel it. The door creaked, and the upright shelves began to topple.

"I'll clean that up later," said Betty. "Hang on, Simon!"

Part of the wall collapsed.

Betty and Simon looked at it. "I'll... clean that up later?" said Betty.

The door to the library slammed open. "Betty!" said a long tailed merman with a crown. "What are you doing?"

Betty let go of Simon's hand, and Simon felt the current like a punch in the gut. He grabbed at the first thing in reach, which turned out to be the damaged wall.

"I'm having fun, dad!" Betty yelled at the merman. "You never let me have fun!"

Gunter came in behind the merman and swam for Simon. "Come on, Simon, we have to go!" He grabbed Simon's arm, which was enough to dislodge him from the wall.

"I can't..." Simon began, but the current was too strong for him. He didn't know exactly what was going on, but he was pretty sure it was all his fault. This was what happened when he broke the rules. Powers went out of control, and things got smashed.

The turbulence lessened as they were swept away from its centre. Above them, lightning flashed, lighting up the surface above. It had got very dim up there.

The water spat them into the air and back underwater before either of them could stop it.

"What- What did you say to her?" said Gunter, when he got a chance.

"We were just talking, and..." Simon's mind was racing. "Was that her dad? Is... Is she a princess?"

Gunter nodded slowly, which was hard with the current whipping them around. "I'm sorry, Simon. I thought..."

They had to go back and make amends, but they couldn't until... until Betty calmed down. "Let's get out of here."

As the current washed them in the direction of the shore, Simon thought about holding Betty's hand.

Stuck to You

Lyrics:
I'd rake the world over the coals
If it would make you happy
I'd condemn a million souls
If you'd smile at me
If I thought I'd earn your love
I'd kill you

I'm not a good person
I'm not a hero
I'm just stuck to you
I'm stuck to you
I'm always stuck to you